Outback

I showered first before looking over what to wear. Clean jeans and a nice short-sleeved shirt. I was under the impression Cathy liked stubble, so used an electric razor, keeping it nice and short. Bit of cologne, deodorant, boots and light jacket, as even in the middle of summer, the evenings could get chilly in this part of the world.

Walking towards the homestead, Ely had me wait in the living room, Bill giving me a beer as I waited for Cathy. She didn't make me wait too long. She appeared at the bottom of the stairs in a gorgeous red summer dress, thin straps over her shoulders, tight to her petite body, stopping just above her knees, showing off her legs. Sensible shoes on her feet. She was well tanned from life on the farm. Only light make up though she'd done her hair.

I stood there like a statue, which made her giggle. "Ready, Mark?"

"Um, yeah... yeah..."

"You okay to drive us, Dad?"

"And pick you up. Don't want you driving home after drinking. Call us whatever time."

"Thanks, Bill."

"Thanks, Dad."

Bill turned on the air-con as we got into his ute. It was only a single cab, so I sat on the left, Cathy in the middle, Bill on a separate seat behind the wheel. As we drove along, I felt Cathy leaning against me, glancing at her more than once. All she did was stare out the windscreen. I lifted my right arm, which resulted in her leaning in more. I glanced at Bill, who looked at me and nodded.

The RSL wasn't the largest I'd ever been in. I was quickly introduced to Cathy's friends, four couples. When asked who I was, before I could get a word out, she replied, "Mark is my date for the evening."

We enjoyed a meal before heading to the bar. Food was pretty good for a country RSL. Simple food but it was cooked well and tasty. That's all that mattered. Offering to pay for Cathy earned me a smile, though when she left a soft kiss on my cheek, I'm fairly sure I blushed. Last time I'd felt soft lips on my cheek was... too long ago...

In the bar for drinks later, Cathy made sure her seat was alongside mine, lifting my arm so she could lean against me. I met the eyes of her friends and saw curiosity but also approval. I returned a slight shrug. She was an attractive young woman but also the daughter of my employer. I thought I was playing with fire. Add to that, I was still a broken man. What could she possibly see in me?

Conversation was flowing and then one of the guys told a long story of something that happened on his farm. It was a cracking yarn with a great punchline. I laughed. My god, I laughed. It was such a relief, I felt all eyes on me. And laughing opened the lid on everything else I'd kept down. Before I knew it, I felt Cathy's arms around me, stroking my back, her soft lips on my cheek again. No idea how long I wept in silence.

"Sorry," I murmured.

She shushed me. "After everything you've gone through, it's got to come out eventually," she said softly.

Clearing my throat, I dried my eyes with a napkin before I looked around the table. "Great first impression, right?" That raised a few awkward smiles. "Okay, let me get a round of drinks, then I think I need to explain the breakdown."

"Mark, you don't..."

"It'll be cathartic, Cathy," I said, squeezing her hand, "Plus I guess I do owe them an explanation why the six foot something, hundred-kilogram farmer is weeping like a baby."

After buying and returning with a round of drinks, I took a seat next to Cathy. Taking out my wallet, I took a photo from it and handed it to Emily across from me. She looked at it and grinned. "That's my daughter, Katie."

And then I retold the same story I'd shared with Cathy and her parents, though in shorter format. Just the basics. Cathy held my hand the entire time, practically snuggling into me. I received a few questions about what happened, just to expand on certain details, before I was finally asked by Ben, "So do you know where she is?"

"No. Not a clue. The police were useless. No sign of her or my daughter. Can't tell me if they're in the country or not. They're of the opinion they're not, but I'm basically on my own. I think they just don't care. Part of me thinks they blame me for it. I called off the PI a couple of weeks ago. I was spending a lot of money for just no results. Not his fault at all as he had next to nothing to work with. He said he'd feedback anything he might receive from overseas, but it's a needle in a haystack, and I don't know enough about the law or anything like that. I don't know my options. I don't know if I have any. All I have left is hope."

Thankfully, my story didn't put a dampener on things, and when the RSL was getting ready to close up, we gave Bill a call to come pick us up. There were handshakes from the men, and all her female friends hugged me tightly, wishing me the best. We were the last left when Bill arrived.

Arriving back at the farm, he drove me all the way to my cabin. "Thanks, Bill." Clearing my throat, I asked, "Cathy, want a nightcap? I'll walk you home afterwards."

