No Consequences Pt. 02

"Invasively bad." She frowned when she said it.

"The consequences."

"Like what consequences?"

"Unforeseen consequences, to me they will determine if it was morally right or wrong to trust you: you're drawing a line in the sand. OK, I'm not going to cross it... until I know I have to. But I'm drawing a line in the sand, too: if there are consequences to your actions that I can't live with, I won't."

She actually seemed interested now. "Like what consequences, give me an example."

"Who know? That's the point. There are consequences to all actions, good and bad. I'm going to sign my piece if you send it in. What happens when people who know me read it and I'm mocked for it? What happens when people you know find out what you're doing and attack you for it, I don't mean physical attack, attacks that make your life more difficult — make the good you think you're getting and giving become negatives — that's why people don't just do what they feel like doing, they fear the consequences of their actions."

"Ya, well, add this to your philosophy: I don't care what people think. If I think something is right for me I'll do it... and I'm not alone — haven't you noticed? We're no longer Victorian drones doing what the Queen Bee demands. We're are all kinds of people doing all kinds of interesting things — we're Utilitarians in your words and if the consequences shake up society that's good, that's what we want because we don't like what you conservatives have created... and we're not going to play by your rules any more. Those days are gone."

"That's a conclusion I've reached."

She is a dog with a bone. "So why haven't you changed? You don't have to filter everything you do through a tired old conservative philosophy, you just need to tap into your feelings — you're a writer for God's sake. Do I have to tell you this? How can a creative writer be a conservative? How can a thinker be a conservative? How can anyone who wants to find joy in the world be a conservative? And how can anyone want to live with a conservative? I don't."

"Ya, well you weren't living with a conservative for the last three weeks, that's what I'm saying."

"How about the next three weeks? I'm not going to live in this house — talk about utilitarian, there are no consequences living here, it's like living in a vacuum."

I should have known she was going to use my own words against me, she always dies. "I'm not going to live in your place."

She laughed at the thought. "So we find a place... downtown, near people, near shops, near things... you know, living in a place that has consequences."

"OK, but I want to tell you something and when I do, I don't want you to use it against me."

"Of course I'll use it against you, that's what we Utilitarians do."

"I love you... you should know that... exploit it a little, I expect that but don't actually bludgeon me with it."

Her grin was very much like the one I saw while she was taking off her clothes online: self-confident, blissful.

"You do understand the consequences of that?" I asked, not at all sure she did.

"That I'll get great sex?"

"That stalking works and that I'll love you back but in the way that suits me, not necessarily in the way you want."

I had hoped that by my pronouncement she would have been enraptured in a swoon of utter bliss. She wasn't, she was eyeing me almost cooly as if expecting more.

"So, we give it a shot?" I asked with more than a little uncertainty.

She instantly darkened, the gums vanished. "No, we don't give it a fucking shot. I've already told you that I decided to love you, that meant that if we get together I roll up my sleeves and make it work. I'm not interested in a guy who is going to wait and try to fall..."

"OK, I've decided on you, too."

She was still eyeing me cooly, not at all convinced. "Decided on the Utilitarian me or the Consequential me?"

"Come on..."

"No, I've got just as much to win as you do and just as much to lose, the only difference is that I know I'll always be trying and I don't think you can say the same."

"I can."

"So, you've decided I'm the one you want?"

"Yes."

"When did you decide that?"

"In Barcelona, nothing actually happened... there was no eureka moment, I just pieced it together there and realized I hated the idea of going back to my old life — I want you in the centre of my new one."

She seemed skeptical. "Will you work to keep me there... like it's not going to just happen... remember, I had to stalk you?"

"I will."

"It's the Utilitarian me you're going to be signing on to not the Consequential me, you know that?"

I finally did. I abruptly got up. "I want to get all this down on paper before I forget it."

I was just leaving when I heard her say, "We'll list this place. I have a realtor friend. I'll call her, tell her to come over tomorrow night... you can pick out the four ties."

That stopped me in my tracks. I immediately looked back, looking for the fun in her eyes, the glistening of her gums. Nothing. She was staring back at me like she was serious... just long enough for my balls to freeze. Then her lips parted and I could see the long white teeth so wonderfully embedded in her glistening pink gums and it just then occurred to me. "All those people at Peggy's party. They've all seen you on that site haven't they?"

She was picking up her phone. She shrugged. "Who knows, who cares?"

I hurried to my computer. I had to get it down. It was Kon, it was Jennifer, it was the title of my story: 'No consequences.'