Nobody's Fault But Mine

It was another emotional night; I almost threw my progress away and opened a bottle of whisky. I had it in my hand and was ready to twist the cap, but I thought of Flora and how disappointed she would be if I gave up.

I couldn't let the loss of my children get to me. I already expected I'd have a tough time with them, I didn't expect it would be that bad though.

When your children are young and you're holding them in your arms as they sleep, you promise the world to them. You tell them they can be whatever they want. Go wherever they want to go. You tell them that they will meet a wonderful partner and fall madly in love. You tell them you'll do anything for them at any time. You tell them you'll gladly give your life for theirs.

You don't think that they will grow up and be snotty brats. That's other kids, not yours. Yours will be perfect. Your kids will be the ones who do wonderful things. The ones who will write hit songs, be professional athletes, be the president. Or they will just be happy.

But then something goes wrong somewhere down the line. It happens so gradually you don't even notice. It's okay when they stop playing sports. It doesn't matter when they give up on learning piano. It eventually doesn't matter when they don't do anything except play video games and watch YouTube. It happens so slowly; you don't realize it until it's too late.

It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize that you became the parent you prayed you'd never become.

When you look back at your life, you think the years went by so quickly, but they didn't. Every hour, every day, every month went by so slowly while you're in the moment. You're invincible. Diabetes and heart disease only happens to old people. It was always I'll eat that double cheeseburger and start a diet tomorrow. I'll only have a couple of drinks, but then you're on your third shot. I'll change my life on New Year's Day, but by the Fifth of January, you're making excuses. Life is a cruel joke that no one finds funny.

Then finally, your wife leaves you, your kids hate you, and you want to end it all, but you don't have the guts.

*****

I worked on the sly with Flora starting the next Tuesday. We had to keep it secret, so she didn't get in trouble because she wasn't certified yet. She knew way more than I did, so she gave me a series of exercises to do each day. Let me tell you, they were rough.

I still walked on the treadmill, but only as a warm-up. I started working muscles that were so dormant, they creaked when I used them. I thought I was as sore as I could be after the first few times I walked, but I was a blob of a mess after Flora's first workout. I had to call in sick to work that day.

She laughed when I complained and she said, "No pain, no gain, buddy."

I promised to extract vengeance on her and that only made her laugh harder.

My kids texted everyday begging for forgiveness. Of course, I didn't believe a word of it. The desperation for the car was overriding their dislike of me. They were temporarily sane. It became funny when they started blaming their mother for turning them against me. I thought that was a nice touch, but I didn't budge.

As we came up on the one-month anniversary of my lifestyle changes, I was down twenty-five pounds. I decided to stop looking like a slob and began to shave every day again. I started wearing my older shirts that were a size smaller, and I got a haircut. It amazed me how good it felt to take care of my appearance again.

I was still far too overweight at 340 pounds, but people were noticing, and the positive attention felt good. I hadn't wanted a drink since that night after I took my kids' car, and I was proud of that. I wasn't tempted to cheat on my diet, and I was eating even healthier than at the start of my journey.

Cheryl had to drop the boys off at the house for our next visitation. To say it upset her was an understatement. I met the car in the driveway and asked her if we could talk. She grumbled but agreed.

"Cheryl, I'm doing well on my lifestyle changes."

"Oh?" she acted surprised. I couldn't believe she didn't notice my weight loss, haircut, or clean-shaven face.

"Can we talk about getting back together. I still love..."

"I'm seeing someone," she said cutting me off and cutting my heart out.

I was shocked. I looked at her confused and she looked away.

"Well, I guess that's it then. Goodbye." I forced a smile which was more of a grimace and walked back to the house.

I sat on the cushion in my bay window and noticed she hadn't pulled out of the driveway. It looked like she was crying. A lone tear fell down my cheek as she looked towards the house and made eye contact with me. There was no reaction on her face as she put the car in reverse and backed away.

"Dad?" Pete asked, startling me.

I wiped my cheek and smiled, "What's up?"

"What's the matter?" he asked as he sat on the ledge beside me.

"I hoped your mom would give me another chance, but she said she's seeing someone."

He looked up and saw his brother walk into the room. He frowned and said, "His name is Alan. We thought they were only friends until we moved. As soon as that happened, she started kissing him hello and goodbye."

I shook my head.

