No 18. Free Love Isn't for Everyone

Just a family split by love, joined by love.

England.

As the plane bumped down on the runway I was jogged out of my thoughts, back to the real world, I just hoped that Yanny had booked the taxi for this flight, the Greeks can get a bit excited and things get lost in translation sometimes in my experience.

It was the usual long walk to passport control, then the slow walk through the long zig zag to get to put your card in or even get to see a real person, then the wait for our suitcases.

As I entered the arrivals hall I couldn't miss the sign. 'Mr Jeff.' I had to smile, the first time in a few days, Yanny had got it right, well partly, my name was Jeff, but it was my first name, it was Mr Wright, Mr J. Wright. but everyone in the Crete village called me Mr Jeff.

The sign was held by an older man, he looked like he might be Greek, he was, we greeted each other, it had been, what 6 years? No nearer 8 if my memory was any good. He told me how he was so pleased to be my taxi for my visit.

Then he remembered why I was here, I could see him trying to think of a way to get out of the hole he had just dug.

I took his arm and patted it telling him it was alright, I understood.

I had come to bury my mum, well a cremation. She had passed away 4 days ago, It had taken that long to let me know and for me to get a flight home, so here I was, being driven home by another Yanny.

I sat in the front with Yanny, he wanted me to sit in the back, but I told him I wanted to see the changes that had occurred since I left, 15 years ago, no, nearer 21? Oh Idont want tocount the time hat has gone by. The only other thing we said on the ride was when he asked if everything was alright back in Crete.

The M25 was much busier than I remembered, and it was busy then, but when we left it the A3 looked much the same, and then we went onto the side roads, I could see all the 'new' housing estates that had sprung up from what had been fields in my memory.

Nearing my home town Yanny asked where I wanted to go to first, my hotel, my mum's house, the funeral home. Or somewhere different.

I was pretty knackered, I told him the hotel.

When we arrived it was to the nice old hotel I remembered having some good nights with friends at. My memory kicked in again. Good friends I had lost touch with, my fault I reminded myself.

Yanny insisted on carrying my suitcase in, he put it down by the reception desk and rang the bell.

"Here is my card it has my number on it, I am at your disposal until I take you back to the airport, you go nowhere without me, you understand, nowhere, 24/7." He turned and I had to catch his arm to offer his money.

"No money, it's so little to do for you after what you have done. It's all sorted, I will be here in the morning to take you wherever you need to go." Walked out and drove away.

I turned back to the reception desk and had to hold onto it, in front of me was my childhood sweetheart, I mean it was a young woman, 18 / 25, I have no idea how to judge ages.

I read the name tag pinned to her left breast, well to her blouse, the breast was just like I remembered it, I could see the nipple underneath the bra, I remembered those nipples, how they responded to being sucked and....... I saw her looking at me, looking at..... bugger, caught.

"Sorry, Jo, I was lost in thought for a moment there." I made my excuses. "I'm Mr Wright, I believe you have a booking for me." I put my best smile on.

"Yes sir, I have been expecting you, if you would fill the form in for me please." passing over a form and pen.

When I had completed said form, I passed it back.

"I have put you in the blue suite, if there is anything you find lacking please call down and it will be brought up to you immediately, can I offer you anything else?" I thanked her and was turning to go upstairs when I had a thought.

"There is just one thing..... Jo, is your mother's maiden name Rose by any chance? Hillary Rose?" I could see it straight away, her eyes nearly popped out, and then a sweet smile, I remembered that smile, it felt like she had kicked me.

"Oh, your that Jeff..... Sorry, sir, yes she is."

"Is she alright? Does she still live around here?" Then I thought I had gone too far, I should let sleeping dogs lie.

"Yes sir, we still live in the town, may I tell her that you asked after her?" lots of thoughts were going on in my head, but I saw no way that she wouldn't hear about or see me sometime during my visit.

"Yes, no problem, is there a decent restaurant in walking distance, I need to eat and a walk would do me good just now." Jo told me she would book a table and just to come back down when I was ready, it was only a 10 minutes walk, I went to my room.

