Out of the Ashes Ch. 14

The king's vision turned blurry when tears were welling up in her eyes. She knew 'Mama' was not lying... but that only made it worse.

Even her legs started to feel shacky and seemed to stagger under the pressure of her mother's confession.

The blue eyes of her mother followed her all the way and didn't part her even as she sank defeated onto the wooden seat.

"We both are guilty. Guilty to what have happened to you over these months... and that you felt unloved and betrayed by us. But please try to understand that we always loved you," Euridike whimpered, while kneeling before her daughter.

"You... I thought at least you loved me ... you didn't make me feel unwanted like she did, "Margaret said.

"I did and always do. But Ana just had the strength to fully commit to our plan... and I did not."

"Please... tell me the plan then," Margaret cried in disbelief and resignation.

Euridike rested both hands on her child's cheeks and stroke away the steady stream of tears.

"You... were not ready to be king. And we thought you'd never be. We couldn't bear to see you faced with the same overwhelming decisions as us. The pressure would have destroyed you. You should have lived a life that was yours and not designated to constant warfare and personal sacrifices to protect your people.

"Why... would you..."

"To give you a chance on such a peaceful life," Euridike said as she gazed deep into Margaret's diluted eyes.

"We planned that you would be brought far away from the palace. Far away from the burdens of royalty, where you could have found your own path. Everything was set up. Your kidnapping. Your rescue. A place where you could live like the princess that you are, but without the obligations. You would have been free!" she said with a sad smile on her face.

"But things turned out much differently. We planned every small detail, calculated every possibility... anything but your friendship with Alexia. Time and time again we went over the plan, but both of us STILL managed to oversee this blatant flaw. We never should have made her commander of the guard; she would have never dared to break protocol otherwise. But that was our fault. And we hated us for that. Every day we had to see your room empty, not knowing what happened to you. If you'd still be alive! We prayed every night that you would return... spent hours in your room only wishing that if we would wait there you might come back to us. That you would forgive us. Ana... she was the one organizing everything. She had to live with that. While I was the one having to accept the fact that I suggested the plan, she had to bear the burden of thinking that she was the one who got you killed!"

Margaret felt the growing paleness on her shaking face. Her tears felt cold, but her body quaked with an insurmountable heat. A conflicting mixture of love and hate. Confusion and clarity. Deepest darkness and radiant light.

She slowly looked over to Anastasia who didn't say a word ... and she didn't have to. Her begging eyes proved her wife's words right. While she tried to shield her distraught face and tears from her daughter earlier, this time she didn't hold back.

The former king leaned forward as much as her chain allowed and kept her wet eyes at full display for her daughter. This was the first time ever Margaret saw her cry.

"Why ... didn't you talk to me about it? Why... did you treat me like that?" Margaret asked her directly.

"Because sadly you are like me. You are stubborn. You knew how gifted you are... and wouldn't stop until you would have convinced everyone why you deserved to be king. You would have never walked away from your heritage," Anastasia said.

"I... don't understand."

"Our people... are not fair. We are driven by superficial values and beliefs. Regardless of how intelligent and capable you are, most would never see anything beyond a small and weak ruler. Just because of your stature. Many would undermine your authority and scheme in the shadows for anyone they deem more "suited". Like Sybilla... or anyone else. You would have to fight an uphill battle for your whole life and never win it," Anastasia said.

"But... why couldn't you just have prepared me for that? You didn't even try..." Margaret gasped.

"I did try. Every lesson, every subject you excelled in was to give you the foundation to succeed, but there was one thing I couldn't teach you. Something you had to develop on your own: The confidence and authority to act. To defy the doubters, to call out how you were treated. You had to be fiercer and more resilient than anyone else. I wanted you to stand up against me, Margaret."

The chained woman's broken attitude vanished as she regained her daughter's attention. Back was the royal aura of a powerful ruler. A ruler who was humbled by her deeds and finally started showing that she cared about her child. Like she always should have.

"You wanted me to fight you?" Margaret muttered.

"Not fight me. But I wanted you to rise beyond me. Stand above what I or what anyone else was saying. How could you stand up to a world that looks down on you, when you didn't even dare to stand up against your mother?"

