One Slip: The Sacrifice & Aftermath

Donna sighed to herself.

She realized the greatest obstacle facing them now was simply... trust. Her actions had destroyed one of the key foundations on which their marriage had been built. Now, there was a chasm where there'd once been solid bedrock.

Trust could be rebuilt, but it would never be like it was before. The healing would be long and very painful. Was it worth it? Was their marriage worth the hurt, anger and hard work that the future now held?

She believed it was, and she hoped Steve felt the same. She also knew the war that was raging in her husband wasn't in his heart; it was in his mind.

The question of whether she'd ever cheat on him again was at the center. It was a battle of logic vs faith vs fear. It was a battle she was losing. She'd had plenty of time to think about this. Time to think was something in abundance to someone in jail.

One of the key sticking points was that she didn't have a solid reason for her slip. She knew it was something that was tearing at her husband's thoughts. His Martian Slut Ray comment attested to that. She knew she'd have to logically give Steve something that wouldn't insult his reasoning. The "if you don't know why something happened how can you guard against it" argument was something that wouldn't be overcome easily or quickly. Nevertheless, it had to be dealt with, and immediately. Steve needed something that he could logically grab on to help him work past the lingering doubt.

Gathering her thoughts, she proceeded to state her case.

"Steve," she began softly, "you've asked how you can be certain that this will never happen again. The answer is, unfortunately, you can't. I wish there was something I could do or say that could assure you that I will never fall again, but there's no way you'll ever be completely certain.

"In fairness, no one can ever be one hundred percent sure that they or someone they love won't fall. That being said, I can honestly tell you that the chances of me falling before my slip were greater than they are now."

"I don't know how you..."

"Please let me explain. I know that many people say once a cheater always a cheater, but that's not completely true. That's like saying an addict can never break an addiction or a teenager that shoplifts will always be a thief or a student that goes on drinking binges in college will be a drunk the rest of their life. I realize that once someone has cheated, cheating a second time is easier and a third time even easier.

But Steve, people change, sometimes for the better other times for the worse. Hopefully, we all learn from our mistakes but many of us don't. Still, everyone changes just like people's circumstances change. That's why no one can be completely immune. That's also why I can honestly tell you that I'll be even less likely to slip again."

She could see her husband struggling with that logic, but she was thankful he was allowing her to explain her thoughts.

"Steve, we were both betrayed. I say both of us, because you trusted him as a good friend and I stupidly believed I was safe. We were both wrong.

"We were both naïve. We were like those living in a gated community and believing they're safe from crime. Are they safer? Of course, but they're not immune. Regrettably, we forgot that. We ended up being deceived by someone within our community.

"Steve, Gil got me because I was arrogant and careless. I trusted him, myself and the situation and let him get behind my defenses. That level of trust will NEVER happen again!

"Unfortunately, it'll also limit my trust for anyone else. I doubt I'll ever be able to fully trust any of our friends again. Oh, I'll trust them enough to interact with them, even share some things occasionally, but it'll never be like it was. It's like a home security system, never allowing anyone to get that close again.

"But a home security system is only good against threats outside the home. I know I broke our marriage and now you don't trust me. You shouldn't! I've shown that I can fall. I failed us in a way neither of us ever expected.

"And now," she continued calmly, "that lack of trust will help make sure this doesn't happen again. You will be naturally more suspicious, and me, I'll be even more cautious. I'll never be able to trust myself because I'll always know that if the circumstances are right, I could fall. In many ways, I'll be like a recovering addict, always avoiding any possible temptations.

"But Steve, I believe that in time, I'll be able to earn back some of that trust. It'll never be the same, but it can still be good. What I'm praying for is that the love you still have for me, along with our devotion to our children, will allow you to give me a chance to begin to earn back your trust.

"I know it's selfish, but I want the chance to help heal some of the wounds I've caused. I love you and I CAN promise you I'll do everything I can to help heal our family."

Steve sat there quietly, processing what she'd said.

"Thank you," he finally said gently. "It helps, but I'll need to take what you just said and think about it. I love you, too, Donna, but I'm not sure I can get past this. I know our friends and family have their opinions on what I should do. I'm not trying to sound self-righteous, but in the end, I'm the one who has to look himself in the mirror and live with my choices.

"And if you can't?" Donna whispered.

Steve stared silently at her for several moments. She could see the myriad of emotions playing out across his face.

"I don't know. I guess we'll have to face that if it happens."

