All Comments on 'Orange Grove Betrayal'

Nice

Well since this is a LW group I was waiting for one to cheat. But hey I'm glad she didn't. Still it was a very good read. Thanks..

It was good.

The writer truly has talent.

Well at least there consokation sex part for those readers who expect that. I was expecting a cheatibg wife no luck there.

Great read.

Stopped reading in the very beginning when the line "that at this point, we don't have anything that you could charge him with." If an author doesn't know what he is talking about in his story, I lose interest. 7 more pages of this garbage.. no way

You’ll get your deserved 5-stars but it really didn’t fit in the LW genre as you admitted. The two writers you referenced usually have the “wife” as a central player, but in a positive sense and I let that pass. Claire only played a bit role in yours, so I’ll happily nitpick you - LOL! 4.6*

Oh-ish. Well written, but just couldn’t find a lot of enthusiasm for the story. The Bank account/POA details were a bit of a stretch, IMO. Rich people are rich because they care about every dollar. It doesn’t mean they don’t trust/delegate to other people, but they don’t give a 3rd party unfettered access/authority without checks/verification steps along the way.

Desperation from the ALS diagnosis MIGHT explain Bruce giving the girl full access to his money, but that act alone does not couple well with his sociopath traits. He’s been engaged in “questionable “ activities most of his life, so he is unlikely to have given such “trust” to a fellow criminal; suspicion of her ultimate goals would have been front and center given the stakes.

I think that story was wrong regarding the equipment scam. Every state has a bona fide purchaser for value law that protects a purchaser who paid value without reason to know of the fraud.

Otherwise the story was somewhat pedestrian, or some said, without any enthusiasm.

The connection between Dave and Bruce was weakly written. He trusted him with his land an money yet had a history with him doing illegal things.

I grew up in South Florida and you did a good job with the citrus industry. Too bad you couldn’t work “Greening” into the story.

A Loving Wife story with an actual Loving Wife, no trickery or backdealing or anything? Well you earned a 5th star on a already 4 star story just for that. Kept expecting the other shoe to drop, for either the MC's or Bruce's wife to somehow be in on everything. But nope, the MC's wife was the loving wife she seemed like and Consuela was only doing other men because her husband forced her. Dragged in a few parts but overall was an above average story.

Thank you for sharing your talent. Please write another soon.

Hooked

It took a while, but Bruce got what he deserved. A fitting death for a psychopath.

Liked the story. Being Canadian, though, wanted to correct the reference to our universal health system as NHS. That’s the system in the UK. Here it’s Medicare. But I am a fan of yours. Thank you for the entertainment.

Good story. I was beginning to question the category it was in. At one point I started thinking that Clair was cheating with Bruce just because of the category. I’m glad that wasn’t the case.

An enjoyable read. Thanks for publishing this.

Enjoyed it ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Well done! Thanks

Got to page 4 and stopped. Sorry to say but this was just way to boring for me. Just my opinion. 2*

On one hand, it was a very well written and interesting story. On the other hand, aside from Bruce, other bad persons got away with things (his girlfriend with $14M, the real estate bitch with cheating on her husband with Bruce - double the injury because the story was ion LW).

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Also. Consuela part was extremely demoralizing to read, because of course she'd be attracted to an asshole and do anything for him. If she was married to a decent guy she'd be all "oh do what I say or no nookie". I don't need to read that dynamics on LE, it's endemic in real life.

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All in all, I'm giving it 4 stars - mostly due to cheating bitch never getting her karma (at least MC could have told her husband!!!), but also the other 2 things that made the story far less pleasing. I was close to giving it 3 stars, but the non-cheating actual loving wife of MC made me give it at least 4.

Ah, Angel. You're such a hopeless romantic.

Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Scores 5/5

You dont need to tell the life story of everyone you meeting the story, it doesnt add anything

Loved the story. Am familiar with treasure coast of Florida. Hope you use that setting for future stories

This was kind of long, slow moving, and never really went anywhere interesting, in my opinion. Guess it just wasn't for me.