The question lingered in the room for a solid minute. Her mothers started to exchange nervous gazes as they awaited their daughter's response.

Margaret took her time, her perception of the last few years got reshaped, but some things still hurt too much to be immediately justified.

"Your methods... were unreasonably extreme. Why couldn't you just want your daughter to love you? You didn't treat Sybilla like that either. How would making me despise you shape me into a better ruler? I don't see how that makes any sense," Margaret eventually said.

Anastasia took a deep breath and mild optimism and relief radiated off of her. She must have expected another rant, so any reply that didn't get her insulted for what she did was more than she could have hoped for.

"My child. I want nothing more than to feel your love. But I saw that my teachings were not working. Not the way they should have. Nor that you would ever develop into the woman you turned out to be. Sybilla would have kept her crown... you would not. You might even would have to fight your own sister ... and that was something we could never allow to happen. For both of you. That's when we formed our plan to get you out of the palace. But you had to want to leave for it to work. There shouldn't be too much that would lure you back to claim your birth right once you are gone. Or there had to be at least something or someone you would hate so much that you would never want to return."

"You," Margaret said, once more on the verge of tearing up.

Anastasia nodded in approval but also in shame.

"That's what 'mama' meant, when she said she couldn't 'fully commit' like you did? She couldn't get herself to treat me like you did."

"She is simply a kinder soul than I am. And I love her for that. But I would take being the irredeemable monster you see me as right now a hundred times over, when I know you wouldn't have to fight such unwinnable battles. You should have a chance on a life that is yours if you were robbed of your birth right, that's what we wanted for you. But now... things have changed," Anastasia said.

"What? Do I hit the criteria now?" Margaret said and angrily gestured at her now curvaceous body. "Is that really everything it took to earn the crown?!"

"No... you opposed and beat me. You proved that you finally learned to do what is necessary. You won the crown in combat. And would you have taken my advice your power would have been absolute. But sadly, you inherited your mother's kindness, not my ... ruthlessness."

Euridike gasped when Margaret shot up from her stool. Her gaze darted between her mothers and it was clear as day, that her mind was spinning at a hundred miles an hour.

"Mama... tell me. During our duel. When she ordered you to be silenced: Did you try to warn me... that she would lose this fight on purpose? So that I would kill her?" Margaret muttered.

Euridike nodded.

"I... knew what she wanted to do. Ana... I know how she thinks... I tried to stop you both... but I failed."

The king rested her head on the iron bars and took a few deep breaths. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she relived the moments leading up to the duel in her head. It made sense. How 'Mama' and Sybilla behaved in that moment... and how 'kingmother' threw the fight.

"Why would you do that? Why would you throw your life away?" Margaret asked.

"To make sure that your position and legitimacy would not be questioned. To guarantee your reign would last. To assure that you didn't have to channel all your strength into staying in charge, but put all your efforts into leading our people. Unchallenged and with full authority. Sure, many would not respect the ancient customs, but they would never dare to stand up against you. I knew I would leave my kingdom in the hands of someone strong and capable. That is worth giving a life for," Anastasia said.

"I... don't want to be king. Not the one you want me to be. I would rather have this peaceful life you two wanted for me... but you already took that away," Margaret said.

"Sadly, I had to take this choice away from you. I apologize for that. I deserve all the hate you want to bestow upon me. But our family owes it to our people to serve them if we are in a position to do so. And now you are. You might still have a lot to learn... but you are ready, Margaret."

Anastasia offered a subtle but genuine smile. She would give her own life so her daughter could inherit a kingdom unrivalled and intact. To continue her legacy. A legacy written in history books, but written with blood.

"What do you expect me to do now?" Margaret asked cautiously.

"I can't say what I expect you to do, but I could advice you on what SHOULD you do next, to assure our people won't suffer in this tumultuous transition."

"Tell me your advice then..." she muttered warily.

"Continue the campaign immediately. Use this moment of confusion and assert your dominance on the battlefield. Find a fitting match and proclaim her your queen before your coronation. We both know some very suitable candidates. Use your wife's family and network as a shield to your sword, which will be us. And after that, make sure you keep the status quo. No matter the costs," Anastasia said.

Her daughter exhaled and shook her head when she looked over to 'Mama'.

"Do you agree on that?"

