No More Blinders

I'm an average guy.

When I was young I became very ill. The doctors had a difficult time keeping my temperature under control and it spiked to 108. When my parents were able to take me home, I was different. Something that made me who I was had disappeared. It terrified my parents and left me mystified. I was no longer interested in some old hobbies and new interests took their place. Friends that I thought I would have for life I felt no kinship for and I forged relationships with people I previously had no interest in.

For a while after that I considered changing my name, but I knew that would hurt my parents so I didn't bring it up. I was thirteen and I knew that possibility would still be there when I was old enough. I no longer felt like a Jim. I felt like a Milton or a Henry. I didn't know why.

The biggest change was that my metaphorical field of vision narrowed. I lacked the ability to see how anything other than what should happen, could happen. I walked around with blinders on. It wasn't all bad. The balancing factor was that I had a new capacity to concentrate on minutia. I wasn't any smarter, but it was like I was a walking advertisement for Adderall.

I learned to pick up cues from my peers. I had no problems socializing, but there were times when I just didn't get a joke or the underlying meaning of what someone said. If others laughed or seemed taken aback, I followed suit. It didn't happen often, but it was enough to remind me that in some ways, I was different.

In everything else, I was pretty average. By the time I was in my second year of college, I stood 5'10 and weighed 155. My brown hair and eyes weren't remarkable, but they weren't repulsive. I could easily get lost in a crowd, but babies didn't start crying when they saw me. I didn't question it when Lillian took an interest in me. She was beautiful, but I was a good guy, I treated her well and we got along.

Why wouldn't we start dating? Why wouldn't we go steady? Why wouldn't we get married after graduating?

I had considered going for an MBA but decided on a MAcc. Numbers and details came easily to me and the market for accountants with a Masters was projected to grow more than ten percent a year for the foreseeable future. My grades made me an attractive prospect and I was recruited by Deloitte. Lilly graduated with a BSc and immediately had a well-paying job as a pharmaceutical representative for Gilead Sciences.

An intelligent, well-educated and beautiful woman, she schmoozed people for a living. Trade shows and corporate retreats were her hunting grounds and executives with money to spend were her prey. Within a few years, I was moved into forensic accounting and we were very financially comfortable. Lilly gave birth to our daughter Dagny and I couldn't have expected to be any happier than I was.

Over the next seventeen years, I started consulting on the side for various law enforcement agencies. They had their own experts, but it always looked good to bring in someone from the outside that could be referenced in front of a jury. I always prepared meticulously. Without fail, my research was impeccable, contingencies planned for and back-up plans were made.

I had my doctorate by then and having a prosecutor start with "Now, Dr. Karamides doesn't work for the FBI or the DA's office, but he graciously takes time from his position with the world's third largest accounting firm and publishing his industry-leading treatises to lend a hand when it's needed." always impressed.

I came out of my home office when Dagny got home. "Honey, we're going to have to schedule your physical. Your coach'll need the results by next week."

"Dad, I'm not playing volleyball this year."

I didn't understand what she meant. "No, honey, for the team. If we don't get the physical, he can't let you play."

She looked at me with a little frown that I recognized. Dagny used it whenever I wasn't quite getting something. It didn't happen often, but she knew that sometimes I was a little different. "No, Dad, I'm not playing this year. I need to concentrate on my grades if I want to get into Yale."

"But... but you're a volleyball player. You love volleyball. That's what you do."

"Yeah, and I'll still play, just not on the team. It's okay, Dad."

Trying to reassure her, I smiled. It felt forced and must have looked that way. "All right, honey. Maybe... maybe in college." She didn't look reassured. I wiped the sweat from my palms on my slacks, went back into my office and closed the door behind me. My heart was beating too rapidly, and I sat down, losing myself in numbers until Lilly came home with dinner.

A few weeks went by and Lilly sat across from me after Dagny went to the mall with her boyfriend.

"James, you need to talk to your daughter. I can't take her disrespect any longer."

"What? She's not disrespectful. She's... well, she's the same as she's always been."

"To you, yes. To me, she's a raging bitch and I can't take it anymore."

"I, really? This is, I don't know. Really?"

"Yes, James, really. Wake up. I'm not pulling this out of my ass. Talk to her. I'm at the end of my rope."