When Jo was booking me in I took the name of the 'Blue suite' to just be building it up, but it was blue, and it was a suite, a bedroom, a bathroom and a lounge area, complete with sofas, plural, 3 chairs a table TV coffee table, it had more furniture than my place back in Crete, well maybe not quite.

I unpacked my suitcase, as I was staying for at least a week I guessed it might keep my clothes looking in better shape.

I went down after half an hour, Jo had the directions ready, but as I had lived around here I just needed to be told where.

I walked, Jo was right it was only 10 minutes and I was outside, I had looked around as I walked, noting that lots of things had changed, but lots of things hadn't.

I pushed the door open and stepped in, the warm air felt good, the smells from the kitchen enticing.

"Mr Jeff, welcome, let me take your coat, your table is this way." Said a Mediterranean looking man. "Jo asked for her favourite table for you tonight. Yanny has asked me to look after you myself. Please call me Yanny."

I had a laugh in my head, half of the men of Crete answered to Yanny, but I nodded and followed him to a table set for 2, candles lit. I told him that I would be on my own tonight, that he could take a setting away if he wanted, but he looked down at me.

"Oh no sir your dinner companion has just arrived." I was just going to say that I was sure that I would be eating alone when.

"Can I join you, will you let me join you and talk?"

"Hil.....Hillary.... I... I.... please sit. How did you." The penny dropped. Jo.

"It's been a long time Jeff, too long. How are you? I'm so sorry about your mum, is this why you are back?" The questions came thick and fast, I answered her truthfully, and then it was my turn.

We had ordered, dinner and wine, and we both had 2 full courses, it was while we were drinking a Mataxa each ( Greek Brandy) that it got to, US.

"Why did you leave? I thought that you loved me as much as I loved you, why did you just pack up and leave me?"

"I still love you you silly bitch, I loved you with all my heart and then you brought others into.... into your, no OUR, bed, I couldn't stand to think of you and, and... "

I fell silent, it had been many years ago, but it still, even today, hurt me to think about what had happened, to think back to what had been my happiest days, just the 2 of us, and then how, first Penny and then 2 other girls we knew.

How one night it was 3 of us in our bed, 3 of us, yes it might be many men's dreams to have 2 women in bed to play with, to use as a toy, but it wasn't mine, I knew it as I was fucking Penny as Hil was kissing her, first on her lips, then moving me out of the way to kiss and lick her pussy, and then it was just the 2 of them.

That happened several times, that was bad enough, but when she brought a man, men into our bed, I couldn't take it.

We weren't virgins when we got together, but that was in the past, now was supposed to be us, just us, I wanted to spend my life with her, have kids, grow old and live happily ever after and all that.

I talked to her, sat her down several times and explained it, in as simple words as I could.

But all I got was that 'we' were capable of loving more than one person at a time, wasn't the sex great? Did I want more people involved?

After 2 months of her having sex most nights, she had lost sight of the fact that I didn't have sex with anyone else.

I never stayed in the room when the flavour of her night was male. It ripped my heart out watching her give, no throw herself at someone else, ripped it out, I left to save my sanity, I told her this again, tonight.

"How did loving more than one workout for you? How many of you are living in the same house now? It still hurts me thinking about it.

Are you happy, please tell me that you are.

Jo's the spitting image of you, I thought I was having a dream when I saw her, I wish she....." I stopped talking.

I was over tired, had had more to drink than I should have, and was hurting just looking at her.

Hil sat, maybe this time she had heard what I was saying.

She came and sat on my lap, she kissed me, she licked the tears that had begun to run, she held me tight.

I could feel her boobs pressed to my head, she must have felt me harden under her.

"I think it's time we went." was all she said as she went and picked her handbag up.

Yanny said tonight was on him, next time I could pay. I left a large tip.

Hil walked with me back to the hotel, she kissed me goodnight. I went to my room to mull over and think. I showered and got into bed, this wasn't how I had seen this trip going.

Sleep was not easy for me. I had dreams, nightmares, they were the same ones, the same ones I had been having after leaving, the ones that I couldn't tell the woman I was sleeping with why I was screaming.

The morning came, breakfast was great, Yanny was waiting for me in reception.

