Outer Banks - Escape to Florida

The note, from Charles, read, "Hey girl, glad you are here. I had hoped to catch you and welcome you in person but you're late and I have an appointment that will not move. The shower and fireplace you asked me to 'look after' work just fine. You will be pleased." I remember now how Charles always uses the words 'look after' when talking about things he was responsible for.

The note continued, "The remote for the fireplace and the instructions are on the mantle. Just push the red button and the rest is magic. Push the black button to turn it off."

How did he know I never read instructions?

There was more, "Yes I made the cookies for you and left a quart of milk in the fridge for you to drink while you eat them. Save me one or two, would you? I also left a six-pack of "Red" (Smithwick's Red Ale) for you to drink while you take in the moon tonight. There is also a supermarket rotisserie chicken and mayo in the fridge and bread on the counter. That should hold you over for today."

The note ended with, "Call me when you are settled in as best you can be, and I'll drive you into town for groceries and such. Welcome home!"

I must say, that is as nice a welcome as I ever could have expected.

I sat looking out at the dark ocean that evening thinking about him. How long had it been since I had seen him? Did he look the same? He is now in his sixties like me. Would he be "old?"

It had been eighteen years or more since we shared a bed. Would he still find me attractive? Was that even a possibility? So many questions but good questions. Questions that all at once shifted my perspective from what was, to what might be in the future. Good questions.

I called the very next morning and a woman answered. Not a good thing.

"Hi Robin, I'm Annie, my dad told me you might call. He left me his truck and strict instructions to introduce myself and take you shopping if you want."

Annie and I agreed that if she came over around midday, I would buy her lunch and we could go shopping.

She arrived at 11:30 and called me Miss Robin, like a good Southern girl, and introduced herself again as Annie. Beautiful girl, the very best, a "mocha brown" baby born of a handsome Black man and beautiful White woman. There was something about this girl, something more than her looks, something hidden. Something about her handshake perhaps? Something about the way she dressed. Oh well, she is lovely and already we were hitting it off just fine.

As we drove and then at lunch, I learned a lot. She had just finished her undergrad degree and was taking a few months off before starting Grad school. Her mom, Mary had died three years ago and no, her dad wasn't dating. It almost seemed like we were conspiring but it was just girl talk. She brought up the fact that her dad had told her about the death of my wife Beth. She said she was sorry about that and offered sympathies. A big hug that was just a little too "close." Damn, I knew it!

So, I did what you are not supposed to do. I asked her. Her response was non-committal but there was no doubt at least in my mind.

To change the subject, I told her how Charles and I had met and came to be friends. Of course, I left out the 'more than friends' part. I questioned even then if our times together meant anything to him more than just long-ago sex.

When I asked where her dad was, she was non-committal just saying he had a last-minute appointment he could not change and would join us later today.

When we returned, we unpacked, put everything away, and went out on the deck to relax. We had a chance to talk about school, her plans for grad school, and her career. Now that we were alone and in private, she asked me. "How did you know? How did you know I like girls?"

I explained that there is something about women who "like girls" that is a signal, I guess, to other women who are the same. She knew about Beth, so I didn't need to explain further. She smiled at me and briefly touched and held my hand.

She was for a moment thoughtful and looked to be choosing her next words very carefully. "Robin, I shouldn't say anything, but I think my dad wants more from you than just friendship. Don't fuck him up, ok? These are tough times for him."

I smiled and touched her hand

. She did not move it away. "Annie, I would never hurt your dad. Now I'll say something I shouldn't say. Our long-ago relationship was much more than just friendship and maybe, just maybe it could be again."

Annie smiled and just said, "I know that. I can tell by the way he talks about you."

Annie told me that she was hesitant to discuss it in the car with all else that was going on, traffic and all, but she wanted to talk more about her dad.

"Dad had a real hard time when Mom died but I like to think we made it through that time together." She wasn't done talking, "Mom died of a heart condition that had gone undetected her whole life." There was more, "Before Mom died, she asked me to take care of Dad and help him find the long-lost love he would never admit to. Mom explained that Dad had never cheated on her. (She never knew) It was nothing that simple. She knew he loved her, but she also knew, deep in her heart that somewhere in Dad's long ago past there was a lost love." Annie added, "I honestly do not know who that lost love is or if it might be you."

