Nothing

"I love you, too."

"But past a certain point, there's no realistic future for us."

Something sour started to move around in my stomach. "I don't understand."

"How much does a concert pianist make?"

"Well..."

"Unless you think one of your songs is going to take off."

"Probably not, but..."

"How could you ever provide the lifestyle I'm accustomed to?"

"You don't think love is more important?"

"Love doesn't pay bills," said Dana.

"I thought we maybe..." I swallowed hard, and the waist chain was making it difficult for me to inhale properly. "That... maybe we would be together. Get married or something."

"Look, I don't blame you. Small town girls in the big city. It's an adjustment. And things work differently. Just like people of my upbringing work differently than yours. What do you think my daddy would say if I brought you home?"

"I thought your parents were okay that you're with a girl."

"A girl that I'm fucking, yes. My mother has a handful of girlfriends, slept with dozens of women. While married. In fact, she used to buy a whore once a month. Do you think any of them have been to dinner?"

My mouth dropped open. "I'm NOT a whore."

"I didn't call you a whore, babe. Hear what I'm saying. We have different rules, and some things can never be, and so we compartmentalize. That's how it's done. That's how we survive. My mother loved some of those women, you know.

"That's hardly the same thing."

"It's exactly the same thing. Right, I see you're upset. Hey, shhhh, we don't have to talk about this right now. There's still three years of undergrad left for us to figure this out." She squeezed my hand and smiled. "Okay? It'll be okay, baby. Let's go take a walk through the park, and then we'll head back."

My stomach was in knots. I slouched into the bench seat. "Fine."

"Trust me, you'll feel better. How about you let me pay for this?"

"I got it."

"You really don't..."

"I said I got it. I have a job, Dana."

"Lifeguarding isn't really a job."

"I'm paying."

She nodded. "Well then. Thank you."

We did walk through Central Park. I don't remember any of it. Matters were not made better when the bruised sky decided to dump on us. Dana suggested a cab, but we were already soaked, and I suggested we just walk. Dana held my hand the whole way.

When we got back up to her room, we stripped down and migrated into the bathroom. Dana used great care in removing the padlock and gold chain from around my waist, kissing my shoulder as she did so. "You still bummed out?" she asked, as I was ringing out my tee shirt into the sink.

"I don't know. Walking in the rain has a calming affect, I guess."

"You know what else has a calming effect? Orgasms."

The corner of my mouth lifted into a quarter smile, and Dana turned to me and wrapped her arms around me, our breasts pressing together. "Hey. This will be okay. Right now, here, today, you are the only person I can think about."

I kissed her then. She wasn't wrong; I could use the release after the conversation, and Dana hadn't cum while we were out. She reached through the curtain and turned on the shower. While the water heated, she sat on the toilet and pulled me down to straddle her lap. We made out, her fingers running through my pubic hair, until the steam warmed what skin contact had not.

She helped me step into the shower. "Let me wash you," she said.

The water sheeted down my body, my dark, usually wavy hair plastering to my waist. "You don't have to do that."

"Please. I want to. I want to take care of you, Elysia. For as long as I can."

My throat closed, and the tears welled up briefly as I nodded.

She shifted the shower head so that I was out of the spray and loaded her fingers with body wash. First she washed my back, paying special attention to my ass, running her hands down the crack and tapping her finger against my asshole. I would normally stiffen at this, but it felt surprisingly good. Then her hands wrapped around me and began to massage my tits, gently kneading and lifting them, spending extra time on my nipples. I could feel her erect nipples slipping with sudsy lubrication across my back. Something about her standing behind me made me less self conscious, and it was a complete surprise to me that my body was on fire without an ounce of shame for once. In fact, if she kept massaging my nipples like that, there was chance I'd cum.

Lifting my arms, placing my hands at rest on the crown of my head, Dana transitioned from my breasts to my armpits. Something about her massaging that area increased my heart rate further, and my chest was rising and falling heavily as her hands traveled the sides of my breasts, and from my armpits to my waist and back up again.

Her hands made their way down my abdomen and washed my trimmed thatch. Dana tipped my head back and peppered the side of my neck with kisses as one hand cupped my mound and the other fondled my breast.

Her finger, slick with suds, ducked into my sensitive crevice and found my clit instantly. I let out a moaning sigh, and placed my hand delicately over hers so that I could feel her strong, toned hands. I was so relaxed, as she circled my clit, I knew I was going to cum quickly.

"Spread your legs" she whispered.

I did. She rinsed her hand in the shower spray and then wiggled two fingers into my cunt, easily finding my g-spot.

"Nnnnngggg," I moaned.

And as she pushed on my anterior wall, I experienced the strange feeling of an impending orgasm mixed with the overwhelming need to pee. My cunt swallowed her fingers with milky, sopping greed as she seemed to be suddenly forcing me toward an orgasm that, before this moment, had been my choice. The need-to-pee feeling became overwhelming.

"Babe," I said. "Not so hard."

"You think I don't know what I'm doing?" she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. "Or maybe your hotspot is something filthy. Spread your legs wider."

