All Comments on 'Out Of My League'

Meh.

3 stars

Another sweet story!

5

I enjoyed your story. It was very romantic. 5stars

You could imagine the MC sitting in his recliner relating the story of his life in a flat monotone drone showing zero emotion, and that’s what this felt like, the emotional flesh of the story was surgically removed and we are left with the barebones of it’s skeleton.

There was simply no reason for the reader to invest in the characters progression.

Nice love story.

A straightforward romance. The feelings were true. Liked it.

It was okay...ish, but you need to add more flesh to the bones. It was a bit of a monologue. Apart from saying she was pretty, there was no description of Amber. For the reader to relate to the characters they need more than that.

Very beautiful romance that you offer us! 5⭐

I admit that I had doubts that she slept di quickly and that she was not a virgin.

(Ah bitch syndrome on Lit.)

But in the end, it is well explained by his future departure very far abroad in a war zone.

On the other hand, I don't know for the majority of readers, but I find it strange that you mention the times when the MC goes to the toilet.

Personally, I'm not into urology and I would do without certain details.

Yep, sometimes the good guy does win. Great read thanks

Thank you for your story, a good love story without the cheating and drama. BTW, thanks also to those who have served! 5 stars

somewhere east of Omaha

Good story, but it feels like it could be a bit drawn out more. Just seemed kind of rushed. But still, a good story.

Editted, and in the first sentence a grammatical error (was instead of were)?

Lackland is a USAF base. He said he went to BCT there but later says he’s in the Army. Can’t be both. Other than that really enjoyed the story, the good guy wins.

Good story only issue is in the army you pick your mos (job) before you even ship out.

WOW! Great Heartwarming Story. Good Writing, Good Story! 5 stars to writer. I love a happy ending. I kept worrying that Amber was going to fuck some other guy, but She was way more faithful than any woman I've ever known. LOL Good Story thank you

Guessing dave was “the one other guy”?

Agree with @Trambak below - a lovely simple story, told in a simple style. Thank you

Great Feel Good Story 5 stars all day.

The story in general was good and I enjoyed it. However, it felt like timeline of the story was off. Felt too much in too short a time. Especially since you mentioned a 2nd enlistment but he's home & out of the service before their 5 year reunion. I did enjoy the romance and usually enjoy your stories.

Nice, I liked it. 5 stars

I loved your story! I love it when the good guy wins in the end. Thank you DG. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING FLAMING NOVA STARS!

Well done! Finn

I agree with Boyd Percy…Another sweet story. 5*****

A refreshing, straight forward, simple love story. Thanks for writing it.

Great love story. The timeline seemed a little off but that's just me. Superb love story.

What a great story you have given us a well-deserved five stars from me

This is not dry, it is superdry! Each turning of a page creates a duststorm. All romance has been syphoned out of this narrative, all emotions have been chocked by the dust.

Good story. Certainly a five. I always enjoy your writing.

carvohi

4 stars. It's very well written and heartwarming (if a bit unrealistic). But I'm taking a star off because her behavior is off. If she liked him so much, why date other guys and accept prom invite from Dave? Why not ask HIM out (or do some subterfuge and get someone to know she wants him to ask her out).

And the "I didn't know you liked me" doesn't work anymore. She knew after he asked her to prom, and she not only didn't break her date with dave - she ALSO made a date with dave afterwards.

Very nice story. I hate to nitpick, but Lackland is Air Force Basic. Jeff sounds like Army which would be Fort Benning or maybe Fort Leonard Wood. Army Basic is ten weeks. Sorry, still a fan of your stories.

What's not to like about a love (life) story.

Well done!

A few minor typos, but hey, we’re all human.

You told the story well enough to bring tears to my eyes. Your style is a little bit dry, but not nearly as bad as skruff101 implies. I’ll check out some of your other stories.

5*

Tc

I quite enjoyed it. The writing style is a bit stilted and the spelling and grammar could be improved but the story was enjoyable.

If you enjoy a sweet romantic story that is well well written, this is the ticket. It is what I look for in a story. I loved the development of the characters, especially the male lead. Not quite perfect, but close to a five, I gave ot 5/5.

If you want a lot of angst and high drama, look elsewhere.

The Hoary Cleric

Nice little tale. Is it possible to get diabetes from an online erotic story?

I enjoyed the story, coming from DG I expected to (thank you by the way.) Some of the comments should have been aborted before the person typed them! 'They hate to nitpick' then proceed to do just that simply I guess to make themselves feel better I guess - don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. Same for was vs were - sometimes a 'character' telling the story as a he would verbalize it (its called character development).

The point is, you wrote one sentence to show how smart you are (good job). If you really want to impress, string a few more sentences together and write a story (or like DG, 340 plus stories)!

Not to nitpick . . . .

Nice love story.

Somehow, your stories read like a cooking recipe. No engagement, no connection, no emotion.

About the story: set in a dystopian nightmare, aka American everyday life, the beautiful and intelligent woman falls inexplicably in love with the main character who is a total derp. He goes into the military, finds out she had his baby, comes home and everything is wonderful. Yawn... read the same in about 150'000 versions already.

