One More Year Ch. 09

______________[I can't, really.]

______________[I can only take your word for it.]

[I suppose I deserve that.]

[Can I come over?]

______________[I don't know.]

______________[Might not be a good idea right now.]

[Please. I really want to see you.]

I didn't know how to respond. Of course, I wanted to see him too. But it just felt like if he came back here we'd make out, fool around, fall asleep together and tomorrow the problem would be completely erased. It felt like I wasn't giving myself enough respect.

______________[Maybe tomorrow.]

[Okay, I'll wait till tomorrow]

[But please?]

[Even if you're mad]

[Even if it's just for a little bit]

[If I don't see you then, we'll only see each other on Friday.]

[Please don't make me wait a whole week]

[You're mad, and I get that]

[You should be]

[I fucked up]

[But please promise me you'll let me see you tomorrow]

He was right. I wanted to drag out his apology - a part of me wanted to impose some kind of penance on him, but I was mostly just aware that my emotions around him weren't going to let me be objective, so I needed the extra time to think. But a week did seem too long to be away from him when we were like this. Like I knew I was going to, I caved.

______________[Fine. Tomorrow then.]

[Okay, great]

I threw myself down on my bed. It was still relatively early on in the afternoon, but I was already feeling a bit worn out. So when I settled down to read, I'd almost instantly drifted off. My mom came in to wake me up later to tell me they'd ordered pizza for dinner. I'd dragged myself into the living room, and sat eating and watching TV quietly with my family.

But after that I wasn't so tired any more, so in the early hours of the morning I was still unable to sleep. The copy of Pride and Prejudice had still been on my bedside table, and though I'd just finished it - and had no intention of rereading it again so soon - I pulled it out and started pulling some of the letters out of their folders and reading them. They really were amazing - realistic handwriting on beautiful paper.

I'd gotten to the letter Darcy had sent to explain himself to Elizabeth, and after I put it back I couldn't help but read the chapter afterwards, where she comes to a realisation about how short-sighted she'd been about him. It wasn't a great comparison for what was happening with me and Eric - Darcy wasn't exactly going around kissing romantic competitors - but when my phone started buzzing and his name was on the screen, it probably hadn't hurt his chances that it had gotten me in a wistful and forgiving mood.

"Hey."

"Hey," he said, his voice catching slightly. "It's tomorrow."

"So it is."

"Your light's still on."

"What the hell? Are you here?" I got up and pulled my curtains aside to look out the window, and saw him standing outside, on the sidewalk underneath a street light.

"Yeah, sorry." He waved meekly. "Can I come in?"

"You're an idiot." I sighed. "Hang on. I'm coming."

I hung up, putting down the phone and making my way out to the gate. He didn't immediately approach when I opened it, so I went out and walked up to him. He put his arms around me, and I noticed he wasn't entirely steady on his feet, and his breath smelled like beer.

I kind of wanted to laugh. "Are you drunk?"

"Only a little." His face fell. "Sorry, I shouldn't have come here like this. This was a bad idea."

"Just come inside." Pulling out of the hug, I grabbed his hand and led him down the path. He went into my room, while I went back to lock everything up behind us.

"I really am very sorry." He said as I turned to face him after closing the glass door. He honestly looked a little rough - like he'd started out perfect, but had deteriorated over the course of the evening. His hair hung limp, his face was shiny with sweat.

"I know." I took off his jacket - he didn't resist. "When we wake up we're going to have a long talk about what the fuck you were thinking. But for now, we're going to bed."

"Okay." He kicked off his shoes and jeans, and we climbed under the covers.

I put my head on his chest, and he stroked my hair.

"Sorry," he murmured, and we drifted off.

***

The next day didn't quite go as I was planning - I woke up when he climbed back into bed, and he immediately dived in to kiss me. His mouth was fresh and minty, so I got the sense that it was entirely planned on his part. His hands were cold, but I didn't care. Some logical part of my brain thought we needed to talk about things first, but I didn't really care about that either. We hadn't been physical together in over a week, and I wasn't thinking clearly.

