All Comments on 'Not A Bad Way To Live'

A happy ending is always nice to read and I think the author has accomplished giving us readers a very good story.

Thanks for the nice read.

I think you are making assumptions about what a happy ending might be. A happy ending could have taken several directions since the perceived happiness is in the person reading and their expectations. While happy, this is more like a Disney ending...

guess the setting is 2026 or 2027????????

I''m a sucker for a happy ending too. Although I have to agree with the poster who points out this has to take place in the future since there is discussion of a technology that hasn't even been invented yet, back when they first met.

Good story, but maybe a little drawn out. We get his point of view, her testimony, which is her point of view, and then much of this is repeated in their conversation.

It's often good to discuss the cross cultural differences as is something that European-Americans are not so familiar with, it adds a good back story. Many Asian marriages are arranged, and work fine.

I think some back story on her improving his bedroom skills would have been a good addition. A bit of sex is always nice in these stories especially when it complements the story line.

I enjoyed the story, and look forward to your next one.

How old were the kids, nice idea for a story but poorly told and people like don don't exist and if they do next time give him a brain.

If the kids came along at the times you stated then at the time of the divorce they should have been in their late tens & would not have needed to be picked up & droped off for visitation.

I thought the story was a pretty clear picture of the problems of culture clash in marriage. A young woman growing up in a Communist China would probably be mistified by the ways of Western society.

Liked your story very much. Looking forward to another one from your Pen!

your first story is 8 pages of vile unreadable crap. It was a fucking nightmare. This one is not nearly as bad. But is was still not good.

why wont the Idiot husband even consider a paternity test ?

Saying " dont go there" is not a reason. Given all the info he has found out the husband actions not remotely believeable.

Clearly this is a marriage based on the wife having ALL the power. The very first contact they had... where she asks him about why he has been avoiding here was a lie.

her ex boyfirend excuse waa lie.

the reason for no children was a lie.

What she thought of him sexually was really harsh and downright cruel.

The wife may in some way actually sort of ...kind of .. love her husband. But would YOU be surprised if there were more secrets in her background?

Yes, I liked the story. It was generally well told and far better than your first effort, so your praise of your editor is well founded.

I would like to make a few suggestions, though, to maybe help you tighten up future stories.

1. It is, in my opinion, vital that you find the voice in which to tell the story AND STICK WITH IT. Here, you told the story from separate first-person POVs. This can be jarring. Worse, it takes all suspense--and thus conflict, which is the centerpiece of stories--out of the picture. It would've been better to have stuck with hubby's POV all the way through. Allow dialogue between them to explain her feelings and then show the impact that dialogue--first doubting, then gradually dawning belief, then complete belief--to result in your conclusion. Unfortunately, by the time we read wifey's side of events, we already knew how it was going to end.

2. While I, too, love a happy ending, you still must have believable characters. While both of these characters have a degree of believability, neither is fully fleshed out. Hubby is so incredibly virtuous I get the feeling he's always been perfect and never done anything wrong. Wifey is similarly one-dimensional. Give them quirks, hobbies, unexplained bursts of anger or doubt based on their childhood. Here, you gave the wife her doubt based on childhood, but you just dropped it on us. Better to have given us hints throughout the story then finally explain it at the end.

3. Finally, USE MORE DIALOGUE. As you can tell just by reading this incredibly long-winded comment, descriptive prose--particularly long paragraphs of prose describing dialogue rather than actually setting forth the dialogue--takes away the reader's pleasure in solving the puzzle your story presents at the beginning. Also, dialogue--the way people talk, what they say and don't say, and so on--is a great way to flesh out characters. By using only descriptive prose to do this, you've already solved all of the puzzles and, thus, taken away layers of your characterizations and any conflict and suspense that could've been built.

Still, this was an excellent effort and I strongly encourage you to continue. As with everything, you will only get better with practice.

Your characters; plots; and execution are outstanding in both stories up until the point where you lobotomize your protagonists. Once they are rendered incapable of recognizing even a single entendre, the story goes from excellent to excrement. Ask your editor to level with you and show you where to throw away the ending and leave a superb story with a cliffhanger.

yes, I noted the discrepancy in the children's ages. That's something an editor would probably catch.

