All Comments on 'Nooner'

But good. No cum slurping or slut wives. Just a loving wife and cousin.

At least this was a funny flash story...3*

Of the story of the first major character when it had little to do with the second?

You need to expand the first story to encompass the second story somehow or get rid of it and go with the second. Otherwise it's two slightly related stories pasted together. It just doesn't make much sense. 2*

A story we read with a smile...And I liked the end: "If I ever enter politics, I'm sponsoring laws making lunch two hours long"! 3*

Just seemed kind of childish, or pointless. I mean, its fine he's getting all the pussy he's getting, but I kind of wonder why, how it started, and what is the end game? You know, kind of like a story, with a beginning, a dramatic and/or suspenseful plot, and a resolution of some sort. This read more like a commercial for a story that is being written for later production.

You laid the groundwork for a story, started your character development and set the stage then you went home.

Your style is halfway decent. Work on hanging some meat on the skeleton.

ZZZZ

Well written technically. However, the problem is that there is no way that the narrator would know about Webb's arrangement with the wife and cousin in law at the time of the telling. So, there's really no story, just a recitation of facts, with no answer as to how the relator of the facts got them. I'll anxiously await more.

and very, very good!

So far so good. Let's hope this is not the actual end of the story.

Didn't make any sense to me; what was the point?

That was very disappointing. Not much of a story to it. 2 stars