tagMind ControlNot Bible Camp Ch. 04

Not Bible Camp Ch. 04


Copyright 2010 by Donald Barber.

This story is about both religious repression and manipulation. The focus is more on sexual tension than explicit description, though it does not shy away from such as the story warrants. If you're looking for erotic encounter after erotic encounter, look elsewhere.

Also, this is part four of an ongoing story and is probably incomprehensible if the previous portions have not been read.

Any views expressed by any character are, at most, that character's and sometimes not even that. Many of the characters in this story are hiding something.

June 23

Well, I used to look forward to Saturdays but now it just means I don't get to see Jill for two days. I don't quite understand why Saturday-worshipers and Sunday-worshipers have to separate on the weekends, but Counselor Jeremy says we should be able to take a day for ourselves as well as for the Lord, and we don't want to get the two mixed up.

I kind of worry what'll happen if me and Jill do get married; I guess one of us will have to switch. Since I don't think Saturday worship is a sin exactly, it'll probably be me, but I can't picture being a Seventh-Day Adventist minister, cause I just don't think God cares exactly what day you worship him on, and I can't see telling a congregation that he does. But maybe my mind will change, or Jill's. I have to hope God'll fix it whichever way he sees fit.

I hadn't mentioned it before, but we also got divided up into boys and girls for sports. Since the guys played volleyball last Saturday, we played softball this time. I'm no athlete, but I'm just glad I was able to catch the ball when it was hit near me (lucky for me they went pretty high so I had time to get under them), and I got on base four times.

No one on either team was anything more than OK, but I guess we had fun. No one got mad at anybody else, even when they screwed up, so it seemed like we were all in a good mood. If we have anybody at this place whose charisma is athletics, I sure couldn't see it today, but maybe they're in another group.

They also showed us a movie after dinner, which I thought was nice, but there were a lot of moans and groans cause it was It's a Wonderful Life, and Pete and Dave in particular were going on about how it's old and corny and there's no action and it's not funny and a whole bunch of other stuff. And even though I like the movie I can see what they mean. It looks like something they'd make for TV, not something you'd pay to see in a theater.

But I guess anything with too much violence in it would get someone upset, unless maybe it was one of the Narnia movies. Sometimes I think they forget they're at a Christian camp.

They quieted down once the movie started, though. We almost didn't see it cause of some problems with the projector. I'm not sure what caused it, but when they turned it on there was this weird noise I don't quite know how to describe.

It made the hairs on my neck stand on end, at least that's what it felt like. It was almost like nails on a chalkboard, except instead of making you want to cover your ears I felt like I had to listen to it, like I had to piece out every little bit of sound in it like it was music I wanted to remember even though I couldn't tell you why I wanted to remember it if you asked me.

Then the projector light came up on the screen but it seemed wrong too somehow. The light started out spread out over the screen, like a regular projector, but then it seemed like the light kind of gathered itself together and squeezed into the center of the screen. And it was flashing and pulsing, almost like those lights you see on a police car, but white, not blue.

And then it seemed like the movie started playing, but it was going so fast you couldn't make out what was happening. Or I should say that's the impression I got; all I could really see was a weird, flickering blur, so it could have been a movie sped up or it could have been some weird kind of static, but I never heard of static on a projector, so I'm gonna go with my first guess.

I can't really say how long that nonsense went on for -- it could have been seconds or minutes -- but just as sudden as it started is how it seemed like everything worked itself out, as the picture just sort of shuddered and slowed down and all of a sudden "Buffalo Girls" started playing and the opening credits started rolling.

Well, I had another one of those spells where I was just drifting in and out, and it felt kind of weird. I mean, if a movie's good enough you can get so caught up in it that you don't really think about sitting in a theater, and then a baby cries and it's like a belt of cold water in the face, but I'm not talking about that.

I can't quite place where my mind was wandering to, just that every so often I'd come aware of something happening on the screen, and it was like I'd been flipping channels on the TV and just suddenly lit on Jimmy Stewart and I'd pay attention for a few seconds and then go back to flipping.