She kissed her father's cheek. "Night, Dad," she said before sliding out of the cab.

"Have fun, kids," he said before reversing away. I scratched my head as I'm fairly sure he winked, though I'm not sure who at.

Opening the cabin, I switched on the light, holding the door open for Cathy as she stepped in. I took her hand as she looked nervous. "Invited this time," I whispered, giving it a squeeze, "Come. I'll show you some photos."

They were a mix but those on show were most important to me. Every birthday, either hers or mine. First day a pre-school. First day a primary school. Never missed a big day. And I made sure to develop some of the photo's I'd kept on my phone. The fact I could recall the day, what we were doing, everything about each photo seemed to impress Cathy. "She's my daughter," I said, "I remember every little thing. Probably to the cost of other things. Five years of memories are locked away in here," I finished, tapping at my head. Then I needed to clear my throat. "Er, drink..."

Cathy didn't let go of my hand, instead turning me to face her. A smile started to form as I met her eyes. "You are rather handsome, Mark. Glad you kept the stubble."

I sighed. "Cathy..."

She hugged me tightly. "I'm here because I want to be, Mark. Isn't that what matters?"

"I just... I just don't know anymore..."

She lifted her head, resting her chin on my chest. "All I know is that the next woman you love, if you love her even half as much as you love your daughter, that she is going to be the most loved woman in the land." Raising a hand to my chest, she continued. "All I know is that... you are a good man, Mark. Everyone could see how much you love your daughter. You work hard on the farm every day. It's backbreaking work, but you never complain. You're more thoughtful than you give yourself credit for."

I kissed her. To hell with it, I liked the woman, found her attractive, and if...

All thoughts ended when she kissed me back, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her tight to me. She smelled wonderful, mixture of perfume, shampoo, natural scent. Her body felt delicate against mine. When we finally leaned back, I whispered, "Stay the night. Just to sleep. Can get you one of my shirts."

"I wasn't planning on leaving until tomorrow morning, one way or the other, Mark."

I chuckled, hugging her tightly towards me. "I wasn't planning on letting you leave until then either," I admitted to her giggle.

I found a large shirt she could wear, watching her disappear into the small bathroom, while I quickly stripped to my underwear and slid under the blankets. She appeared after a couple of minutes, having washed her face. The shirt was just long enough to cover her arse, but showed off her toned legs. She was gorgeous. Her eyes sparkled in the low light of the lamp as she joined me in bed, immediately spooning back against me.

She giggled. "Happy to see me, Mark?"

"I am now."

She noticed the picture on the side table. "How old is she there?"

"Four," I said, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her tighter, feeling her head nestle under my chin. "Last thing I see before going to sleep, first thing I see when I wake up in the morning." I swallowed before needing to admit. "It's a reminder that I don't want to die today."

She gently took the picture and held it up for me. "Kiss her goodnight, Mark." I did so before Cathy did the same thing. "Goodnight, Katie. Daddy still loves you," she whispered, before placing the picture back where it was.

Cathy needed to turn around to hug me for a few minutes. She was far too good a woman for me. Why the hell was she in bed with someone who had just admitted to wanting to die nearly every day? "Mark, listen to me," she whispered, "You have plenty to live for. You have my Mum and Dad. They love you to bits. I can see it. And you have me. I'm not going anywhere. And all I want to do is take the gentle giant in this bed, hold him in my arms, and protect him like I'd know he'd do the same for me, and his daughter."

I kissed her deeply, feeling her leg lift up onto my waist as I pulled her close. Her tongue gently played with mine, exploring my mouth, mine then doing the same in return. I felt her warmth behind the thin fabric of her panties. I was harder than I'd been in... months. Leaning back again, I was a little speechless. She smiled and said, "About damn time you kissed me like that. I've seen how you look at me, Mark."

"It's awkward."

"Dad adores you, Mark. And Mum just flat out loves you."

"Better parents than mine," I whispered.

"So we'll be your family," she whispered back. "Or at least... parents-in-law."

"And you?" I asked, meeting her eyes.

"Girlfriend," she said simply. She stroked my cheek. "I can see a little life in them, Mark. In those blue eyes. I've been waiting to see it. Slowly, I know it will be slow, I'm going to see the same man I've seen in those photos. Maybe he'll look at me the same way one day soon?"

