Nordberry Nosh

She was surprised by my diatribe, and my apology, too, I saw it in her face. I'd been pretty strong with her, and apologizing was obviously an admission of weakness, something she didn't tend to do.

We sat there a long while, maybe five silent minutes, just staring at each other. I was thinking through what I'd said, and what she could be thinking.

Finally, she looked up, and I could see she had tears in her eyes. She said, "What. Exactly what do I need to do, to ... help this? To... help you... love me."

I just said, "Let me think."

To be fair, I was thinking.

After a minute, I said, "The strongest people admit weakness quickly, because they know doing so doesn't make them weaker. I think you need to show weakness. What that means to you, I can't tell you. You have to find it. Or, I could tell you, but it wouldn't be real, you would just go through the motions, nothing learned, back to square one. You have to find it. Find your weaknesses. Show them to me. Show them to others."

She sniffed, not quite crying, but close. I got her a tissue box, and sat in the chair by her side, not sure what was going to happen.

It occurred to me as I walked I wasn't erect anymore. This was an emotional load and for some reason, that interfered with my arousal. In retrospect, this makes perfect sense, but at the time it was mildly confusing - Mads wasn't just naked, she had just told me she loved me, and I probably could have walked her to my bed, right around the corner.

I was still a virgin, though, and so was she, and I didn't want this to be our 'losing it' context.

She blew her nose, set the tissues aside on a piece of paper and not my table, apparently thinking I was a neat freak because of the 'fold it' thing.

After she did, though, she turned back to face me, and leaned forward, arms open, and hugged me. We sat there, side by side, awkwardly hugging while sitting, just being there, with each other.

She started crying.

I didn't know what to say, so I just held her. The sobs were slow and intermittent, but I didn't have any sense of them being fake. She really was in some kind of torment.

Gradually it slowed, and she blew her nose, but kept on with the hug.

After it seemed like she was mostly done, she leaned back in the chair, relaxed for once, her tension gone. I could see all of her front, and she made no attempt to block it with her hair, or arms, or anything.

It was a start, I thought.

She said, "I'm... thinking maybe I'd like to... socially, maybe, hang out with you for a while? Clothed... or not? ... Saturday?"

I said, "Would have to be Sunday. I'm busy with D&D on Friday, and after the track meet Saturday I'm gonna be tired." I left out Jo coming over on Saturday. "So, it has to be Sunday. Maybe in the afternoon? I'll be at mass until like 12:30."

This prompted a discussion of religion, and why I went, and all that. Her parents were really conservative evangelicals, but she'd figured out a way to not go to church after about 8th grade despite all their entreaties.

(I found out later she'd threatened to get a nose ring and a tattoo if they forced her to go, and they had relented, except for holidays like Easter and Christmas.)

We got up and got dressed, closed books, packed stuff away, and she went to the bathroom for a long while with her purse - and came out with renewed makeup and a more businesslike manner.

Going upstairs, my mom was in the kitchen and we said hello again. Mom knew that Both Dani and Mads were doing the 'study naked' thing, but she didn't let on and was very nice to Mads.

For her part, as much as Mads had been curt and perfunctory with Mom before, this was more of a 'what'cha cookin'?' trade of information and a seemingly genuine interaction.

I showed Mads off (led her to the door) and watched her drive away, lost in thought, before going back into the kitchen.

Mom said, "So. I heard something from downstairs, but I didn't go down."

"Really."

"There are sounds that are ... unmistakable."

I nodded, wondering where this was going.

"Tutoring, you say."

I chuckled, "Like I said a while back. Studying naked. She's ... been, in the past, incredibly stuck up and hurtful, to lots of people. So, if she was naked, I figured she wouldn't be as mean to me. It sort of worked, mostly."

Mom said, "In about 4th grade, girls are mean because they don't know how to show affection."

"Not there anymore. But, she did say she hated me today."

Mom's eyebrows went up.

"And, she's right to. I make life uncomfortable for her. She ... also... said she loves me."

Mom put down what she was holding and gave me her full attention. "__And___?"

"I said, thank you. I said, I don't know what to do yet, that I loved ... lots of people, including her, but life is complicated sometimes."

Mom was looking at me sideways, like she was trying to figure out if this was the right or wrong thing to say. "Did it work?"

