All Comments on 'Once Bitten'

Decent story, but it ended way too short. Also, you left out a very critical piece: if the post-nuptial agreement specified that she was to have no contact with her former lover; then he should do 2 things: take pictures and video of there meeting, and I'd also ask the barista to agree to a deposition that she's seen them together every week for the last month or so. Only after he has the proof nailed down do you confront them. Hopefully that post-nuptial is extremely punishing to her - i.e. 80/20 or better in his favor and he gets custody of the children.

A great 750 word story.

It has the makings of something longer.

Considering the complexity of the subject drawn from the storyline, this wasn't bad for 750 words. But it always leaves me wanting more.

They were doing things they shouldn’t be, regardless of any previous connection. Eating or drinking with someone is dating behavior. When you do that with someone other than your spouse, you’re cheating!

ZK

I realize it is your 1st foray into the 750 word format, thus, it is understandable that your first attempt would not be a success, at least, IMHO. To me, it felt incomplete. Why would Melinda risk her marriage just to talk with Patrick? Especially after dodging the divorce bullet earlier. 750 word tales need to be compact and complete in and of themselves. The exception would be if one would offer a challenge for others to flesh out and/or end the story.

I believe you have potential, so I have followed you and look forward to new postings from you.

Pasqual

Why waste electronic paper? If you want to give readers a statement of a case it would be better to just stop writing? What day?

750 words means that you actually have a story that can hold the interest of readers and completely concludes in 750 words.

It does not mean take a normal story, remove its head and its tail and plonk the undefinable body as a 750 worder

Nice little story.

Thanks BlueGee.

Waiting for chapter 2

A good short story, but there could be a whole lot more development. The first time she was caught with Patrick, how and why they reconciled and the after effects of the divorce.

Could use a pt 2

Please write a continuation

Of course people will ask for more. But as a snap shot in time this post works. The wife was really stupid and has now burned herself. Time for hubby to move on.

An interesting vignette of a story. 5*.

Nice but very short

Yes, now what?

Lot of stuff packed into the few words. Good.

But the last line line "Your days are numbered" left me a bit off -- we don't what it meant and no follow up.

Good story, well executed. 5 stars.

In this case, the wife proved that the old adage - Once a cheater always a cheater, is true. Her behavior also proved that past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. Real change is hard and rare. Good for him that he insisted upon a post nuptial agreement as a condition of reconciliation. Reconciliation is a risky investment. No matter how remorseful they are when they're caught cheating there's no guarantee the remorse will last.

I think you passed you test. Very well written, and complete.

love it when a real man takes action and deals with a lying slut of a wife and her lover. Please follow up with how he burns both of them!

Excellent, I’ve tried several times to write a 750, but just can’t get it right, but you did. Good bones in this one, maybe wrap it into a longer tale?

Even if they're not lovers, the deal was to never see or speak to him again. If she'd so easily break that part of their agreement, who can know if/when she'll go further.

Very well done! You’ve passed the 750 word test with flying colors!

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5 *****

Would like part 2

Please tell me this continues.

Good but seems to be part of what should be a bigger story.

More!

short and sweet

So, the ol' question 'What's the point?' comes into play here, and I'm left with.........

As a little slice out of time, it was a very good story. Authors of 750 word stories should probably leave comments turned off. They are all pretty predictable about being too short. And with the warning that it is a 750 word story, readers who don't like the short format don't need to read them.

Good story in that we know a lot about this couples history in few words. By ending it with a threat the story doesn’t feel complete, therefore not satisfying unless there is a part 2, which defeats the purpose of the 750 word challenge.

Thank you! This was good. Would like to see a part 2.

Short and to the point. Stands on its own.

This is a perfect snippet of time. Good dialog, good pacing just well presented.

Thank you.

Good start

Great story but the stupid 750 word challenge ruined it. This feels like it sould be a few hundred more words for Melinda dealing with both sets of parents.

A great opener, "Your days are numbered."

Feels like part two could come along at some point ;)

The short stories leave so much to be inferred and there is so much more to this tale to be shared. Well written and had a great concept.

Very concise, but with a twist and a swift end. Good short story. Thanks for the effort.

Okay for a routine start. Now finish the story.

I am sick of those who do not care for the 750 format. Then do not read them

I am sick of those who ALWAYS demand FTDS after a 750 story.

To read 750 words, you must read between the lines and use the melon on your head for more than a hemorrhoidal prop.

This story was complete and very well done.

There is no more room for a holes here.

