All Comments on 'On Holiday with Mum Ch. 01'
by Jack1107
- 20 Comments
dispatcher59about 5 years agoBut it needs more detail. Mom sounds like quite the bombshell. It would be great if we knew if she was blonde, brunette, etc, if we had some description of her shape, how she responded when he came inside her, and so on.
xsiveoneabout 5 years agoFast! Without much lead in or build up but got the point across. I hope there will be a continuation although I know you don't do that often. Thanks for the read.
Anonymousabout 5 years agoUmmmm, if someone dies, you don't call the doctor (that can't get there until 10). You call the police who in turn call the county coroner.
Anonymousabout 5 years agoCOME ON NOW, YOU CAN NOT LET IT END THAT WAY. WE WOULD LOVE TO READ MORE ABOUT THIS LOVE STORY.
Anonymousabout 5 years agoYour story has A familiar start, ultimately you need to set yourself apart from other creative writers. However for me you have a rapid pace. Relationship development; is they are going to be travelling through Europe together, a better start with sensual moments and discoveries would seem real. You skipped straight to discussions over anal sex which is not plausible based on the start of the story
Anonymousabout 5 years agoWent from mourning to porn in one paragraph. Not much of a transition. Very rushed and poorly thought out
Anonymousabout 5 years agoI could not finish the story. The dialog is so stilted and the set-up poor. Have you thought of an editor? They are free here.
Alwaystabooabout 5 years agoSo true yet so many mothers deny those desires. Happy this mother finally gave in. Truly a beautiful story
ojanzi1about 5 years agoApart from all the other places where the story faals down, in what world do you think a women would bury her husband of twenty + years one day and then fuck her twenty six year old son the very next day and if the business was a large international she would have no qualms about cancelling her trip to grieve!!
ScareCrow840about 5 years agoThe story is good like I say but the way its presented leaves a lot to be desired. You need some direction from someone who knows how to present your plot.
DoctorSpenglerabout 5 years agoGrief over losing a partner of twenty-plus years does NOT disappear in a few moments! Bunging your mum up the backside in a matter of days? By all the gods, give me a break! One star!
Anonymousabout 5 years agoThis story reads like an instruction manual from IKEA and is about as erotic ...
Scotsdlh1991about 3 years agoThe pacing is awful and you wouldn’t know that someone is dead honestly how have you written so many stories and still be as bad as this
