All Comments on 'No Welcome Home: Before I'll Weep'

good imagination, good character development, well written, but!!!! a trifle heavy in tech info. just needed to know what branch of servive, not the battlion, division, company, platoon, etc.. just needed to know that he had the right documents needed, not each and everyone of them listed. just needed to know that blood was placed in strategic locations and listed together, not individually. personally i think i would have put all the revenge action before the new girlfriend and her daughter. it seemed to put a damper on the anger side of the revenge, knowing that he had already found happiness again. other than that, i really enjoyed the story. looking forward to your next one, keep up the good work.

Cleaverly written: having the 'end of the story' first, followed by the real story, which is, 'how he did it'. Good and amusing.

I liked it a lot.

I enjoyed the story and I agree - any kind of reconciliation would be really stretching it. Too much bile for that to happen. Good work, thanks for a good read.

Enjoyed the story, nice twist as well, but one mistake. The jewlery. THAT can be a wrinkle to his plan since after everything is

'cleared', which means the property, the jewlery will be MIA. A good and dogged detective can follow the trail that David (Billy) made. Also, any forwarding moneys from the publisher would be looked into as well. He did leave a trail to his disappearance.

But the story was well written and enjoyable. I always enjoy reconcilleration (SP??), but this can turn into a good "Cat and Mouse" story.

All was great except the last comments: "I couldn't see Sandra getting out of jail 20 years later and bumping into Dave who suddenly missed his former life and wife; meeting again and having a joyful reunion". I could see them meeting but Dave then telling her "I hope Andrew was worth the jail time" and leaving her - no reconciliation but him able to return to his life and possibly leave her with no money.

Actually I don' think he left a trail at all. For the jewelery he left one in Andrew's apartment. So when it comes up MIA, it actually leads to him. With the wife being the last person to go into the box or near it along with them being together they would think she gave it to him or something similar. As for money from his publisher, while he did cash the check he only took out what he normally does for expenses so the 2500 would be seen as normal while the buik of the money is deposited as always. Not to mention he left all that money and walked away from 4 book deals with one still being edited. So really there was no trail that I could see. With no actual body conclusions would have be drawn even if there are some questions but hey, people have been convicted on a LOT less.

The cheating, finding the hair and condem in the house, add that to a missing husband(nothing out of place or out of the norm) and traces of blood would have been more then enough to seal the deal I think. Everything else just gravy I think.

Great job. I did like seeing the ending first and then the how he got away with it second.

A very nice adition to the orginal story. I enjoyed it

after thought, and yes, i am capable of multiple thoughts. i think you definitely achieved your goals of merging the two stories. i for one am surprised because i've had troubles with a few stories in the past delivered in multiple chapters. sometimes the different parts of the story don't quite line up together even tho written by the same author. i absolutely had no problelm with this story even tho you changed countries and by a different author. i felt as if i were reading the same story on a continuing basis. damn good job.

You told a complex story without getting bogged down. I like the way that you solved the hard problem of creating tension when the revenge has already occurred. Your choice to have him be a great guy with his new woman worked well, as did sticking that half first.

Very well done. No violence against the spouse (not counting

what her new cell mate might have done and the boyfriend is

now servicing the east wing of some prison)...good writing.

Food for thought for you, or other writers...this is beyond

the scope of your current story and is NOT intended to reflect poorly on you. But it would be interesting to see how his wife dealt with it all, KNOWING he is alive somewhere. What if he had someone send her some flowers, a favorite candy, a favorite card from Hallmark -whatever...it would let her know he really IS alive somewhere. He knew

about her affair and he got even with her. Whew...that

thought could fill volumes. She sees her "shrink" in prison

and tells the shrink her "dead" hubby's ghost is sending her

flowers. Or what about her estate? A murderer cannot profit from their crime in some states, and with no kids,

where does the money go? Can she collect in Colorado? Does

his share of the estate go to his sister? Charity? This

storyline could take on a life of its own.

If she is convicted of murdering/manslaughter - whatever...does her conviction de facto make him dead? If so, they are technically divorced - -no? I am NOT picking on the story line, just wondering about our convoluted court system. Not a justice system anymore, just a court

system.

Enough from me.....good job. Who will take up the challenge

next???

