All Comments on 'Old Friends'

There is a difference between an unreliable narrator and a lying narrator. One is part of first person narrative, and one is a cutsie gimmick. Yours is the latter. I don't think I'll score it. Just one eye-roll at the childish gotcha.

Carolina_Gentleman, for a good while I thought that I was reading one of CarolinaDreamers good stories. Definitely not your usual story. I thought we had a regular old BTB going, but you twisted it up on me. Coach is a cheater too, and poor Trevor was telling the truth. I don't like cheating, but your twist was good enough to ease the pain.

. . . he demanded his hall pass.

So, why did he keep Cheryl and not take Andrea with him?

I don't know how you got me to be so pleased for the cheaters. I felt guilty smiling at the end. What a sneaky story. Well done sir.

Fucking Wanker. Piss off.

I have enjoyed a couple of your other stories. This one? Not so much. But I have to admit it was well written, if maybe a little contrived.

But what bugs me is she didn't talk to him. She just believed trevor. What kind of wife is that? And since he is a cheater he wouldn't care about dumping the wife. Doing that before he started earning $15m and run off with the other cheater would be perfect for him.

Unless.... he know wife won't cheat but Andrea may?

Just dishonest. 1*

Sorry, I didn't like it...Welm writtenyes, but there's no way to like a selfish and heartless cheater bastard like him...And the story has really big holes in it (they didn't found out he was cheating...How was that possible?)...But he'll soon pay: His new team will lose all the games...1*

This was done before and it made the same impression as before, BAD!

Dont like the idea of cheaters getting over, but this one left me smiling.

Pity the husband is a worthless piece of crap.

Not a lot of gentlemanly conduct there!!

Two stars.

I didn't care for it at all. The only character in the whole story that was worth 2 cents was the daughter.

In the end, I didn’t like any of the characters. But I enjoyed the story.

It’s not often that you feel sorry for the cheating wife at the end. But, then again, there are two cheating wives and Andrea is totally horrible.

Not cool.

and his $15 million contract to coach football at a major university was bogus beyond belief. Obviously the writer's fantasy..

the reader knows your (the MC's) thoughts and fears. The reader is inside your head and goes along for the ride. We know what you know and see what you see. You had a conversation with his lover and co-conspirator where you pretty much declared you only had sex in college and Trevor should not be upset.

"No wonder he was mad. But you did explain to him that it was a long time ago and that we were just kids, right?" says our hero to a woman he's been banging every week. Then our hero states,"But still, I don't care what he found out, it didn't give him the right to fuck up my marriage. Hell, we were just kids back then and he was cheating on you then too." Again, the two cheaters talk in a private conversation as if they are not fucking every week and Trevor has not right to seek revenge.

You simply lied to the reader. It was not a misdirect or a red herring. We were inside the MC's head and he never thought about how Trevor might have reason to be upset. He actually felt Trevor didn't have the right to fuck up his marriage, even as he knew Trevor had every right. Dishonest story telling. Go directly to Lit jail. Do not pass Go and do not collect red H's.

Why do they always fuck the guy that tells them about the husband? It never occurs to them that he has an ulterior motive?

"shocked when her new attorney told her that I was being extremely fair based on the circumstances" - Why should she be shocked? With no-fault settlements are pretty automatically determined anyway.

Yes, it's not a "twist" when the person telling the story withholds information.

Awesome.

Take that bitch, lol.

This reads almost like a political group the way all of them cheat, lie and too often get away with it. And, we almost trust them.

Burn them all!

T.T.

That has been my same problem with first person stories like this. The ending wasn't a twist, it was a lie. The whole point of first person is that the readers know the narrator's every thought and feeling. His every thought was about how he was the one betrayed by his ex-friend, how he was the one who was betrayed by his wife, and it was all a lie.

<P>

He was a hypocrite, he was an asshole.

There are alone when they have this conversation. No one can hear them, so there is no reason to pretend as if they hadn't been fucking all along and set the whole thing up. No one in such a situation would talk like that. This goes beyond being a lie, this is a portrayal of two sociopaths.

<P>

It's a good thing this is fiction -- and very badly plotted fiction at that -- because if they were real I would really be fearful for his daughters. If he can do that to his wife, what is he capable of doing to them?

didn't care for the end of this at all

The two daughters have no chance with those two selfish assholes as their parents.

Is bad for relationships and authors. Still enjoyed it. Thanks for the story.

I admit I didn't see that end coming. Husband proved to be a jerk but a real clever twist my friend! Thanks for the story!

"Buckeye Fan"

PS..to the person that thought $15M for 6 years as a head coach was bullshit...well you don't know football.

I thought this wasn't a bad read. Certainly it's not deserving of all the criticism, largely from folk who probably can't string together a few paragraphs themselves.