"I don't think she cheated on you," he added quickly.

"It doesn't matter, Son. I..."

"You're not going to stop working out, are you?" Liam asked.

I laughed, "No, I'm not going to stop. I've got a different motivation now."

I pulled my phone out of my pocked and texted Flora, "Want to have lunch with my kids?"

"I'd love to." Was her quick response with smiley face emojis.

We exchanged details and I looked at my kids.

"Look, guys. I know things were pretty bad for a while. Can we call a truce and start over? You might not think so, but I love you and miss you badly."

They looked at each other and back to me. "Sure, Dad," Liam said with Pete nodding agreement.

I smiled. "Thank you. We'd better get moving. We're having lunch with a friend of mine."

*****

We walked into the restaurant and Flora waved from a table across the room.

"Holy crap!" Liam shouted.

Pete added, "When you said a friend, we thought you meant some guy. Not a hottie."

I laughed and said, "Yeah, she's cute, isn't she?"

I made the introductions and Flora said, "I was able to get an extended lunch, so we have plenty of time."

Liam and Pete looked at her as if she were a steak and they were starving.

"Great," I said. My kids were still in shocked silence, and I laughed. "Down, boys."

Flora laughed at their embarrassment.

"Boys, Flora is helping me with my weight loss. Much of my progress is due to her."

They nodded wordlessly, making me and Flora laugh again.

"Guys, I wanted you to meet her because now that your mom and I won't be getting back together," Flora's eyes went wide, "I'm going to be seeing a lot more of Flora, outside of the health club."

She smiled, and her expression reminded me of a wolf licking its lips seeing a sheep.

"You guys are dating? No way!" Pete rudely interjected.

"Well, technically no," Flora smirked. "Your dad's been fighting my interest in him."

Liam shook his head in shock. "Wow," he whispered. "He's an idiot."

I should have been offended. Yes, I knew that she was out of my league, and I was already afraid of her motivation regarding me, but when I was younger and thinner, I was a decent looking guy.

"Mom's gonna be pissed," Liam sighed.

"Good," Flora and I said in unison, making everyone laugh.

Liam surprised me by taking a selfie with us in the background. I was more surprised when he put in on Instagram.

"You're gonna start trouble, aren't you?" Flora asked.

Liam smiled and looked at Pete.

"We don't like mom's boyfriend. He thinks his shit...sorry, he thinks he's better than everybody. When mom sees you, she's gonna lose her mind."

"Hey, I gave her a chance today," I said which made Flora glare at me. I shook my head and mouthed, "Later."

She frowned and ate a piece of chicken with anger smoldering in her eyes. "Better look out for that temper," I thought.

"Okay. Just remember that I may have the most blame, your mom could've tried harder to stay married." I didn't believe she ever would have. I never gave her a reason. For a moment, I felt bad and was going to correct that statement, but Liam broke my thoughts.

"Dad, you didn't know Flora before you and mom split, did you?"

"No." Flora snorted. "Your father is not a cheater."

Liam laughed, "Easy, tigress. We're starting to see that Mom may have been cheating on him, so we were just making sure."

Tigress? My sons were too big for their britches sometimes.

"Son," I sighed, "don't go making assumptions. There're things you don't understand, so just don't think your mom is a bad person. Relationships are complicated--and watch your tone with Flora."

"Okay," he groaned.

"Boys, our marriage isn't any of your business. Yes, it impacted you and I get that, but our marriage problems were between me and your mother and will stay that way. Got it?"

They nodded. I didn't want to talk about it any longer, but I didn't want them to hate their mother either.

After lunch, I walked Flora back to her car and she said, "Does this mean you're willing to date me now?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I suppose I could do worse."

She slapped my shoulder and said, "I know you think I have some sort of fixation on you because you look like my brother. You'll see that I like you, and you'll see that I'm not weird."

I laughed and said, "Okay. My kids are going home tomorrow, and I'll be back by six. Do you want to get some dinner?"

"I'd like that," she said and kissed my cheek. "I'll text you tonight."

"Sounds good."

I leaned down to kiss her cheek, but she turned, and my lips found hers. She moaned when I didn't back away and ratcheted it up a notch. I broke the sweet tasting kiss shortly after though as my kids were likely watching.

"That was nice, Ben."

I smiled and said, "See you tomorrow."

