Overdosing On Delusional Thoughts

Dusty charged at me trying to get the phone away from me "YOU BASTARD! THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME!"

I mostly avoided Dusty lunging at me getting only a few fingernails across my arm. The bathroom became my fortress. Dusty was pounding on the door when her mother answered my call. Having explained why I was divorcing her daughter she expressed disbelief. I gave her Dusty's new phone number and the reason behind it. She thanked me and hung up. Almost instantly Dusty's phone starting ringing.

"HOW COULD YOU?" as the pounding on the bathroom door ceased.

With Dusty trying to explain things to her mother I gathered my stuff and headed out the front door to the sounds of "Mom, it wasn't like that."

+ + + +

I left early Saturday morning for a day long softball tournament. Unless we sucked we'd make it to Sunday. We managed to stay in the winner's bracket winning all three games on Saturday. As I was trudging to my car I found Dusty and Jean waiting.

"Sorry, I don't sell drugs. Move along."

"Dean, Jean was there just watching too. She can vouch for me."

"So your strategy is to get your crack cocaine whore friend to convince me you're innocent? Didn't think that out very well did you?"

That brought out Jean's claws "Fuck you asshole. Believe it or not some of us just went to watch."

"You divorced Jean? I don't see a wedding band."

"No, I've never married."

"You encourage Dusty to remove her wedding ring?"

"I didn't realize she had."

"You think there's nothing a single woman does that a married woman can't do too?"

After a slight pause "Probably not."

"How often did Dusty strip?"

Any hope for our marriage died when Jean's eyes darted to Dusty.

Yet, Jean tried to salvage things "I don't think she ever did."

"Then how did she lose her bra? Did you lose your bra too?"

"I wasn't her babysitter. I don't know and NO I didn't lose my bra."

Turning to Dusty "Just sign the papers. It's over. We're through. You're just not worth it. The wife I want is the one that never got involved in crap like this in the first place because she knows it's against everything she promised her husband. Hell, you're not even thirty and trying to relive some college experience. What are you going to be like in five or ten years when your routine gets boring?"

Dusty was ready to explode "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. EVER!"

Jean jumped in "You're a real asshole."

"Fuck off bitch. This is between Dusty and I and the courts. Why should I believe a thing either of you have to say? You have no idea what a marriage vow is or how to honor it so just shut the fuck up."

By the time I was finished I was inches away from Jean. It was not my intent to intimidate her, but that's how things worked out.

"Come on Dusty. This jerk isn't worth keeping."

Dusty sat on the hood of my car with her head in her hands muttering softly "I didn't do anything."

Jean pulled at her but Dusty pushed her away "Go. I'll find a ride."

With eyes firing daggers at me Jean slowly backed away and was gone in a minute. That left me with Dusty who was now embracing herself. I used to wrap my arms around her when she was feeling this down. Now I just stood there. Part of me wanted to hold her but I was frozen in place.

The standoff continued for several minutes before Dusty asked softly "Can you take me to my car?"

"Get in."

Other than getting directions, we didn't talk.

+ + + +

I naively thought that Dusty would sign the papers but that was a false hope. Instead, I found out from my attorney that Dusty was now represented by an attorney. Worse, they were asking the court for couples counseling.

My funds were running low so I moved back into the house. I emptied most of the crap stored in the second bedroom into the living room. No reason I should have to live with boxes if Dusty isn't. She'd dug her heels in and we rarely spoke. Some weekend nights she didn't come home. That just pissed me off more.

When the first court ordered meeting rolled around I was prepared. Stopping by the house I gathered a few things before heading back out for the 4 Pm meeting, I was toting a small grocery sack.

As expected we each had our time to explain why the path we'd chosen was the one to follow. Dusty went first. I insisted. Both the counselor and Dusty kept sneaking peeks at the sack I was partially sitting on.

After explaining my point of view I added "Oh, and one more thing I'd like to throw out these for discussion."

With that I took the sack of Dusty's conservative panties and threw them on the table.

"These are the panties from Dusty's bedroom. We aren't currently sharing a bed. Notice that none of them are sheer or lacy. You know, like what she wore the day of her doomed sex and drug party. Dusty told me that she liked to feel sexy, which is why she was wearing them. I call bullshit. I want a wife who wants to feel sexy around me, not just when I'm NOT around."

And that's the last time I attended one of those meetings. The judge threatened me with jail time so I withdrew the petition for divorce. A week later I filed again. Any time counseling was ordered I withdrew the petition and started over again a week later. Finances were being drained but I wasn't going to stay married to Dusty. All of our savings were gone and we were still racking up the legal bills.

It finally came to a head when Dusty knocked on my bedroom door.

"Dean, here's the signed papers. I'm moving out this weekend. I hope you're happy. You are too stubborn to live with. I'm sorry you couldn't see my point of view. Yes, I shouldn't have ever been there but I never did anything. I'm tired of holding out hope. You're not the man I thought I married."

"And you aren't the woman I thought I married. At one time I was willing to overlook your failings. You're only human, and we're all flawed. None of us are perfect. Certainly not you. But flying the 'I'm innocent' flag is more than I can take. You've never been completely honest with me. Everybody seems to want me to answer the age old question 'Am I better off without you?' Well, I'm starting over giving someone else a chance to earn my trust. I hope you find the thrills you threw your marriage away looking for."

Dusty, with tears trickling down her cheeks, sniped back "And I hope you regret being such a short-sighted asshole."

The unstapled divorce papers rained down when Dusty tossed them towards me and then left the house. The divorce wound its way through the courts and ninety days later I was on the verge of becoming single again.

Making light of the situation, I made the judge smile. When our case was called she studied the paperwork for a few minutes and then addressed me.

"Mr. Nelson, I have reviewed your case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife three hundred dollars a week."

"That's very generous, your honor. I'll even try to send her some money every once in a while as well."

She still granted my divorce.

+ + + +

Epilogue:

Living in an apartment, by myself, is as boring as it sounds. Single and strapped with a loan payment gnawing away at my paycheck. What a needless waste of money paid out. Lawyers aren't cheap and they know how to string things along to pad their wallets.

Nothing ever came from the overdose deaths that day. Families ripped asunder for a little spice under the radar. If you believe Dusty it was just the voyeuristic aspect of the situation.

The only social life I have left from my past is playing on softball teams. Some of 'our' old friends have reached out with party invites but I've decided that's just begging for disaster. Little by little I'm getting new friends totally unrelated to my past. Playing co-ed softball has introduced me to a few women with needs. The ones I enjoy the most are those whose needs and wants include the desire to remain single.

Do I miss Dusty? You can't be married to someone for six years and turn that off. Was I a stubborn ass? If I was, it was my decision alone. Sometimes you have to stick up for what you think is right. I don't try to contact her and she doesn't reach out to me. Whatever happened at those parties wasn't something Dusty felt she could disclose. Disclosed or not the cost was her marriage. Mine too.

I'm to the point of getting an occasional request to start a relationship so it's up to me to open the door and let my next soulmate enter. Easier said than done.