What about that bitch Claudia that stole the 15 millions from the MC thief Bruce ? She really needed to meet the gorillas of the New Jersey grove owner. Maybe, too many filler details, around a simple tale of theft from a supposed friend. Somehow flat, without emotions or unexpected events, that would have given this tale some salt and pepper, making it more enjoyable. Maybe next time.

Love your stories, but the part you erred on was about "Canada's National Health Plan". It is not national but run by each province separately with a healthy subsidy from the Federal Government. You said the plan would euthanize people who were critically ill. That is a total fabrication. That request must come from patients who are not mentally ill, dying with no hope of recovery, unable to cope with their suffering, and wishing to get of this agony. For a writer to insult an entire nation based on being ill informed is totally wrong. Fiction is one thing, but best to research your fiction when you propose an unrealistic proposition that may insult your readers. No one in Canada goes bankrupt if they need extensive medical help.

"He was entitled to withdraw the money from the operational account, and his other potential crimes that we know of are based on hearsay."

- Using a forged POA in an attempt to STEAL funds is not hearsay. Neither is committing fraud by selling farm equipment and real estate you're not authorized to sell. Worst lawyer ever stopping MC from simply calling the cops and cutting a way too long NOT-LW story short...

Very well done story. My main complaint with a lot of the stories is a weak third act. Yours was excellent. I look forward to more of your stories.

Well we are certainly learning a lot about growing citrus and the childhood of an MC we really don’t haven’t developed ab affinity for yet. Zzzzzzzz

After more than 7500 words of a short story we’ve learned that something bad has happened but it has been buried in a rather lengthy boring treatise of background information on a whole bunch of characters! Even that has been drawn out and interrupted by superfluous dialogue and detailed explanation of how one should protect themselves in a fraud situation. Get to the bleeping point!

Sorry had to bail out. Too boring and ridiculous

Nice, but very sad story. Thanks for the hard work and posting it. You should drop stories here more often. They are much appreciated.

That was a great story. 5*

I gave 4 stars for a very good but non erotic story. That's why I dropped a star.

Good story. It flowed pretty nicely. Interesting characters.

Kept me reading, which is a good thing.

5 stars

Cagivagurl

Story is good, but I feel tricked into reading it. Should not be in LW, probably shouldn't even be in literotica.

Early in your background, you mistakenly used the name Dave where you were describing the athletic positions Bruce played (center in football and catcher in baseball). Later you have Bruce organizing a party to celebrate the three touchdowns he scored in a high school game. American football centers have almost no chance to EVER score in a game because all they do is snap the ball and block defensive players.

Good all round story that kept me reading.

2* Wrong category and way too much exposition. You need a better editor.

Very well written with the expert help you so graciously acknowledged and as you say no particular catagory seems to work for this story. I did stick around for the ending however I do tend to skip the sex in a lot of stories as it gets very routine. THANKS

Too much back story, makes an already long story longer.

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We don't really need all the details of the varieties of fruit.

4 pages of unnecessary details and filler. Whoever your editor is, find another one.

Way too long for the payoff at the end. As you point out, not really a loving wives story, but I understand the dilemma of which category to put the story in.

Not only wrong category but wrong site. As a result two stars.

Good story, but not the right fit for LW. 5***** anyway.

I am assuming the author may have read "The Partner" written by John Grisham or have seen the movie. The endings are the same as this story with some changes.

Overall, a pretty good story. The why was actually interesting and pretty well explained. Not all psychopaths/sociopaths are Hannibal Lecter and I appreciated that he basically winged it on a lark.

I will say that writing can be like cooking: sometimes what you don’t add is what makes it a good piece. I appreciated that Clair wasn’t a cheater, Consuela wasn’t added to a polyamorous relationship, and the characters were pretty realistic. Some of my friends definitely engaged in some borderline behavior growing up and we assumed that they either grew up or got jailed, but as I didn’t keep up with those guys, maybe one or two did have maybe something diagnostically wrong. Hmm. Food for my own thought.

