One Too Many

Justin opened the door for her, and Kellie thanked him. He let her get in then shut it and went around to his side.

"I'm surprised your car doesn't reek of alcohol," she said nervously, aware she was actually going somewhere on a date with a man who had to be 10-15 years younger than herself.

She wanted to ask him how old he was, but she was more afraid of the answer than of not knowing. To justify it, she told herself it was just an hour or two of walking around and talking, and what harm could come of that?

"Are you hungry?" Justin asked once they left the parking lot.

"No. I'm fine, but if you are, we can stop somewhere."

"I'm okay," he told her. "Just making sure my date is, too."

The way he smiled at her made her shiver. But calling her his 'date' did something else to her; something she couldn't quantify right then and there. Not sure what to say, Kellie only smiled as she glanced his way before looking straight ahead again.

Neither of them spoke for a minute or so, when Kellie asked, "Have you lived here in Bellingham all of your life?"

"I have. Born and raised. How about you?"

"No. Close, though. I grew up in Seattle, went to the University of Washington, and eventually married an attorney who, ironically, practices divorce law."

"Ouch," Justin replied.

Kellie laughed and assured him the divorce was settled amicably.

"His greatest strength is his drive. But because of it, he's never satisfied. So when it comes to work, he was truly driven and, as a result, he produces some truly amazing results. He'd move heaven and earth to win a case or get some kind of better compensation for a client. But at home, that meant no matter what I did, he was never satisfied. The 'next great thing' was never enough, and at some point, I realized I was playing a losing game."

"That had to be deeply hurtful and immensely frustrating."

Kellie looked over at him, smiled, and said, "And once again, you've impressed me with your insight. Those are the two words I've used many times to describe my marriage. I was happy to compromise on anything and everything, but when the other person only wants to win and never compromises himself, at some point you realize you're not actually compromising but giving in."

"I did a small amount of reading about fetishes when I was researching the smoking thing, and something that kept coming up was how a fetish can control someone to the point where they can't actually love another person because the fetish becomes the only thing they really care about. The other person becomes little more than a vehicle for scratching an itch they have; an itch that can never be satisfied. That's rare, I'm sure, but it sounds true in your ex-husband's case."

Kellie turned and stared at him but didn't say anything.

"What?" Justin asked as he glanced her way.

"I'm just...blown away," she told him. "It took me 15 years to figure all that out, and you got in what? A few minutes or maybe an hour online?"

"Again, I think you're being much too hard on yourself, Kellie. We all have needs, and we need other people. The reasons why vary, but all of us need someone else. In fact, it seems to me the reason people get together or stay together is the belief the other person will meet our needs. There are exceptions, of course, but stereotypically, men need intimacy."

He smiled at her then said, "Okay. Make that...sex."

Kellie laughed nervously and let him continue.

"Women typically need emotional support, security, and a friend. The trick is finding a way to get your needs met without having to compromise who you are to meet theirs."

There was another healthy pause before Kellie asked, "Justin? Did you go to college?"

"No. Not me. Why?"

"I just thought maybe you were a psychology major or something. That's all. I really am amazed at your perspective."

"Being the fat kid, I didn't really have any friends, and certainly never a girlfriend. So I read a lot, and I paid attention to what people said and did. I'm not 'book smart', but I like to think I'm 'aware', and I do my best to really listen to what people say."

"I know I'm going to regret asking this, but...would you mind telling me how old are you?"

"I'm 28," he told her quietly.

"Twenty-eight. I'm not sure why, but I guessed you to be maybe 25 or so. Suddenly, 28 seems...older."

Justin laughed before he replied.

"Were I not the kind of guy who listens, I'd say, 'Of course it does. That's because 28 is three more than 25. But I think what you're really saying is something like, 'I was trying to imagine telling my best friend I'm dating a 25-year old guy, knowing she'd ask me if I needed to see a shrink'."

He watched Kellie's face, but she was keeping her cards close to the vest.

"So now that you know I'm all of 28, and not 25, it's a little less scary to think about telling her. But—only a little."

She still hadn't said anything, so Justin asked, "How'd I do?"

She began shaking her head then finally spoke.

"You...you absolutely...nailed it. I was quite literally having that very conversation in my head as you told me your age. And then you...read my mind...and after that you said it out loud."

