All Comments on 'Our University Babysitter'

Another telegraphed predictable story in the wrong category.

Yes, his wife is an iceberg with a raft of excuses for not being with her husband. Still, that's not a free pass to fuck around on her. Divorce her, get counseling, accept the shitty odds of getting laid, or all of the above, but don't just fuck around on her behind her back.

'your' versus 'you're'!

Damn!!.....this can certainly be the start of something very fun.

With "Our" in the title, I kept waiting for Sarah to join in on the fun!

Nice story, if he were single or was in an open marriage consented by his wife. Now it is plain cheating on his wife !

Oh, get an editor. You have written such an erotic story, you rob your story and your audience of what this could be.

Also, work on narrative voice and point-of-view. The narrator is the male sometimes, and yet also some other narrator seems to know the inner workings of Emily, and things Michael might not be able to see.

Lastly, the guy is an admitted cheater with little compunction about it. Beyond our delicious university girl, he has had another recent affair with an old friend, Grace. As that affair ends, he would like to get together with Emily, almost like he is dating, not married. Although you give us some quality work with Michael/wife interaction, you rob some emotional impact from your story because of this, and make it harder to identify with your protagonist. The story then becomes only what sexy stuff he can do with his target, or partners.

The story does roll with the erotic action, definitely, nice work.

Boring and predictable