Pun intended ....

Didn't really enjoy the twist at the end, although it was delivered well.

Several of their friends witnessed him kick Trevor in the balls. That's assault and battery, plain and simply and given how much Trevor hated him I don't see him NOT pressing charges. Which gets him fired. You told us that he "never just lets things go". So what changed his mind? I think Cheryl hires a high powered attorney and goes thru with the divorce. She gets full custody (since we all know a head football coach is always busy and never at home AND he fucked up when he allowed his daughter to see the video. A Judge won't be happy with that little tidbit), alimony, child support and the house until the girls graduate. And to really put a bow on her deal, she's going to get alimony based on his new $15 million dollar salary. Hard to hide that little bit of information from even a dumb lawyer. So she and the girls are set for life and he can devote himself to football. Besides who wants a mousy wife that's afraid of her own shadow that tries to placate an asshole husband? Poorly thought out drivel.

2 stars

I guess it takes a real asshole to be a college football coach because that's the main character's character.

Actually that should read "lack of character."

I feel sorry for the wife and kids, HAVING SUCH A BULLY AS A FATHER/HUSBAND.

Barf!

R.

But then realized that I did not.

I don't think the MC lied to the readers when he spoke to Andrea. He did not think "wow, I don't deserve this... I never cheated with Andrea." If he had, then he would have lied to the readers.

What he did was speak to a co-conspirator to establish a COVER STORY. It was like a murderer on a phone from jail telling his false alibi, "it sure is good that you and I we're together all night." They know the truth. It was not lying.

His statement was inside quotes. it was dialog. Characters can say anything. That doesn't make it true, not does it mean the author is lying to the reader. It it was in prose, narration or inner thoughts, that's a different story. Dialog is not "inside the head".

I have not gone back to see if there was ever thoughts or prose that assured his innocense, but I don't remember there being any.

My reaction to the profession of innocence was "yeah right". Go back and read it... He was worried how much she had revealed and had no way of knowing if he was being recorded... So he carefully avoided admitting the truth. By stressing the " truth" to Andrea so strongly, when she knew the truth, was just a way to set their alibi.

Well done.

KB

All characters in this story were cheaters, none could you like. 1 star.

Lying to the readers isn't cool, to begin with. Randi and HDK are right. It wasn't a "twist," it was just a lie. Once you get past the lie, it's just a story about four cheaters, and none of them are worth wasting time reading. I won't read again.

@Kingbandor, I'm pretty sure no on gives a fuck what you think. I quit reading your shit when you had a little bitch-fit and deleted all comments and turned off scoring.

Maybe, if they did, they would end up worthwhile human beings themselves.

"......so you will be served with those papers this week. I don't want to have it done at your office or anywhere that will embarrass you."

Because showing you naked and having sex on a TV screen in front of your best friends and daughter really isn't much of an embarrassment already?

Way, way over the top, especially for a guy who's already guilty as hell. She may have fucked up but no way I'd ever go back to someone that is that vengeful. What happens the next time she forgets to take out the garbage? He sends emails everyone they know telling them that he lives with a pig?

You sir are not a gentleman.

Loved that there was a twist. Didn’t love the twist.

He deserved to walk out his office door to a process server.

are really the product of readers wanting something using the usual LW formulas. As for HDK and others trying to dress up their disappointment with a technical complaint, where is it written that stories being told in the first person require that person to divulge everything relevant to the story at once? The answer is that it isn't. Morover, the idea that first person axiomatically entitles us to know "everything" is idiotic. In essence, you are listening to someone tell a tale. In real life, he tells you what he wants when he wants. Third person is more suited to an "omniscient perspective", although it certainly isn't required in that style either. NCG's ending was clever. It offends the sensibilities of many here, but it is still an interesting bit of writing, unlike 99% of what gets posted. I think most people here would be happy with a steady diet of "there was a strange car in the driveway" and "anonymous email warning" stories ending with a destitute adulterous wife and the husband riding off into the sunset with an SI swimsuit model..

I enjoyed the story until the final scene. I’m not a fan of that ending. At the end of the day, Matt was a douche, much worse than Trevor, and really crapped on his wife.

How would the comments and scoring be different if the MC were Cheryl the women's volleyball coach having an affair with Trevor the assistant athletic director ?

To my mind this version scores a little, but not a lot, better than my character switched one, but there'd be a lot more vitriol towards Cheryl and a lot more "...but it was very well written" or the equivalent.

Since for me the plot is as much a part of the story as the dialogue etc. and I HATE when the cheaters "win", this gets a 3 even though it was very well written.

As for the lying narrator, per the Wiki "Unreliable Narrator" entry:

"A more dramatic use of the device delays the revelation until near the story's end. In some cases, the reader discovers that in the foregoing narrative, the narrator had concealed or greatly misrepresented vital pieces of information."

