Now She was Free to Choose

Fenna studied her reflection in the mirror and was not displeased with how she looked, murmuring to herself, "Not bad for a forty-year-old."

She was a teacher of science, chemistry in particular, and also a tutor to those referred to her for remedial classes. She lived on her own now, had done for a couple of years or so, but had enjoyed an occasional, no strings, fling along the way. As it so happened, her life was arranged just fine.

What did bother her, and some students pointed it out to her, was the iPhone that she still used. It was ancient tech and she needed to upgrade and make the most use of what was to be seen, downloaded, and enjoyed in her own time.

Now, as she fingered out her ash-blonde wispy hair with its unruly parting and checked her reflection in the mirror, for one last time, she made sure that she had everything, her house keys most of all. They were put into a side pocket of her quilted windcheater that she zipped shut, her shoulder bag holding everything else. She would take no chances when she cycled to the market square in the centre of her hometown, Gouda, and visited a media shop the students had recommended.

"Hey, Miss Martens!"

She had hardly stepped into the store of Ring Tone Media when she was disconcerted to hear her name called out, cheerfully, from a stand for the make she wanted, her attention not fully on what was around her and certainly not on the young guy who beamed a winning smile her way. It had been quite a while since she had seen him, a former student.

"Yes, it's me," she smiled in answer to his overtly wondering gaze upon her and she looked away, for an instant only. Both of them seemed to be spooling back through their memories, "and you're Bram Dekker."

"That's right, Miss Martens," he beamed and addressed her as he had done a couple of years ago, his lively eyes taking her in. "How are you, I see that you no longer wear glasses."

That he should remember that she was pleasantly surprised to hear and she now held his gaze, remembering it of old. "No, I wear contact lenses now. You can call me Fenna, I'm not your tutor anymore, Bram."

"True, and I remember those days and your patience with me. I guess you're married by now."

She laughed softly on hearing that sudden change in their conversation. It was easy to fall into, taking in every detail of his face, the lazy flop of his mass of wavy brown hair that he still pushed back from a lean, high-cheeked face. Bram was tall and looked strong and sporty, fit, and she suddenly remembered that he played soccer and was good at it, had even tried to become a professional player.

"No, I'm not married, and I live alone now and it doesn't bother me one bit. I still teach and tutor at the same place. That hasn't changed, everything else has."

She confessed to it easily, the two of them speaking in low and confiding tones as they stood close, glancing sideways at each other, then at the handsets on display. She remembered how a precocious and clever young man, knowledgeable of technical things, had flirted with her, often outrageously, and she had been provoked into telling him that she lived with someone, a man she had gone on to say and to avoid any misunderstandings for her rejection of his advances.

Thinking back on that time, it was rather crazy how attractive she had found him, given their age difference of some twenty years or so. At the time she wasn't into thinking of a relationship with him, their age difference too great, and her strained loyalty to a live-in lover not quite at breaking point.

"So, Fenna, what brings you here?"

"Tell me first why you're working here. I thought you were preparing for your university entrance."

"I'm earning some money and I'm doing this as I like it and keeps me in the know about technical things." He leaned in closer as they again looked at the range of iPhones on display. "I buy in some phones and sell them on...I could even help you with that if you want."

She met his teasing smile and blatantly appraising look upon her once more. He would be seeing her in a dressed-down way, in jeans worn with flats, a blouse hidden under her jacket, and a soft silk scarf wrapped loosely about her neck, the abstract pattern in a variety of colours that was stark against her lightly tanned face and ragingly blonde hair. She flicked it away from her face, wondering if he thought that she was now flirting with him or to keep Bram's attention upon her.

"We'll see, now tell me about what I'm looking at."

Bram was attentive and lapsed into his selling and advising role. He was patient and knowledgeable as he explained the pros and cons of the handsets on display, and agreed with her preference, complimenting her on the research that she had done before coming to the store.

"I'll set it up for you, Fenna, and save you the hassle."

"Would you?"