It kind of reminded me of watching TV at my friend Jerry's house. His dad had cable, but it was cause otherwise his mom couldn't watch the Christian channel without static, which made their screen go all blue. So almost all the channels were blocked, which meant most of the time all you saw was a program guide, and a news feed at the bottom of the screen.

But Jerry was obsessed with the idea that some kind of glitch was gonna come up just when something really good came on, like a woman with no clothes on, and it would be the greatest moment of his life. So he kept flipping channel after channel, never getting bored, always getting disappointed.

So it was a relief even to see a game show pop up once in a while, and it kind of irked me when Jerry flipped past after only a couple seconds, even though usually I don't care about game shows. Other than that (and of course the Christian channel) there was nothing to look at, and anything's better than nothing.

Well, this was like that. Except during the channel switching I was always wishing we could settle on something, even if it was boring. I can't tell you what I was thinking on when I wasn't focused on the movie. It's like a total blank.

I tried to chat with Dave and Pete when the movie was over, I especially wanted to ask if they'd seen what I saw at the beginning. I felt so out of it I half-worried I'd had a seizure, or maybe just a migraine.

But Pete started yawning really big and saying he didn't know why, but that movie had really wiped him out, and if he didn't head back to his cabin and lie down, he'd be napping on his feet. So they both headed off to get some shuteye.

Truth is, everybody looked kind of spaced. It was only about 9:30 but a lot of people looked dead on their feet, and most everybody looked like they weren't sure where they were.

There wasn't anything more scheduled for the evening, but lights out isn't till eleven on Saturdays, and usually people at least stand around and chat. But it seemed like everybody just wanted to turn in early.

I was pretty wiped, too, but I felt like something weird had happened, and I was itching to see if somebody other than me had noticed. But it didn't look like I was gonna catch anyone's interest, so I decided to hit my own haysack, for lack of anything better to do. Once I got there, though, I realized I wasn't a bit sleepy. That's when I remembered: I hadn't written in my journal. So here I am!

I still don't feel even slightly drowsy, but there's always that stuff Counselor Jameson gave me; it's always helped before. Plus the relaxation exercises.

It feels like I'm anticipating something, but I have no idea what it is. I hope I can talk with Counselor Jameson tomorrow. I need her to really come out with some good suggestions for approaching Jill. I've been playing it safe too long.

June 24

Last night I had possibly the weirdest dream I have ever had. I am seriously worried that I've been subjected to some form of demonic attack. First off, I was scared to tell anyone, because they might think I'm crazy. Not for having the dream, but worrying about demons. I mean, they never talk about them here. I'd heard there's folks that don't believe in them, even though they're in the Bible.

I need to get it down on paper and see how it looks.

Me and Jill were standing near an apple tree. She looked me right in the eye and said, with a real serious look on her face, "Do you think he made a mistake?"

Somebody, I think it was me, said, "He must have known it would happen. It wouldn't be him otherwise."

She nodded, like I'd told her something she already knew was true.

"Have you been listening to the snake?"

It wasn't an accusation; she really wanted to know. She wore a loose, red blouse and a loose, long, white crinoline skirt. A breeze came up, and set her clothes fluttering.

I was about to say, "No," but then I looked down and there was a weird flash, like lightning, and every time the flash hit, I could see the head of a snake peeking out of my crotch. He must've been wrapped all around me, and I never noticed.

I don't know how long he's been there," I said.

She smiled, and said, "He's been there the whole time, but he's been sleeping."

Then she got down on her knees, and said, real saucy, " I know how to make him quiet."

And then she did something that just went beyond all my belief. She reached out both hands, unfastened the button on my shorts, unzipped 'em, and then I guess I hadn't been wearing any underwear cause my pecker just sprang out like it was ready to attack!

Course I say "My pecker" cause it was attached to me, but I never saw it get that big before, even in dreams. I guess it still looked like mine, though. Same skin tone, same mole on the left side. But even though I never measured, I could still tell it was longer than it'd ever been. And it wasn't even fully hard; that was pretty weird, too.

