All Comments on 'Orc Dominion: Elfin Descent Ch. 10'

The best in this series so far, and rivals even the best in the original arc!

But, I actually noticed more typos, not less.

Still, looking forward to more of Lyriena's misadventures now that she's getting accustomed to her new position.

A blowjob under a desk with other people around but unaware is always a nice scene. The piercings and pony outfit were also good.

If there are more typos it is likely my fault as I have a terrible system for keeping track of all the versions.

But I am glad you both still enjoyed the chapter so much!

In this story, you confuse first (I), second (you), and third (her, him) points of view, sometimes in one sentence! This makes the story extremely hard to follow and many readers will simply give up. You seem to be telling the story from the elf princess point of view, so unless she is speaking, 'I' 'my' 'our' should never show up in a sentence. Please work on keeping your story teller's point of view consistent.

It is mostly bad formatting. When it switches to first person it is supposed to be her thoughts and inner monlogue. Normally thatvwould be represented in italics, but formatting it that way would make the submission take a week to be approved instead of two days.

One of the things I liked about Zentara and Rebellion was that Jeanette chose her own path. She owned it and thrived in her sexuality and men where her partners. Lyriena is just a passive victim and Trogar is a pretty ugly unappealing character. I still have hope that you arent aiming to have him 'win' the Princess and the Isles. Still hoping Lyriena gets to own her sexuality and her agency. Still hoping Trogar gets his comeuppance. Maybe he could diacover that he is really just a weasely sub bitch? Sold into slavery? Castrated maybe?

I deliberately made Lyriena more of a victim because I didn't want to just write an elfin version of Jeanette. I wantes to write a different story so as not to just make a clone.

That being said, Lyriena will probably be "owning" her sexuality by the end.

At first I trogar seemed like something of an intellectual, and I had hopes for him, but now he's proved himself to be even more petty than his old man.

I really hope this doesn't end like the story first one and make Lyriena become a mindless cock slut who publicly debases herself while letting the orcs overrun the elven territory.

Lyriena seems pretty cool so I'd like to see Trogar pull his head out of his ass and treat her with a little more respect while keeping the kinky shit in the bedroom, while letting the elven territories continue to operate on their own.

I've enjoyed your other work, but I'm afraid that with this chapter "Elfin Descent" is headed in a direction that's not to my taste. It's not so much your decision to make Lyrenia more an ingenue than Jeanette: frankly I love a good corruption-of-an-innocent tale. The problem is that Trogar fails utterly, IMO, at being the kind of interesting, three-dimension scoundrel necessary to drive it: he's just a vile oaf with an inferiority complex and sycophantic groupies. Instead of telling me a story about how Lyrenia's sexuality is first awakened and then deliberately twisted until she's left craving perversity, you're telling me one about how some small, vicious assholes with political leverage gratuitously humiliate and abuse her. As a result the sex scenes are more uncomfortable than hot.

Those are fair comments about Trogar. If you generally enjoy the story, I suggest sticking around until ay least ch 12. Things will move in a different direction after that.

I think you should work to complete Elfin Descent and then go to your shorter stories, they really didn't work for me. Perhaps include some of the themes in the longer works. Did I miss something. At the end of Zentara, Jeanette is in the gutter,At the beginning of Rebellion she is again queen, what did I miss?

Zentara had an alternate ending where the queen got screwed over in her deal, and the orcs over ran the kingdom before being killed by the rebellion.

If that's what you're talking about than it's non cannon. Basically the author wanted to go one direction, but the story took a different turn, so he posted both the good and bad endings.