by ADonovan
Too short, not believable, no emotional connection... needs work. Your whole process needs work. Think, put some work into your stories; you may surprise yourself. Good luck!
anal ruined it, despite the fact it wouldn't have been much better even without it in this case, as it's rushed, badly thought out, and no real reason for a reader to become invested in any either character, especially the closeted beta.
Good start but you lost me at the butt plug. There is no way to eat a woman to orgasm and not notice a buttplug. Or maybe there is, but I love anal so much there is no way I wouldn't notice.