We went first to the undertakers, which took over an hour, how or why I still can't work out, it was simple, no fuss, no service, as far as I know, nobody in the family was religious, and the family was going to be me and possibly 2 others, possibly.

Then Yanny took me home, well Mum's old house, I hadn't been here for years, I flew Mum out to Crete twice a year, made sure she had a holiday, made sure she was alright.

Yanny left me, and I told him to come back in 4 hours, several of the neighbours knocked on the door, first wondering who it was there and then wanting to be nice.

I didn't get much done, a lot of the time I sat or just walked around looking at things.

Yanny took me back to the hotel, I thanked him and told him that I wouldn't be going far the rest of the day and that I would only be going to Mum's tomorrow so he didn't need to come round.

I had left the key to my room with reception and when I asked for it June, the receptionist, passed me a message note.

'Please excuse me for asking you this but as I work here could I possibly come to your suite and ask you a few questions, I would have said the restaurant but I'm not surprised to socialise with guests. It was signed Jo. And a mobile phone number.

I went upstairs, thinking whether it would be sensible, I ordered room service, tea and sandwiches, for 2.

Phoned the number which she answered on the first ring.

Jo was first to knock, I asked if room service was a problem if they saw her, she hid in the bedroom when it arrived soon after.

We sat, I offered her tea and a sandwich, I let her start.

"Thanks for letting me talk to you, Mum won't tell me much, I know that the 2 of you were an item, what happened?

The whole of our lives we have heard how you are the best man in the world, how stupid she was, but she won't tell us why, or what you did or she did wrong back then.

I'm 22, Josh is 19 going on 12, please tell me what went wrong."

Shit, I hadn't expected to be grilled about everything, so Hil has 2 kids, I drank some tea and consumed a sandwich, just to give myself some thinking time.

"Okay, but I need a couple of answers first, is your Mum married? Or... No sorry, is your Dad and Josh's still about, or....." I didn't know how to phrase it.

"No, to both, Mum, if she's had too much to drink told me a few times she let you go, but not why, but I know your not either of our Dad's, I've picked up a bit over the years, but she won't tell me what happened. All I can tell you is that if you told her to put her head in an oven she would, she's got it bad for you, last night she came home and all I heard was her crying most of the night.

I'm sorry I told her you were here and she made me book a table for the 2 of you, did I do wrong?

Now will you please tell me what happened?"

"I need to talk to her again, I can't tell you about that time if she would be hurt even more if I did.

Last night was a surprise but in a nice way." I thought you lying sod. "Does Hil's still keep in touch with anyone from those times?" She shook her head no.

"Can I have her number, do you know if she's busy tonight? Jo said she never went out in the evenings and gave me her number. Jo asked again if I would shed light on those times, but I said only if Hil said okay.

When Jo left I called Hil's, she picked it up with a questioning voice, when I said who it was she changed, changed into a happy voice, said yes to dinner again and said she would book a table somewhere, she would pick me up at 7.30.

The somewhere was the pub we used to frequent, as a couple before...

I must stop thinking like that.

It had become a much more uper class, it used to be more spit and sawdust in our times here, now it was all warm colours log fire and good food, when we had eaten I moved the conversation onto the kids, I told her that Jo had spoken to me asking what had occurred between us, was she going to tell them or not.

I wouldn't say anything if she didn't want me to.

"It's been a long time, now your back and they have seen you, yes Josh has seen you, they deserve to hear the truth about me, what a slut I am, how....." and the tears flowed again.

I drove her car back, Hil's was still in pieces when we got back to the hotel, I made her come in and promised coffee. No one was manning reception so I took her up to my room, called room service for a large pot of coffee, and asked for a plate of biscuits.

Once the coffee was poured we talked, and one thing led to another, she kissed me, I kissed her back.

It was she who had my belt undone and her top was on the floor.

I'd noticed earlier that her nipples were showing and the way her boobs moved as she walked she had no bra on.

Her breasts looked great, bigger, they hung down more than the last time I saw them, but she had 2 kids between then and now.

But, I could not bring myself to just let myself do what I wanted to do, I just couldn't.

"No Hil's, not tonight," I told her, I helped her up, I pulled her into me and we cuddled, my hands were running up and down her back, I was so so tempted.