She cuddled into me as I leaned across to switch off the lamp. Gently holding her against me, she barely moved a muscle before I felt her breathing change and she was asleep.

I felt a broad grin form on my face in the darkness. The laughing. The smiling. But also the tears. The anger. The pain of everything. I was allowing myself to feel again. That conversation with her parents meant I couldn't hide anymore. I had to face everything. And that meant I could admit something else.

I was falling in love with her already. She was attractive. Smart. Good sense of humour. And seemed to like me in return. In fact, I think her feelings were deeper than just liking me. I wasn't quite ready for that yet. But I liked her. And I trusted her. And she accepted me, many faults and all.

No idea how long until I fell asleep, but I woke up the next morning feeling soft fingers running down my cheek, opening my eyes to see her smiling at me. I kissed her immediately and there was no holding back that morning. The shirt she was wearing disappeared rather quickly, no surprise she hadn't worn a bra, her panties and my underwear joining the shirt on the floor.

Just as I was about to move down her body, she sat up and pulled me back up. "Mark, I only want one thing this morning." She looked down and grinned. "And seeing that big thing between your legs, I have a feeling your body is of the same mind. Trust me," she reached down and returned her fingers, glistening in the morning light, "I'm already wet."

I groaned as I gently slid my cock inside her, watching her face light up as I was soon buried, our groins touching. Then we made love. It was wonderful. I thought I'd felt a connection with Sally. Cathy was something else entirely. I barely took my eyes away from hers, only looking down to see my cock disappear inside her, patch of dark hair above her pussy.

"You feel wonderful," I murmured.

"Mark, I've been waiting for this since the first week I came home."

I stopped a moment. "You have?"

"Instant physical attraction."

"I thought you were bloody gorgeous in return."

"I should hope so!"

I lasted longer than I thought I would, but when I did finally orgasm, it was like Vesuvius after a long, dormant period. Groaned so loudly, Cathy had to cover my mouth though she understood it had been a while for me. As it had been a while for her too, I pulled out and used my fingers to get her off. She couldn't stop kissing me as I gently fondled her clit, making these adorable little noises before she enjoyed an orgasm.

"Months for me too," she admitted.

"Shower?" I asked.

"Then breakfast. Prepare yourself for either questions or teasing."

We walked hand in hand towards back towards the farmstead. Ely and Bill were already at the breakfast table. They took one look at us and shared what I'd called a knowing glance. After plates were placed in front of us, Ely sat down, Bill clearing his throat. "Move in, Mark," he said.

"Huh?"

"We're not blind, and we don't want to make either of you uncomfortable. But it's obvious you like each other. We understand you want your privacy but... Aren't you tired of being alone?"

I looked at Cathy, who met my eyes and smiled. When I returned the smile, she took my hand and squeezed it. I enjoyed her soft hand holding mine in return. "Yeah, guess I am," I said softly.

"Cathy?" her mother asked.

"I'm tired of sleeping alone. Would be nice to have a big teddy bear with me."

I looked at her parents. "Sure you're okay with this?"

Ely laughed to herself first. "Mark, you're twenty-five, correct?" I nodded. "My daughter is twenty-one. You're adults. More importantly, you make my daughter happy. If making her happy is you living under this roof, then good. More importantly, we also want you here with us."

I glanced at Bill first, who grinned, before looking back at Ely. "Wish my parents..."

She leaned across and kissed my cheek. "Let me mother you then," she whispered, "Been doing it since you arrived. Now we can just admit it and I can continue to show you the love... I want to give you."

"I'll move my things after breakfast."

Packing up my cabin barely took half an hour. I made sure I took everything. Moving my things into Cathy's room, her room wasn't as full of junk as I expected, but as there was a spare room, her brother's old room, it was suggested I put my clothes in there so at least there was space. As for my photo's, Cathy took the one of my daughter and I that had sat on the mantelpiece in the cabin, stating it would go downstairs. Once the box was nearly empty, I asked her to meet me downstairs with her parents. Before she left, I said one thing.

"I'm going to upset you. But you also already know."

I took the bag out of my backpack, untying it to reveal the pistol. I'd learned how to take it apart and put it back together. It was a rather simple thing. Very few moving parts. Once I'd done that, I took a deep breath and headed downstairs. The three were waiting at the dining table, Cathy looking nervous, the parents curious. I took each piece out of the bag. It was easy to figure out what it was. They said nothing, simply waiting for me to explain.

