All Comments on 'One of the Girls'

good start! Please continue

Not bad for a first story., really hope you continue it and keep getting better as an author.

I hope you carry on this lovely story please ;-)

This got me sooo hot! I can't wait to see how it goes for her...

Cant wait to read more of the story. I got really excited about it so far

Keep it up. I'm waiting for the next chapter.

really interesting plot, love it so far

want to see this continue.

As far as the writing is concerned, you are doing well there too. I think I only caught one typo even though I wasn't really looking for them. Write On, Sweetie!!!

practically drooling for the next chapter. I noticed it's been a year since this gem was posted.

Good mechanics, great dialogue. You did fairly well conveying his thoughts and feelings. I almost wanted a bit more of that.

Please make sure to keep writing. Whether on this story or something else. Keep your talent up. Set aside a time every week (day?), and just write whatever comes to mind. Stuck for an idea to write about, well, just write about what might happen in the next scene. ;-)

Thanks for sharing this.

Please continue this. It is a VERY sexy premise.