Other than that, the story was quite believable.

There are readers on this site that are so misogynistic (HIV for example) that they cannot believe a woman's words, even if told from the woman's POV. What, she's lying to herself?

They were married for 25 years. If she didn't love him, then why did she remain married to him beyond the originally planned upon time limit?

Why did she have children when she had stated that she would never have children with the husband? And don't say it was because the children were not her husband's. She was on birth control. She could easily have screwed around without getting pregnant.

Well done, double_entendre. There are certain 'readers' on this site who will never be pleased by your work. There are other readers who actually look at a story based upon its merits. This was well written and original.

'nuff said.

Either your editor is sloppy, or (I suspect) you went back and undermined her efforts.

You claim this is your second 'positing.'

The divorce is one party 'verses' another.

Kim was 'caring' a child when pregnant.

They would 'surly' have been in 'Genus.'

He kissed her 'naval' region.

Need I go on? And these are just the most glaring errors. Sentence construction is poor, metaphors badly drawn, and so on.

Let's not even get into the different POVs as delineated by the tags. Within one 'Don Speaks' section, you flip between first and third person freely.

You need to get an editor who has time to work with you, learn to develop a story, and post something worthwhile. This was a waste of time.

Just a common plot in Loving Wives with the addition of too many words and bad writing.

Enjoyed the story and though it was very good, especially for a newer writer. There was one glaring glitch however.

Before they were married and when the story referred to the red tape involved immigration the reference was made to how it has become more difficuly after 9/11. It was established in the opening of the story that they had been married 25 years. That doesn't add up, as 9/11 evvents took place only 10 years ago.

Very nice story, but little things like that should have been caught and corrected prior to publishing.

It is plausible that long term exposure to someone can cause a person to change their opinion or even "fall in love".

It was obvious this was a story told by one person, but it was well told and it did get a response from me. So well done and hope to see more in the future.

You're not a bad writer, and this could have been a good story. But some basic flaws ruined it. First, as others have said, the time line is way off. If this story takes place after 9/11, then 25 years into the marriage means it's at least 2026, and that just too far in the future to assume that anything is the same as it is in 2011. Also, the kids should be in their late teens, well past the age when they need constant supervision, yet they appear to be children. There are also the many misspellings and poor word usages, plus the switching of voice. Pick a voice and a tense and stick with it. Finally, these aren't characters, they're caricatures. There is nothing to suggest that there is any substance to either of them. You get a 3 for your effort, and that's generous.

This is a lovely story-and with a most positive ending!

I liked it I really did. We are mostly amatures who write here and for some reason some of the readers don't seem to understand it.

Story was well written and kept my interest. I always ask myself 'What would most people do in the same circumstances'. I believed they might react the same way your characters did.

Forget the negative comments and keep writing.

With respect

DG Hear

double_entendre can be two people sharing... or one person who has opened some metaphysical doorways/pathways to internally communicate. The dynamics of one person authorship is too dependent upon that internal meta-physician; however if this is a two/three person effort - contributions may improve if one becomes less dominant or the other more assertive. Upon re-reading and recognizing the frequent re- enforcement of the subjective nature that had me sitting at my computer bawling (for quite some time). I feel this was intentional, cleansing and refreshing - and much appreciated. However as pointed out with other comments - editorial objectivity left something to be desired - hence it might work when you have created artistic subjectivity that you let it age a day or two then re-address the objectivity, punctuation etcetera.

Good story!!

Its nice to read this type of story/drama where it isn't the wife being a complete out of control whore that is causing the divorce. I'm not a fan of reconciliation since I prefer torching the bitch but this story was a really pleasant change of pace.