"I left Sydney because my life there was over. I came all this way to die. I bought this illegally. You'll probably want me out of the house now, but I have to confess this. I came here to die."

Cathy took my right hand; Ely took my left hand. "The first couple of months were the worst. I had two thoughts in my head. I want to die. But I want to see my daughter again. Every evening once back in that cabin, I'd sit on the couch with three things on the table. A picture of my daughter. A bottle of liquor. And the pistol. I could probably put this together blindfolded now. I didn't want it to jam when I swallowed a bullet. Chewed on the barrel more times than I'd care to admit in that first month. Only thing that got me through it was... If I die, my daughter has no daddy. The only thought that got me through it."

I looked up, Cathy releasing my hand briefly so I could wipe my cheeks. "Then after a couple of months here, there were three thoughts. I still want to die. I still want to see my daughter. But I don't want Ely or Bill to find my body with the back of my head blown off. I can't do it to them. They've accepted me into their family, treated me like one of their own. Bill is the father I wish I had growing up. Ely is the mother I wish I had, who has hugged me more in the short time I've known her than Cheryl ever did. Killing myself and leaving them to find me would be unfair on them."

I moved my eyes so I looked at Cathy. "Then you came home, Cathy. And after barely a couple of weeks knowing you, there were now four thoughts, and the third one is what pushed away the will to die completely. I don't want to die anymore. I want to see my daughter. I want to stay here with Ely and Bill. And I want to see if Cathy would... like to spend her life with me once she got to know the real me, not the shell of a man she met when she first got here. When I had that thought, I took the gun apart and hid it a final time. But I couldn't leave it there. I had to be honest with you three."

"I knew what you might have had planned, son. Told Ely that the day you arrived. I'm not angry, nor is Ely. We didn't know what you were going through, but it was obvious that it was something horrible. You gave enough suggestions that it was unbearable grief. What you told us that night simply confirmed what we thought."

Cathy stood up, gesturing for me to move my seat back, immediately sitting sideways on my lap before kissing me. Once she settled down, the final confession I had to give resting her head against my chest, I met Bill's eyes. "Please bury this somewhere I can't find it, Bill. I don't want it anymore. I don't want to die anymore. Everything I need is here. I have you two, and I hope I have Cathy."

"You do," she whispered.

"Then there is only one thing missing. We know what that is. I'm a patient man. It will happen one day. I won't give up, but with no news..." I sighed. "I'm just not sure I have any other options."

"I'll have one of the others take it away and bury it deep."

"Thank you. And I'm sorry."

"Not necessary," Ely said, "What you just told us was a brave thing, Mark. You could have just hidden it and said nothing. To admit something like that..."

"Took guts, son. Thank you for showing us that level of trust."

"I thought I'd never trust anyone again after what happened. Coming here was the best decision I could have made. Thank you, because you three saved me. Not just for me, but for my daughter."

"All I can ask is you look after mine in return, Mark."

"I'll spend my life doing it, Bill."

Cathy met my eyes and smiled. "Sounds serious, Mark."

"I am, because I love you."

The smile that lit up her face made her as beautiful as I could imagine. "I love you."

We kissed, and it was long enough that, by the time we broke apart, her parents had disappeared. She led me upstairs, closing the door behind her, leading back towards the bed, making sure I was on my back before she straddled my lap. Leaning down, she cuddled into my chest, wrapping my arms around her, giving her the occasional gentle squeeze. I sighed, feeling content.

"I feel... good..." I took another deep breath. "Admitting that felt good. I knew the possible consequences, but once you kissed me, it felt like that last bit of weight left me. The one last feeling I have is hope, Cathy. I hope to see her again."

"You will, Mark. Somehow, some way, you'll find each other."

*****

Five years later...

Cathy

Mark never checked his social media. The only reason he'd kept it around was for... well, he told me that he had faint hope that his daughter would one day find him through there. I knew everything about him now, of course. He was my husband; I was his wife. There were no secrets between us. He still had his bad days, but I didn't blame him, nor did our parents. After everything that happened, there were still wounds on his soul that would always remain for the rest of his life. All I'd done, since the day I'd confessed my love for him, and his for me, and doubled down on since the celebrant announced us as husband and wife, was that I would love and cherish him till death do us part.