One More Year Ch. 09

"I hate this," I said to Louis as we stepped out of the swelteringly hot and incredibly loud club. The balcony we'd walked out onto was cooled by only a mild summer breeze, but after the oppressive warmth of inside it felt almost freezing - although the cold and silence was a relief. The door behind us swung shut, and the raucous noise cut off to a muted murmur. I took a deep breath of the fresh night air.

"I'm not sure that I see the appeal either." Louis chuckled. He looked great again - gelled hair, nice shirt, no glasses. Seeing him on nights out like this, it was almost hard to believe he was the nerdy, quiet guy who was always showing up at our AP maths classes. He shrugged. "But Jess seems happy."

He wasn't wrong - she'd definitely seemed full of chaotic energy. She, Eric and Vince had started drinking earlier in the day without the rest of us, and by the time we'd all met up they were much further along the road to giggly and happy than anyone else. It hadn't helped that almost the very instant we'd gotten to the club, Eric and Ellie had abandoned me to go dance.

At least I wasn't alone in not wanting to flail about like an idiot on a crowded floor full of sweaty strangers. Louis, Sarah and John had stayed with me, although the happy couple had quickly settled down at a table to make out, so I was left talking to Louis - not that it had been easy to do that with the music making it impossible to hear each other.

"I just don't get why people like clubbing so much." I stepped up to the railing, looking down at the cars below.

Louis stepped up next to me. "Alcohol, drugs and sex, I'd think. Mostly, anyway."

"Well, I don't do any drugs, and I'm clearly not having sex with Eric tonight. Unless he drags me off to the bathroom." I grinned as Louis blushed. "And because I'm driving you and Ellie home, I don't get to drink, so I guess I'm doomed."

"I guess so." Louis laughed. "Thanks for that offer, by the way. With the test tomorrow, it's nice to not have to risk waiting a long time for an Uber."

"No problem. Your house is on the way, anyway."

"Yeah..." He looked out at the street. "Maybe you'd like gay clubs more."

I frowned. "Why?"

"Oh, I... I don't know." He turned to me, and shrugged. "Just a bunch of things. Hot bartenders. Guys dancing together. You can just be yourself there, without worrying, you know? Hold a guy's hand. Or sit there and make-out, like John and Sara can here."

"I guess I can see the appeal. Of the being yourself thing - like the hand-holding. Making out in front of everyone seems..."

"Gross, yeah. I agree. John's disgusting." He smiled broadly, and I laughed. "Oh, and the music is usually better too."

"Well, anything's got to be better than this crappy techno bullshit."

He laughed. "Yeah..."

"Why does Jess even like this place?"

"Oh, I have no idea. Jess and I aren't really close any more."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Oh, don't be. It's not like we were super close to start with, but stuff happened a little while ago, and I just get the sense she doesn't like me now." He cleared his throat. "But yeah, sorry. I shouldn't bring up our drama. I don't like gossiping anyway."

"Okay." I smiled. "Nice to know you guys have problems with each other, though. When I met you, you all seemed kind of... perfect."

"Oh god." He laughed. "I hope that's just you being naive."

"Maybe. Do you want me to change the topic?"

"Yes please. Did you have something in mind?"

"Yeah. A fun Lord of the Rings analysis I saw online."

"Okay, awesome." He tapped his fist rhythmically on the railing.

"Frodo learned all his elvish from books given to Bilbo, which were old and quite formal, apparently. But Legolas grew up as sort of a country-lord, interacting with the Silvan elves who had a more colloquial dialect. So Legolas's elvish would have sounded really hickish, and Frodo's would have been very fancy and formal."

Louis leaned against me slightly and laughed. "That's a fun thought."

"Isn't it just?"

"And Aragon gets to watch them interact and laugh at the hobbit sounding like a school teacher and the classy elf sounding like a farmer." He smiled broadly. "Brilliant."

I chuckled and turned my face out to the street, inhaling the somewhat fresh night air. "I always liked that scene in Two Towers, where Legolas and Aragon are arguing about the defence of helms deep, and Legolas says - in Elvish - that 'they're all going to die' or something. Then Aragorn shouts back 'Then I shall die as one of them!', but in Westron."

"Oh god. Terrible for morale."

"Exactly."

Other people came out of the door behind us, and made their way to the other side of the balcony. They sat down and started to smoke. We got a little quiet after that, and eventually he glanced at the door. "Should we head back, see what everyone's up to? If Ellie wants to leave soon, I'm happy to go whenever."