"Okay, Lil. This doesn't make any sense, but I'll talk to her."

My conversation with my daughter was bizarre. She kept trying to assure me that I was a great father and a good man. There were a lot of tears and she promised to try to treat her mother better. I still didn't know what had occurred between them and what caused it, but I felt a little better about the situation and Lilly didn't bring it up again.

A month went by and I was in bed with my wife when she rolled over and rested her hand on my chest. "Jim, have you ever thought about being with someone else?"

This was odd, but not too concerning. We had a good marriage, she loved me, and I loved her. "No, not since we've been together. I'm not interested in anyone other than you and even if I was, I'd never want to put our marriage in danger."

"No, of course not. Not in danger. Nothing permanent or serious, I just... I don't know. Maybe something consenting. Something new. Sort of liven things up."

"Do you think that things need to be livened up?"

"Oh, no. I was just worried that you might. We've been married twenty years. You might be getting bored with me."

I smiled. "Honey, I love you to death. I'd never be bored with you. You're as beautiful and sexy as the day I saw you in Professor Rothbard's lecture. We're forever. I don't want anyone else. We'll be together till the end."

"Uh huh. Absolutely. Till the end."

We made love that night and she seemed more eager than normal, as if she was trying to convince me and reassure me of her love. Of course, I enjoyed it, but it wasn't needed. I loved her, and she loved me. We had a great marriage.

A week went by and she brought it up again. "Jim, what if I was okay with it? Like, for your birthday or something?"

"Okay with what, Lil?"

"You know, you being with someone else. Just a one-time thing. No threat to us, just a one-off."

"Honey, where is this coming from? I don't want or need anyone else."

"I don't want you to feel that you need to hide anything. We... I can't lose you no matter what happens. If you need to do something, just be honest with me."

"Lilly, you're not going to lose me. What's going on? I promise you, you're the only woman I have eyes for. Did I do something that made you think otherwise?"

"No, Jim, just promise that regardless of anything else, we'll always be together."

"Of course. Till the end."

We needed to arrange a vacation. Some alone time. She had been working a lot of extra hours and weekends. The stress must have been overwhelming. Lillian needed to decompress, and I needed to let help her understand that she was the only woman for me.

We weren't able to schedule anything within the next eight weeks, but she did introduce some new toys into our love making. Lilly said she thought it would liven things up. Butt plugs and anal beads led to handcuffs and blindfolds. We arranged safe-words and alternated who was in charge. She did seem to be into it more than I was, especially on nights when I was cuffed and she was in control.

Lillian's stress seemed to decrease, and things went back to the way before her fears were voiced. I think she knew that I wasn't planning on leaving her and she found strength in that. She grew more aggressive in the bedroom and I noticed her wardrobe had expanded while the amount of skin it covered decreased.

Dagny spent Thanksgiving with us and her grandparents and left Friday morning on a ski trip with her boyfriend and his parents. I found Lilly in our bedroom that evening and she was getting dressed for a night on the town. At forty-two, she was still the most stunning woman I knew. Her raven black tresses needed an occasional touch-up, but everything else was hers.

She stood with her back to me while looking in the mirror as she placed her earrings in her lobes. Lilly was in her panties and bra. It was a tiny black set that I didn't recognize. "Where are we going, honey?"

Her sigh was audible. She didn't turn as she spoke. "I'm going out, Jim. You're staying here."

"What are you talking about?"

Still not turning around, she shimmied into an LBD. Another item I didn't recognize. "I'm taking things to the next level, Jim. I promise, when I get home tomorrow, you'll get all the loving you could want."

"I... what? What the hell are you talking about? Tomorrow?"

"Don't pretend to be surprised. You knew what was going on. I just couldn't do it behind your back anymore. I couldn't demand honesty that I refused you. I'll be staying with Bill tonight."

"Who the fuck is Bill? You're going out with another man and won't be back until tomorrow? Have you lost your mind?"

"Come on, Jim. I've been fucking him for seven months. You knew. All those late nights, weekends, the sex toys. You're not a stupid man. You knew. You're kiddin' yourself."

"You've... Seven months?" I started sweating and my heart raced. "I can't believe this. I don't understand. You're my wife. Seven months?"