BTW, to any authors who happen to read this, if I can't comment I very rarely vote.

I did NOT see that ending!!! Cheating husband finally wins...LOL!!!

Matt's far worse than his wife. Just a sad story all around.

I don't understand why all of the authors on this site go through the " oh my God she's cheating, what am I going to do?" phase. Dealing with adultery is simple: Find out, get proof, hide the bodies!

But a cheating asshole is still a cheating asshole. I can't work up any good feelings for anyone in this story.

chur m8 awsum story

⭐⭐⭐⭐

The last 5 paragraphs wiped out the last two characters as worthy of readers' empathy. Great plot twist CG, although as mentioned below, you abused the 1st person narrative expectations. But hey! It worked and a fairly drab reconciliation tale turned interesting at the end. Nicely done.

Keep 'em comin'.

Not withstanding the ending, these stories most of the time, the wife says "I'll do anything you want to fix things". In my opinion, it's up to her to find a solution.

Total fucked up shit, hope Cheryl finds out and surgically removes his cock and balls and watches him bleed to death while sliting Andrea’s throat in front of him.

I can only assume that the twist at the end was a last minute idea as there was no mention of them having an affair when they were discussing what Trevor was doing with Cheryl. Really didn't need this twist did nothing for the story.

The ending killed any sympathy I had for the husband, lying, cheating piece of shit, people like him give husbands a bad name

No liking for cheater male or female.marriage vows should be honored.people make mistakes but deliberate long term betrayal deserves no mercy

Was a pretty good story until the last five or six paragraphs

POS

decent story until you had him have sex with Andrea. 3 stars

good until the end punishing the wife for doing what they were doing long term. if she had of confronted him before cheating on him what would he have said. he was sprouting all that sh.t about trusting him and she should have spoken to before she cheated, what a hypocrite.

Good story ruined by the ending. "Hero" was just a tosspot …

Great story with an ending twist that was unexpected. Had to laugh after the last few paragraphs. Thanks.

Could have been good but in the end the husband was worse than his wife ever was. Epic fail, come on down!!

What a schmuck.

HUBBY WAS A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.

1 star - this story certainly sucks.

All 4 of them were complete @$$HATS! No one to root for....

Everyone was slimy. The best of them was the cheating wife. Different. D

Didn't see that coming nice twist at the end now all of them are cheating pricks keep it up

Loved the twisted ending!!!

This story should have a higher rating than 3.74.

You deserve the low score. For some reason the writers here seem to believe that everyone deserves 5 stars but you don't. If a story upsets someone then they have every right to vote what they feel is just. You ruined what otherwise would have been a sweet reconciliation. Considering the story is void of likable characters I have to give you a 3.

He was a conniving cheating asshole. I wish the ending would haave his wife ovehearing the conversation at tha end and fuck him up good.

Damn, didn't see that twist coming!

Cheaters all around. Not a likeable one among them

Fun story but they're all assholes. 🙂

""" AngelRider5 months ago

You deserve the low score. For some reason the writers here seem to believe that everyone deserves 5 stars but you don't. If a story upsets someone then they have every right to vote what they feel is just. You ruined what otherwise would have been a sweet reconciliation. Considering the story is void of likable characters I have to give you a 3.

woodward"""" I agree AR5, but a 1* here the MC was/is a complete AO and I bet he doesn't have hemmoriods, either. ;(

He is pissed when he thinks his seventeen-year-old girl is having sex? Why?

The MC is a repugnant asshole. So is Andrea. Trevor may be a snake but Cheryl's betrayal was like an ant on a mole of an elephant compared to his execrable betrayal. Gross. And she got close to the truth but he outmaneuvers her and Trevor and makes her fell guilty. He planned to reconcile all along. Especially when he got thr new job. Andrea was apparently done with Trevor anyways. Just terrible people. Cheryl feels terrible.for what she thought she was duped into, but the MC and Andrea get away clean. Cheryl deserves someone better.

Cheaters are assholes whether its the husband or the wufe.

Not your best effort.

Not a great story, probably your worst of the bunch.

Matt and Andrea are the assholes, they cheated first. I hope karma hits them both, right between the eyes

I gave this originally 5/5, it’s rescored to 3/5

Why, if he was happily fucking Andrea for 3 years, did he want to stay married to Cheryl?

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The “twist” at the end was both illogical and contradictory to the story. When he “discovered” Cheryl’s cheating, he talked about it with Andrea. Hello!! The bitch he’s been fucking for years! Yet the story made it look like they were NOT screwing each other. That’s a plot hole the size of the Grand Canyon!

.

1 *

Yeah you flipped it and made them the dirty cheaters means I can't root for them so therefore the story becomes shaky.