*****

The following months were difficult, but Donna quickly fell into a routine. She had too much time to think. That was both a blessing and a curse. Her fears were somewhat alleviated when her mother informed her that Connie had moved back to the East Coast.

Donna made sure to keep as low of a profile as possible and was rewarded by being left alone. She kept her mouth shut, her ears open and stayed in Mia's shadow. Soon, she'd gathered enough information to guess the reason behind Mia's unexpected generosity.

Mia's two daughters and grandchildren had been accepted into a program that relocated them from the crime ridden slum they were living in into a decent suburb, and a small remodeled house. It didn't take a genius to figure out Bellows Construction had been an integral part of that. It was the sort of project their business had participated in before.

Obviously, Steve had pulled some strings to get Mia's family as the recipient of that project. Donna doubted that he'd done anything illegal, but figured there were reasons Steve would've thought it best if there weren't many questions. She decided to just let it go.

Even though her lawyer assured her she'd only serve six months behind bars, the reality was that early release isn't a given and even when it is granted it's rarely at the expected time. It finally came after Donna had served ten months.

Soon after hearing of her pending release, Donna began to truly fight the demons plaguing her thoughts of the future. They were strong and merciless as they fed upon her fears concerning her marriage. Steve had been true to his word and there had been no discussion of divorce, but that mountain was soon going to have to be faced. Donna had had countless hours to try and come up with a plan to try and convince Steve to try to save their marriage. She knew counseling would need to be a part of it, but also knew Steve didn't think much of that idea. As a consequence, both joy and fear filled her when she was released. Not surprisingly, Steve was there to pick her up.

Their first non-monitored hug in over ten months was awkward, at best. They both struggled to look each other in the eye. Quickly, she got into their car, fighting back her rising fears.

Steve called her parents to let them know they were headed home while handing her a thick manila envelope. Donna almost panicked before she realized that instead of the divorce papers she feared, it was filled with letters and drawings from the children.

Donna fought back the overwhelming emotions. Months of suppressing every feeling allowed her to read each letter and study each drawing without breaking down.

The rest of the drive home was eerily silent and uncomfortable. It was only broken up with short bursts of conversation, mainly Steve updating her on the children.

Occasionally, she'd glance over at her husband, trying to read his thoughts and feelings. His face showed so many emotions that it was unreadable, and Donna quietly accepted the fact that he was as confused as she was on how to proceed.

As they pulled into their driveway, Donna could see a small crowd in her front yard. She recognized her parents and her friends among her welcoming party. Her heart began to race as she read the Welcome Home banner that was strung across her front porch. She had barely gotten out of the car before she was swarmed by three small bodies that clung tightly to her.

Though she'd tried to fight it, her tears began to trickle down her face. Months of conditioning crumbled. All it took was three little voices screaming out the word... "MOMMY!"

Over the next several minutes, Donna was hugged and kissed by a multitude of well-wishers, all the while her children were huddled around her. She couldn't help but continuously touch each child and gently stroke their hair. Their world had been turned upside down, just like their parent's had. She swore to herself that their family would be her greatest priority. She vowed to fight for her marriage with everything she had and somehow provide a secure home life for them all.

She was so wrapped in her thoughts that he surprised her. He'd backed off to allow her to be with their children and to greet her well-wishers. Now she sensed his presence before she felt his gentle touch on her shoulders.

His warm breath on the back of her neck caused chills to run all over her body. He'd leaned in to speak words for her ears only. Everything inside Donna screamed for her to turn around and launch herself into his arms, to declare her love and beg him to at least try to save their marriage. Her heart almost stopped when she finally comprehended what he was whispering.

"I know it's been hard and the road ahead won't be much easier. I don't like it, but I recognize we'll need outside help. I... I'd like to try and make this marriage work if you still want to."

Donna turned and looked at him stunned. She could feel her heart fill with a real hope that had been lost for so long. Silently, she nodded as her eyes filled again with a fresh wave of tears.

"I love you, Donna," he said gently. "Welcome home, my wife."

Nearly a year's worth of guilt, pain and anguish came rushing to the top. With her husband's arms safely holding her and her children's arms around her waist and legs, she let it out. She buried her face in his chest and wept.

Donna Bellows was finally... home.

*****

Again this is a tribute to patricia51. If you have negative comments about me or this story, that's fine, but derogatory comments about patricia51 will be deleted. You already know why.