I enjoyed the story. I appreciate some of the other comments and would agree with the one's about POV, fuller character development, and dialog. The long mental discussions can become preachy monologues. I really like the explanation for her behavior. She comes from a culture and specific background that has taught her to be unemotional and selfish. This is very believable. But it is also clear that she is now a different person. It is up to her husband if he can accept the way their relationship started. I think he is far too accepting and wimpy. Almost anyone would have been angry about such a deception. She needs to be confronted about what she has done. Her confession was well done but doesn't make things OK. His immediate acceptance is artificial. I have no problem with the eventual reconciliation but immediate acceptance and forgiveness and wholeness is childish writing. You spent a lot of time setting up the problem (perhaps too much). Spend more time on the solution. Fixing broken things often takes longer than it takes to break them.

To me there were a few problems.

I could get past the time line thing. Often what I do first is write down what I want the time line to be and then check to see if that matches through out the story.

I can get past the ages of the children. I do the same thing as above with the character's ages. That way if I have to reference an age of a character a various times, I just look at the top of the story to see what they should be.

But what I have a problem with is the way the characters were designed.

You designed Don as a well screwed over, played, but romantic fool who believed everything his wife was telling him because he was so attracted to her. You designed him from the start as someone who was basically unattractive that no one wanted to start a relationship with.

Then you designed the wife's character as the hot girl who went after him with both gun, but before that she had no use for him "until" she needed a green card. Then she tricked him into marrying her. She "refused" to have his children until she couldn't put it off any longer. But by then she'd already ridiculed him to her friends.

By the story's end she didn't actually have feelings for him until near last few years of their marriage. The bulk of their 25 years together she was planning her escape from this barely passable human being, where she couldn't wait to upgrade him to a more luxurious and better looking model.

For me that was a problem.

While making Don character (sorry but true) basically a romantic loser, you turned around and then gave the wife's character "zero" redeeming qualities. Having her willing to tell the court what she's done after a life time of selfish actions really doesn't help her.

For me, to make it a better love story, you need more redeeming actions by her. Having Don so in love with her he'll take anything she throws down as long as she stays with him doesn't make him look strong as much as it makes him look desperate to not be on his own again.

I don't think your a bad writer, actually you have a lot of promise, but you might want to consider working on the character development a bit more. Don't make the readers hate your character for well over 3/4 of the story and "then" try to make them like her in just a few short paragraphs.

Take the same amount of time that you used to make us "dislike" her to make us "like" her. That way the reader feels good about the main character giving her another chance after she hosed him so badly.

And using a single scene change where she does a "single" positive action doesn't make up for multiple negative actions over the course of the story. Not enough to call it a happy ending to be honest.

-Risq

The plot and the characters seemed quite credible - but there are still a lot of errors not only of spelling and grammar: The children must have been at least eigthteen by the time of the divorce proceedings, but in the story they are treated like little ones (send to their rooms to play, guarded by their grandparents for visitation). During the court scene, the POV changed several times when "he" should be telling. There were also unnecessary repeatings of her story almost with the same words.

...just to let you know how to improve! Keep on writing!

This is your story to tell, so if you like happy endings, then go for it and to hell with those who don't.

My comments are usually not technical. There are sufficient editors and actual authors responding who are better qualified to address those issues. However, as a "reader," it is my raison dtre to be emotionally moved by a story. Your story, while not perfect, did just that.

You have a talent that can only get better by continuing to write. I hope you will carry on.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

For having not much experience at writing stories, you've done a very good job. You did however repeat Kim's story at the end, I guess for emphasis. Keep writing. You have originally and your English is excellent. An enjoyable story and one that is easy to follow.

Second story my butt. You have been writing a long time. This was a GREAT READ !!!!!!!!!! Thanks!!

Ok I am a sucker for a happy ending - plausiable. You created a situation that could have gone either way. I am glad and had the emotional response that you went with a happy ending. Since as you pointed out so much of life can be a "shit sandwich". You did some research and created a good story with creditable character that were believeable. Well done with the POV of both. A situational wrinkle in the story for me was Don's parents would have spoken to Don about stopping the divorce after she confessed everything to them.

All around good story an enjoyable read and well worth time reading.

