All Comments on 'Nobody Says No to Jake'

Not too bad for a first story but I’d suggest enlisting an editor as there are some errors that can be a little jarring whilst reading. I believe the main issue is that you started writing the story in present tense but then you flit between past and present which can become rather frustrating to read. Personally I find the past tense more enjoyable to read.

If you only plan to write these short stories that are just written to get people off then you’ll probably find most people won’t notice/care, but if this is something you really care about then an editor will make the world of difference.

I did however enjoy the story, it was short but to the point. I enjoyed the naivety of Brian, but would ask that if you write more to keep it as a gay story and not involve the girlfriend

I was trying to give you a 5 star rating and actually hit 1. So sorry, especially because I total believed this story could happen. J

Js

I don't mind that a girl is involved standing between Jake and Brian. But does it make any sense to emphasize that both boys are "straight"? Everyman has different shares of heterosexual as well as homosexual sexuality.

I found the style of this story very nice. I enjoyed especially how Brian's attraction to Jake's cock (which was "standing straight up, rock hard in all its glory", "about to burst", "fit for porn") is described. I wish I could take that cock in my mouth.

Loved your story! I agree with the previous comment regarding tense but to a much lesser extent. I completely disagree about leaving the girlfriend out. That is what really excited me and made your story more unique. I could easily see Jake making both of them his sex toys, together and separately, in future stories. I can't wait to read your next one. D

I personally hope the girlfriends are not involved in the sex scenes, prefer it to be strictly a gay story and not a bi/cuckold one.

But on its own I find it very hot and easy to get off to, and a very good first story. 5 stars.

Looking forward to a followup! I for one am loving the cuckold aspect, hehe.

I love stories about formerly-straight characters who get bent over. I particularly like it when they are "humiliated" that others find out. Your next chapter should please have the three of them fucking and sucking together.

You might enjoy one of my stories.

Donald

My stories:https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=789392&page=submissions