It's a great story. I really enjoyed it. Though, it reminds me of the movie with Ashley Judd (*heart palpatation*) called Double Jeopardy. If she's convicted of manslaughter, it's possible that she could be out on parole... and she would know that she didn't kill her husband, and it would be an interesting story to see if she ever tracks him down. And with Double Jeopardy, a legal phrasing - once convicted of a crime, she can't be reconvicted for the same crime.

Just something to keep in mind. Though I would love to see the wife's point of view from start to finish.

its time for you to do your own thing - readers will no doubt provide some paths for you to walk (for your consideration).

Your talent, reality and theme are appreciated - More Please - with high Regard

Everything seems to fit perfectly in place…smooth and looks very plausible. I like how everything interweaves and boils down to a great ending.

I would still eagerly await, however, how the original author would treat his story. I would like to see how Dave explains his disappearance.

Thanks for a nice reading, Mr. Dynamite Jack

With high regards.

benhur726

Double jeopardy is a protection under US law. I doubt that this is the case for many other countries, especially those under the Hispanic type of legal system. If the wife tracks him down and kills him and is caught in Portugal or probably anywhere else outside of the US, she can still be convicted of murder and face whatever sentence is due.

Dynamite Jack, this was a dynamite story. Contrary to a previous poster's complaint, I think that the painstaking details are what made the story credible.

Very good read with intermixing the various elements.

Thank you.

Tail End Pete

I don't see how the original author could do any better. He has the propensity toward reconciliation so he might go in that direction.

Boyd

As pointed out the story line seems well laid out.

It's great that he has a new life that he loves but he is NOT married to the woman he loves. That is a loose end. One that could have negative reactions for Catrina.

And WHAT happened to all of the money. Her relatives get it all?

You did an excellent and creative job of completing the original. It was a clear, concise and cleverly crafted follow up to the first chapter.

Congratulations!

the short, non-nonsense epilogue (more of an epilogue than anything) was very well done.

it achieved two disparate (and yet related) purposes simultaneously:

1. revenge (against someone who has hurt your deeply, when you've invested all your love and trust in them, including your life's work!)

2. finding happiness elsewhere, a happiness that is NOT dictated by the whimps of neither your "former" life, nor the spouse who so heineously wronged you, while pretending to be so loving, loyal, and trusting all the years you'd spent with them.

again, thank you; extremely well done,,, from the felon-friend's help to the existence with the young mother in Spain/Portugal (that she's Catholic and can't divorce and can't marry is just ideal for him!: love without legal attachments!)

I had the weirdest feeling when I read this story. I was about three quarters of the way through and for some reason looked back up at the paragraph above the one that I was on.

For a moment I thought I had written it. I don't know weather Jack tried to copy my phrasing, but if he did he made a dam good job of it. If he didn't it was wishful thinking on my part. And perhaps some jealousy. Jack wrote a good story here and I thank him for taking up my challenge.

Oh, for those who have asked. Yes I am, but I only have one part written, it looks like a couple of chapters. I've got another bee in my bonnet for the time being, as I did want to let others have a go at this first.

DC

and you have an expert way of writing so that anyone can understand the plot, character development, etc.

I didn't think anybody would be able too write a sequal to the original story except The Wanderer, but Dynamite Jack proved me wrong, I not only hope that The Wanderer writes a sequal, I also hope you consider writing a third and final part, after all The Wanderer did challenge other writers to finish this story and he had planned to make this a three chapter story, were curiousity makes him want too know just whay happened to his former wife after all, because at the end of the original story she hadn't been sentenced, you never know she might have been released due to lack of evidence or she could still be in jail, either way he could return and continue his revenge, but PLEASE NO double jeopardy story it's just stupid even that movie stunk, besides his wife said at the end of the original as she was waiting to be sentenced what ever sentence she got she deserved. Anyway I enjoyed this version and hope for one more chapter from you.

Hey, DJ,

I missed this story the first go-round, and just stumbled across it. Nicely-plotted, very well written (as always).

I'm not usually a big fan of revenge stories, but this was classic! I especially liked the fact that he found love with a woman who deserved him, that he didn't wallow in his hatred forever.

Several others have mentioned a couple of loose ends: where Dave's estate goes, for example. I have a couple that I came up with:

1. Can Dave/Bill trust Glenn to keep his mouth shut forever? Remember this guy's an ex-con, and as the saying goes, there is no honor among thieves. Conversely, as an ex-con, he may someday get a guilty conscience (religion? LOL) about helping to send an innocent person to prison.