"Mom stuck by my dad through some very hard times. She told me that things happened to him in the war that left demons in his soul. She said the Army Veterans groups gave him pills and counseling to help but every now and then they would fight, and mom would end up staying away from other people and hiding her bruises for a while, but she never left him, never gave up. Never let anyone see what he had done to her."

"Only three months after Mom died Dad was diagnosed with cancer. That's the bad news but the good news is he fought it and we think he won. Today, because of a last-minute cancelation, was a clinic visit for test results and I hope it is over."

Annie went on to tell me that the experience of caring for her mom when they fought and when she was dying and then caring for her dad during chemo made her decide on a different career and next year, she will enter nursing school with the goal of specializing in critical illness care.

Charles and Mary had raised a lovely young lady, adult beyond her years. I couldn't help but wonder if she and Bailey, my adopted daughter, might at some point become friends. I also wondered, because I always do, if things long long ago had been different, she might be my daughter.

The afternoon faded and at about five Annie suggested that her dad must be delayed, she had tried to call him with no answer, and that she might head home. I could see she was worried. Could no news be bad news?

"Hello, hello, where are you two? Anyone hungry?"

It was Charles bearing sacks of Chinese food and from one of my favorite restaurants still in business after all this time. Annie and I swarmed him like ravenous prison inmates. We weren't really all that hungry, it was the smell of the food and for Annie an eagerness to hear the news.

I entered the kitchen right behind Annie and saw him. I had not seen Charles in years. He is the same man I knew but not the same man in many ways. Handsome, exactly as I remembered but his hair was graying and long in a short ponytail. Same great smile that lit up the room, but he seemed slenderer perhaps less muscular. My god, the man must never buy new clothing! The same "Maine guide" plaid shirt, khaki pants and cowboy boots. Still, I thought I sensed a gentler side of him than I remembered. Years ago, during our few moments in time he was every bit a Marine, muscles and quick wit honest sarcasm.

He put the food on the table and embraced me, a warm gentle hug. A kiss, a gentle soft kiss but not the kiss of a friend greeting a friend. He whispered, "Robin, I'm so glad you are home!" Home? Yes, I like the sound of that, I'm home.

I glanced at Annie, and I saw that she knew. The look in her eyes gave it away, she knew that what she had just seen were the embers of a long-ago abandoned fire being poked. She looked at me, locked eyes with me and smiled. An "I won't say anything if you don't say anything" look between two women.

As we set plates out, opened more beer and put serving spoons in food cartons Charles took a moment, hugged me again and whispered in my ear so Annie did not hear, "Welcome back girl. I hope you will stay this time."

While we were sitting at the table Annie looked at Charles and said, "Dad, tell me! What did they say?"

Charles responded with a smile, "I'm clear, the scans were all negative!" I knew, of course, what he had just said to her, I knew. He looked over at me and said, "I'll fill you in later, we have time, it's a long story."

After we ate and cleaned up Annie said goodbye, told me again how much she enjoyed meeting me and left in her car leaving Charles the keys to his truck.

As the door closed and Annie was gone Charles again told me how glad he was that I was back. This time he added the words "in my life." I was still uncertain of but liked that implication. We each took our beer out to the deck and talked and talked as the moon rose further overhead in the sky.

Charles said, "Robin, I will not play games with you. Neither of us needs that. I have loved you, everything about you, from the moment I first met you. If you want or need more than my friendship I am here." He added, "If you want only my friendship, I am here."

Clearly not the most romantic thing a person has ever said to me but still there was a ring of honesty and truth to it.

I looked at him and said simply, "I need time."

He put his hand on mine, squeezed it, looked in my eyes and said, "we have all the time in the world." Then he smiled and said, "The moon is getting high. I'm going to have one more before I go." As he stood, he looked down at me and said, "Get you anything in the house?"