As her slick fingers circled my asshole, I knew what was going to happen. But I felt frozen, all of my once languid muscle tensing as her finger entered my dirty pucker. It felt erotic and naughty, but also uncomfortable. Had she simply circled the outside, a bit of clitoral stimulation would have brought me to climax, but when her fingers began fucking my asshole, my moaning... changed.

"That's right, bitch," grunted Dana. "Feel that? You like it when I fill you up? That's my dirty slut. You'd better not get shit on your princess's fingers."

I was squirming and bucking and breathing erratically, and looking back, I'm certain she thought I was experiencing pleasure. I didn't stop her, though. I didn't say anything.

Her other hand found my clit as a second finger entered my anus. The pressure pinched, and I hissed, but Dana was too into it. Her fingers continued to violate me, plunging deeper and harder into my rectum.

"Have you ever peed in the shower?" she asked, the tone of her voice no longer loving but intense, animalistic.

"No," I breathed.

"I pee every morning in the shower. I've done it right beside you. Did you know?"

"No."

"Pee for me. Pee right now."

"I... can't."

"Do it!"

But I couldn't. Her fingers in my ass were the opposite of what I needed to release my hot, fragrant liquid. My anus clenched around them, and I was relieved when she finally extracted them.

"Maybe I should eat your asshole," she said. "Would you like that? Want my tongue up your filthy asshole?"

"I don't think..."

"Tell me you want it!"

"I... want it."

"Bend over, bitch. Stick it out for me."

But I didn't want it. The idea that my area could be compromised horrified me.

As Dana knelt behind me, her thumb roughly entered my pussy, again pushing hard against my g-spot. And my bladder. It felt like she was literally trying to squeeze the piss out of me. Thank God I felt her run water and soap down my ass before her mouth began to kiss and suck and lick my pucker.

I knew she was getting off. Perhaps she knew she was hurting me, perhaps not. But her fingers were working her clit furiously as she ate my asshole.

"Uuuuuuuuung," I moaned. I felt the orgasm rising fast. I just felt so... used.

"Pee for me, you fucking slut" she panted between licks. "I want to feel your warm urine on my tits."

But I couldn't. My orgasm failed, and I yelped when she bit my ass.

Dana was on her feet quickly, and she had me by the hair, yanking me down. "You need me to show you fucking everything? This is how it's done!"

Before I could process the moment, my face was between her asscheeks. She, unlike me, had not been washed, and the smell was pungent. Like musk and pussy and something else. But my tongue obeyed, and soon I was tongue-fucking Dana's asshole.

She shut off the water. And almost immediately our aromas and the floral soap and a rising scent of sweat filled the shower-tub.

Wiggling her bottom, Dana backed me against the wall, my face compressed between her ass cheeks, my head to the hard, wet tile. My body was practically beneath her, and she worked her clit like nothing else mattered.

"Take over. Rub my clit. Now!" She groaned. "Yeeeeees! Eat my ass and circle my clit. Eat it, you nasty cunt! Don't you stop. No matter what happens, don't you dare stop eating that fucking asshole!"

Then her asshole flared, pushing my tongue backward, and I was HORRIFIED! But somehow I knew, no matter how badly she wanted to use me, she would never cross that line.

So, I was almost grateful when there was another smell. I could hear the hiss, smell it immediately, almost like popcorn. I felt it splashing on my tummy, into my navel, running through my thatch, over my pussy lips, and all the while I kept licking.

Her orgasm was a thing of violence. She wailed and her anus began to throb on my tongue, my face compressed so that I couldn't breathe.

That's when my orgasm hit. I didn't know such a thing was possible, but it happened while Dana's piss spurted in waves, covering my torso, my orgasm like an echo of her own.

By the time she was done peeing and cumming, she must have been nearing hyperventilation, because she lost strength in her knees and sort of collapsed on top of me. I gasped for air as well. And I held her like that as she crushed me, while she laughed this euphoric laugh, fully aware I was laying in a puddle of her pee.

"Fuck!" she snapped, allowing her body to drape over me. "I've always wanted to do that. I just needed the right whore."

I almost shoved her off. Almost slapped her, screamed at her, poured every bit of anger I felt into any words I could think of, anything that would hurt her.

But I didn't.

I lay there quietly until she was ready to stand. She turned turned on the water, rinsed herself off and kissed me. I might have kissed her back. I don't really remember.

"Do you want me to finish you?" she asked. She knew full well I'd decline.

"I'll do it myself."

She left me in the bathroom.

And I stood in the shower, the water washing away the smell of piss and pussy, but not my memory of it.

And I sobbed silently.

We fucked once more that night, slept naked together, and I ate her out once more in the morning before she walked me to the train station.

I got home, and this was before cell phones, so I didn't hear from Dana for a couple of weeks. She sent me cards, though. And flowers. And balloons. And of course the gold waist chain and padlock I'd left behind. I almost threw that padlock in the trash.

Summer ended, and I returned to Boston. I was in a new dorm room, so Dana couldn't have know how to find me. And she didn't try, that I know. I avoided the cafeteria and the coffee shop and places I new she'd be.

Our mutual friends found me. They asked if I knew Dana was seeing another dancer in the program. I was happy for her. Maybe not so much for him, but perhaps he didn't need the future with her to make him happy.

Dana was my first and only girlfriend. And I will carry scars she left on me until I become the thing I was to her:

Nothing.