2. You don't think Sandra's going to give up trying to find her husband, do you? She'll have a lot of time in prison to figure out ways to find him. Maybe she'll accidentally pick up one of his new romance novels, and recognize his style. The point it, she KNOWS he faked his death, because she KNOWS she didn't kill him.

Oh, and one other thing. The analogy to the Ashley Judd movie that someone mentioned really doesn't apply. If, somehow, Sandra does get out and encounters Dave/Bill, and does him in for real (after all, she now has good cause for revenge of her own), it would be a different crime and double jeopary would not apply. Indeed, it would be wickedly ironic if she was accused of killing Bill, since Dave was already "dead." No double jeopardy there. Hey, I can already picture Jack McCoy having a field day with something like that in a "Law & Order" episode.

Anyway, just some thoughts about a dynamitejack story. Great work, brother.

The author leaves no doubt in any readers mind that Dave was hell-bent on getting his revenge from his wife and her lover. But I had to wonder why Dave/Bill never followed up on her trial and subsequent sentencing. It seemed to me that anyone who would get such great satisfaction in railroading a spouse into prison would derive the ultimate in pleasure from knowing she had been put away for 5 or 10 or even 20 years. Including this information would have been in character for Dave/Bill considering the incredible effort he had made to put her in prison and to accomplish his 'death'.

Sequels could be tricky, especially those written by a different author. But yours has its own character while building on and further developing the themes of the original story. The same ominous and foreboding atmosphere is maintained throughout the sequel, even in its happy moments. And it’s so true to life. The main character has been through a major trauma. In fact, he truly feels - not just as a pretence – like a ‘dead man walking’. Anyone who has been through a major trauma, or who works with people who have been traumatized, would recognize the sense of de-realization which so frequently is associated with the response to the traumatic event. Big part of the story, lovingly follows up the gradual building of new life from the aches of the old ones. This is one sequel I regretted to see ending – it was that good!

I did not miss it first time around but I was not commenting at the time. A case of not sure whether it was worth it.

This story is a fine piece of work and a great finale to the Wanderer's interesting set up. I am still waiting for the third chapter of the Wanderer's trilogy. I found the trasladation to the USA fascinating!

Noticing Kolkore's comment, I went back to reread Jake's version and all of the comments left on the tale. I note that the double jeopardy situation that might occur was mentioned several times.

Double jeopardy relates to someone being charged with or convitcted a second time for the same crime.

Now if Sandra was found guilty of manslaughter or murder of Dave Laurance in the UK, and then many years later after her release, she did find him alive and take her revenge on him at that time. Under English law, she could be apparently charged with the same crime again. However the point to take into account is that in UK law the precise wording of the charge is important.

Briefly the original charge would read something like “That Sandra Laurence did on or about - insert a date - murder David Laurence!” I believe that the actual phrasing is much longer than quoted. However the date is the important part of the charge. Another murder - even of the same victim - committed years later would have a different date, so surely it could not be considered as the same crime in the eyes of the law. One wonders what the exact wording of murder charges is in US courts.

DC

a good lawyer would have a field day with some of the circumstantial evidence(did you know modern DNA testing would lead to questions about why head hair was mixed with blood originating from elsewhere-levels of cell counts etc.)but all in all most juries would convict, at least in U.S. where juries are bottom-trolled and typically ignorant.Weird thing for this reader is though I often subscribe to the "torch the bitch" school of revenge in this case the consequence for Sandra was way over the top and I hope she lives to fuck him up!Pistolpackinpete

HEY J.R. HOW ABOUT SEQUEL OR AN EPILOG TO THIS STORY. WHAT ABOUT THE 2 CHEATERS. COULD ANY OF THE 3 EVER MEET AGAIN, BY ACCIDENT OR ON PURPOSE...WHAT BECOMES OF ALL THAT LEFT BEHIND ASSETS. COME ON J.R....TK U MLJ LV NV

We would enjoy a flashback (and I usually hate flashbacks) about all the angst his wife and her lover went through during and after the trial and as they entered prison. Also a short story of about how happy he is with his GF and his adopted daughter. Thanks for your work, I really enjoyed it.