"Sure, I'm pleased to have seen you again, and...and not having to call you miss." He spoke as her old phone was boxed up. "You're ready to go and, remember to transfer any data that is on the old one."

"I will and thank you, Bram. It's been good to see you again."

"And the same goes for me. We could meet and have a drink...seeing as you're not in a relationship, just as I'm on my own.'

She looked back at him, startled again by his direct ways of speaking out what was on his mind.

"Text me with a time and place and I'll reply to it. This is somewhat unexpected...all of it."

She had spoken out in vague agreement to what he suggested and was surprised to have nothing else to say to a young man who kept on giving her the eye. Bram would have seen her reaction to that look upon her and she left the store in something of a happy daze. Could she go on a date with an attractive and clever young man who, even now, made no secret of being attracted to her? There was no one else in her life to make her say 'no' to seeing him again and taking things from there, but even as that thought arose in her she doubted that she would do that. Whatever happened, she was now free to choose where their relationship might go.

Bram wondered how he had gotten through the rest of the day in the store, but he knew enough about the specs of nearly all the iPhones on sale to be able to deal with the customers and their inquiries. He'd ended the day feeling that Fenna had brought him luck and that his next pay packet would have a bit more of a bonus to swell the amount.

How seeing her again had gotten to him! It was no longer a student's crush on his tutor that he felt, but straightforward longing for the blonde wonder with her soft, unblemished pale skin that had only a trace of a suntan on it. He just found her to possess a fresh-faced and natural beauty that the clothes he had seen her wear made only too real.

There was no fakery or overdoing it with make-up, but making the most of what you had, naturally. It seemed unreal that she was not in any relationship, and Fenna telling him that had only made his interest in her all the sharper again. Had he been mistaken when she had given him a coy look, a soft pouted smile teasing her lips that glistened from the pearly pink lipstick she had applied, a shade fuller than what he remembered from the past? At the time of his being a student, Fenna had brightened what had otherwise been a dour place, the architecture of the college buildings cold and purposeful.

He had seen someone else even as their talk, as she chose a new iPhone, had been only too business-like. Now, as he got back to his cramped apartment, he could text her and see what came of that.

Hoi, Fenna! I'm so glad to have seen you again. It brought me some luck and I was busy right to the end of the afternoon and until we closed. What are you doing, have you got any plans? Bram?

/i>Hoi, Bram! I've got no plans. I'm marking and getting through course papers. Why? Fenna

There was a delay in receiving his response. Had she been too cold in her reply, she wondered, and yet wanting to get over the instinct to be cautious, even proper, in what she did in encouraging his interest in her. The college authorities would have no jurisdiction over what she did in her private life and with an ex-student if they ever got to hear about it. But discretion had been a byword in all of her dealings with students, male and female.

Hoi Fenna! When you're through I wonder if you'll meet me at the Gouda Beach Bar, say at seven-thirty, tonight, or tomorrow in the afternoon?

'Okay Bram, we'll go for it! Sorry, this has to be brief but we'll have all the time tomorrow to say what's on our mind after some time and about us meeting up. See you there! Fenna

She took a moment to consider it all.

She didn't want an 'Eeny-meenie-mineie-mo' place where you almost fell over people you knew or who knew you. Instead, she wanted to go to a discreet and intimate waterside café-bar where they could sit outside, enjoy the evening sun, and talk. The place that Bram had suggested was fine, had tables set along the waterside and had a particular style, red and white chequered seats outside and set around a white table, a parasol over it that matched the seat colours. It was stylish, even proper.

Yes, you will see me there! Bram

The 'Beach Bar' was a play on words, their table set out on a canal-side terrace that lined a busy footway in the centre of the city. They now had all the time needed to talk and to do so in confidence.

And yet, Fenna felt nervous that she was to be seen seated close to a good-looking guy obviously younger than she was. She felt flattered to see him so studiously on trend, clothed in clean but faded blue jeans, a white long-sleeved T-shirt worn under a very modish black leather jacket, and somewhat clunky biker-type ankle boots finishing off his preferred look for what she imagined was a date.

