Not Like the Porn Videos

Not like the porn videos! - 40s and finally I get my man. An honest tale.

Except for a couple of fumbles, as a student, with no outcomes to write about, my desire and curiosity for having sex with another guy was latent until recently. Being in my mid forties, I thought I need to act whilst I'm in good shape still. Whilst being a fairly decent proposition now (good to alright body shape, nice cock that functions, hair intact etc), I feel confident to find an attractive (to me at least) a partner . I was fearing if I left it too long I would miss my chance. Problem is, very happily married (yes, I'm sure some eyes are rolling!) but cannot fight my desires. They have been very sporadic over the years - intense urges and week long periods where my sexuality is all I think about. Then goes for a few weeks (after some pretty regular masturbation). Most advice from various sources insisted I had to come clean but that's not an option. I travel with work so considering an escort, or trying to pick up were options that crossed my mind but not ones I had actively pursued.

Recently, a turn of events has occurred. All good in the main, here's my tale.

A while back, at some work drinks, I got talking to an colleague. Peter is an affable gay guy but one that puts me of the whole idea. Very camp and not my type! However, having had a few drinks, I let go some pretty heavy hints of my desires. He encouraged the conversation and promised secrecy. I even discussed the type of guy I would find attractive and appealing, and I what I would like to do - which amused Peter I think. My ideal sex buddy would be straight acting, masculine, a bit hairy and in ok shape. After the usual lecture about honesty, and my attempts to claim I could keep it separate in my life, he mentioned a friend of a friend who was enjoying a period of no strings fun after a relationship ended. No promises this would ever work, but I passed on my number, quite drunk. I remember fantasizing on the journey home - imaging what could be...

A couple of days later, a missed call with a Voicemail. Dieter introduced himself as a friend of Peter's. I actually panicked a bit, then calmed down. It tore at me all day what to do, in the end, after a couple of wines that evening, I called. The cut to the chase, a catch up was planned in Melbourne. I travelled there from Sydney regularly with work with overnight stays. It was a nervous week before my trip but I did manage to keep my lovely 'normal' life separate.

Ok, skip to 'date night' in Melbourne. I was so nervous, I had a few drinks to calm down before heading out. We met at a busy pub, I got there first and texted to let Dieter know I had arrived. Sculled another beer, just before he arrived. I must admit feeling a bit more relaxed. A good sort of exciting and anticipation. I felt good about being brave to at least take this step. Ok, moving on, he arrived, we met and sat near a window on bar stools. I must admit, I don't really eye guys up much - on the train, bus or in the street - only girls. But with Dieter, I did think 'hmm, he's pretty hot!'. 'Butterflies' in my stomach and a immense serge of liberation and freedom were my emotions, along with, to be honest, an semi erection. I couldn't fight the sexual feelings I was having. And as our conversation progressed, we got on really well with a shared love of travel and places we'd been. I managed to insert into a different world and enjoy the moment. The liberation and separation from my 'normal' was working. I was finally chatting up a guy, that I found attractive and hopeful of what was ahead. As the evening progressed, and a few beers flowed, things went well. We evolved to cheeky chat about sex and sexuality. There was some chemistry. The glances, the moment when I'm sure we thinking the same. Then Dieter made a move - a discreet hand on my thigh. From there I didn't hold back, and pretty much suggested we head to his place or my hotel.

Ok - back to his it was, and I'll fast forward a bit.

I find myself on his couch, and we started kissing. Finally at the age of 45! The relief, I was here! It was so nice, the stubble, our tongues, the smell, his neck. The short hair, no big clumsy breasts in the way, his chest, slightly hairy and muscles. Of came our shirts, and quickly jeans. Being a complete virgin at this I just went with instinct - and rubbed a bit at his cock through his underpants. He paused us and suggested a quick shower to clean up, which we did. Quick with no contact - we took it in turns. To the bedroom, on his bed and into an entwined passion, kissing and hands everywhere. I ventured a bit more, licking his neck, nipples and down. Instinct lead me down, I was encouraged by his erection and a started to give him a blow job but to be honest it was pretty obvious I was new to this. He pulled back a bit and promised there'd be plenty of time for that. I was rushing.

Dieter stated to take control. He moved on top and we continued to kiss - the stubble again, I couldn't believe how much French kissing could be so intense. Our cocks rubbing together. Me grabbing his lovely ass. Ah so good. The liberation I felt was indescribable. I felt I could moan, groan, writhe together and be free. The equality of 2 guys together seemed to me, incredible - less about each other's role, as with my less than exciting, hetro sex life but full freedom. The ultimate expression of masculinity I've thought in retrospect.

Dieter popped a pillow under my back. He'd rightly read my mood to want him to fuck me. After all, we had spoken about this at the pub. I felt vulnerable but excited and ready. He asked whether I was sure and ready, to which I of course said yes. I felt nervous in my mind, but sense a relaxed feeling, a willingness around below. He grabbed a condom and lube from the bedside drawer, slipped it on and then - disaster! I came.. As he lined me up and was about to insert, it was too much for me. All over my stomach. I could sense the disappointment and he could sense my anxiety. His previously beautiful erect cock softened. Damn. As I said not like the porn movies in real life!

The good thing was that I wanted to stay. I didn't get cold feet, make my excuses. I felt comfortable but embarrassed. We laid back down and reassured me. We pulled each other back close, and kissed again. We soon fell into a groove again and I reached down and firmly but slowly masturbated Dieter. He responded and it felt good to be arousing him. He rubbed my ass and toyed with his fingers around my anus. It felt really nice. After a short while I felt him stiffen and he moved up and around quick, and came on my chest - more like in a porn movie this time! A moment of erotic beauty. He moaned as he came quite hard. I sensed he had enjoyed our sex too. We laid still for a while.

I did leave shortly after but on good terms. We agreed to meet again the next time I was in town.

I felt a bit silly and annoyed about not getting to feel Dieter in me. However, still fulfilled and proud of my ability to split out my life. By and large I'm at ease with myself. This is a secret for me that doesn't impact the rest of my life.

I did meet up with Dieter again and another time since. My second time was so much better. I gave a decent blow job and we've worked out if I cum quickly at first with just foreplay and then we work back slowly up to fucking, it's fantastic. The first time he penetrated me, was surprisingly without much problem. A bit of pain at first but all pleasure. He took me missionary style as we first tried. Firm, not to fast and sensually - lot's of kissing. I came during , with him a few minutes after, removing the condom to get some on my belly! I love that!

The third an most recent visit was just last week. The sweet spot of less nerves and some much to explore. I stayed overnight and we must have came 4 or 5 times each! Not much sexual activity unexplored now!

I'm sure this relationship won't last, but I've explored something that was eating away at me. Not all the time but in waves every few weeks. I'm going to revert to masturbation soon and revert to like before. But at least I know what I know now without too much damage.