I like reconciliaiton stories if it's a one off. Drunkenness, stupidity, whatever. People do make mistakes. But more than once, it becomes a different animal and unless there are reeeeeaaaaaly extenuating circumstances, I prefer divorce, or even revenge.

I thought this was a believable follow up to The Wanderer's story.

Happened in the UK. I get your writing but I believe it should have followed with the original location and cast of characters in effect with the original writing.

I mean how do you go from taking a train to and from a seminar, to the Denver airport to a Seminar in Texas or wherever it was.

Thats the biggest let down for me in your version of this story....

if you were Catholic you would know the church does not prohibit divorce, only marriage after divorce and that adultry is grounds for a church annulment, which allows marraige thereafter.

would have liked to see the results of all those plans, ie the police showing up; but that is just me.

One commenter suggest you need flashbacks. Thankfully, you rightly did not use that overused device as it would serve no purpose to move your story forward. However, I did feel that your wonderful storytelling ground to an abrupt halt at the end. It needs a part 2. Does his secret hate pollute his current love? Does he get acc dentally discovered though his writing or a chance encounter? Does his conscience bother him enough to try to set the record straight regarding his wife's innocence (at least for murder)? It might be fun to twist and turn these issues into another excellent tale.

Looking at what he gave up, career-wise and financially, in order to burn Sweetie and her Bull, it feels like too little value for a (bunch of) huge cost! After all, all Sweetie did was enjoy the Bull's sexual skill. Bad as that feels, it isn't like she was stealing his money or conniving to injure him or damage his interests!

Given, Hubby felt better framing them for murder, but did they do anything that was worth ruining the rest of their lives! There are things that DO call for serious (lifelong) punishment, but getting a little (OK, in this case, a LOT of) strange is a lesser offense!

You use another mans pussy and he might take it personal.

....for a much longer detailed story. As a quick flash, it had enough to keep me interested, though it obviously could have used a few more pages, but then it wouldn't have been a flash story ;) A solid 4* (I NEVER give out 5 other then a couple of extreme instances of genius)

@LickD The fact that modern society places so little concern on betrayal, especially of sacred oaths, may explain a good deal why society today is so humped over. A little strange IS a big deal. A lot of people are hurt, some permanently, by that selfish act.

You gave complete closer to the original tale. Well done.

cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Just can't accept your ending as I didn't believe half the things he did would escape the Police considering they knew he was a writer. Plus which, no body = no conviction.

Enjoyable expansion of a good story. Your writing skills and vivid imagination propelled this story to greatness. Perhaps not the best revenge story, but it certainly had the seeds ready for fermentation. Thank you for a fun ride.

He did manage himself into a huge added life cost to pull it off though -

If he is that smart one would think he would have been able to find a way to lose less of what he worked so hard for to make them pay for what they did -

It is fdairly clear that Sandra is simply a stupid woman who got selfish after being conned - she was conned by being drugged and lied to - not innocent but not malicious either. She never stopped caring for him in her perve4se asshat way - 16 years in orison is a bit harsh - but whatever.

The con artists is getting off light in contrast - he was flat out evil and derserved so much more - Glenn ought to have arranged form more inside just to be fair - get him playing bitch for Bubba or whatever including a howdy from hubby.

If we are building a convoluted plan let's build a whole one lol - let him come up with a way to marry Maria - too kill off her asshat while we are being mercenary - lol

Murder convictions can be obtained without a body. Harder, but still possible.

http://www.nobodycases.com

We needed the final act - Sandra's ordeal and an epilogue - Maria gets an annulment! C'mon!

This had all the hallmarks of a great story and then... all the air went out of it!

FTDS should take a look at it and rework the ending.

But 4*

Rolling right along and then suddenly it fell off the cliff. What happened?

1.Read: No Welcome Home Ch. 01 / Sandra's Story first.

2. You've just read Dave's Story/ the middle of the story. :)

3. Read No Welcome Home Ch. 02 / Andrew's Story by The Wanderer to complete the story line.

Definitely a great story by two excellent authors.