I took a long breath and sighed, "Don't know. Not sure I trust her yet. I told her that she has to show weakness before I can trust her."

Mom shook her head and said, "I don't know how I could raise a wise one. Agile and handsome? Check. Smart? Capable? Organized? Checks. Fast? Sure. Wise is harder. Might be ephemeral. Watch it. You might turn into a Republican." Some of Mom's worst insults involved turning into a Republican. Her father was from the States, and that was a thing there, some kind of family insult.

We were Canadian; we had the Conservatives, sorta like Republicans, but a lot less extreme.

"Right. Thank you, though."

Her eyes narrowed. "You've dodged the question, though. The sound."

I answered, "The sound."

She just waited.

"Yeah. I'm not going to explain that."

She nodded and gave me a hug.

As she pulled away, she said, "No explanations needed, really, Kev. As long as you're being safe about it, giving her space to always say no, that's ... okay, I guess. Might want to turn on the radio, though."

"Yeah."

She paused. "That other girl, ... Dani?"

"Yeah!"

"She was over... yesterday?"

I laughed, "I told both of them early that when I broke up with Gail, it hurt bad. I don't want to get into a relationship, so this is just tutoring."

"Both of them?"

I knew the real question. "Yes. Both naked. But, please, don't tell anyone outside the house, it might be, uh, reputation... gossipped about? You know."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Thanks, mom."

She wanted another hug, and I did, again, and again, turned to the side. Even with jeans, my boner was up and proud. I'd had afterimages of Mads after she left; I spent a lot of the day with a boner, but I didn't want to have that anywhere near my Mom.

I went downstairs again, and fixed that.

== Chapter: Meets ==

School was mostly normal the next day, but again, I started noticing that more and more girls were noticing me.

Logically, it might have been confidence from Mads and Dani experiences, but I didn't really know.

It was definite, though. It wasn't just girls in chorus watching me, it was happening in other classes, too.

Our D&D group meetup was at Grace's house, her basement was nice but totally cluttered with crap no one should want.

We'd been there before lots of times, it wasn't unusual, and we had our normal thing going.

The D&D campaign continued; we had an even bigger blast than normal. I paid attention to the group dynamics on more high-alert than I usually did, and Dani seemed like she was being distinctly less sarcastic than normal, which I counted that as a win.

Mid-game during a break, I walked away from Dani to the kitchen, then texted her.

I should explain what my pattern was with Dani for our study sessions, to give our then-current 'non-relationship' some context.

We had settled into a pattern where as soon as Dani got to my place on Wednesdays, she'd strip down at the same time I did, but we'd just go and sit down and do 10 or 15 minutes of work, our 'Stage One'.

Then, she'd give me a blowjob because she loved to taste my cum. I didn't object.

We'd do stage 2, another 15 to 30 minutes of math (though she was getting caught up to where I was so it was doing less and less good over the weeks). Then, I'd lay her down, usually on my bed, legs over the side, and lick her until she came, sometimes shouting into a pillow.

I turned on a radio to cover this, most of the time (I admit, I forgot a couple of times).

After that, I'd lie with her for a little while, we'd get up and do the last 15 minutes of math, then do a stage 3. That was another BJ for me, because I was always up until that second BJ, regardless, and sometimes stay that way after it.

Then, we'd talk a little bit, and she'd dress-pack-leave.

My texting was across the room - a long way for a short message: "Just checking, all ok w u? U seem normal, I m nrml, all seems good 2 me, mi rite?"

She texted back, "Yz all ok. Im gooood today. Warm feelz, always. Ys all nrml. Keep same."

Encouraging, I thought, and we returned to our game.

Grace, though, was more outrageous than I'd seen her in a long time. Sure, some of the guys in the group really liked her that way, swearing a lot, burping loudly, being just as outrageous as chaotic-neutral in-game as out of game, so you never knew what she'd do next.

Some of the jokes Grace made were at my expense and presumed I was 'doing it' with Mads, and Mads was a slut or a bitch, just because she'd talked to me semi-privately that one day at lunch.

This put me in a spot, especially after the third one. I couldn't ignore it anymore.

Really, I couldn't defend Mads, because obviously Mads hadn't been a nice person to any of them (and many others) and we all knew it. But, I couldn't agree with Grace (and the others) because I'd seen a different aspect of Mads by then. Add to that, the insults had presumed Mads was sick, diseased, evil, and sleeping around.