I put my hand on his to keep him from walking away for just a moment and said, "After all this time, Mary and your daughter Annie, after all this time apart?"

Looking down at me, "Girl, when we made love those few times years ago it started out for me as sex with a beautiful woman but very quickly as I came to know you it changed to something more, much more. Yes, I still love you!"

I answered, "Ok then." Nothing more, just "Ok then."

Every few days I saw Charles one way or another. I bought a small under-counter beverage cooler and asked him to install it for me. I bought him dinner. He insisted on taking me to breakfast. We had lunch. He cooked for me. I cooked for him. We got drunk together. We walked the beach and talked about everything imaginable, the girls, everything... except us. I asked Charles to build a closet for me and we did it as a project together. At the end we were still speaking to each other so...

Charles was a man of his word not pushing anything. For my part I was worried. Perhaps it was old insecurities, the memory of Beth. Charles remembered me in my prime. I was no longer thirty years old, not as capable in any way as I was back then and certainly not in bed. Things that were soft, but firm were now just...soft. What would he really think when he sees this 63-year-old beat-up scared body?

Bailey was coming for two weeks. The "POD" shipping container from Florida had arrived and she would help me unpack it. It had been a while since I saw her, so I was really looking forward to it. When she arrived, I introduced her to Charles and Annie. The plan was that when the shipping container arrived the three of us "girls" would work as a team to unpack it.

They seemed to like each other from the moment they met. I was thinking each must be feeling like this was the sister they never had. Annie spent a lot of time at our house and the girls walked the beach, swam and both throughly enjoyed the time together.

Once I listened to them from the kitchen window as they sat out on the deck. Some talk about recent past college experiences but mostly about the future, plans and desires. Sometimes a comment or two about a cute guy waking by on the beach. Then Bailey made a comment about a girl walking by and how her bathing suit made her look "yummy." Annie asked her, "Bailey, you like girls?" I did not hear the answer as Charles was at the back door and I had to unlock it.

Over the next few days, I told Bailey everything. She reminded me that her natural mother, Beth had been gone a long time and that I deserved to be loved. When I didn't respond she smiled and said, "Mom, are you worried?" Bailey seldom called me Mom.

Knowing I was in fact worried, I still looked at her and asked, "What do you mean worried?"

She smiled and said, "Are you worried that this man might want to marry you and make an honest woman out of you, a straight honest woman? You know, a one-man one-woman kind of straight honest woman?"

We were now sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. "I am frightened to death of him and what I know he really wants. I'm old and not pretty or sexy anymore. My boobs are flabby, and my butt is a billboard. When we had sex years ago, I was thirty. And Bailey, you are right, he is going to want me to be his wife and I will fail him."

Bailey leaned in and said, "Mom, stop this bullshit right now! I have seen you naked and you are beautiful. You are not thirty, but neither is he. Mom, I know you want to forget this, but it wasn't so long ago that you and I made love. You are a wonderful lover! For all your bullshit about not having to be in love to make love, what you are feeling now is the real deal. Take him to bed and fuck his brains out before he changes his god damn mind! Beth is gone, let her go."

She stopped and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry but it's the truth."

I half-heartedly told her she was right.

The POD shipping container arrived and the three of us unloaded it and found space for everything in the house. The whole operation was not worth these few sentences except... At one point waiting for them to come in with more I decided to help unload. When I came around the corner and looked in (they did not see me) Bailey was standing in front of Annie with Annie pushed against the wall. Bailey was holding Annie's wrists pushed up high over her head with one hand and her other hand was up under Annie's tee shirt. They were kissing. There could be no doubt who was in control but also no doubt that they were both enjoying it. I backed away and returned to the back steps and called out to them.

Bailey answered, "We're just taking a short break. We'll be right in."

Two days later Bailey and I prepared dinner together. I told her I had thought over everything she said, and she was right. I just had to get up the nerve.

Charles and Annie would be here soon. The meal was wonderful. Light conversation mostly about the future and their return to college. After dinner and clean up we went out together for a walk on the beach just as the moon was rising. A King Tide moon, starting out huge and very Red and getting smaller as it rose in the sky. Bailey and Annie were walking ahead of us and after a while and lots of laughter I saw them hold hands. Just tentatively at first with Annie taking the initiative then like young children sometimes do when the walk together swinging their arms.