I shrugged out of my underwear - he was already naked - and we urgently ran our hands all over each other's bodies, our faces mashed together, tongues wrestling. He positioned himself partly over me, and began to grind our cocks together, taking them in his hand and pumping. Neither of us lasted long - we were very quickly shuddering and gasping, and then we were coated in our own fluids.

But it didn't end there. He kept kissing me - passionately, almost desperately - and before long we were both hard again. Though it took longer this time, our bodies still seemed very aware that it had been over a week since we'd done something like this. With both of us still sticky and wet - and awash in the scent of cum - eventually he let out a happy groan and shot his second load, and I followed shortly after.

Grabbed the towel from my bedside table, I wiped us down. I settled back into bed, feeling vaguely guilty about letting that happen. It really had been my intention to talk to him before we did anything like that. But it was too late to do anything about it. I took a deep breath. "Should I be worried about you and Jess?"

"No." His head was partially buried in the pillow, facing away from me.

I exhaled sharply. "I'm going to need more than that."

"Okay, fine." He rolled over to face me. "What do I need to say?"

"Well..." I thought for a second. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

"She's my friend, so I care for her like that. But I'm not attracted to her."

"You did go out with her."

"Yeah, but..." He shrugged. "I don't really know how to explain it to you. You don't like any girls, right?"

"Not sexually, no."

"Well, it's sort of... I was kind of attracted to her, a bit, and I liked her as a person, and because she was a girl and my friend I wanted it to be more than what it was, so I went with it."

"Because she was a girl?"

"Mostly, yeah."

"So because it was more socially acceptable?"

"I wouldn't say that. It just felt like it was right in theory, so I kinda forced it. Does that make sense?"

"Not really."

"Sorry, I can't explain it well. But I promise you, when she kissed me on Friday, I felt nothing. I honestly thought she was joking, and then she just didn't pull away. I wasn't really sure what to do."

"Yeah, no shit." I didn't exactly want to remember that. I got out of bed, and paced around, looking down at him. "Are you going to see her again?"

He looked nervous. "Um..."

"What?"

"She's probably going to avoid Melissa a bit now, so we won't really see her around much. It's just..." He sighed. "She does go to my church, and she'll be at that camp next week."

"Oh." I felt an irrational surge of hatred for Jess at that moment. But I squashed it down, because I knew it wasn't fair to her. He was just as much to blame as she was.

"I can try and get out of it," he said.

"No, it's fine." I'd have to trust him, at some point. And I really did believe him when he said he didn't feel anything when she'd kissed him. Maybe I just wanted to. I couldn't be sure.

What I could be sure of was that if I didn't trust them, stopping the church camp thing was no way around it. They went to school together, anyway. They'd been best friends for ages, they had each other's numbers and knew each other's parents - if he wanted to run around behind my back with Jess, he'd be able to do that with no problem.

This whole thing just seemed like something stupid that he'd done, and I was probably just trying to drag it out so that I could be sure I wasn't being naive. It felt like my dignity was on the line, and I didn't want to be the guy that would forgive him instantly for anything, just because he was beautiful and willing to have sex with me.

"So... are we okay?" He asked, smiling up at me from the bed.

"Yes, you charming motherfucker." I sighed and made my way over to him, settling into bed and letting him cuddle me. "I think we're going to be fine."

He lay behind me, his arms around me, his hand occasionally reaching up to stroke my hair. "So what did you do yesterday? After the test."

"I went to the movies with Ellie and Jamie."

"With Jamie?"

I turned to face him, my tone a little sharp. "That's not a problem is it?"

"No." He grinned sheepishly. "I just didn't realise you were so close."

"So I'm tempted to say something like 'It was hard to have sex with Jamie while Ellie was there, yet we somehow managed.'" I smirked. "But given that we've just stopped fighting, I'm going to skip the joke and pretend like we're not even having this conversation."