Thanks for posting will have to check for other stories and look forward to more of your efforts.

the ending was a nice twist

It was a nice read. The scenario had an interesting twist to it. The pain that the husband experienced, when he discovered the truth about what his wife's feelings were at the time of their marriage, must have been as bad if not worse than if he had found out that she had cheated on him. Even when she was telling the story, she came off as a cold and calculating bitch. Happy endings are in the eye of the beholder. The story could have gone the other way and an agrument could have been made that the ending was happy as well.

The changing of the POV issue has been mentioned in another comment or two. Rehnquist made some good points. Sometimes a POV change can get confusing and tiring. I didn't find it particulary burdensome here. But if there had been just one POV selected, I think that the wife's POV might have been the most interesting.

Anyway, pretty good work. I enjoyed reading the story and I hope that you keep writing.

As far as the flow. I believe the outcome is wishful thinking. To discover that the last twenty five years were a lie would change anyones perception of what reality was. Everything that they had done or said would become suspect. Would you believe anything that they told you? Not likely, unless you were needy. What would really hurt was the fact that I had lost all that time. Test the kids. I understand the kids and good times, but still....

Double

Forget the naysayers, the timeline problems show up in many stories, not just yours. The experience of the girl growing up in China is quite believable, (Yes folks they do kill girl babies in order to have a son) and that she does not get love from her parents is possible. Only once does she tell her friend that she doesn not love Don, and that is right around the time of the wedding, She could have chosen not to have a child by Don, but in fact she has two. At no time in the story does she dishonour him after their marriage. A story written from an interesting point of view. a good job and you really show promise. After all here on Lit we are all amateurs some good others of us not so good. If we were all that good, we would be getting paid for what we write. Thanks for a good story that caught my imagination.

Northlander

d_e,

You gave it just enough twist (in court) to prove Kim' loyalty for me.

now, after reading comments I'll say;

Happy endings are my choice too. Can't please all of the people all of the time, but remember my reading ability and comprehension is gooder than most so I really enjoyed it. Great story and don't ever apologize even for your second story or being new. You impressed the right people.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I know non-English people who have been forced to get married for various reasons. And many if not all start out with one partner hating or at the very least disliking the other partner. But years later when I speak to them I can tell they truly do love each other and the kids that came because of the forced marriage. I was lucky enough to fall madly in love with my wife the first time I saw her, she in turn has said the same thing about me. Some people are not so lucky and have to work at being married or having any kind of happy partnership. I truly believe this couple stand a chance. Would I trust a wife like this? Maybe.

It is always a woman's prerogative to change her mind. Well written and credible romance.

A good little story. Well worth the read, thank you.

I was awake when I read this. That means my reading comprehension was excellent. The broad told several major lies some of which were a cause for divorce to begin with. She lied for years. The fact that she fell in love with her husband doesn't make it alright. Why the hell would you believe a liar? When the husband discovered this information it would have really fucked him up. Then he forgave her quickly by any standards, unless he was a lovesick wimp. And Bullet, Fuck You.

I still wouldn't trust the lying bitch. I would have gone through with the divorce.

First of all, I applaud you on your second submission. This was a big step and I think on the whole you wrote an enjoyable story. I would like to suggest some areas for improvement.

More dialogue would have helped the pacing and added depth to the characters. I would have preferred that you offered the dialogue instead of giving us differing points of view. However, good dialogue takes practice, so for your second story the long narratives were acceptable.

But if you must use such narratives, I would advise making your paragraphs no more than 5-6 sentences long. That makes them easier to digest and less tiring to the reader.

Your story also had a number of logic lapses. For one, the ‘present’ of the opening scene takes place at least 25 years after 2001. I know this because of your 9/11 reference early on. If you are going write a story in the future, then why not tease us with some tidbits describing that future? Otherwise we’re left wondering if this were merely a mistake.

You tell us that Kim became pregnant 5 years into the marriage. Since the couple was married almost 25 years, the oldest daughter would be around 19 years old. Her younger brother was born 18 months later making him over 17 years old.

Having these children watched by grandparents, or told to go to their room and play, or even taking them to Disneyworld are not activities that are age appropriate. A good editor would have caught this and recommended changes in other story elements to be consistent.