"Uh, yeah. Okay." Getting out of there soon would be great, but Ellie actually liked dancing, so it would be difficult to persuade her to leave early if she was still having fun. But I couldn't spend all night on the balcony with Louis - despite how much I preferred being able to breathe and talk to someone nice instead of feeling awkward for not dancing and being deafened by awful music.

We made our way back into the noise and the heat of the upper level, which only covered half the floor space, and was crowded with tables and chairs. From the railing at the far end, where Louis and I settled, you could look down onto the dancefloor on the lower level. Louis nudged me and pointed down to a section of the crowd, and I saw our friends dancing. They were all gathered around in a circle, moving to the rhythm - more or less.

Apart from Ellie, no one was doing anything particularly graceful. Melissa was a passable dancer, and she clearly had her attention on a reasonably attractive guy that was hanging around the group. Vince was objectively awful, flailing around, mostly just making everyone laugh.

It seemed like Eric and Jess were dancing with each other, while still pressed up against the group. Neither of them were particularly good, but they were clearly having a lot of fun. Watching Eric's body move was captivating, even from a distance. I laughed when Jess leaned in and kissed him.

As the kiss dragged on, however, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it, it got decidedly less funny. I looked at the rest of the group - Vince looked awkward, Ellie looked shocked and Melissa looked furious.

I watched the guy next to Mel stop dancing as he saw the look on her face, and he leaned over to shout something in her ear. She shook her head, and marched up to Eric and Jess and pulled them apart. She grabbed him forcefully, and shouted something in his ear, gesturing up to me.

He looked up and we locked eyes. It was mesmerising, and awful. It felt like we just sat there staring at each other for hours, even though it must have only been seconds. Then I turned my head to the side, seeing the pale and concerned face of Louis.

He leaned in to shout in my ear, "Are you okay?"

Was I okay? No. I shook my head and stood up, immediately heading back towards the door to the balcony. I gritted my teeth as I barged out onto the balcony, and set myself against the railing, staring absently out into the street.

"Jay, are you okay?" Louis asked, settling next to me at the railing.

"I think I want to go home now," I said stiffly.

"Right, of course, okay. I'll text Ellie." He pulled out his phone. "I might stay and calm down Melissa. But don't worry, I'll get a lift home from her or an Uber."

We sat there in silence for a while. I was just trying to figure out how I'd gone from not caring to being so mad. I realised with a start that when Eric had told me he was sort of into girls, I hadn't really believed him. So when he'd told me he'd dated Jess, I guess I had just... assumed it hadn't been anything serious.

But now it was all I could think about - their history, the way they acted around each other, how often they were alone together. Although my conscience knew it was wrong, I started to hate her.

Eric appeared at the door, with Ellie just behind him. She lingered in the doorway instead of following him as he stepped up to the railing to stand next to me.

"Hey." He said, his hands in his pockets.

"I'm going to go... find Melissa." Louis quickly pushed himself off the railing, and made for the door. He stopped to talk to Ellie on his way, and then went inside.

"So that was pretty funny, right?" Eric said, with a slightly forced looking smile.

"Not particularly." I responded flatly.

"It was just a joke, Jay."

"Yes, everyone looked really amused."

"Jay."

"Am I being unreasonable?" I snapped. "Is it weird that I'm upset you kissed your ex who's also your best friend?"

"No, I get it," he said. "But it wasn't that big a deal."

"I'm going home." I didn't wait for a response, I just immediately stormed through the door, and then made my way down the stairs and out of the club. Ellie followed in my wake, and soon it was just the two of us out on the street, heading towards where I'd parked. Eric hadn't followed us.

"Are you okay?" she asked carefully.

"I don't know." Outside of the club and away from Eric and the noise, it was eventually creeping into my mind that the whole thing may have been a non-issue. If they'd both just seen it as a joke... "Am I overreacting?"

"I don't think so. It's still pretty messed up to kiss your ex, even if you don't like girls."

"He doesn't... not like girls."

"Oh." She bit her lip. "Well, then that's quite bad. Seriously?"

"Yeah, he said-" I stopped and tried to remember. "I don't know. Something convoluted. He likes girls and guys, but romance with girls is easier and sex with guys is easier for him."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't really know." I shrugged. "I don't know if I'm even saying it right."

