Nothing as Sexy as a Man in a Skirt Pt. 02

My new friend, who wanted me to call him Charles, took me to watch some of the dancing the Masai was so famous for. I was watching a moran perform the traditional jump dance, marveling at their ability, when one detached himself from the group and stood in front of me, bouncing up and down. It was Laibon, challenging me, his way of seeing who the better man was.

Laibon was actually short for his people, almost an inch shorter than me, a fact that he found embarrassing, so he tried to make up for it with aggression. It made him few friends in the tribe.

"He is challenging you," said Charles, grinning. "He wants to embarrass you when you refuse."

I grinned at Laibon and took off my shirt, standing in my cargo shorts and trainers. There was a rumbling among the men when they noticed how muscled I was, and they were impressed with my scars, the bullet holes from the sniper long ago, the shrapnel scars from the ball bearings, and the long scar down my chest from when the students attacked the Colonel in the park. The respect grew in their eyes, knowing they were looking at a true warrior. It seemed to infuriate Laibon.

I walked into the circle, and as they sang I started jumping. I had done high jump in high school, and the muscle memories came back as I jumped. You were supposed to jump alone a few times, and fade back into the group to let another show off, but after about four jumps Laibon stood before me, eyes blazing. He started jumping with me, and grew angrier when he realized I jumped just a little higher every time.

I could see it in his eyes, he was getting ready to slam into me, and when he did I remembered my days as a linebacker, and body checked him hard. It knocked him on his ass. The singers stopped, just staring, and I turned to walk away. When they gasped I knew he had risen and was after me, so I surprised him by turning to my left, grabbing his arm and twirling, sending him flying across the packed dirt of the village. He slid to a stop, stunned.

"Tell him to get up and walk away. Tell him if he gets up and comes at me again, I will stomp him until he looks like the dirt he is lying on. And tell him to stay away from me. I'll be gone in a few days, and he can go back to being cock of the walk."

I don't know how literal Charles was was in what he told him, but I could see the fury blaze in his eyes. It was about to get really interesting when the chief, who had been watching the last of our confrontation, said something to him, and he stormed off.

He had Charles tell me to follow him, and he came along to translate. Amanda had been told what happened, and showed up with about a dozen women. Normally a woman would have been nowhere near the chief when he talked to warriors, but he told her to stay, to make sure he got the translations right.

He asked a question and Amanda took a long time answering it. I found out later she was telling of my military exploits, and being knighted in two countries. I could tell the old boy was telling her something that made Amanda frown.

Later, in our tent, she explained things.

"Grandfather was impressed with your war stories, and says you are at least a senior warrior, and would probably be a junior elder in our culture. He also said that Laibon came to him, trying to assert his claim on me, the marriage contract he made so long ago. Grandfather explained that I was your mate now, that I lived in a different world now, and we had to start letting go of things from the past. Laibon became very angry, but the chief had spoken, and there was little he could do. Watch for him honey. He and the few friends he has think the tribe should reject western culture and go back to the old ways, and you caused a lot of damage to his reputation by outdancing him, and then putting him in the dust."

"I snuggled in to her, kissing her hair. "We'll be gone soon, honey. I wouldn't worry too much about it." Boy, did I get that wrong.

Two days later I was sitting with her grandfather, when I heard a scream that brought me to my feet. It was Amanda, and she came into view, her dress ripped, one breast exposed, running as fast as she could. Laibon was right behind her. She saw me and ran to me, hiding, as Laibon stopped and grinned. He stopped grinning when I hit him right between the eyes, knocking him cold. I was about to give him an old time Southern ass whipping when Charles and another man got between us.

The chief had stood, and was demanding angrily to know what was going on. Amanda translated.

Seems Laibon had decided to take Amanda, to teach her a lesson and return her to her traditional role in his culture. While mate sharing was still a tradition, rape wasn't, and Laibon was in deep shit. If Amanda went to the authorities and pressed charges, he could go to prison for a long time. That, however, meant Amanda would have to stay to testify, and she didn't want that. I looked at the Chief.