"Then I won't say something like, 'I'm glad to hear you say we're dating', because I know you were only using that word to 'pretend explain' to your best friend, and that was all in you mind."

He looked over at her, then asked, "But...are we dating?"

Kellie's heart rate went up ten beats a minute in an instant as she looked at his handsome face.

"Ask me after our first date is over, okay?" she said in a way that told Justin they might possibly could be.

When they pulled into Big Rock Garden Park, the grounds were abloom with flowers and trees.

"It's so pretty!" Kellie said as Justin helped her out of the car. "Look! Everything is so colorful!"

Flowers from Azaleas to Rhododendrons were blooming, and it really was beautiful.

Once they were on the path of the 2.5-acre park which showcased 37 permanent works by local and international artists, Justin looked at Kellie then down at her hand as he held his out.

"Justin? What are you doing?" she asked, a warm smile on her lips.

"It's called—hand holding," he replied, trying not to smile.

"I know what it's called, silly."

"Wonderful!" he said with a smile as he took her hand.

"Justin!" she protested, but not only didn't pull it away, she held his back.

"Do you smell that?" she asked moments later.

"I do. Is that from any one particular flower?"

"I don't know, but it smells heavenly."

She smiled at him and said, "This was such a good idea!"

They strolled up to the first exhibit, and both of them had the same impression. It was...weird. It was stainless steel and basically a circle inside a square on a pole.

"Am I missing something?" Justin asked after they looked at it for a few seconds.

"Oh, good. I thought I was the one who just couldn't figure out what that's supposed to be," Kellie said with a little laugh.

The second was called 'Lives in the Balance' and was also puzzling, but made some sense after they discussed it.

For the next two hours, they slowly meandered around, sometimes holding hands, and a time or two, Justin put an arm around her shoulder.

He had no idea Kellie was watching everyone who passed to see how they reacted to her being in public with this younger man, but in spite of there being a lot of people, no one so much as looked twice. That allowed her to relax (for the time being) and enjoy spending time with him.

One of the last exhibits was called 'Embrace'. It looked liked two elongated peanuts intertwined and, like so many others, made little sense to either of them.

"I wonder if it would make more sense if you and I embraced," Justin told her half-jokingly.

They were holding hands, and Kellie suddenly wanted nothing more.

"We...we could...try that," she told him as Justin moved in front of her.

She looked up into his eyes as he put his arms around her for the first time, and when he wrapped them around her, Kellie melted into him as though this was where she'd always belonged. She put hers around him, too, and just held him back.

"Any luck?" he asked several seconds later.

"I don't know," she said quietly. "But maybe we should embrace a little longer just to be sure."

Justin gently squeezed her body, and Kellie held him tighter as he ran his hand slowly up and down her back, stroking her hair each time it went back down.

"I think I understand it now," she finally said.

"Oh?"

Kellie looked up at him and said, "Uh-huh. The purpose is to get people to embrace."

Justin opened his eyes a little wider, made an 'I see' gesture, then told her that made a lot of sense.

"Like I said, I'm slow sometimes when it comes to figuring things out, but every now and then I'll surprise you," she told him, as their eyes locked.

He let go with one arm and reached up and touched her face.

"You're the most amazing surprise I've ever experienced," he said as Kellie's heart raced. "Do you think a secondary purpose might be to encourage those who embrace to...kiss?"

"Oh. I...I don't know. But that certainly seems reasonable, don't you think?" she replied, never taking her eyes off of his.

At least not until he leaned down and closed his as his lips softly pressed against hers.

Kellie raised her arms up and pulled him close as they kissed for the first time.

As their lips slowly parted, she said, "I...I think that was a very reasonable conclusion."

Justin smiled at her as he said, "I think I like modern art."

"Yes. Me, too," Kellie said as she hoped he'd kiss her again.

Concerned he might not, she stood on her toes, and moved toward him. To her great delight, just as she did, Justin kissed her a second time for several seconds, and when he went to pull away, Kellie pulled him back and kissed him for another second or two.

"You were right. Coming here was a good idea," Justin told her, his hand still on her cheek.

"Thank you for asking me," she said, as her eyes moved with his just before they slowly let each other go.

They held hands the rest of the way through the final exhibits, and when they reached the last one, they were fairly close to where they started.

As Justin helped her back into the car he asked if she was hungry yet.