"Right," she said. "Does that mean he's bisexual?"

"He doesn't like labels."

"That sounds like a cop-out."

"Maybe." I shrugged, and we kept walking.

"Well, this is depressing. Our night can't end like this. Not with the test tomorrow." She bounced on her feet, and grabbed my arm. "Do you want to grab a hot chocolate on the way home?"

I laughed. "Yeah, that sounds great."

By the time I had gotten home, I wasn't really feeling better - although Ellie's suggestion had helped a bit, at least. I'd had a new minor flare-up of anger for Eric, as I realised that he hadn't exactly dealt with the situation well. Despite that, I went to bed feeling vaguely optimistic. Louis had kept me company, Melissa had stood up for me, and Ellie had been there to comfort me. I was sure things with Eric would work out, eventually. Until they did, for the first time in quite a while, I had friends.

***

The next morning, my resentment for my phone was already pretty high, due to the alarm I'd set to wake me up for AP maths. But when I picked it up, and saw that I'd gotten a message from Eric, it only intensified.

[I'm really, really sorry.]

The timestamp was 3AM, and I honestly didn't feel like dealing with it immediately anyway. I had a morning to get on with, as unappealing as it was. It seemed much simpler to write a test, anyway, than trying to figure out if his apology was genuine or not. Even an AP maths test. He certainly hadn't seemed sorry the night before, and I wasn't sure what had brought on the change of heart.

I got showered and dressed, and set out to my car when Ellie messaged that she was also ready. We'd gotten to school very early that morning, so there were only a handful of people there. To my surprise, Louis was one of them.

"Hey guys." Louis stifled a yawn as we greeted him. After a simple 'Hi', I wasn't really sure what to say, but fortunately Ellie was in the mood to carry the conversation.

"You look pretty tired." She said sympathetically.

"Yeah, my mom had to come through early for something, so I've been up since like 5."

"What time did you leave the party?"

"Not long after you guys, actually." He shifted awkwardly. "Things got a little uncomfortable."

"Did anything happen?"

"Melissa... Well, you know Melissa. She's kind of honest." He shrugged. "She just told Eric and Jess what she thought of them. So that made things pretty weird. Then John and Sara took off, and it was only the five of us, which was even worse."

"How is Eric?" I asked, unable to help myself. I could feel Ellie's disapproval, but I didn't care.

"He's okay," Louis said. "He left with us, and spent the night at Vince's place."

I just nodded. It seemed like Jess's birthday party had gone downhill pretty quickly. I didn't exactly feel sorry for her - Eric was obviously just as much to blame for the kiss as she was, but it's not as if she hadn't played her part. Besides, she'd never exactly been friendly to me, after that first night - although it was nothing I could put my finger on.

Before we could talk more about it, Mr. Farrier arrived and started handing out test papers. I hadn't even gotten around to checking in with Angela, and I hadn't prepared as well as I could have for this one. But at least it was short, and seemed to cover most of the things that I'd actually managed to look over. I finished early and settled outside to wait for Ellie. A few minutes later, Louis seemed to have finished as well. He came out of the class and leaned against the wall next to me, giving me a concerned look.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm pissed off, but I'm fine."

He cleared his throat. "He's... uh... tried to message you."

"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to him later." I shrugged. "Maybe."

"For what it's worth, I think he knows what he did was fucked up and stupid. He's kind of worried you hate him now."

"Yeah..." I sighed. "I don't hate him. I'm just upset."

"That's fair."

"Sorry, I know this makes things awkward for you, since you're his friend."

"Hey, I'm your friend too." He blushed slightly. "I just want both of you to be okay."

"Thanks." It kind of hit home the fact that this group of people - Melissa and Louis, and to a lesser extent Vince and John - were actually becoming close friends who cared about me.

Regardless of how Eric was acting, that part still felt kind of nice. Louis didn't have to wait long for his mom to arrive, and then he had to leave. For a second, I thought he was going to hug me when he said goodbye, but he just gave an awkward wave and ran off. I waited for Ellie, who went on to spend the full hour and a half in the test. Once it was over, she came out of the class chatting with Jamie.

"Hey Jay." Jamie winked at me.

I smiled at how that no longer sent my brain spinning trying to figure out what it meant. Progress, I guess. Or just finding a release for the annoying mix of romantic longings and raging hormones that were always teaming up to derail my mind. Either way, it was nice to be able to interact with him normally now. "Hey."