"Nothing will change between us. It hasn't until now. Together till the end. I just need this. I need to push myself, to... explore."

This wasn't right. Things don't happen like this. She's my wife. We have a daughter. We're happy. Should I have noticed something? Did I fail again? Something shifted in my head. It was almost a violent switch of paradigms. They say that you can't just stop loving someone. Maybe that's true for the normal person. It's not for me.

"I'd tell you that if you left tonight that you shouldn't come back, but I'm seven months too late. The barn door's been open for more than half a year. Do what you're going to do."

I went downstairs to my office and went online. More research, more planning. Just as meticulous.

Lillian returned Saturday afternoon. I wasn't there. Dagny and I had been taking culinary courses together for the past few years. It was father-daughter bonding that we both enjoyed. A few hours once a month with my daughter helped build memories for when she was out on her own and her parents were an afterthought. I found classes for Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Monday and Wednesday I spent my time in my office.

I rebuffed Lilly's attempts at pity fucks and slept in the guest room. Dagny must have noticed but she never questioned what was happening and I didn't volunteer any information. She ignored her mother to the point where Lilly would scream at her.

Dagny's boyfriend was going with his parents to look at colleges the next weekend and Lilly asked them to take our daughter. They were good people and were happy to have her along. Not knowing what Lillian had planned for the weekend, I didn't interfere.

At around 8:00 PM, Lilly stuck her head in my office. "Are you in for the evening?"

I ignored her.

"Grow up and stop pouting. Are you going out?"

I ignored her.

"Fine. I'm leaving. I'll be back by eleven and Bill's coming back with me. He's staying the night. Whaddya say? You going to be here?"

I ignored her.

Sitting in the darkened living room, I heard their laughter before the door opened.

My wife was leaning into her lover as they entered. "You're killing me. No, it's fine. Truly. He wouldn't..."

She saw me sitting there, a bottle of rum at my side. "Jim. Bill, this is Jim. Don't wait up. It's going to be a long night."

Bill looked me up and down. He was a big guy, 6'2" or 6'3". He took off his suit jacket and tossed it on the couch next to me. He had a holstered gun under his left shoulder. "Keep the stereo down, cuck, and you'll hear your wife scream for the first time."

Lilly laughed again as she mock pushed him. "Leave him alone, Bill. Come upstairs."

He looked from her to me. "You know what's going to happen, right cucky?"

"Yes, Bill. I know what's going to happen."

"No, it's not Bill. It's sir. You know what's going to happen, right cucky?"

"Yes... sir. I know what's going to happen. I know exactly what's going to happen."

They made their way upstairs, Bill slapping her ass on her way up, Lilly giggling. I sat there for an hour, listening to them. They fucked, she got him hard again and they fucked some more. He degraded and belittled me. She laughed. They finally slowed down and stopped.

"Cuck! Cucky! Bring us some drinks."

I slowly stood. Grabbing the overproof rum, I made my way through the kitchen, poured four fingers of the alcohol in a tumbler, grabbed a tool and headed up the stairs. I thought about using my absinthe, but fuck him. He can have my whore of a wife. He can't have my absinthe.

"Good job, cuck. I gotta tell ya, mistuh, if it's top shelf, I'll let you clean me out of her."

He lay there uncovered, my wife's moisture coating his cock, his sperm leaking from her cunt.

I paused at the doorway looking at them before moving forward. I accidentally poured the alcohol on his crotch. I accidentally pulled the crème brulee torch from behind my back and accidentally lit it. I accidentally set his genitals on fire.

Speaking over his screaming, I turned to my wife. "You might want to help him out. I accidentally fucked him up. Hey, that's funny. I fucked him up. That was your job. Better be quick if you don't enjoy blackened dick."

Going back to my office, I spent less than a minute on my computer. I had to close the door to block out the annoying screams. Once I was done, I grabbed the laptop, made my way to my car and was pulling out of the neighborhood when I saw the ambulance heading towards our house. My cell was on the kitchen counter and I had spent time earlier disabling the cars GPS.

It was a shame to do it to a laptop that was less than a week old, but it went into the lake by the limestone quarry. I registered under my own name at the hotel and that's where the police found me. Apparently, they didn't think it was an accident.

