All Comments on 'Orc Dominion: Elfin Descent Ch. 11'

I'm sorry, but I just can't anymore. I really enjoyed the previous two Orc Dominion stories, but this one has just gone much too far of the rails of believability and general sense for me.

Everything Trogar-related has been forced and far-fetched from the beginning. He has shown no respect or regard for Lyriena as a Princess (despite what his goals may be, his behavior has been outlandish from the start), and the fact that Lyriena accepts it only makes her just a poorly written. Despite the pretense of "negotiations", there has been literally none of that in any of their meetings together. All that consists of their meetings are forced sexual acts and all other methods of humiliation, "forced" in the sense that Lyriena either agrees with whatever Trogar wants to do, or she faces the threat of open war or an end to Trade between their people (a threat which Lyriena apparently 'knows' to be an empty one, but goes right on ahead and agrees to it all anyway). Trogar's only good idea was hiring the two Elf whores to act as his servants to tend to (and help influence) the Princess, but even that took things too far too fast by having them all but rape her in the bath, and then further punishing Lyriena for doing what she had every right to do after the fact (ie, slapping the servant). Which, again, shows the flaws in this narrative, because Lyriena either accepts the completely outlandish punishment, or faces war or ceased Trade.

The fact that Lyriena is now accepting the King of Haste's proposal for marriage doesn't make things any better for her characterization either. It is painfully obvious, even to her, that Haste only wants her for the exact same reason Trogar does, and the mentality of "well, a human would be better than an orc, i guess" is just as forced as any other, especially when that human or group of humans actually have already attacked her and her people. Lyriena is just as much a 'prisoner' of Haste now as she would have been had they succeeded in their assault on her ship. She's merely trading being an orc's cocksleeve for being a human's, the only difference being that Haste just went ahead and made the offer of political marriage, which Trogar simply failed to do (and realistically can't now, because he's painted himself as nothing but a complete and utter asshole to Lyriena due to his treatment of her).

The only aspect of this story that has made a good amount of sense to me, and actually worked for the idea of a gradual corruption/perversion of the pure Elfin princess, was the fact that they were initially made to stay at the brothel in the elven district in the city, and Lyriena various trips back to it and her experiences therein. Those were amazing scenes, wonderfully well orchestrated, and the gradual build up of curiosity and depravity within Lyriena in those scenes made all the sense in the world, and would have worked perfectly well as a backdrop to the princess gradual fall into lust and into Trogar's hands. I was hoping for much more subtlety in this story, which properly written scenes between Lyriena, her own attendants, Trogar, and his two hired elf-whores could have easily accomplished (and gone a long way to show off how intelligent and conniving Trogar was supposed to be, as referenced by Jeanette when she spoke to him). The problem is that, as mentioned before, everything dealing with Trogar and the princess's dealings with him, as well as himself as a character, has just been forced and otherwise very poorly done all the way through.

Have to agree with the first commenter. Trogar isn’t 'shrewd' or attractive or subtle. He is just an idiot manchild rapist. Hope that something really nasty happens to him in the end.

Thanks for the feedback, even if it is negative. I still appreciate that you took the time to write something.

I understand that many people are unhappy with Trogar. But what about Sylvia and Brahm? Did you enjoy those subplots? Are they more subtle/better written amd characterized?

As for your question regarding Brahm. He's super awesome. I hope he was an orphan who is really a prince :D So he'll be able to save the Elf Princess, marry her and still run a brothel in his castle!

I never understood why some readers did not like Trogar´s father. He loved Jeanette (in his Orcish way), never betrayed her and gave her what she needed. However, I can understand why nobody likes Trogar. At the beginning I thought that he would be a kind of Tyrion Lannister: not very strong, but very intelligent and quite horny. Then it turned out that he is not as clever as he thought. I hoped that Jeanette´s intervention would change him somehow, but this does not seem to happen and I can´t see that he can turn into a kind of likable character. He has neither the strength of his father nor the intelligence of his mother. I would not mind if he would be killed at the end of the story. Antoher alternative would be that he recognizes that he is not fit to rule and decides to leave the country (he could have a comeback in a later story). I think you can still turn him into a likeable character, but not in Elfin Descent anymore.