Bram ordered drinks from a passing waitress and sat back in his chair. Fenna saw him gazing at her approvingly and was pleased she had not overdone it but had dressed to feel comfortable, ankle boots to be seen poking out from under her slacks that she had to match up with a cream, scoop-necked blouse and cotton sweater, the arms draped loosely over her shoulders. It was warm enough for her not to wear it.

"I brought both phones, as you suggested," she said and to break into his thoughts aroused on seeing her.

"Good, I'll transfer all the data from the old one into the new one." He did it deftly, his fingers flying over the screen of her new phone and still glancing at her, from time to time, as he spoke what was on his mind. "I'm pleased you agreed to meet me, even more so now that I see you dressed in a way I've not seen before." He said it without interrupting what he was intent on doing. "I've put my number into it too...in case you need any help with the setup."

"I'm sure it will be fine," she answered and was pleased to see the waitress approaching with their drinks. Bram kept talking, only too easily as he paid off the young woman who served them.

"You shouldn't have done that, Bram," she smiled, ruefully, on seeing his eyes follow the waitress' progress away from them before she stopped at another table. "She's a student just like you, working at a job to help her get by."

"But I'm with you, want to be with you," he retorted, "and because I see you looking so good. Don't go worrying about being seen with me, because I'm not. I prefer it that way."

"That's nice to hear but don't go rushing at things," she suggested and laid a hand on his knee for an instant only. It was a touch to start making a different bond with him and he did not move away from that touch. Neither seemed aware that they sipped at their drinks frequently, engrossed as they had become with each other. So, Bram drew the attention of another waitress and soon ordered a refill of what they had been sipping.

"We'll split the cost this time," he suggested and Fenna agreed.

"I've got my way in something," she suggested and Bram laughed, holding her stare upon him this time.

"You have and I got mine when I ended my last relationship. We'd lost sight of just why we had been together."

"I've been there too, you know?" she murmured looking away again as she said it.

"And that's difficult to believe..."

"It still happened," she went on, turning to face him again, a hand sweeping away her hair that the breeze had caught, "and we both read the signs at the same time, so I didn't get used as happened before."

She said it on sitting back in her chair and tugging loose her scarf, every move under his attentive and approving gaze. It was something that she did not need to encourage for it seemed genuine on his part.

Bram gave voice to what was now on his mind.

"You look even more attractive to me now than when you were my tutor, and, who knows, you could be with a nice guy again and have no worries about what people say at work. We're through that now, aren't we?"

What he had said touched her deeply but she found herself gazing at her watch and the time. "Yes, we are, and each in our own ways. I'm sorry to have to leave it there, but I have to go. I have some school business to attend to, even on a Saturday."

"That's too bad," Bram answered and stood up at the same time as she did and was surprised that she kissed him on each cheek before the briefest of touches to his lips. He took it as a sure sign that their bond had taken a precious step to another level, although he would be restrained in his response to her. He did, however, have something to say.

He shamelessly gripped her hand and kept Fenna from moving away. "You should know by now that what I want to do is to kiss you, really kiss you."

She looked wonderingly at him. "I know and I'd like that, but we had better not go there. I'm way too old for you."

"If any other woman had said that to me I'd believe her, but I don't with you and so I'll keep on hoping that we get there the next time we see each other."

He walked by her side as Fenna went to where she had chained her bicycle to a railing, parts of its length festooned with many discarded, and still locked, chains, some of the padlocks shaped in red hearts and the names of lovers scrawled upon them.

She decided to take a chance, to give way to her impetuous streak when it came to a man disclosing his interest in her, an involvement that she knew only too well was his lust for her. She had that sense of longing in her too.

"Come over to my place, my new home, that I've finally settled into. Do that at the end of the week, say on Friday, and have supper? I'll text you the address...on my new phone!"

"I'll look forward to it, whenever you decide," he smiled and watched her go.