"All right, we won't press charges. IF I get the asshole to fight me man to man. He needs a lesson about the real world, not the fantasy he seems to have in his head,"

Amanda went pale and tried to stop me, but it was too late. I had just challenged Laibon to a duel, a serious thing in their culture.

......................

Laibon woke, his face in the dust. Again. While he was clearing his head, he heard the foreigner issuing the challenge and smiled. Now, he would get his chance, and show the devil what a real Masai warrior could do.

Jumping to his feet, he set the terms of the duel, expecting the devil to pale and be afraid. Instead, he just smiled, and accepted, saying it would take him three days to prepare, the custom of his people. He was glad to see his woman was terrified. When he killed the enemy, he would take her. It would probably take a lot of beatings, but he would get her trained, eventually. He took his few friends into the bush, to prepare.

...............................

The Chief tried to talk me out of is, saying the consequences to his people would be dire if it was discovered. I looked him in the eye and gave him a solemn promise that if I won I would never speak of it, and if I lost there would be no repercussions. The official report would say I died in a bush accident. He looked deeply into my eyes before accepting my hand. He spoke a few words and left.

I asked Charles what he said. He grinned. "He say try not to kill him."

Amanda was terrified, and I tried to calm her. "Honey, I have a lot of advantages. I trained with the very best, in the very best form of hand to hand combat. And I have trained in sword and dagger until I'm quite proficient. Plus, I've actually been in combat, and looked an enemy in the eyes when I killed him. I won't say he won't get hurt, he needs a lesson pretty badly, and he touched you. I may not kill him, but I might castrate him. Now, we need to go to Nairobi. I need to see the Colonel."

I made the trip back while Amanda stayed, under her grandfather's protection. I wanted to make it clear to all concerned that I was returning. Instead of the long drive, Charles drove me to a nearby farm, where for a little money, the farmer flew me back, and agreed to wait a day to bring me back.

I got hold of the Colonel, and he met me at Amanda's fathers' condo. They both went wide eyed when I told them what happened.

"Are you sure about this, Laddie?"

When I told him I was, he made calls. Don't ask me how he found a two handed Claymore almost exactly like the one I had at home, or the shield, but he did. Instead of the traditional dagger, I went with two British fighting knives, something I was comfortable with. We also went to a theatrical supply store, for something very specific. The Colonel was impressed, grinning. "Don't even think about leaving me behind. I wouldn't miss this for the world."

We sent the farmer home with thanks, and got into the larger plane the Colonel had chartered. Laibon had been telling everyone I had run away, and if I didn't show up her was taking her, as spoils. He was not happy when I returned, with her father.

Amanda was shocked and amazed at what I was doing, seeing the merits at once, even grinning once or twice. "He's going to shit his knickers!." she laughed, before snuggling down into my arms.

The next morning, at the appointed time and place, Laibon stood, in full regalia. His hair and face were painted red, a traditional color. He had his lion spear, a sort spear with a very long blade, his sword and dagger in his belt, along with his brightly painted shield. He was standing proudly, enjoying the admiration of his peers, when an shocked whisper went through the crowd.

That night, I had shaved my beard, and Amanda had woven my hair into tight corn rows. I was fighting like the traditional Celt of the past. I was naked, except for the belt holding my knives. Not only was I naked, my entire body was painted in bright blue, wit a white accent stripe across my forehead, and one diagonally across my chest, roughly following my scar. Amanda had even shaven off my pubic hair, which made my penis look larger than it was. To highlight it, she had painted it white.

I was beyond shocked when she went out that morning and came back with her long, shining hair shaved off. She giggled nervously. "It's the traditional thing to do for a Masai woman when she marries. After you beat this bastard, we will be having a full Masai wedding. It's been planned since we got here. So don't get hurt, I want you in top shape to perform afterwards."