No second thoughts about getting his wife locked up. He knew what he was doing when he did it. She would have gone after his money in a divorce, this outcome seems fair to me.

the word "CHANCE' seems to be around, all the time, just waiting, TK U MLJ LV NV

He should have just cashed out all of his money and left the country. If she divorced him she couldn't get any of his money outside of the USA based on the law. Dumb! As for Andrew, his buddy Glenn could have done some sexual surgery on him so he didn't have a penis anymore.

Fascinating story. I daresay an improvement on the original, with all respects to the original suffering the interruptions it did.

However, Portuguese has less in common with Spanish than Tagalog does. I don't care if you took Spanish in high school, got a B.A. in it, then worked as a translator for the military/State Dept., spend any time in Brasil and you'll learn what I mean quick, fast, and in a hurry! Let alone Portugal? Er, um, no.

From the story it seems that the hero he lives in Lisbon and gets his income from writing in Spanish. Doesn't make sense unless either it was deliberate on the part of the author or more likely, he is unaware that the lingua franca of Lisbon is Portuguese.

Understandable since the author is from the "wrong side of the pond" as we like to refer to our cousins.

Sandra doesn't spend a single day in jail. The evidence is all circumstantial, he's a well known writer and there's no body. So she's happily spending his money and residuals and shacking up with anyone she wants until her divorce for abandonment becomes legal and she's free to re-marry a richer, better looking man. Nice try, but this was a failure to convince.

This story is such bull shit first chapter was ok the second part was just a repeat of chapter one. Please learn to write proper stories. Geez

Don't read this story. It's pure crap. A 14 year old could write better.

OK- you've got a fair start. 1)You didn't explain what happened to the Ex, 2)You didn't explain what happened to her lover. 3)You sure as shit wasn't inventive on how to get remarried. 4)You could have made a "near miss" with the local police, "who just happened to have a cheating wife" so he decides to "lose the paperwork" so they can get married. So print out this almost story, polish it a bit- you're on the right track- and this time, slam out a second chapter.

The guy ends up being unable to marry, gets led on, and divorce/religion is more important than happiness to his partner. So, what changed, really? He went from face down to face up, but he's still getting reamed.

This was good, but I like your decision much better.

Thoughtful well written story.

I liked the premise a lot, but the story felt rushed. I think it would be interesting to follow the legal actions, trial and conviction while he's out of the country. I really wish he had taken the sister into his confidence so he could hear about her protestations of innocence and her boy friend's conviction. Also, hearing more about how he got the false documents and such would be compelling. Still, it was an interesting premise.

Good story, thanks!

You! Are addicted to exclamation points! Calm the fuck down! I can't even imagine a sentence needing an exclamation point more than this one!: "Not wanting to leave my usual mess, I ate out, but no more fast food!" Now that is amazing!

Brilliant!

That's the way to do it.

Adolescent. Are you 14?

I don't get it? Why frame them? How did he frame them? Just disappearing wouldn't get the results he wanted.

The story was good but the author comes across as needing people to be amazed by him. He seems extremely prtentious and while I wouldn't want to be talked down to, his attempt to display his familiarity with Lisbon is overkill. Writing details about ny town/park/island/car/whatever is extremely easy with gooogle/wikipedia and adds very little to the story when not a salient point.

Good premise, which makes a good story line. Now, readers will complain, that you should have lead with the beginning and finished with Maria. I know that's more traditional, but that may be a comment you get.I did question how and why you got dead and then alive, I went back and read it again, and 'John's it hit me what you had done, then you explained it. Good job . Keep writing.

XYZ

One of the really good, inventive stories I’ve found in LW..

What happened to Maria?

Why change the location of the story from the UK to the US? The original story by Wanderer was set in the UK which made it quite classy and with a degree of believability. Changing the setting to the US and making it brash has taken the believability away totally. Now it lacks the sophistication class away.

3 stars - no comment

UTTER bullshit

⭐⭐⭐

Why the switch from the UK to the US? Seems a bit redundant. In my own opinion, I think you should have addressed what happened to Sandra and her lover other than, this is what I did, she's in prison, guess how it all went down. A little unbelievable how his criminal buddy knows a guy that was in the CIA. All in all, it was a great plot, but could have been a bit longer.

Why did you feel it nessecery to repeat shit over and over again in 2 different parts it was basically the same story If you gonna write another part to a story make sure its a countiion from the first chapter not the same damn story as the first chapter it

And he couldn't just produce all the evidence and divorce her because......?