All Comments on 'No Harm Done'

Really? 1*

I don't expect "War and Peace" but this was just plain awful.

Really pathetic # 1

That was extremely difficult to follow along. Not hating but just saying that it wasn't developed sufficiently to maintain story cohesion.

As usual impo the gay female hater and his friends from the the gay sex club hate all stories here.Thanks for sharing..

The concept was interesting, but the execution is what failed. Two couple out for a night. One of them are swingers, the other couple aren't. This story could have been done better. I have some things to suggest. I hope they help. If they don't, toss them out.

+++

1. Instead of telling us that the setting is a club, describe it. For instance:

When Sam and Suzy arrived at the club, they saw that it was in full swing. This club, which was family friendly during the day, transformed into full blown, alcohol serving, party for adults at night.

Do you see how much that changes everything? Now we see what you are saying, instead of being told.

2. Use conversation to tell the viewer things about the couple. Instead of telling the audience that Suzy and Sam found Ross and Rosy attractive, try this:

Sam looked across the crowded club and spotted a young, nervous couple. They couldn't have been any older than mid 20's. They intrigued him because they looked so out of place. He nudged Suzy and pointed to them.

"Hey babe. What do you think about them?" he asked. He had to speak a little bit louder than he wanted to because of the music (remember, they are in a night club), so he leaned in close to her ear.

Suzy followed the direction of his finger and found them. She sized them up as one would do to a prize horse that he is about to buy. It didn't take her long to see how attractive they were.

"Nice. I like." she said finally. Sam looked at her with a smirk.

"Do you think we should include them in our little game?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes. I would love to get them in our rooms. But we have to play this carefully. We don't want to scare them."

Do you see how that adds a little something? It engages the reader more into your story.

One other thing, and this is just my personal thing. It seemed that everything happened so fast. Too fast for a couple who had not even thought about cheating before. It was way too easy. The seduction should have taken longer. You had them cheating in a couple of paragraphs. Draw it out a little. Give the audience some angst. Make it seem like there is a chance that it won't happen.

+++

Doing things like this will add length to your stories, as well as depth. These concepts could be applied in multiple places.

I hope I helped. If not, then by all means, throw this entire comment out.

Good luck.

Nice to know you still look out for my comments. Thank you for paying attention.

There was the basis of a good story here. But the execution was a little heavy and wooden.

But with the help of an editor, I am sure you will become a very good writer.

You have received some good advice already.

Oh, yes. Ignore the troll.

as soon as Ross and Rosy took ecstasy pills. Drugs are a major turnoff for me. Have no idea how well written the story is as that took place at the beginning, so no rating.

You instead of hatred comments to other readers should use your time to try to know who your real father is...I can imagine that will be a difficult task, but at least you had tried...

1 star. Really bad.

But you made the young couple really stupid, and really really offensive. Just married, and they both break their wedding vows at the first opportunity, with complete strangers. I could see no reason to finish the story since it was so obvious and predictable. It would have been an interesting twist if at the end it turns out its Ross and Rosy who are playing Sam and Suzy, with maybe a trumped up rape extortion, or just a mild robbery after drugging Sam and Suzy.

Thanks for trying, I guess.

nobody cheats and keeps loving their spouse like rosey

I had to take a nice sloppy shit after reading the piece of shit story. Need some toilet paper.

The execution was lacking. I found no reason to care about either couple. This lack of interest means their efforts to seduce the other couple mean little. The faithfulness, or lack of it on the part of the younger couple also lacks definition. Try again.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story. I saw number of comments criticizing it. If you look for absolute logic in stories, you can't enjoy. This story though very short, is very light and erotic.

I urge the author to write more such stories

Yes there was both a foul and harm. A marriage was destroyed. Oh it may not be apparent to some but when the marriage vows were broken it ceased to be a marriage. Now it's just two people living a lie. Sooner or later the truth will out and then the pain and devastation will hit. This is why cheating tarnishes everyone and everything iit touches.

Okay, for a story it is just that. No fairy tale has a couple married six months not taking their eyes off each other. So that turned this into a story, and it was not even hot. A marriage now based on a lie is doomed in the long run. Dont worry divorce wil happen quicker than you think. Infidelity always shows its ugly head somehow. She will be showing it with diminished interest in him. This will be bad. So stupid writer, patt 2 is needed, to get the divorce wrote about.

oh goody lets just drop illegal drugs in the beginning and try to keep our vows by the end of the story... DUH

cuck shit.

do Ross once more? You ran too fast to the end. Take your time with your stories.

I see Literotica as nothing more than a bit of light hearted, sexy fantasy. Some people must think that these stories are real. Lighten up. I have read too many cheating stories that are basically the same.

With this one ( it needed editing) it was about both partners cheating at the same time and getting away with it. I have read no other stories like that and I challenge all those critics to write their own story on that theme

Like your comment recommending everyone to lighten up. I’m afraid it will be lost on the poor souls who so desperately need to follow that advice. I usually check a writers Bio and this time I see this seems to be your first try. In light of that, this is a very good story indeed. Of course it could have been improved; follow javmor79’s advice and it will be.

I think you’re right; I can’t remember another LW story with a similar plot. I realize there are other stories with this plot, but you have added your special twist; something all of us must do, since completely virgin plots are about as scarce as hen’s teeth.

Anyway, keep writing, if you enjoy it.

They got seduced

Even if they stay married what is the point, raising another mans child?

You answered your own question.

Nothing changed? Author is fool

All da spicy ingredients yo need fo crappy drivel, mon.

Thumbs‘ar down

Luckily this author realized what we all knew. He just wasn’t much of an author.

"Ross and Rosy are very happily married. They don't know about each other's infidelity so as far as they are concerned nothing has changed, nothing has happened."

Except now they're both HIV positive and eventually both will develop full blown AIDS before they even know what's wrong with them. So, the idea of "what you don't know can't hurt you or ignorance is bliss is a crock of shit. There are a lot of things out there that are really bad for you and will kill you whether you aware of them or not you'll still be just as dead.

Good God what was this?

Unique.

What a cast of characters. All four are liars and adulterers who each now have no idea of their own STD status. Pray they stay in their current marital pairings. No innocent third parties should have the misfortune in of meeting any of those shits in a singles dating situation.