I was arrested and sitting in the jail when a guard approached my cell. I had private accommodations while everyone else was four to a cell. I still had friends in law enforcement and they were doing what they could.

"Hey, Jim. We can't let prisoners meet with minors. We do have a scared straight program, though. Kids get tours, keeps them on the straight and narrow. You know how it works. A girl's coming through in a minute or two. Do us a favor and let her know she should keep her nose clean."

"Thanks. It's Tony, right? I appreciate it, man."

Dagny was walked back to my cell and I had to stand there with bars separating me from my child as she started shaking and sobbing.

"Tony, can she get a chair or something?"

"Yeah, no problem."

They got her a folding chair and she pulled herself together. I sat on the end of my cot and we talked.

"Dag, months ago when you had that blow-up with your mom, you knew something then, right?"

She shook her head, turned to look at the wall and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Daddy. The bitch doesn't know how to clear her history or use an onion browser. I had to print a report for school and left my laptop at Ted's. She had page after page of sick BDSM stuff in her browser. I wasn't snooping, it just auto-filled when I typed in 'bond.' And... and cuckold stuff. I hate her."

"Honey, don't... shit, I don't know what to say here. She did this to me, not to you. She's still your mom."

"Bullshit, Dad. She did this to the family. Unless I'm no longer a part of this family, she did it to me. Dad, I want to live with you. They can't make me stay with her."

"You'll always have a place with me, but I don't know when I'm getting out of here. You may have to stick it out until you can go to college. Maybe you can start with summer sessions and leave the house early. Dagny, I don't know when we're going to be able to talk again, so you need to pay attention. Lots of stuff is going to happen on Monday, but your college is paid for. Four years, everything. If need be, I'll get you money for your Masters or Doctorate."

"All four years? Yeet! But what's happening? What's going on Monday?"

"It's better if you don't know. I can't believe that my daughter needs plausible deniability with her mother, but just sit back and let her tell you when she gets home."

I went before the judge on Monday and they couldn't decide if I should be up for battery or sexual battery. It was decided to go for battery and my bail was set at $10,000. I declined to pay and was held in remand at the local prison. I'm just an average guy. It wasn't much fun.

Lilly wanted to see me, and I agreed to put her on my visitor's list. I was allowed three one hour visits a week. My daughter would get the other two slots.

She was red-faced and a vein was standing out in her neck. "Have you lost your mind? Bill's still in the hospital, he was fired for embezzlement, I was fired for fiduciary misconduct and all our money is missing. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you need some petty vengeance this bad?"

"What? Our money is gone? Lilly, what the hell did you do with our money?"

"What did I... You know exactly what happened to our money and it better reappear quick, you understand me? We have to pay the mortgage, the cars, Dagny's tuition..."

"It's covered."

"What?"

"Her tuition is paid up for the rest of the year. Listen, I'm sorry to hear about the money. Embezzlement, huh? Maybe Bill took it. I'd like to help, but I'm sort of stuck behind bars. It was an accident, but the judge didn't see it that way. How's the Flambe Kid? Did they save his junk?"

Eyes narrowing, she clenched the edge of the table. "Jim, what did you do with the money?"

"Listen, Lilly, I could help out. It's what I do. I know every way there is to hide money. I'm sure I could easily find our money and even find out what happened with that embezzlement for poor Bill. I'm sure it's all a dreadful accident. Sorry, not accident. Mistake. It's all a dreadful mistake. Unfortunately, I can't do anything from prison. You know, if Bill refuses to press charges and testify, there's an excellent chance that they'd let me go. I'll do my best to find the money, straighten things out for Bill and we'll get a no-fault divorce."

"Divorce? I don't want a divorce. I just, I needed to experiment a little. Experience new things. He doesn't mean anything to me."

"He meant your marriage, you miserable cunt. You're a walking cliché."

She left in tears. I was still in prison two weeks later when Bill was released from the hospital. It seemed that she had been able to extinguish him pretty quickly. He immediately dropped all the charges and told the prosecutor he wouldn't cooperate with her case. They threatened, they bloviated, they cajoled. He wouldn't budge. He knew that he'd never have another job if it was thought that he embezzled from his employer.