Well written but it really should have been in non-erotica.

Maybe with a header to describe it was being placed here for other reasons.

All this nonsense about is it or isn’t it in the right or wrong category, it’s just a fucking story for Christ sakes, read it or don’t, enjoy it or don’t, who gives a shit, in its defence it was posted in Loving Wives and it had a loving wife. So instead of spitting your dummy out and blubbering like a two year old just move the fuck along.

As to the story? Well I read it, all seven pages, didn’t skim once, which as far as I’m concerned is an achievement few submissions here can attest to.

I kept waiting for the betrayal, that Claire was part of the scam and was running off with Bruce. This is LW, after all. But noooooo. You had to go and write a story that belongs in... I don't even know where. It's a good story, and I'm giving it 5*, but there really wasn't enough 'Wives' in it.

Exciting story!

5

Interesting indeed

ok writing, not so ok editing, not very interesting, boring in fact

Hi, PostScriptor, thanks for participating in Randi's event. This plot for this was a little (okay, a lot) different than I was expecting but I found it Interesting, well plotted, and nicely detailed. The ending was fairly close to what I was expecting, with the exception (based on the category) that I feared Claire would have somehow been involved with Bruce (and was relieved on that front). I rated it a solid 4.6* and rounded up.

Excellent story! Gave you 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

GREAT STORY!!!

The story had no suspense, an exceptional number of characters that played no real part. I read it all the way through hoping that there would be some interesting development either in confrontation, sex, etc. Nope, just a plodding path to the expected ending. I didn't like this.

Not what I was expecting but a good read 5 stars from Xluckylee

Yes, I was wondering about LW, but either way, yeah, good work.

5 stars

The story held my interest as I have been a guy that tries to diagnose problems with operating systems (computers and radar) and with people thus my failed marriage; which includes myself.

loving wives were involved, So, a cheating husband betrayed his family; mom and dad, and girlfriends plus others as well as his best friend; the owner of Orange Grove.

Forgive my punctuation - Please

One of the most refreshing stories I've read in awhile. But yes you left out the whole loving wife aspect. No bother. I enjoyed it.

Well... that was boring

agree, boring and not a LW story at all.

Better than a 4 but not quite good enough for a 5. 4.5? Well told, and if there was a General Fiction category, it might do better.

Thank You good read could use some twist/suprise/intrigue

The story had my interest! Part mystery, part drama with some LW elements. I am not a strict believer in what LW represents other than likely a harsh review!

Over all I was entertained so all good for me.

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading.

Very good writing. Well told story. Quite engaging!

a good read

Good story. Bruce was indeed a psycho

This is a very good story. I’m not complaining about the LW classification, but as I read, I kept wondering about Clair: first, would she disappear with Bruce; then, would she drop her own unrelated bombshell. Finally figured out that Consuela fit the role. If the Anonymous Cowards want to complain about that, you can always refund what they paid you, delete the posts, or block Anonymous Coward posts.

Canada doesn’t have NHS. Healthcare is provincial, not national.

Kind of threw me, I kept waiting for the Loving Wife to show up but that never happened. still a good story, a lot of fluff but good. I guess if there were a LW it would have been Consuela for putting up with Bruce's depraved whoring her out. What a sorry bastard, but at least he didn't get away scott free. I'm wondering how they figured out that the two men "shot the man six times, each"? One guy could have reloaded or had two guns. Seems like a waste of bullets as the baseball bats could do the job without a lot of gunfire, even in a secluded area. More of a mystery story but I liked it.

I really enjoyed this on. I would like to thank the author. A thought came to me about halfway through the reading. I can easily see this become a Travis McGee novel

Hey WGAS, you’re just as anonymous as anyone else here. That’s not your real name, and your profile doesn’t give any information that could be used to identify you. Which is as it should be!

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ZK