"I could eat," she said with a happy smile.

"You choose the place, okay?" he replied as he closed her door.

"I'm guessing you don't eat junk food," she said when Justin got in.

"Not too often, but I have 'cheat' days where I let myself eat anything I want."

"Is El Capitan okay?" she asked with a kind wince.

"The sausage and pretzel place on Cornwall Avenue? Sure. I'm game. Is that where you want to go?"

"If you don't mind," she said very agreeably.

"Relationships are about compromise, right?" he replied with a smile.

"Yes. Yes, they are," she replied very sweetly, as she realized she hadn't felt like this in so long she'd forgotten how good it felt.

When they arrived, they sat outside and looked at the menu.

"Are you sure you want to eat here?" Kellie asked.

"Oh, yeah. I've got a hankering now that has to be met," he told her.

Justin pointed to the menu and said, "Look here. The XO."

"Right. For Executive Officer."

"Yep. The second in command on a ship. The XO is pepper and smoked sausage with bacon, grilled onions, cream cheese, and barbecue sauce."

"Mmmm. Sounds delicious," Kellie said. "And their pretzels are SO good!"

Their oven-baked pretzels were 6" by 8" and over an inch think, and right out of the oven.

"I can't eat a whole one," she told him. "Do you want to share a pretzel?"

"Sure. I'd love to," he told her.

The look on his face was unlike any she'd seen so far, and although she wasn't sure what it meant, it was obviously something positive. In fact, it was so much so, it sent a shiver down her back.

A young girl came outside and took their order, and said she'd be right back. When she returned a few minutes later, she set their food down, smiled and said, "You guys are such a cute couple!"

Justin smiled at Kellie then told the girl, "My girlfriend here is the cute part."

"Two tens," the girl said with a smile. "Let's see. You look like the guy who plays Thor and she looks like a model," the girl said, causing Kellie to tell her, "Oh! I love you!" and Justin to chuckle at the latest Thor reference.

She tore off their check then told them to enjoy.

"You understand that makes it official, right?" Justin said before taking a huge bite of the spicy sausage.

"It...does?" Kellie asked before tearing off a tiny piece of the pretzel and popping it into her mouth.

"Well, yeah. We've been publicly recognized as a couple," he told her as he shoved the food to one side to talk.

"Oh. Right. She did say that, didn't she?" Kellie said, no longer afraid of what anyone else might think or say.

"She did. And therefore—we are. I mean, that's how these things work because, well, those are the rules."

Kellie smiled happily then said, "Yes. And the rules are the rules."

Justin took a swig of iced tea then said he agreed.

"So that means we're dating, too, right?" he asked before taking another man-sized bite.

"I...wouldn't mind that," Kellie told him with a very happy smile.

"Yes!" Justin said as he did a fist pump. "I have a girlfriend!"

"You goof!" Kellie said happily as she sat there looking at him, wondering how all this had happened so fast yet hoping somehow it might never end.

But by the time they left, she was having doubts again. In spite of her insecurities, Kellie was aware she looked young 'for her age'. But she was 43 years old, so no matter how she looked, she was still 43. As that and other similar thoughts ate at her, she had trouble focusing on the things Justin was saying.

"You seem preoccupied. Is everything okay?" he asked.

She turned his way slightly then asked, "Don't you want to know how old I am?"

"I guess," he told her. "If it's important to you."

"You told me you're 28, but you've never asked me how old I am."

"I haven't asked your shoe size, either," he replied with a smile. "Nor do I know your social security number."

"Justin! Stop!" she pleaded. "You need to know...right?"

"Okay. Then lay it on me," he said as they made a right turn.

"Now I'm paranoid," she admitted.

"Then don't tell me," he said nonchalantly.

"But I have to."

"Fine. Then tell me," was all he said back.

"Do you want to pull over first?" she asked with a wince.

"I won't wreck the car. Well, not unless you're over 60," he replied. He smiled at her then furrowed his brow and asked, "Are you?"

"Oh, my gosh! No! I am not over 60!" she told him.

"Fifty?"

"No. I'm not over 50, either."

"Then what's the big deal?" he told her as much as he asked.

"Because...I am over...40."

"No! Say it isn't so!" Justin said as though she'd confessed to some horrible crime.

"Justin! Stop!" she again, like a girl in her teens would say.

He reached for her hand and said, "Just tell me."