Good story and you did things that most writers won't do here. You allowed there to be an act of forgiveness and you wrote a husband who behaved like an adult. Don't apologize for being derivative. Every possible way of catching and confronting a cheater has been explored here. This was a good story. Don't worry about it being incomplete. Some people want a story that goes cradle to grave. We know how this ends. That doesn't mean you can't write a follow on. Good job!

Hopefully It's a good prenup and he gets the house and primary custody. He can tell his mom she has babysitting duty for her part in interfering with his marraige.

Now we need a follow up BTB

And!

Should be a follow-up as to what happens now

So?

Needs a revenge follow up!!

The revenge should be served cold with zero mercy.

Yet another 750 word fuck up of what could have been a great story. And another 1* for this 750 word shit

You had 5* until the last sentence. "Your days are numbered" implies there is more left to write about, thus forcing it beyond 750 words. 4*

And that's why you never reconcile

No!! No, no, no! You never, ever threaten 'em in front of witnesses. That's why the saying is about revenge being best served cold. When your all hot and bothered, you get carried away and do stupid shit like making public threats. Otherwise, Good Job! Thanks for sharing with us.

Like it.

This was great! It was just a shame it was so short.

Follow up...

Patrick's balls in a vice, what's all in the postnup???

Short but unfortunately also very plain and boring. When it gets exiting it stops!

Excellent. This is a pointed trip in reality. Thanks for sharing.

Great, well done! I appreciate that you're experimenting here - a 750 word story - but I agree with others: perhaps there is more to the tale?

Efficient sharp to the point. Thanks.

Is it really a 750 word story if it meets the word count but doesn’t have an ending?

@sbrooks103x

Even if they're not lovers, the deal was to never see or speak to him again. If she'd so easily break that part of their agreement, who can know if/when she'll go further.

Captain Obvious strikes again.

Good start, needs a finish.

This is not a story. It's the first couple of paragraphs to a story. I have no idea why the writer thought this was worth posting.

Good, more please. 750 is too short for this one.

So, When's the story? LP

Why can't people on this site accept what the writer wrote? Why do they want "an ending" when the story is done?

Does not need to tell every detail of the divorce to make it's point.

Good job. 4 stars.

One bite , one chance, is sufficient. She was warned, and now she is finished. I hope what’s left of Patty makes her a good life partner, because that’s all she has now. Great story any day, but especially on a awful day like this one in LW.

This is original. Congrats

The ending is perfect. A reader who can connect the dots has had a good education. If one cannot connect the dots....

Ed

No, it doesn't need a finish. It's finished. What more is there to say? We got enough to understand the backstory. Except for step-by-step details of the divorce, there's not much more to tell.

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You said you were writing a 750 word story, and all the pertinent details are there. Mission accomplished.

Part 2 please!

left too many questions, keep trying the 750 word is a very hard thing to pull off even some of the vets here still cant pull it off. closing open ends and make it 750 words isnt easy need to find a way to not open threads that lead to questions

I love some of these 750 word things, I don't know how you writers do it. I also love a great confrontation scene. Had one of my own years ago but that's another story. good writing

Trust and betrayal, especially a 2nd with the same guy = divorce. Pretty good but too short.

Who the fuck meets his lover at 8:00 am ?!

Why would chubby Kay give a fuck about patrons' affair?

Why is Melinda doesn't leave a husband she doesn't love or respect and just go and live with her lover?

The MC is big and strong and the lover is weak and small… How old are, 12?

Don't answer.

Wait, what just happened? Needs a finish, good start!

Just stop with these unfinished so called 750 word 'stories'! They're NOT stories.

Now..... finich! [sic]

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Must be a Kiwi, because I've never read of any Oz DNA - Vegemite - mentioned in your stories!

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Seriously, keep 'em coming. 5/5!!

A very good 750 word short story. AND - it lays the foundation for a more fleshed out story. IMO.

Nip it in the bud!

4

This is how a 750 word story should be done. It uses words economically and uses dialogue to give backstory.

"Your days are numbered."

Talk is cheap. I will wait to rate when I see the number, and the consequences. She already demonstrated that she wants another man, why not let her have him, what's left? Thanks for the effort.

750 word stories are not easy. Good job!

What’s wrong with you morons? They’re getting divorced, the story has an ending, Sheesh you dumbasses.

Nice setup but average without an ending. Thanks

Ignore the yammering. This is a perfect flash. It has enough exposition to explain and a proper resolution.

It's fascinating that there are authors who have been on here for over a decade that still fuck it up with too much.

Sorry, I had to say that (cough HDK). I am truly impressed Blue. Well done. Seriously. Well done.