She stroked me until I was almost fully erect, giggling. She stopped and stood. "There, that should give the girls something to think about, and I want it to look like you're excited when you face him. A few of the women who know say he isn't very impressive, equipment wise. This will be just another reminder that he is facing a better man."

Just before we walked out, she pulled me down and gave me a tremendous kiss. "Don't get hurt. And if you do, all guarantees aside, I will kill him."

The shock was apparent on all their faces when we came out of the tent. Besides me, Amanda wore the same blue paint, and she was topless, wearing her kilt. People gasped and scrambled out of our way.

I was surprised to see the Colonel has flown in four pipers, people he could trust, and they formed an honor guard, two in front and two behind, playing 'Scotland the Brave' as we walked to the center of the village.

..............................

Laibon looked on in pure amazement at the creature before him, and his companion. They looked like demons from an old folk tale. For the first time it occurred to him he may lose. He shook off the thought. This was a man before him, and soon his red blood would cover the blue paint.

The Chief asked again that they not do this, and when both refused he asked that they stop short of death, if one was bested the fight was over. The foreign devil agreed, Laibon did not.

They stepped to the open area. It bothered Laibon to see the man grin. He was a warrior! He had killed a lion in single combat, something outlawed and illegal. No man could stand a chance against him.

He struck his spear against his shield in the traditional salute, signifying his readiness. The devil did the same, then threw down his shield, gripping the massive blade two handed. Laibon thought he had an advantage, but the foreigner fought like the devil he appeared to be.

They went back and forth for five minutes before Laibon saw an opening and thrust, fully expecting to pierce him through the heart, but the spear found nothing but air as the devil twirled, bringing his massive sword down, shattering the spear at the point that it fitted the handle.

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I'll give him one thing, he wasn't afraid. The spear caused me a little worry, and as we battled back and forth I knew he intended to leave my dead body lying in the dust. Finally I got him to overextend, and broke the spear where shaft and head meet.

He dropped the spear butt immediately, running backwards while trying to draw his own sword. He suddenly stopped to laughter, because I hadn't pursued the advantage, standing there with my weapon down, waiting.

The Claymore had a reach at least ten inches more than the traditional Masai blade, and I used it to every advantage, running him ragged, taunting him the whole time as people yelled translations. I let him charge and stepped aside, bringing the flat of my blade down on his backside. His loincloth did little to dull the pain. I don't know at that point whether he was screaming in pain or embarrassment.

I got a little careless and he scored a hit, a light gash across my stomach. It stung like hell, and it did make quite a contrast against the blue paint. Amanda almost fainted. Laibon stood back smirking, until I dipped a finger in the blood and used it to make lines across my forehead.

I'd like to say I put him in the dust, but he was a bonny fighter when it came down to it, and we fought across the village square at least four more times before he made a mistake. It cost him, and I laid the flat of the Claymore against his head in an almost baseball like swing. The thunk was loud. and he fell instantly. I dropped the sword, pulled a dagger, and severed his hair at the base of the elaborate top knot he wore. It just seemed to be the thing to do at the time.

I held it aloft as I walked towards Amanda. Her eyes went from amused to horror, and I knew something was wrong. Instead of swerving to the left or fight, I dropped to the ground, and Laibon tripped over me, sprawling. He started to stand, but I had my knives out by then, and with no remorse at all I put one through his right foot all the way to the hilt. Before he could scream I had him by the front of his loincloth.

"Yield, or die an eunuch!"

He didn't understand what I said, but the meaning was clear. He dropped is sword and put his hands up in supplication. Just to make my point, I gave him a nasty gash across his groin. He wouldn't be trying to force anyone for a long while.

I staggered up, and Amanda ran to me, sliding under my arm. I walked slowly up to her grandfather.