It also just seemed _wrong_.

Piling on and insulting someone when no one would defend them, that seemed seriously unethical. Recounting mistakes and counting emotional bruises she'd created, sure, that's fair game, but inventing new ones, and new characteristics? No.

I said, "Grace," and waited for her to look at me. The table quieted, they knew my voice when I got like that. "Madison has problems, sure. So Do You. Get off her case. Don't go slut-shaming anyone, nice or not, while I'm around, kay? About anyone, not just Madison - Anyone, IRL, bad plan. Major party foul, my book. Stick to what you know - farting."

This got some "oooOOOOooo" comments from the others, and she noticed but rolled her eyes in a mean way and went on to an unrelated topic.

We broke at midnight 'cuz I had to get up for a track meet.

After I got home, I got a text from Dani saying. She said, "Thinking of you. I know, no relationships."

I replied back, "Thanks. Like I said, everyone I tutor, I love them. You're in excellent company."

She replied with a thumbs up, a heart, and a sleep-Z.

Saturday morning, our first track meet of the season went kind of amazingly for me.

It was a dual meet in a town about a half-hour away, with a small Christian college that had more women than men because it was more of a vocational training place.

Most of our neighboring cities were smaller, we were definitely the biggest town in the area, and there weren't that many other colleges to compete with.

The point wasn't to see what team would win (the typical point system), but to just do your best.

I got a PR in the 3200m ("personal record", my fastest time ever at that distance), even beating out Bruce, a teammate who'd always been faster than me. I felt really good, and I had the lead for so much of the race that if I could have pushed it farther but I wanted to still have some left for the 1600m (about a mile), later.

Turns out, I did _another_ PR (personal record) in the 1600! I felt really strong through the races, like I just knew I had this, and my stride just felt more coordinated and graceful compared to previously. Of course, coming out of running on ice and snow (outside was still messy some days) anyone would feel more sure-footed.

We took a bus there and back both to save hassle for all of us driving and because the pole vaulters couldn't bring poles in their cars.

Dana and Jo sat near me, as did Kim, a tall red-haired hurdler who had flashy eyes like she was always trying to get into some kind of trouble. They had been hanging around together for as long as I remembered.

I was in the middle of reading Dante's inferno, for English lit class, and I really liked it so I was mostly ignoring them. Jo mentioned to both of them, while I was officially not paying attention, that she was having trouble in math, the dyslexia thing, but that she and I were going to do some tutoring later, 'and he's really smart so maybe that'll help.'.

I didn't know if that was true, exactly, but I was happy to hear and pretended not to notice.

Someone had to rearrange seats a while later (the bus ride was at least half an hour) and near the end of it, Kim was sitting next to me. My side-eye, looking down at my book, included staring into the open part of her zip-front sweatshirt and catching a little view of her clothed and covered but decent-sized bustline.

This did nothing but inspire me, and for the rest of the ride, my book was positioned to hide my very erect schlong.

Ug.

We got back and I walked home, about 2 km so not bad, crunching in the snow and liking the bright sunlight and happy-float of having done better than I expected.

I hadn't set up a time exactly with Jo, firmly, but I thought it was going to be about 5.

Instead, when I walked past Jo's house, I saw her door open, and both her and Kim walked out. They must have driven or gotten a ride from campus, I thought, and I kicked myself for not asking her for a ride.

Not knowing what was up, I just kept walking, but they came down the steps and fell in walking beside me, so I stopped. "Hey... are we ... doing this now?"

Jo said, "I thought you said, right after the track meet, so... And, Kim is busy later, so this works out? I thought, maybe she could sit in, and see how we worked, and maybe she'd want tutoring, too, then."

I didn't really want Kim there, for obvious reasons, so I said, "Kim, if you ask any questions, it's going to be $40 for you, too..."

Kim shrugged and said, "Uh, Okay. I'll either be silent, or, I'll get a check from my mom later."

We walked up the steps to my house and just before we went inside, I said, "I have to warn you, I haven't showered yet, I'm not..."

Jo said, "We sat next to you on the bus, stupid. Whatever it is, you smell _amazing_. No worries."

I had come in the door with two pupils instead of one (their backpacks indicating they were there to study), and Mom's raised eyebrows told me she suspected immediately that things might be more complicated than I could handle.

