All Comments on 'Outlander Pt. 03'

Keep it coming 5*+

Please don't keep us waiting too long..

Great story with only one or two minor errors :)

I really like this story. Keep it up!

Great story -- ready for more.

I am absolutely captivated by the incredible world that you have created here! I hope you are enjoying telling this story as much as I am enjoying reading it...

You have great writing style. Just curious if our main character will have any hurdles to overcome though? If his weapons automatically win every fight, there isn't as much of a payoff. Hearing about a powerful necromancer who just dies as soon as hes spotted was a bit of a let down to me, shouldn't a necro have some undead minions or a phylactery or something that MAKES him a BBEG compared to a regular street thug? So although I enjoyed the story, my personal opinion (carries little weight, I know) is that there should be something about the situations that takes effort to overcome. Maybe his gun jams or he finds that his weapon is stolen from him by an enemy who was prepared for him. Idk, just a thought, but keep up the good work though!

So i ust finished this third installment and i gotta say i really enjoyed it. their decision to not go to the princess right after they were attacked in the alley was suspect at best but meh, details. The whole noble and guards insulting him and petra at the obstacle course was hilarious, and the assault on the church was pretty good as well. I particularly liked how shaun messed up by letting the priest live and then had to clean up after him self. the only criticism i have is his apparent OPness. Anyway great job and keep them chapters coming!

Waiting for the next chapter I was wishing they were longer but I know we can’t always get what we want

awesome story fully into it can't wait for more

Absolutely love this story and please I need more!!!!!!!!

It's been over a week since you submitted ch. 4 and it is still not up on Literotica. I wish they would move to a self publishing option. This is ridiculous.

Disappointing really this has got progressively worse with every chapter and the march forward in the plot more and more haphazard. I mean seriously the xenophobic church and the Barons Guards so who do they send to investigate but two beast women that is just so fucking STUPID. And what's even more ironic was Petra's whole I'm not some Damsel to be rescued in the preceding chapter only to be a Damsel to be rescued in the very next chapter?

I'm seriously thinking of using this as a premise and actually rewriting the entire thing. I might call it the 25 year old Virgin though 40 year old Virgin makes more sense considering his encyclopaedic list of accomplishments.

Did he ever say how well endowed he was I thought it funny he listed him as being exactly 5'10 as in average was his pee pee only 5-6" as well as in AVERAGE?

This story has so much going for it . But the grammar is frustrating, and undercuts the experience. The misuse of subjective and objective makes me hear Elmo’s voice. And the use of “your” instead of “you’re” is disruptive to the reader’s experience. You would be better off using “yer” .

A tip for all novice writers: When writing a sentence about two people, try leaving one out and see how it sounds. e.g. “Her and me did it to them.” Ask if you would say, “Her did it..” or “Me did it..” or would you say ,” She and I did it”

Likewise, “They did it to her and I.” should be “They did it to her and me.” You wouldn’t say, “They did it to I.”

Such fundamentals make a real difference when drawing in the reader.

There would be obvious exceptions when writing for dialects, for instance, if the characters are Caribbean. But I don’t get the impression that the protagonist is Jamaican.