These are the kind of logic lapses that will hurt any story so I would strongly advise you to edit, edit, edit…and then re-edit. It’s a tedious process but your story will benefit from the attention.

Thanks again for sharing this enjoyable story.

There is a risk and a choice, up to him.

Married 25 years and she sends the kids off to play when she finds hubby's ring and the DVD? What's up with that?

The concept wasn't bad, just poor execution

Well done double E.

Believeable as I once lived next to a couple who had a "green card" marriage. It was to be for two years-then they would go their seperate ways. 2 years turned into 4 which turned into 3 kids. Last Xamas I ran into her. They will be celebrating 28 years. She said "I blame him-damn bastard made me fall in love with him-and have been ever since."

We should all be so lucky.

Nice read look forward to more!

I found your story innovative and refreshing. It was well written and I like how you started and ended the story. Thanks for writing and sharing.

I thought it was origional and creative. Yes she set out to only use him to gain citizenship but she fell in love with him. Well done!!

is bored an emotional response?

In a new setting. Well done and for me it evoked an emotional response so you are doing well as a budding writer.

Keep writing but do not ignore the negative criticism. Profit from it to produce a smoother creation next time around!

The only problem I have is the speed at which everything was forgiven and happiness restored. I can understand, and approve of him stopping his wife from making that stupid mistake in court. She is the mother of his children. But it should have been a slower process getting them back together. Once trust is destroyed it takes time to rebuild it. If she lied about that, what else has she lied about. Just a thought.

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT A COUPLE OF LINES WAS ALL THAT IT TOOK FOR THE GUY TO FORGIVE HER FOR THE 25 YEARS OF LIES? And if that was all that it took then he should have just picked up her phone and put an end to the story then and there. We, readers, would have been spared the trouble of reading some of the most bizarre paragraphs i have come across this site.

I seriously considered that there might be something, some kind of a payback or anything(doesn't even have to be revenge), when he said that he wants to withdraw the petition of divorce. When i saw that nothing was happening i just skipped the whole end. Happy endings are always welcome when they are at least SOMEWHAT believable. As someone wrote below that the speed with which the forgiveness takes place was unbelievably rapid.

The last paragraph made me want to give you negative marks for this story (i am still repenting the 2 stars i gave you). The guy still doesn't trust his wife completely (not that there is anything left to trust) yet he wants to stay married and doesn't care whether he is cuckolded or made a fool out of. THIS IS NOT EVEN A MARRIAGE. This is just a dream of something which DOES NOT exist at all.

I agree with some that the reconciliation came a bit quick but it did seem to fit the personality that you had crafted. All in all a great second effort I look forward to seeing more.

There were places where it was obvious where the story was headed and other places where I was a little surprised. The story flowed well, IMHO. The comments about him accepting her back too quickly only show the beliefs of those readers. They read using their life experiences as a ruler of how life must be. Forgiveness doesn't take time, it takes willingness.

This writer would be good after he grows up.

I disagree with last anonymous comments and wholeheartedly agree with Scorpio. You insight into the mechanics of forgiveness being willingness and not timelines or dialogue is spot on.

To stay out of Hell? Honestly what would you do? Brave story very well balanced and written

Anyone who would marry a first generation Asian immigrant, and a non-citizen in particular, deserves whatever he gets. Hope you enjoy the 50 free-loading in-laws who come to stay with you, and leach off social services to whatever extent they possibly can.

your response show the ignorance of marrying a 1st generation. Yes in Asian culture You "marry into a family" but what bad about that. That use to be true about american society in the 50s and earlier. Now many Americans including the race you are subjugate your parents into nursing home to die while fulfilling your 1 month or every 2 month visit to fulfill your "duties" to your parents. SO ANONYMOUS WHAT IS IS BETTER TO MARRY A FAMILY OR TO LIVE IN A WORLD.

(WIFE WAS NOT A FREELOADER) SHE BROUGHT A GRADUATE DEGREE TO THE STATES AND HER OWN PERSONAL WEALTH.