"Good call." He laughed, and I settled back into the cuddle.

***

When I went to dinner with him the next Friday, it was like nothing had ever happened, and I really didn't want him to go away on that stupid camp. I wasn't even worried about Jess any more. I just wanted him with me.

But he went, as was always the plan, and Ellie didn't let me spend the weekend moping. We went to lunch with Jamie after AP maths again, and then she and I spent most of that Sunday sitting around my pool, and she berated me - playfully and dramatically, rather than seriously - for how quickly I'd forgiven Eric.

Then it was just another day of school - even for a Monday it had really dragged on. I was quite disappointed when I got home, and I didn't have a message waiting from Eric. He should have gotten back around lunch-time. When nothing arrived for a couple of hours after that, I decided to stop waiting and just messaged him first.

______________[Hey]

______________[Are you back?]

No response. I wondered if he'd lost his phone, but I thought he might have tried to message me another way if he had. I thought that maybe I should just wait for him to show up here and knock on my window. It didn't stop me from checking my messages every few minutes - I was unable to really focus on anything else. Eventually I caved, and messaged him again.

______________[Everything okay?]

[Okay, just busy.]

______________[With what?]

After ten minutes without another response, I sent a follow-up.

______________[Are you just not coming over tonight then?]

It took a long time for him to reply, but when he did, it wasn't the reassuring message I was after.

[Jay, I'm busy, okay?]

______________[You told me you'd message me when you got back.]

______________[You didn't, so I was a bit worried.]

______________[Sorry if it's inconvenient for you, but maybe just let me know if I can still expect you to rock up at my house later, okay?]

[Okay, yeah, I did. I'm sorry.]

[But I'm just having a drink with some people from camp, and it's the last time I'll see them for a while, so I don't want to be rude.]

I tried - really hard - to stop myself. But when the fog of rage lifted, it was too late. I had sent the message.

______________[Is Jess there?]

[I thought we'd dealt with this]

[No, she's not]

[So calm the fuck down]

______________[Yeah...]

______________[Do not come over later.]

No response. Again. I nearly threw my phone across the room at that point. I sent Ellie a screenshot of the conversation - a second mistake, no doubt. Ellie wasn't always a provider of calm, rational advice. But I wasn't sure I wanted that anyway.

[That motherfucker!]

______________[I'm not overreacting, right?]

[No, after all the shit he's pulled he should be rushing back to you]

[Not hanging out with his stupid church buddies]

[Even if she isn't there]

[What the hell?]

[Should I come over?]

[I'm coming over!]

I smiled, and slowly made my way to the gate to let her in.

"If you're planning on breaking up with him after this, I've never liked him and am ready to tear his personality apart." She started marching past me down the path. "But if you want to keep him, I'm sure he'll come to his senses soon and you two will barely remember this ever happened."

I grinned, and followed her into my room.

"Are you okay?" She turned to face me once we were inside.

I sighed. "Yeah, I think so."

"Okay." She pursed her lips, and tilted her head. "Do you want to talk about it, or watch a movie?"

"I get the option?"

"Just this once."

I laughed. "Well, then, I'll go with the movie."

"Good choice. You may never get the chance again." She smirked, and clapped her hands together. "Okay, you pick the movie, and I'll make us some tea."

"Yes, ma'am." I grabbed my laptop from my desk, and by the time she'd finished the teas and brought them over to the couch, I'd made my choice, and connected the computer to the TV.

She spent the rest of the day there, with me. Once the movie finished, we watched another one. After that I was finally ready to talk about Eric, and pretty surprised that she hadn't forced the topic sooner. Ellie just sat there and listened to me, offering encouraging responses. By the time she left I was already feeling a lot better.

But I was still furious with Eric himself, and I maintained a stubborn resolve not to be the first one to break and text him.