I laughed at her look but didn't say anything. Mom knew both Jo and Kim, they'd both been over a lot when we were younger, living next to each other. Kim had been Jo's best friend for ages, so they'd both been to my house lots of times, though more years-ago than recently.

We headed downstairs and I closed the normally-open basement stairway door behind me with a click that sounded (for emotional reasons) more loud than it was in reality.

Jo had been in my basement, but not since I'd made a nicer TV / kitchen / bedroom out of it, and Kim got the tour, too.

I was glad I made my bed that morning!

We all sat down at the table, and Jo and Kim got out backpacks.

I started off with, "Let's start this off with where you are, do 15 minutes of tutoring, and you tell me then if you feel it's worth it. If you don't like it then, we can stop, no cost, no worries, everybody's happy, right?"

They both agreed to that, and Jo started with her homework problem-confusions.

Very quickly I spotted some big misunderstandings from the starting point, and led her through the thought process instead of just telling her.

The smiles I got back were huge.

Kim, who'd had it before and was in trig (also behind, sorta), sat and watched.

At the end of almost 25 minutes, really, I paused us and asked Kim if she thought I was actually helping Jo.

She said "Yes, definitely! More than that, I got where you were going, it's easier to understand that way." She went on to agree she was totally game, and wanted to keep going.

Jo's face was like she'd been thirsty and now had drunk a glass of water. "Yes," she said, "This Is Good. Best ... however-many geometry minutes ever."

I pulled back and said, "Well. Then, so, if we're going to make it official, we should talk about the ground rules for the lessons. First one is, my parents and sister are right upstairs, so no yelling too loud, it's quiet down here but sound can carry, okay?"

They nodded, sure.

"Second, no part of what I'm tutoring you with, anything about this, is public or shared. Whatever happens in here, stays in here. Absolute honesty, about Everything, no matter how small. I don't, and you don't, repeat anything. Trust is important, so you know, no embarrassment over anything, head up and eyes wide, if you don't get something, say so, quick, and we won't go anywhere until you're ready."

Kim asked, "Honesty? Total honesty? Like, if you ask... private stuff, we have to answer?"

I shrugged, "Don't have to. But, if I can't trust you, it's hard to help you. So, yeah, utterly open attitude, no barriers. Same goes for me, I have to be honest, too. But, really, we'll figure out where the problems are and fix them."

They nodded, and I went on. "Getting good, it won't be easy, you'll have homework from me, between sessions, and if you don't do it, I'll know you aren't serious, and I might drop you because you're wasting our time. It might be super-boring, because I'm going to want you to do the same problems several times, over several days, even though you've done them. This is so you can get super-fast on them, and then it'll be so easy later you can't believe it."

Jo sat up more straight, her inhale generating a smile, and I think she was appreciating my smell, as strange as that sounds. She said, readily agreeing, "Okay, got it. Open. No barriers, honest, private. No telling. Work. I get it, makes sense."

Kim shook her head, like, whatever, silly rule, but then agreed, too.

I got the idea that Kim was more private than Jo. Sure, Kim's more outgoing aspect made it seem like she was open like that, she didn't share her details a lot and just seemed like she was a lot more body-shy. Since I had a lascivious ulterior motive with Jo (not that she knew it), I thought, 'hey, if I am forthright with the Payment Method thing, she'll bail and it'll just be me and Jo.'

Taking a breath, I said, "Now, here's the last thing. So. I have a person I'm tutoring who is... not trustworthy, emotionally. I mean, she takes advantage of people. She's not going to blab, necessarily, or whatever, but I decided I needed to put her in a position where she was vulnerable, but not threatened, if you know what I mean."

Jo was confused, her face showed it. Kim, too.

"Okay, let me be frank. I had to say to her, and to everyone I tutor, that everybody has the same rules. Ethically, gotta do that, it's not fair otherwise, right?"

They nodded.

I said, "So, this is a doozie. And, I'm taking a risk by offering this to both of you, at the same time, if you go off and blab to people. But, here goes. I'm tutoring several people, and you'll never know who it was that accepted this offer, or NOT, but yes, someone has. The offer is an alternate payment arrangement. The price might not be $40."

Jo squinted a little, but smiled, "And this arrangement is?"