And Jill didn't even flinch. She just smiled big as I've ever seen her, and grabbed ahold of it, and just sort of squeezed on it till it was standing up straight, than started running her hand up and down the length of it.

And this was another weird thing. All the while this was going on, it didn't really feel like this was me it was happening to. Almost like I wasn't in my own body; maybe cause I didn't feel I had any control over what was going on, like I'd think if Jill grabbed my talleywhacker in real life I'd say something.

I'm not saying I'd resist temptation perfectly, like I wouldn't give in no matter what, but I'm usually pretty shy about stuff I never did before, even when it ain't sinning. So that was odd.

But it started to feel more real once she got her hand on me. If I felt anything before then, I don't remember it. But I sure felt her stroking me. Course it didn't feel any different from doing it myself, but watching her do it made a lot of difference that I can't quite explain.

It was standing up as straight as it could, now. It hadn't gotten any longer, but it looked hard enough to chip a brick on. Jill looked real happy about it. "Now we can have some real fun," she said.

And then she did something I wouldn't expect her to do even if we were married, it was that much of a shock. She just leaned her head over and put her mouth right on my penis, just like she did this kind of thing all the time, like she didn't need to ask. Of course, I kept right on letting her do whatever she wanted, so I guess it was OK with me in the dream.

I never saw a girl take a man's thing into her mouth before, even though I've heard about such things. And I sure never had it done to me, which is maybe why I got no memory of how it felt: I don't think your brain can make up how something feels if you've never felt it before, which I don't know why that's not the case for things you see and hear, but there it is. Not to say I didn't feel anything, but it sure wasn't as intense as the handjob, even though I didn't notice at the time. It was kind of like a movie was playing itself out in my head, and I'd been beamed into it somehow.

I bet even if it'd happened in real life, it would've been such a shock I would've spent half my brain trying to figure out if it was really happening, so I can't say it would've seemed any realer, but I think there's a part of everybody that knows the difference between a dream and what's real, or at least I hope so, otherwise we'd never keep track. So I don't really know what it's like to feel a mouth on my penis, and so if anything my curiosity's been pricked up, and that sure sounds like a Devil's trick.

I guess the sounds kind of stuck with me more than anything else. When I say it was like a movie, I don't mean a silent film, and there wasn't any crazy music in the background either.

But I never would've guessed a woman taking a pecker in her mouth would be so noisy. All these slurps and grunts, and then when she got the whole thing in there she made this little throaty noise that I couldn't tell if she was gagging or choking or what exactly, but it was like watching someone without table manners eating, which is usually disgusting, but I haven't quite pieced out how I feel about it in this case.

Every so often she'd stop and pull me out of her mouth and look up at me and she'd have this proud smile but her eyes would be saying "Is this good? Do you like this?" like she was expecting approval from my end, but I didn't say a word, and I knew it was just a dream but part of me feels still like maybe I let her down, like I should have said something, even though if I go by the Bible it should've been something like, "Get thee gone, harlot!"

But I'd never want to speak that way to Jill.

Anyhow it ended pretty quick. My hips started kind of jerking and thrusting, which made her take me out of her mouth one more time, and then she started jerking me off almost frantic, using her other hand to tickle me under the balls, and I guess that pretty much pushed me over the edge, cause I just spurted long and loud, and I was shocked but Jill just let me spill all over her face, and she didn't look even a hair's worth of irate about it (some of it got in her hair, too).

I was so shocked I guess I closed my eyes, cause everything went dark for a second, but then when I opened them again, something was different. It was Counselor Jameson there on her knees, her blonde hair and blue eyes looking up at me while my spunk soaked in her hair and ran down her face. I wondered if it'd been her all along, and was relieved to see she was still smiling.

But then she said something that cut me to the bone. "Do you think we're all the same, Chris?" she asked.

I still had nothing to say, and suddenly I felt helpless.

