All Comments on 'Our Family Vacation Ch. 05B'

I like the idea of telling the story from Mom's view point, especially if Danny gets involved with both Mom and Abby.

Rather have them sucking and fucking brother

Love to have mom's POV. But make it more detailed, and a little bit more voyeuristic.

Keep up the good work.

D

At prop69 wtf do u keep reading??

not sure about the salesman, maybe a few too many asides - not enough "family vacation". but, i like your style so i gave it 5 stars. probably a few too many - but...........

Although it is told from the mother's view point, it is basically the same as Ch. 05.

To make it worth repeating you need reveal more of the mother's emotions/thoughts/responses.

I agree with Dozen. The concept of a B chapter from Mom's viewpoint is excellent, but your execution was off. Chapter 5 actually gave us more insight into Mom's inner dialogue based on the daughter's description of her reactions and facial expressions than the 5B chapter which seemed mostly a clinical description of what was happening with very little of Mom's inner dialogue. Good writing though.