She gave him her hand then forced herself to say, "I'm...forty-three."

"Oh, my GOD!" Justin said, scaring her half to death.

"What? What is it?" she asked.

"Forty-THREE? Are you kidding me?" he said, still way over the top in terms of the emotion.

Kellie was on the verge of either crying or asking him to let her out, when he squeezed her hand and said, "Okay. So you're 43. So what?"

"Wait. That's it? That's all you have to say?" she asked, almost afraid to.

"Um...I guess I'd like to know when your birthday is," Justin told her after thinking for a moment or two.

Kellie felt like a little girl when she asked, "You really don't care?"

"I don't," he told her. "Not a whit."

"December 3rd," she said. "That's my birthday. You know, when I'll turn 44."

"Mine is August 14th. You know, when I'll turn 29. And then 30, and then..."

"Okay, okay. Enough about...birthdays."

Justin laughed then got a little more serious.

"Kellie? When I see you, I don't think about your age."

"No?" she asked.

He tried not smile when he said it, but he couldn't help it.

"No. I think about your...BITCH factor."

She pulled her hand away and said, "Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special."

Justin laughed then spelled it out for her.

"BITCH: 'B'eautiful, 'I'ntelligen'T', and 'CH'arming."

He let her know which letters where capitalized, and when he finished, Kellie laughed.

"Huh. So...I'm your bitch?"

"No, I didn't say that. I said you have BITCH factor. There's a difference."

He could tell she was looking at him and asked what she was thinking.

"I was trying to think up something equally witty using HUNK or some other catchy acronym for a guy, but I'm drawing a blank."

"Wait. You think I'm hunky?" he asked, pretending to be surprised.

"Well, maybe," she said coyly. "A little, anyway."

"So 'H' for Hunk. How about...Unsurpassed?" he said trying not to laugh.

"Ah, the 'U'. Okay. Maybe that fits. What about the 'K'?

"Hmmm. Kinky?" he suggested.

"Wait. You said you don't have any fetishes," Kellie said as though she'd been told a big, fat lie, but still not in a mean way.

"I don't. Not that I'm aware of anyway."

When he glanced her way she gave him a little smile he hadn't seen before before she replied.

"Kinky can be...fun. Depending, of course, on just how kinky we're talking about, and how the other person feels about it."

She was surprised she said it, but that's what she believed, and there was no taking it back.

"Perhaps one of these days we can find out just how much fun kinky can be?" Justin suggested with a smile of his own and a wiggle of his eyebrows up and down.

Kellie hadn't made love in so long it hurt, and this comment, added to everything else they'd said, caused a warm wetness to make its presence known. And truth be told, over the years, she'd fantasized about many things her ex-husband wouldn't even try. Everything always had to be his way or not all, and suddenly the thought of playing a lighter version of Fifty Shades of Gray or something like it seemed extremely interesting.

"Hmmm. Well, one of these days. Maybe," she told him, even as she imagined him making love to her which caused the wetness to spread as she shifted her weight in the seat.

Her fantasy was interrupted when Justin, her...boyfriend, asked her a question.

"I have a dinner at my captain's house next Saturday evening. He and his wife said I can bring a 'plus 1', and I would love for that to be you."

Her confidence sagged as she thought about showing up with Justin, and this man and his wife looking at them the way she feared people would look. But as she looked at him, her confidence returned. She'd expressed her concerns about the age difference in a rather unusual manner, but she'd gotten them out. And Justin had answered her, and she felt his answers were truthful.

"I'd love to," Kellie told him. "And maybe we could meet my best friend for dinner one of these days."

"And I'd love that," he replied with a smile.

"So...do you have a best friend?" Kellie asked, hoping it wasn't being too nosy.

"I do. My sister."

"Oh, of course. I think I remember you explaining that on our first...time out...in public...together."

"I prefer to think of it as our first date," Justin told her with a smile.

"I'd kind of like to forget it. Completely," Kellie said. "Well, most of it, anyway."

"You worry too much," Justin told her in a friendly, caring way.

Kellie sighed then said she agreed.

"I wasn't always like this. I think trying SO hard to make my marriage work and watching it fall apart anyway really did a number on me."

"I want you to know you can trust me," he told her sincerely. "But please understand I've never been in an actual longterm relationship before, so I may not say or do everything just right."