"Jamie's stranded here again," Ellie said.

"I can give you a ride home. No problem."

"Thanks man. That'd be great." He grinned.

Ellie made a point of calling shotgun as we headed over to my car, claiming that the passenger seat was rightfully hers anyway, by rights of seniority. Jamie agreed, as if it would have made a difference if he hadn't.

"What are you guys doing today?" Jamie asked.

"Absolutely nothing." I was fairly sure 'dragging a lengthy and meaningful apology out of my boyfriend' wasn't an appropriate response. Besides, I still hadn't decided if I'd calmed down enough to listen to what Eric had to say.

"Same here." Ellie said. "Why? Did you have something in mind?"

"Actually, yeah. Do you guys want to go to a movie or something?"

"Why don't you ask your girlfriend?" Ellie asked.

"Uh," Jamie grinned sheepishly. "We're kind of fighting."

"So you're just going to avoid her?" She arched an eyebrow.

"Yep." Jamie grinned broadly.

"Jay, what do you think?"

I thought it was kind of nice that straight people had relationship problems too. But I couldn't say that. I grinned. "I think if Jamie just makes an effort to communicate-"

"About going to the movies." Ellie interrupted, and rolled her eyes. Jamie laughed.

"That actually sounds like fun." If I went home, I'd probably sit there stubbornly ignoring my phone for maybe an hour or two, and then I'd cave and talk to Eric. My anger with him was fading fast, but I was getting a little annoyed at myself for how quickly I was willing to forgive him. At least an activity could help stretch out the inevitable.

"Okay." Ellie shrugged. "Let's get going then."

We ended up picking a movie that would only start in the next two hours, so we had plenty of time to grab food first. We settled in the food court, chatting about school, mostly. Ellie managed to get almost all the way through our meal before she started grilling Jamie. "So what are you and Megan fighting about now?"

"I don't even know." Jamie shook his head. "She doesn't like Ryan. We were all hanging out, and they said some stuff to each other and... I don't know."

"You didn't defend her?" Ellie asked in a scandalised tone.

Jamie frowned at her. "You don't even know what they said."

"That really doesn't matter. You should always be on your girlfriend's side. Jay, back me up here."

"I don't know." I shrugged. "What did they say?"

Ellie tutted, and crossed her arms.

"She made some comment about him being dumb, and then he said something back about her being easy, and then she-"

"Oh shit." I grimaced.

Jamie looked a little taken aback. "What? Bad?"

"Yeah. That sounds bad. Much worse than calling him dumb."

Ellie gasped, clutching a hand to her chest. "You're a monster."

"Fuck. I thought it was just like... ripping on each other, you know? We do that all the time. It seemed like she was just overreacting."

"Yeah, but that's a little over the line," I said.

"Seriously!" Ellie slapped the table. "Guys only ever want sex from girls, then they try to make us feel bad about wanting to have it, and then they throw it in our faces. I'm surprised Megan didn't kill you. No one would have blamed her."

"Okay, well, let's not advocate murder." I raised my eyebrows at Ellie, and then looked over at Jamie. "But you're definitely going to have to apologise. A lot."

"And make Ryan apologise too." Ellie added.

"Fuck, he probably won't."

"Then you'll have to stop hanging out with him," she said.

"That seems easier, honestly." Jamie settled back in his seat.

Having saved Jamie's relationship, we'd finished up our food and made our way over to the movie. It was okay, but it didn't distract me as much as I'd hoped. I found my mind constantly drifting back to Eric, and what I was planning on saying to him. When I'd dropped Jamie and Ellie off at their homes and settled down in my room, I'd already decided to talk to him - and on what I was going to say.

[I'm really, really sorry.]

______________[I hope you know that on top of whatever other shitty feelings seeing you with Jess like that made me feel, it was also embarrassing to have that happen in front of all of our friends.]

It didn't take him long to respond.

[I know, and I'm so sorry for that too]

[Honestly, I wasn't even entirely thinking at that moment]

[It just seemed kinda funny]

[And then it was going on a bit long and I realised I fucked up]

______________[Yeah.]

______________[It also didn't help that you wanted to play the whole thing off as a joke.]

[I know. I'm so sorry for that too. I panicked.]

[I know it was a massive mistake, and I should have stopped her. I'm really, really sorry.]

[It didn't mean anything, and I hope you know that]

______________[I don't.]