Bram followed her progress until she was lost to his sight, her pedalling slow and graceful, Fenna's hair like a beacon as the breeze caught it. He'd never seen Fenna like this and now realised that he could really get lost with the woman; she who had been reluctant to fully let go in such a crowded place, even as he sensed that she wanted to kiss him back, more deeply than what had been started as they said goodbye.

He considered her behaviour to be a sign of particular loneliness, but in her mind, her role as a teacher held Fenna back from what her body might be telling her. She was, no doubt, also wondering more deeply if she should let go and do that with a guy some years younger, his comment that he was not bothered by that particular fact still to take hold and overcame her doubts.

"You're in my blood, Fenna, and there's no way I'm going to let you go."

He had some studying to do and the present was not going to change the future that he planned for himself. He'd take everything one day at a time.

"I've actually gone and done it," Fenna said to herself as she pedalled her bicycle home and thankful that there were bicycle paths so that her raging thoughts did not put her in harm's way.

She had decided to be with Bram and to end the lean spell in her personal life, the absence of a man in her bed, some new company, and another 'no strings' liaison if she decided that she should succumb and live only for the moment. To go beyond that was simply crazy, but the pursuit of an affair with a young guy would be not only pleasurable for its novelty, she could only hope, but it would also distract her from the thought that the years were going by and spinsterhood was the last thing that she wanted.

Even after having invited him to be with her in her new home, she still had her doubts about the wisdom of having done so for his only too direct expression of finding her attractive -- the unspoken word being desirable -- and wanting to kiss her more deeply had set her thoughts all in a whirl.

He certainly wasn't the answer to her circumstances when it came to having a long-term, enduring, relationship, given their age differences. But, her love life was a barren wasteland at the moment, she found him attractive, even sexy, so there was no overwhelming reason to shut him out. She had even spoken to her best friend, Carla, about him and what she might be succumbing to, times of 'no strings or commitments sex' and she had said, 'Why not if you like him enough? You could always look at times with him as being in the company of a friend with additional benefits. You have sex and don't think of anything beyond that.'

"She's right," Fenna muttered as she approached her home, a traditional canal-side property with its stepped gable that had been given a makeover; the only thing it lacked was any sort of garden, but the small and secluded patio to the rear was sunny for most times of the day and year, and she had livened it with masses of flowering shrubs in large terracotta pots.

Carla's words had struck a chord in her, and during the night after they had spoken, she had even resorted to fantasising about him as she pleasured herself, imagining all the while that it was him, a strong and young guy giving it to her.

"Make it real again for me, Bram," she murmured as the front door was unlocked and she leaned her bike against the wall of her hallway. The young guy was to be preferred to someone she might be taken or picked up by in a bar. She wanted to share the heat and have some fun, not have meaningless and purposeless sex with someone she would never see again. It had happened before, once or twice, and it was not a pastime that she took any pleasure from, looking back.

With Bram, it might yet be so different from what she imagined during the quiet hours and she lay alone with her thoughts. Her work now, and most evenings, when she had to mark her student's coursework, would offer some distraction from them.

Bram turned up at her home on the appointed day at just the right time and was somewhat breathless.

"I got delayed dealing with a customer," he said and on a sweep of his eyes took in what she was wearing, a light-blue cotton skirt with a ruched hem that finished just above the knee, along with a cream cotton summer sweater that flattered her slender pert-breasted figure, the colours so captivating to his sight. Combined, they complemented Fenna's lightly tanned skin, her wonderfully blonde hair, and the striking gaze of her eyes "I had no chance to get changed...sorry about that. You look great!"

"Thank you, Bram," she smiled, the thin cotton sweater with the Ring Tone Media logo that he wore the same as when she had first been reunited with him. She preferred the look of him when they had met at the café-bar, already some five frustrating days ago. "And, don't worry about how you're dressed...you're here with me."

"Wow, this place's nice. Old looking on the outside and modern and fresh on the inside," he said complimenting her work of converting the place to just as she wanted.