Another possibilty would be to turn him into a charismatic badass, but I think this role fits his halfbrother.

I liked her sub plot, and perhaps she's even better then Jeanette, at least in my opinion, I did not like how her sub plot turned out, but then again main plot of the story is not about her. I don't mind Trogar as much, but I think that character like him should not have even gotten such important plot line (as well as a task), still, I will be waiting to see how story unfolds.

In short, I really like both of these characters. Brahm is a wonderful "corrupter of the innocent." Knowing just how far he can press someone while keeping them hungry for more. Additionally, he seems sly enough that I still wouldn't be surprised if he was Dorian in disguise or a someone who works for him (after all, what better place to have a spy than as the owner of a brothel?). So yeah, I really like him.

Sylvia I really like and I hope her death was merely staged. In an odd way, she actually is a good match for Trogar: she has little in the way of assets and support but she pulls works with what she has to further her own goals. In some ways, the fact she took the skills she was forced to learn as an act of humiliation and used them in an attempt for the throne is admirable. Trogar meanwhile has money and (currently) the support of his mother but otherwise he has very little. He's a mockery to his own brothers, seems to have no one in court or anyone outside of the twins in his corner so ultimately, while we haven't seen it yet, he's going to have to put the little skills he has to actual use.

Though the place where they met up is that they definitely overestimate themselves. Trogar thinks he can just take Lyrenia so instead of taking a corrupting or seductive approach he just belts out "Yo, jerk me off and marry me" and thinks she'll skip to his tune. Really, if he had taken a subtler approach, he probably could have been halfway to a marriage or at least had an Elf Princess bouncing in his lap willingly. Whereas Sylvia probably could have pulled off becoming Trogar's consolation prize wife but her plan to fully reclaim her duchy and have Jeanette abdicate was optomistic at best and a naive fantasy at worst.

I don't want to criticize Trogar too much since you're a good writer and you still have time to make him a more well-rounded character or pull off a scheme which will show he actually is clever and his mother is right in seeing herself in him. Still, while re-reading all the chapters has softened me a bit (I was absolutely despising him prior to going through the story again), I will admit that it is annoying to read about a character that has big ambitions, thinks they're a genius, has other people saying they're a genius, and take them seriously when they keep acting like a child (for comedy it can work though). His sex scenes are fun but so far he feels like he would be a boss in an RPG who the heroes kill off early only to find the actual threat was manipulting him.

I just need to see him pull off something where he's going off without a safety net (his mom, Dorian, etc) and has to rely on his own skill set (like if he used his gained knowledge of the Elfin Isles to lay an ambush, manipulated Henry's men so they betray him at an opportune moment, or even got the twins to sneak aboard the boats and drug everyone). In fact, him hitting an ultimate low point and having to become his own kind of orc could be pretty good (like if not only his mother pulled support but his brothers stepped up their game and bought the twins' services to humiliate him) Or if he learned the lesson his mother wanted him to but only after suffering a real blow (more than humiliation, like a broken or lost limb...which would also satisfy the part of me that wants something bad to happen to him). That way he'd have to actual reflect on his real strengths and might even alter how he has to approach women from now on (still lots of kinky and rough sex but maybe thinking twice before he goes off judging his mother).

I do wonder how it will all end though. even if Henry pulls it off and is sincere, I don't see him making it to a safe port before getting captured and there's no way Lyrenia isn't making it out of this story without all of her holes getting a through helping of orc cocks. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if an insemination party is in her future. Though I could see her ending up in a relationship where she has a little say and is more confident in getting her needs fulfilled but still is an eager slut in the bedroom. Trogar still has time to prove himself, Dorian still has time to make some pants darken (as does Jeanette), the twins still have time to continue doing the same thing, and Brahm still has time to be awesome.

tl;dr eagerly awaiting the next chapter.