Enjoyed the story very much

Story was ok. Not great but ok. It seemed to lack tension. There was never a serious threat to the relationship or even temptations. His shyness in approaching her early on was about it.

Dave really never amounted to anything that would retain interest.

3*

This is a nice Hallmark story. But Asst Manager with only service 'cook' school not Supply training? Now if his Manager job was contingent on him attending night school for at least a 2yr BA, I could believe this story. As I doubt he will get promoted to full story manager without some sheepskins.

\

Plus Jeff has his GI Ed bennies to use. [I told the canoe club to shove it after 10yrs, becoming an aerospace Field Engineer providing I continued electronics training - that took decades of night school while raising two sons.]

\

He's a damn good honorable man, but he should have kicked his sisters but a little for not giving him the whole truth about Gina.

\

5.5*****, Hooyah, Salutes...

The story was mildly interesting. It is difficult to reconcile this 'police report' style of writing with the very engaging DG Hear stories of several years ago. The emotion seems to have drained away.

Could I make a plea that authors do not thank their editors by name unless they are sure that the final story is well-edited? Just saying that the author made changes after the editor had finished doesn't begin to deal with this issue. This submission starts with a classic example of this. The story is poorly edited and apparently not proof-read. There is a grammar mistake in the first line and this is followed by a series of grammar and other errors. ['you were a loaner at school', the mind boggles!]. So the author, while intending to praise, has actually dissed the editor.

And for those who think it doesn't matter, please read the Lit author's guidelines. There's a very good reason why publishers employ editors and they wouldn't do so if good editing were an optional luxury.

Having read this story and a few comments, I feel the need to comment. The author wrote a good story. That being said, there were a few things that needed to be overlooked. Grammatical and spelling errors are not the end of the world. If the story reads well, kept the readers interest and doesn't offend the reader, then the work is successful. That being said, I will say thank you and move on. If I was smart enough to make constructive criticism, I might try, but I'm not.

I mean it was ok and all, but how can he be surprised that her uncle is the head honcho when he was literally told by her father he was running it? Unless he’s an idiot of monumental proportions, it was easily seen the uncle was going to run the store.

Sweet story, Mr. Hear. Write another, please.

*****

@ the anonymous critics of my editing. Do I miss things? Sure. If I catch 95% percent of mistakes, I'd say that's not bad. Let's see some of your editing work, Annie. I have been voted "most helpful editor" by the writers on Lit every year since 2016. What are your credentials? I have an idea. How about you suck my dick? Randi.

Sweet story. A lot more technical errors than I'm used to with this author.

Jeffrey was a loaner? Who was he loaned to?

Little things like that were pretty jarring to the flow of an otherwise nice little story.

I have to admit since I'm used to reading LW stories from this author I was waiting for Amber to get caught messing around with Dave. Glad nothing like that actually happened.

OK story & generally well written except for a couple of small grammar errors (use of wrong word). My issue is with the style that created a very predictable lock step telling of the yarn. I appreciate you wanted to get across the fact that relationships like Jeffrey & Amber do exist in this complex and often fraught world and at that level you succeeded. What I found missing was passion, colour and texture in your story. Making the piece more colourful especially, the core of the story which is the growing relationship between J&A would give a sense of reality to the story lifting it beyond average and making it more meaningful to the reader. The story really felt like it was slipping into the mundane lacking humour and shades of different emotions. Finally, Amber with all her skill and beauty is rather two dimensional why not create and describe a more whole person whose attraction to Jeffrey involves her whole personality.

Wonderful story !!!

a life well lived is a boring life ;) it was a good slice of life for me to read at the moment so ty for the read

Story for a change here. Glad your still writing.

@Grammar connoisseurs. Has an occasional grammatical error affected the overall impact of the story? There are authors here whose grammar suck but are still rated high for the story they write.

I am not an English speaking person and do make a lot of grammatical errors. But, I would like to continue commenting. Although, I would really like to be correct in my narrative.

@Randi. You are a great author as well as a fab editor. Why would you get so upset on an 'once in a while' criticism?

So glad you've returned to writing. I enjoy your works. Thank you for sharing.

G

I enjoyed the story well worth reading and I was entertained so full marks. I didn’t hear the siren of the grammar police going off as I was reading. The grammar or word choice never took me out of the story. If I hadn’t read some of the comments would not have caught the loaner / loner word. I agree with Randi (blackrandi1958) comment and have to add how much does to help keep this site and LW such a great asset. I am sure many an author has been helped on their career in writing from Randi. I read books by several authors who credit LIT for making them a better writer and I am sure there are many more who won’t admit it. I would love to see a list of ePub writers on this site that I could read their published work. Glad to see a story by DG Hear have many favorite stories and of course favorite author.

Then and Than...

life's up and downs, so many young people mess up their lives

but this one hit the right notes with me

I really enjoyed this story. So glad the good guy won the girl and family. It was nice because this felt like a good ending of what happened instead of an abrupt ending and having questions.

I like the wholesome stories you tell. But why does your main character have to be a quasi-imbecile, both with regard to his emotions and his career?

I'm a sucker for happily ever after stuff. Good job.