After a few minutes I moved her to sit back down, was I bad for not making her cover up? Sitting looking at each other I could see the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I could only think of me, my wants, my desire to please myself, I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you, your wants and desires, I thought I was giving you everything, Penny told me after that first time with her that I would lose you if I carried on, but I didn't think she could know you as I knew you, but she knew you better than I did, didn't she." I just nodded.

We sat into the night, I ordered more coffee, we talked and talked, Hil's told me that the kids knew their father's first names but nothing else.

She didn't want the men to be part of 'her' kids' lives, they didn't try, but now was the time to tell them, answer their questions.

Hil's asked me to be there for her, if I saw my way to forgive her, we decided to have all of us in here, have the hotel cater for us, as Jo was not working for the next 4 days, Josh was between jobs so he was available it was easy to arrange.

The next day I started to clear Mum's house out, not that she had much, I was only looking for photos, any paperwork that might be of use.

All the furniture would be given away, their clothes sent to the Charity shop, I found Mum had kept Dad's clothes, why?

It would take a week to get through it all. But I had time.

I returned to shower and rest before dinner.

Hil and Jo arrived together, no sign of Josh.

Taking their coats it was obvious that both women had taken the trouble to dress for me, I could understand Hil, but why was Jo so dressed up? and I mean dressed up, I'd been with loads of women on dates, I knew when they were dressed to impress, or just dressed nicely.

As I said on first seeing Jo, she was the double of Hil's, at her age, Hil had aged well, from the things I saw last night, very well.

Jo called Josh telling him to get here now. He took half an hour and by the way he smelt, he had spent it in the pub. He was in old dirty jeans, trainers, and a smelly hoodie.

I hate to say this but I hated him on sight, I knew who was his dad, I disliked him as well. How had Hil bedded that man and had his child?....

The food was good, very well presented, cooked just right and tasted great.

Josh had to spoil it, he didn't like this, well he had a complaint about everything. He got up halfway through the meal, started to walk around and just helped himself to look into everything, he looked at me while flipping through my photos.

"Get me some beer sent up, I need more now after eating that slop." It wasn't a request, it was an order. I could see Jo stiffen, and Hil blushed, she was just going to say something when I stopped her with a shake of my head.

"Put those down. Sorry Hil."

I got up took a hold of his neck and pinched a nerve, he screamed like a girl, I led him to the door and accidentally pushed his head into it, I opened the door and pushed him outside, walked him down the stairs and out the front door.

Pushing him away I told him he was a spoiled little boy, he didn't deserve to have a mother like he had, and I would do my best to make his life miserable from here on in.

On returning to my suite I found Jo had put things back in place, Hil had redone her face, hiding the tear staining on her cheeks.

We sat and let Jo ask the questions, answering them as truthfully as possible, I learned things about what had happened to Hil after I left, which didn't make me feel any better.

Jo went when Hil wanted to go, I went to the bar and had a drink with the barman, and went to bed at midnight.

Knocking at the door made me get up to see who was there, I'd put the room robe on, it suddenly dawned on me that it was daylight streaming through the curtains. I'd slept well.

Opening the door I found Jo in front of me, inviting her in I apologised for not being dressed.

"Oh no, it's me that should apologise, it's early, I wanted to catch you before you talk to or see Mum, can we talk?"

I said yes but I needed to shower, dress and have breakfast first. I went off to the bathroom, I ordered breakfast for 2 when I was dressed and feeling ready for the ordeal that was coming.

Jo hid as the food was brought in, we sat and ate, I just made small talk, waited for Jo to ask whatever she was after. It came at last.

"Does Mum have any chance of getting back with you? Will you be in my life from now on?" Jo stopped and looked at me.

"Jo Jo Jo, that's so direct. To be honest, I just don't know, I admit that I still have feelings for Hil, I still love her but... but can we get together as we were back then, I just don't know.

I look at you and see her, I bet lots of people have said to you how much you look like her." She smiled.

I nearly had a heart attack when I first saw you downstairs, between the 2 of you so many memories and thoughts keep going on in my mind.

I wish I could tell you more, I really do.

I'd love to be part of your life, you know I'm not your father don't you, much as I would have loved to say that you were mine.