"It is over. Finished, understand? He's a good fighter but he's also a fool, and unless he gets over that the next fight might not end with him alive. And until we leave, if he so much as gives Amanda or I a dirty look, I'll finish what I started and castrate him in front of the whole village. Make sure he understands.

One of the pipers was also a field medic, and he dressed my gash, before going to check on Laibon. He was gone, carried back to the bush in shame and defeat. Amanda's father told us later he refused treatment by western medicine, depending on the witch doctor to heal him. His foot became so infected that by the time they got him real help it had to be amputated. He left the tribe shortly afterwards and no one knew where he went. And no one went looking.

We had our traditional wedding, and the celebration went on far into the night. Her father had a plane waiting, and we left the next day. Her grandfather gave me an elaborate bracelet, and Amanda said it was kind of like a medal, and I was now considered a junior elder of his tribe. He also gave me a Masai name, which loosely translated meant Red Warrior. I knew it was a big honor and thanked him profusely, before gifting him with the Claymore and the knives.

We spent two more days in Nairobi before we left, flying to Cardiff to visit her mother.

.......................

It was less of a visit. more of a grand performance. She made sure everyone knew her new son-in-law was the legendary Mad Yank, pulling out old photos of me with the Queen and the Danish court. We went somewhere for a formal tea every day. Amanda was getting pissed, but I grinned.

"Let her have her day in the sun. It isn't often you have your fondest dream come true. And I have a surprise for her. Wait and watch.

A car arrived that morning, a gleaming Rolls Royce, and we got in. A note was attached to the seat.

"Sorry, old boy, business and all that. Please, accept my apologies. I'll see you at the castle."

We took a two hour scenic drive, ending up at a castle. It was the summer home of Prince Charles and Camilla, though I didn't know it at the time.

Amanda's Mum Claire did, and she nearly fainted when the Colonel strolled up, with Charles and his wife Camilla, pushing a stroller that held his youngest grandchild, a little girl. Three nannies hovered nearby. The parents were out for a day trip, and would be home before dinner.

We had an enjoyable tea, until Charles and the Colonel nearly bored us to tears talking about horse. Camilla finally had enough and spoke out.

"Enough, you two. Dear, you have your youngest granddaughter here, and you've practically ignored her all day. Mummy and Daddy will be back soon, and then she'll be gone."

They both immediately changed subjects, and Charles held the baby, and we got to see the next King of England, blowing and kissing on her tummy, making nonsensical noises as the baby laughed. Claire even got to hold her for a few minutes, and she made sure Amanda took plenty of pictures.

It was probably the best day of her life. Amanda said she nearly crashed her Facebook when the hits started coming. Claire got me to the side just before we left. "I know I can be an insufferable snob, but I really only want what is best for my daughter. And know what? I believe she has it. Look for visits, especially when the babies start coming. Now, off you go. And make Amanda call me every once in a while."

We shook the dust of England off our heels and went home to North Carolina.

.................................

The band had voted to take some time off while I was away. Tony was pretty sure he was going to get custody of his daughter when his ex remarried, and was concentrating on that, and Mike had a few projects he wanted to work on.

Molly, Rob, and Amy were bored. When Robbie told them he and Molly were going to do a few shows on their own, no one got angry, knowing they were the serious musicians of the group. Amy jumped on board, to keep an eye on them, as she told Dave.

They picked up a guitarist, bassist, and a drummer, leaving Rob free to sing more. He had developed a stage presence, and they put on a good show, playing under the name Rob'N'Molly.

A man in a suit came up to them after their last show, and gave Molly, Rob, and Amy cards. Seems he was an agent, and was interested. When they told him this was just a side project and not their normal band, he smiled. "Not interested in any one else, just you three. Your vocals and stage presence is what will sell the shows, musicians are a dime a dozen. Think about it, and give me a call."

It was the beginning of the end of The Tub Thumpers, we just didn't know it yet.

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Final chapter next. Hope you've enjoyed it so far.