SO BEFORE YOU SPOUT YOUR HATRED AND STUPIDITY LEARN ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND ISSUES YOU ARE DEGRADING

BTW I VERY MUCH DOUBT YOU HAVE ANY ASIAN FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOTAL DUMB F...!

if you have issues about marrying immigrants. bring your anger on the illegal immigrants not on hard working people who legally comes to the US

To all other readers: i know this is not a political forum... i Apologize for that.

when it is really and honestly true it will rise to the pinnacle and shine brightly for all to see and follow. TK U MLJ LV NV

25 yrs of happiness . Yeah I would give it another go as well.

Somewhat contrived but very dramatic, well done.

Laos, Cambodia, N.Vietnam, China, Japan and the Phillipines are among the places I've traveled to and through. I lived in NE Thailand for a time; spoke those languages, some fluently; and know from personal experience that the basis of your story is indeed factual, though cruelly so. It would appear that some of your detractors have never been out of their home towns. Perhaps they should push away from their PCs and visit the true world around them before they pass judgement on someone who has obviously become aware of something they may never know.

By the way, good job on the writing - you can spin a yarn. Or is it just a yarn?

You said it was fiction, but didn't mention if there was a real life basis for it. Some of the detail for her character was uncanny. Chope dee mach. Sawadee Khrop.

....

the person who is wrong stands up and be counted. TK U MLJ LV NV

My reaction to the man's part is that for the first half of the story, he made a statement and then immediately diminished or denigrated it. The foreshadowing got in the way of the story. Parts of the story were repeated either by him or by her several unnecessary times.

Not a bad story. A little work on loosening the dialogue wouldn't hurt - meaning, make it more conversational, less literary.

I enjoyed reading your story.. Thank-you Sid

Pathetic.

I would've voted for burning the wife if she had cheated. Only thing that I have a slight problem with is the guy still picking up his kids. Based on what the author wrote, the oldest kid should be 18 - 20 and the 2nd kid should be 17 - 19. Other than that, great story!

Good reconcilation story.

I don't care much for lying in a relationship. But she did fall in love with him during the marriage and she didn't cheat. So, fair is fair and I gave it 3 Stars. Fair score for a fair tale. Fair enough?

HA Ha ha

You're wrong to say that killing born girl babies is allowed; in fact it is illegal. Unfortunately, it is one of many laws that doesn't get enforced as strongly as it should. Tests like amniocentisis that can help determine sex are allegedly not done if the stated purpose was to determine whether the family will abort or not (but a claim of checking for disability usually gets around any objections!). The downside to all of this is that current projections show that young men coming of age in the next 10 -15 years will have very few women to marry. I wonder how China is going to ask us to pay our massive debts? Will we have to "sell" them our young women? Just wondering.....

But this isn't a case of wimping; this is just "failure to communicate" and very nicely done.

If you have an impulse to comment negatively on this submission but don't have a passport, stifle it ( please ) . Yes, she wasn't initially honest with him. That was a result of her heritage. In China, being honest is a quick way to being a target. Here even the homeless can shoot off their mouth and still get their food stamps.

Over there you get blackballed or sent off to an attitude adjustment camp with hard labor. I concede the grammar & need to align dates of events in this story but see those as petty. As other comments have said this exposed the reader to a realistic outlook of a broad from abroad ( pun intended ) .

Sterling story by author with excellent potential after rough spots are smoothed away. !

GREAT STORY!!!!!!!!

A good concept on a topical theme of unloving wife. Using man to meet imediate need all disguised in being in love.

So real love won the day which turned out to be a good read.

Perhaps a little more making up from the wife I feel could have been entered into the story.

A lot - the idea is painful real - the solution all too common - which is why immigration is so picky about letting it work

So this is a story that could have happened a hundred times and not worked out this way but the once well done

Well written with a very plausible story line. You did a great job explaining her motivations and that made his loving her even better. Good job.

It's wonderful when love eventually triumphs and everyone ends up happy.

Just not sure why it is in the loving wives category....