I glanced up at Charles and nodded to the girls as I took his hand in mine. Bailey was staying in the other cabin and when we returned Annie approached her dad and said something in his ear as she hugged him. She then said, "Good night, Robin, you two be good."

She had a huge smile on her face like she had a secret. Annie rejoined Bailey and they went up the deck steps and inside Bailey's cabin. We heard them laughing and then they went silent and eventually all, but the bedroom light went dark.

As Charles and I climbed the stairs to my cabin he said, "I'll come by tomorrow to fetch Annie. I know her, I saw how they were looking at each other all through dinner and I'm sure they have a special dessert planned and she will be staying the night."

We were in the cabin now. Charles picked up his keys from the counter and with me in tow started for the back door and his car. I stopped walking and pulled him back. "Charles, can a girl at least get a kiss goodnight?" He leaned in and kissed me. A gentle soft, I love you kiss.

I took his hand and led him into the bedroom, saying, "Instead of coming to get her in the morning, wouldn't it be easier to just invite them over for breakfast?"

Standing in the bedroom with the moonlight coming in the window, the only light in the room, we kissed again, this time at my initiative, and slowly took each other's clothing off caressing every part that we revealed. As we stood naked in each other's arms I felt his body reacting to mine as he hardened and began to push against me. He moaned just a little when I reach down and grasped him stroking gently.

We moved to the bed and almost fell in. This was not the man I remembered this was a new gentle considerate loving man but still a man who knew what he wanted in bed and took it. I needed that.

He pushed my head down to take him in my mouth and later when he returned the feeling with his mouth and tongue between my legs he did not stop until I was feeling the waves of the first of the orgasms, I would have that night.

When he held, kissed, sucked on and caressed my breasts he kiddingly said, "I remember being here before. Thanks for taking care of my girls all this time." How could he know I call them the girls.

The sex we had was not anything like I expected. It was fun, lighthearted and kinky with lots of dirt talk and yet still very intense moments.

Charles seemed to know me and my needs almost as though we had been lovers for years. When he entered me, he was careful to wait for me. When the wave of pleasure from my orgasm was just fading, he did not stop, he intensified his thrusts slamming my hypersensitive clit over and over pushing me to an orgasm that seemed to go on forever, wave after wave wracking my body with pleasure.

Later as we lay in each other's arms with him spooning behind me I saw that the narrow shaft of that new moon moonlight coming in crossed over us in the bed.

He whispered, "I love you! I think I'll stay for breakfast."

One month later, on the beach, Charles asked me to marry him. We had danced around the issue but did not settle it. I needed to be honest with him. Over the next few days, we talked it through. Bailey was correct when weeks before she told me, "Are you worried that this man might want to marry you and make an honest woman out of you, a straight honest woman? You know, a one-man one-woman kind of straight honest woman?"

If I was honest with him and honest with myself, I knew I could not be that woman. I knew from sixty years of living that a woman would come along, and I would be seduced and weak and cheat on him. I was hoping I could make him understand, make him say it would be ok if now and again I drifted to the "softer side of sex" if for only a moment.

We talked, he said he understood, he had seen it with Annie who now and then dated men but preferred women. He said he could live with that, but I knew it was a lie. I knew that if that was the price, he had to pay he would do it. But he wasn't lying, I was.

~~

I spoke to Bailey. "You know he asked me to marry him?"

She smiled, "I knew he would. I knew it, I just knew it!"

I was not smiling, "Bailey, I'm in trouble, I need your help. I want to marry him, I love being in love with him, I love the fact that he loves me, but marrying him is wrong. He wants exactly what you said he would want, a one-man one-woman kind of straight honest woman. Bailey I am not that woman."

Now Bailey was not smiling, "Mom, stop it! This man has loved you for years. I talked to Annie about this. She has watched him and told me that she hopes to find a woman one day who loves her half as much as Charles loves you."