I think that a postnuptial agreement makes so much sense for so many of the raac lovers. What a perfect solution to create stability after a spouse cheats. I appreciate your use of it.

Good lord people.

The 750 word stories ARE a thing here.

They are clearly labeled.

They happen a lot here by almost all capable authors trying their hand at them.

Short stories are legitimate literary vehicles.

When someone posts a short story. Clearly labels it "750 word" you KNOW it's not gonna give you the typical background. Detail or specifics. Because it's ONLY 750 words.

It's a challenge as a writer. They are specifically attempting to tell an entire story in a very compact way.

So...coming into the comments section and saying "finish it!" or "where's the rest of the story?" or "why'd you end it here?"...well it's a lack of reading comprehension.

Getting angry about it being short? Is sort of like becoming angry at the guy who brings the Shetland Pony to the fair. "Why is it so short?!" Uhhh...dummy...that's kind of the point.

If you do not like short stories which require imagination and for you to think about how you would fill in the blanks? Then stop fucking reading them. And for fucks sakes stop making your idiotic comments about a short story being short.

Sometimes I have read follow up short stories that work. They usually don't take up the story right after...it's usually a flash forward...or sort of like an epilog short sometimes years in the future. But again...they require imagination to full in some of the blanks. And they are done by the author...at his/her discretion. But certainly not necessary...because...well...it's a SHORT STORY!

Some of the best short stories (750 words) on this website are single/stand alone stories that require no followup or more explanation.

So when/if you read one in the future. Just fuckijg judge it based on the story told. Did it give you enough for you to be able to clearly see the situation and fill in the blanks? Yes or no? Then rate it. Maybe make a comment about liking it or not...or if you see a flaw. Then Done. And STFU.

As for this one? I liked it. Would give it about a 4.5...so I guess I'm rounding up to a 5.

Thanks for the effort.

Good lord people.

The 750 word stories ARE a thing here.

They are clearly labeled.

They happen a lot here by almost all capable authors trying their hand at them.

Short stories are legitimate literary vehicles.

When someone posts a short story. Clearly labels it "750 word" then you KNOW it's not gonna give you the typical background. Detail or specifics. Because it's ONLY 750 words.

It's a challenge as a writer. They are specifically attempting to tell an entire story in a very compact way.

So...coming into the comments section and saying "finish it!" or "where's the rest of the story?" or "why'd you end it here?"...well it's a lack of reading comprehension.

Getting angry about it being short? Is sort of like becoming angry at the guy who brings the Shetland Pony to show at the fair. "Why is it so short?!" Uhhh...dummy...that's kind of the point.

If you do not like short stories which require imagination and for you to think about how you would fill in the blanks? Then stop fucking reading them. And for fucks sakes stop making your idiotic comments about a short story being short.

Sometimes I have read follow up short stories that work. They usually don't take up the story right after...it's usually a flash forward...or sort of like an epilog short taking the reader years in the future. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. But again...they DO require imagination to fill in some of the blanks. And they are done by the author...at his/her discretion. But certainly not necessary...because...the original....well...it's a SHORT STORY!

Some of the best short stories (750 words) on this website are single/stand alone stories that require no followup or more explanation.

So when/if you read one in the future. Just fucking judge it based on the story told. Did it give you enough for you to be able to clearly see the situation and fill in the blanks? Yes or no? Then rate it. Maybe make a comment about liking it or not...or if you see a flaw. Then Done. And STFU.

As for this one? I liked it. Would give it about a 4.5...so I guess I'm rounding up to a 5.

Thanks for the effort.

Oh , there's absolutely no doubt they're fucking! good-bye, good riddance!

The ending? Flash stories usually end with a twist, something a little unexpected. The rest is good. Short intro, Max three active characters, one location, plenty of dialogue. Just the ending needs a little work.

Good job

started to give a 4 then decided a 2. too much left unsaid - shouldn't have been a flash story - finish the damn

Would love to see a sequel.

A lot of emotion in few lines of the story. Good writing.

1* for the non-ending.

Just right. Exactly what a ‘750’ should be.

Good start...but...way too much unsaid and no real closure! A 750 word story needs all the elements of who, what, when where, why, which is why they can be tough to write. We just got part of the story.

Well written and you covered all the bases of a flash story. 5/5*

Don't worry about the anons. All the members and/or fellow authors who commented gave you stellar marks for the most part. This one could actually have a continuation or a flash from the wife's POV. Maybe a 750 dynamo from Patrick's perspective as the boyfriend of a self-absorbed woman. Maybe, he's actually not just 'the other man,' but Melinda's high school boyfriend, and soulmate. Lots of possibilities. Great writing as usual!