A good read and a unique plot. Well done.

even themselves find it impossible to retract, TK U MLJ LV NV

Twenty some years after being born Sonya and Jon are young enough to be sent to their rooms to play? While the soon to be ex is on the stand this guy who had been emotionally steady the whole story flips on a dime and forgives her? Did anyone read this before you clicked "send"? Don't quit your day job, in fact you should seriously consider submitting again if you don't think thru your plot line better than this.

It is not, and has never been, legal in China to kill a female child to have a male. People who do it, if caught, are prosecuted for murder. Learn what you are talking about before you write.

For one, you bounced around between first and third person. Very amateurish.

Next was the speed with which he forgave her in court. Not only forgave her, but instantly became romantic again by asking the judge to remarry them?'

Sorry, about a 3 is the best I can do for this. I felt it could have been done much better.

Chronology problems, wrong word use problems, lack of background knowledge.

25 year marriage first child after 5 years = 20 years old, second child 18 months later = 18 1/2 years old.

Child support and keeping the house until they go to college?

If the children are that "slow" they're not going to college.

Married five years before the first child and only in love with him years after?

It only takes three years for a spouse of a US citizen to be able to legally become a citizen.

Cold blooded user that she was she would have been long gone at the five year mark.

In China they can't legally kill female babies, they do an ultrasound and abort them.

I just didn't agree with it. He did too quick a turn around. He knows the truth (although I was surprised he didn't get a DNA test on the kids) and I don't see him jumping up in Court after all the time they were separated to try and save her. Otherwise the remaining mistakes didn't really hurt the story. After all, this isn't a professional writers site and these stories are all fictional (despite what some dummies claim), here to simply entertain or titillate us. Lighten up people.

Hey boys and girls. This is a work of fiction: the product of a fertile, imaginative and productive mind. I am envious of the authors abilities. So what if time-lines and facts are a little out of skew, it still is a nice read.

I really enjoy the happy ending stories. If this had concluded any differently, I would have been disappointed.

To the critics who seem to think this is a true story, I repeat a word from my first sentence: FICTION. Get over it!

ask servicemen, gaming entrepeneurs or students. TK U MLJ LV NV

in today's internationally fluid society I am sure marriages of convenance happen with some degree of frequency and just as frequently end in a divorce.

Some of the comments Kim makes about freedom of speech, movement, and thought are no longer true in the U. S. Since the late 60's liberals and Marxistl based progressives have taken control of both civil and governmental society. Feminists were the first to embrace totalitarian secularism, followed by political Alinskites, then

lesbians and gay men. Aided by media of all sorts, these groups have gone down the slippery slope and reached the bottom. We are now witnessing the rise of tatalitarism in both government and society. The federal agencies and federal judges are despots, and we have already embarked on both speech control and religious persecution. If you don't believe it, then do a little research on your own.

I wonder how many times that happens in real life.

for those who believe socialism/communism light is the correct way as hard line liberals/progressives preach, consider 100 million plus have died under the banner of socialism/communism. it's NEVER worked even by those who tried to do it the right way. many countries in Europe are doing it with complete disaster coming and in the end millions will die again, because liberals must try again.

Great story.

a little far fetched but a good read nevertheless. One other thing,the two politicians who preach politics on an erotic site should find a political forum for that purpose. Politics has no place in erotica, no matter what your personal belief may be. Who gives a shit about your political opinion, take it somewhere else. 5*

Some things, especially the forgiveness and reconciliation, just seem to happen way too fast.

A good story...a good reading...4*

I had to take a big sloppy Shit after reading this story.

her needs. Thanks for sharing your story.

TO THOSE MALIGNANT COMMENTS!!

YOU HAVE UNIQUE PLOTS AND YOUR WRITING IMPROVES WITH EACH SUBMISSION

I HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO WORK ON YOUR CRAFT AND TO SHARE YOUR WRITINGS WITH US

Unfortunately, you need to fire your editor, or at least find another one to help the current one. Accidental POV shifts, tense changes, wrong and missing words, it was just a mess. It's a four star story with two star writing, so I'll give it a three.