*****

After a dinner where my boys and I hashed out our issues, I said, "Pete, grab Monopoly and let's all play."

Pete smirked and ran off to get the game. My kids were Monopoly aces, and we'd spend many a night shuffling around the board as a family. Even Chery enjoyed the game nights.

During dinner, we talked about our issues. They were mostly caused by me, but they understood that they needed to not let things bother them to the point where they became someone they weren't. They were good kids, and they needed to handle their issues better.

There were apologies all around, and a bunch of forgiveness was served up as a side dish. It was better than the smothered baked potatoes.

"Ready to get your butt kicked, Dad?" Pete said as he set the game on the table.

"No way, kiddo. You're in trouble tonight," I said as I passed out the money.

Liam grabbed the car token and said, "Hey, Dad? How about if I win, we get the car back?"

"Boys, I'm gonna give you the car back."

"Yes!" they exclaimed as they high fived.

"Wait!" I added and continued, "You need to understand that it's a privilege to have the car, not a right. It's not yours, it's mine."

Pete said, "We know. We're sorry. We were just mad at you for breaking up our family, and for the other stuff. We won't do it again."

I frowned, but I did break up our family by being so disconnected from everyone, especially my wife. I knew the other stuff he mentioned was the drinking and general laziness.

The boys ganged up on me and took immense joy in knocking me out of the game first. I raised a couple of ruthless Monopoly players and was proud of them. Watching them circle the board and implement every strategy I taught them made me smile, albeit while being on the receiving end of their viciousness.

We had a family rule for game night, and no one left the table until the game was over. Even if they were out of the game first. It was implemented to reinforce in them that just because the game was over for them, it didn't mean that family night was over. The entire point was for us to spend time together. It was too bad we didn't do more family nights.

When Pete landed on Marvin's Gardens owned by Liam with a hotel, the game was over. Pete tried to squirm and negotiate his way out of it, but my robber baron oldest child merely laughed. As I was the first out, by tradition, I had to clean up the game mess and the boys ran off to play games on their phones.

I sat on the couch, put on a Salma Hayek movie, and texted Flora.

"I am officially bankrupt."

"What? Oh, no. I'm gonna kick your wife's ass."

I laughed and responded, "LOL! No, my boys just kicked my butt in Monopoly."

"As they should."

"Ben, when did you think you lost your wife. I mean the first time."

What a question, I thought.

"Can we talk?"

My phone rang almost immediately.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked without saying hello.

"Oh, Ben. Because love doesn't die instantly."

I sighed. "I don't know exactly for sure. There was one time I slapped her ass. That was our thing. I smacked her butt. But that one time, she didn't react the same way. Instead of being playful, she was annoyed. I challenged her on it and made her own up to her shitty reaction. Her response was that she thought I was an asshole. Before that, my smacking her butt would be foreplay. I was devastated."

"I'm so sorry, Ben."

"Yeah, that's okay. Don't worry about it."

"Good night, sweetie. See you tomorrow," she said.

I set my phone on the table and sighed. I wondered what I was doing. Flora was so far out of my league she may as well have been Salma Hayek.

*****

My son's Instagram post set off the hornet's nest I thought it would. Cheryl called me the next morning on fire.

"You said you wanted to try again, and later that day, you're with your new girlfriend? Fuck you, Ben!"

"Just hold on, ex-wife! You said you were already seeing someone. I'm moving on. I gave you a chance, but you've hurt me enough. And by the way? How long have you been seeing Alan?"

There was no response, and then the call ended. I thought that was telling.

Life went on, and Flora worked me into a firm pile of mush. My body was getting smaller, my muscles getting firmer, but I was working to exhaustion.

Flora and I dated, but she refused to have sex with me until my divorce was final. She believed in the sanctity of marriage. It was a big plus in her favor.

On the day my divorce was final, I had lost seventy-two pounds total. I couldn't have imagined that in less than eight months, I'd have done that, and I was still going.

I was almost in XL shirts, my waist was as thin as it'd been in decades, I was off my medications, and I had Flora on my arm.

I got the mail, and my copy of the recorded final divorce decree was in there. I took a picture and texted it to Flora.

I was on my phone looking for dinner reservations, ten minutes later, when my front door flew open.

Flora stood there in her ubiquitous workout clothes with an animalistic look in her eyes.