"I do. Everything she said was wise, Margaret," Euridike said.

"I see... but I disagree."

"This is not about what you want to do, but what you have to do, Margaret. You have to defend our people with fire and steel," Anastasia insisted.

"She is right. You might not agree, but I swear, we wouldn't demand that from you if there was another way," Euridike joined in.

Margaret turned around and got up to her full, staggering height. Her eyes were cold but determined and didn't waver under the prospect of opposing her mothers anymore.

"No, I will prove you that there is a way. You just failed to see it. My legacy shall be measured in years of peace, not in bodies. I will be king, but not because I want the crown. Far from it. But because otherwise this vicious cycle would never be broken. You can take my choices away, but you will never have my heart or mind... that's the king I will strive to be." she said in a powerful, but calm manner.

"Margaret... that's admirable, really, but you won't make the impossible possible just by simply wanting it to happen. This is for the good of our people and your own good," Euridike said.

"From now on I will be the one deciding what's 'good' for our people, mama. You two made sure of that, even without my consent. And I am also fully capable in knowing what's 'good' for myself and who I want to be with. That's none of your business," Margaret said sharply.

"Is it because of Alexia?" Anastasia said from behind the kings back.

Margaret turned around her body would have tensed just a few minutes prior. Her anger would have taken hold of her, but now she didn't feel the strength required to feel angry anymore. Too many emotions washed through her body and numbed anything trying to cloud her sharpening mind.

"Very few kings were fortunate enough to be allowed to marry out of love. We did, but our political interest was equally as important as our passion and admiration. Both of us were aware about that from the start. You, my child, sadly chose someone who you might love but who can't be your queen," the former king explained.

"Because she is not important enough? Or because she spoiled your plan?"

"I don't hold a grudge, Margaret," Anastasia said and slowly sank back onto her knees as she dared to relax cautiously. "As a matter of fact, I can't thank her enough for protecting you. But while I don't doubt your affection towards her, she simply won't be of any political use in the palace. She belongs in a uniform or on the battlefield."

"You can't judge people by the small glimpse you were able to catch. She is far more than just a soldier," Margaret replied surprisingly calmly.

"My child. Marriage doesn't mean that you can't be with her anymore. It will be fine. You are king. You can find love outside of your wife's chamber, but you have to find allies first. Alexia lost all her family's claims when she joined the royal guard, not that they would have been of any significance to begin with. She serves you best at your side, but as a guard not as your wife. And if you so desire, you two can remain way more than friends and be happy together, but the palace can't ever know."

Euridike seemed to suffer to even attempt to take her daughter's first love away, but that was the path she and her wife had chosen for Margaret. They bestowed her with the burden of kingship and presented it as a gift she just grew worthy enough to receive, but the sacrifices were already stacking too high for her to accept.

"I am done talking. Thank you for speaking so openly. I... will need time to think about what the path I will take will be. As a king and as a woman. But I will tell you both one thing: I won't forget who I am and what I want just for a crown. Farewell for now, I will tell you my final decision within the next few days. You will remain here for the time being," Margaret said.

She didn't wait for a response and turned around. Now that she no longer faced her mothers she let out a sigh of relief and gave into her feet's natural desire to get away from them as soon as possible.

The whispering of her their voices didn't bother her. She had enough to think about already and was not interested in even more of their 'advices' and revelations to weigh on her conscience.

Margaret rushed through the iron gate and past Larissa who she didn't have to tell that everything she might have picked up on was absolutely confidential. She almost reached the stairs when she heard familiar footsteps behind her.

"I said I am done talking, Mama. Please grant me the time to find a solution I can live with," Margaret said without looking at her mother.

"I am sorry you have to face such decisions already, but I beg you: Listen to what Ana and I told you. Everything relies on you finding the right path, Margaret. You can't risk everything just because of your own emotions. This is the first time you have found love, but don't make decisions based on the assumption that you know it will last forever. It very well might be just a fling, please take that into consideration," Euridike said.

"A fling? No..."

Her daughter smirked as she turned around and looked deep into her mother's eyes. She simply started talking and didn't hold back during her honest plea. One which silenced her mother and by the time Margaret was done, made the former queen erupt with tears. Tears of joy. She would never question Margaret's and Alexia's relationship again.