Then she stood up and gave me a hug, even with my pecker still hanging out, even with my seed on her face.

It's OK, Chris," she whispered, right in my ear. "Don't you know we're all one in the spirit?"

She pulled back, and suddenly she was as naked as I ever saw her, and she pointed at her crotch, and said, "This is the door. We all have to pass through. You'll be given a choice soon."

And then I woke up. My heart was jack-hammering so bad I was worried I'd wake up my cabin mates, but I guess it only seemed loud to me.

I might've made some other noises while I was dreaming, though. I sure messed up a pair of boxers. I tried to change real quiet, and I don't think I woke anybody, but I sure felt embarrassed. And a little P.O.-ed. If I'd been able to squeeze one off every couple of days this wouldn't have happened. At least that's what I told myself.

But I calmed down pretty quick after I got back into bed. I can't really tell how long it took to get back to sleep, but it was somewhere between the blink of an eye and counting to ten, if I'm remembering right. It really came on all of a sudden.

I woke up right when I was supposed to, with the wake-up call in my ears and that dream still rattling in my brain. I hoped it'd calm down a little during breakfast; I didn't want to keep picturing the whole thing during church. There's better thoughts I should be having, I'm sure.

Church didn't help, although I felt just a stitch less embarrassed about having that dream. Reverend Reems just read us Song of Solomon. The whole thing. He started it off with a little speech about how no one's exactly sure what it's supposed to be about.

Outwardly, it appears to be Solomon (the author is presumed to be Solomon, even though the formal title is actually Song of Songs) expressing his sexual desire for, and describing its consummation with, a particular female, presumed to be one of his wives, or maybe one of his brides-to-be.

Since he had about seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, it's kind of unlikely he wouldn't have married a woman he had such strong feelings for. Plus it just makes Christians feel better if they got married.

But it's assumed it's really about God's love for Israel, or Christ's love for the church, and that maybe when the Jews included it in their Bible they didn't know what it meant or why they were doing it.

But he asked us to put all that aside and just listen to the words and let them speak to us. So I listened.

"My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."

That one stuck in my head. I had never come across that one before. If it means what I think it means, it's dirtier than anything I ever dreamed about, which is kind of a relief, although now I'm worried cause I'm calling the Bible dirty. That might be blasphemy.

So service ended with me more confused than ever, so all I could think to do was talk to Counselor Jameson, although I decided to take in a good post-service dinner first. Individually made chicken pot pies, fresh spinach salad, and key lime pie for dessert. They really go all out on Sundays here. Of course, then I needed a nap. I was worried she'd have taken off or hid herself away or something by the time I woke up (the nap lasted a good three hours) but she was sitting just as pretty as you please in the common area, and she said she'd be happy to have a talk, and sure looked happy, come to think on it.

We went into the conference cabin, and she said, "Tell me what's troubling you," and I laid it all out.

I may have been a touch stingy on the details; I decided she didn't need to hear about parts or fluids or anything that would make the both of us blush. I just said I'd had a sexual dream involving me and Jill and I was worried the Devil might be trying to tempt me into having premarital sex with Jill, and I didn't fully know what to do about it.

She didn't say anything for a few seconds, and I was starting to worry that she thought I was crazy, even though she ought to know me better than that. At least I didn't have to worry she'd laugh at me. She's too nice for that.

Then she asked, "Why would you suspect it came from the Devil? You're sexually attracted to Jill -- why wouldn't your imagination take things a step further?"

The way she said it, it almost sounded innocent. But I was still worried. I answered. "Because things happened in that dream that never happened to me before. That I never even saw happen before. Not even a real good description in a book. But it all looked so real! It just seems it had to come from somewhere."

At this, she smiled, and then she said, "Chris, I don't know why, but you constantly sell your imagination short. Remember when I said we're all greater artists than we know?"

I nodded. I hadn't really understood it, but I remembered.

"Your brain is a more amazing computer than any human will ever build. Have you ever heard of CGI, or Photoshop?"

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