"Hey, hon! Did you get my..."

She crossed the room in an instant and planted her mouth onto mine.

Our tongues danced and her hands dropped to my belt. I couldn't believe how quickly she had my pants and boxer briefs around my ankles.

She took my hard dick in her hand and stroked it, never breaking the kiss.

"Take me to your bedroom, or fuck me right here on your table, but I want this cock in me now!"

"Really?" I teased. "I'm not sure I..."

"I've been waiting for this for too long. FUCK ME NOW!"

"Yes, dear."

I picked her up and carried her to my bedroom. When I set her on the bed, I took my shirt off and gazed into her hungry eyes.

I took her shoes and socks off, then her leggings.

"God, these are sexy!" I said as I slid them down. They were the ones with what looked like stockings sewn in. I loved a woman in stockings.

Her pink thong was darker between her legs where her wetness discolored the fabric. As I pulled them down, she lifted off her shirt and sports bra, freeing her beautiful breasts.

"I can't believe this is happening," I said as I leaned in to kiss her.

Her tongue pressed into mine and her hand grabbed my ass, pulling me into her.

"Inside," she said as she kissed me.

I tried not to laugh at her urgency, but she was acting crazed...in a good way.

She held me until I was pressed into her wet and waiting pussy. I'm no porn star, but she was tighter than I'd ever felt. I didn't remember Cheryl being that tight when we were virgins. She certainly wasn't that tight in her forties.

"You feel so good, Ben," she sighed as I worked my way inside her. "I've wanted this for so long."

"Me too, baby. You've got the tightest pussy I've ever made love to."

I embraced her as we kissed, and I thrust myself in and out of her vice grip. Months before, I would have been too large to hold her like that and I had long since been too fat for comfortable missionary with Cheryl.

That thought of Cheryl made me angry, then I thought of her fucking around on me with that Alan asshole and began to pound into Flora with pent up anger.

"Oh, shit! Yes! Yes! Fuck me harder, Ben! Harder, I'm so...Ah!"

She trembled beneath me, as she locked her lips onto mine. Her pussy rippled along my thrusting shaft, pulling my own relief out of me.

"Shit, baby! I'm going to cum."

"Inside, Ben. I want you to fill me," she stuttered. "Fill me, love. I love you so much."

I groaned and pushed as deeply as I could into her, releasing shot after shot of my many months' worth of potent seed.

"Holy crap, Ben! You're..."

I silenced her with a kiss, then rolled to her side. She scooted back to the headboard and began fingering her pussy.

"Sorry, sweetie. Didn't you..."

She cut me off.

"I came really good, Ben. I'm pushing all your leaking goo back inside."

I laughed and said, "Let me get a washcloth for you. I'm sorry, I'm a bit out of practice. My etiquette will come back to me."

She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back down.

"Don't. I don't want it wiped up; I want it inside. I..."

"You're not on the pill, are you?" I asked.

She shook her head with a smile.

"I love you, Ben. It's not the right time of my cycle to get me pregnant, so don't worry. I just want to pretend you've done it."

I pulled her into my side, and said, "I wouldn't mind it. I do love you; you know."

"I love you too, Ben. I always will."

"You know? I was making dinner reservations before you jumped my bones earlier. I'm not all that hungry now except for you."

"We haven't even begun yet, honey. I hope you know I'm spending the night."

I laughed and said, "I want you to spend every night."

I rolled over to my nightstand and pulled out a box.

"I was going to do this at dinner, but I suppose this is...sort of romantic."

I opened the box and she gasped, then nodded her head yes as she started crying.

"I didn't get to ask yet," I mock complained.

"I don't care, I'm saying yes anyway."

She kissed me and I could feel the wetness of her tears on my cheeks.

I pulled back, took her hand, and slid the ring on.

I said, "Will you love me and let me love you forever, my love. Not to be corny, but you make me better and I'll need you forever."

We hugged and she whispered, "Yes."

"So, you want children, then?" I teased.

"Lots of them."

"I'm an old man though."

She kissed me and said, "You're not old, my love. Just older."

I rubbed her clit for a few seconds, then pushed my leaking cum from her pussy insider her as she was a moment before.

"Okay," I said. "But just three."

She squealed and climbed on top of me. I couldn't believe I found a way to be happy again.