Overmatched - Pt. 02

"I do," she said, reaching for my hand again. "I will, and Andy, I'm eager to start. I expect it to be difficult at first and I'll understand when those negative feelings come up. I'll start by respecting that. Giving you space or building you up - things we always did for each other before Worldview."

I stared at her, into those eyes. "Where would we go?" I asked. I heard a slight noise behind me and there out of nowhere was Felicia. "Reykjavik," she answered for Katie holding out some official-looking documents. "You'll have to get a real job - we've already set some things up for you."

"No way, I'm finished with all of you people," I stated. "No more spying and espionage, or whatever all this is."

Felicia smiled brilliantly. "Of course, Andrew," she spoke softly. "This is a real job. Bustaoavegur 7 is there. CIPR oscillating IP addresses, the largest weather supercomputer on planet Earth, and seventeen research organizations studying the world's only active supervolcano. Lots of super stuff and plenty to do. If she likes, Katie can get a low-key job or start a family. Your salary will more than provide for the two of you.

>>>>

Everyone wants a happy ending and I would be among them most often. In fact, when Katie and I decided to resume our lives together, I thought we made the right decision.

The move to Iceland was seamless except for trying to get used to our environment. During those first few months, I was still having trouble in the bedroom but Katie was as patient as always, giving me plenty of space. When it hit me that trying to focus on unrelated sexual acts in my head, instead of thinking about me and Katie when we first started going out, things got better.

About five months after our move there were the best times. We'd explored the city and the surrounding mountains, finding plenty to do as a couple. We even started talking about children.

As they say, two steps forward and one step back. Our sixth month found me - melancholy. I couldn't put my finger on it. I tried to blame my new job but that wasn't it. I actually loved what I was doing and, yes, I worked for a research group studying the volcano.

At the same time, Katie, who'd been overly attentive since the day we got back together, seemed to feel like she could relax a bit. In truth, she'd been overly everything, trying to repair all the actual and perceived damage but she was tired.

From our seventh to eleventh month, we sort of wandered in and out of our love for each other. There wasn't a disconnect nor any of the signs that either was cheating. The best we could be described as was 'restless.' It took me that final month to work up the courage to talk about it, although after all we'd been through, I can't imagine why.

There were several troubling thoughts from the outset that weighed heavily on my mind and they were significant. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't bring myself to believe that Katie and Powers didn't have sex that first weekend in Belize. Without any proof to the contrary, I simply couldn't overlook the obvious. Powers, Biggs, and plenty of other execs saw themselves as untouchable, beyond reproach, and certainly unconcerned about consequences. Was it possible that Powers got off on the mind games as much as the act of sex? Sure. Could he have spent the weekend getting Katie in line? Possibly, but improbable. The real bugaboo was that Powers was so blatant that night at the awards banquet. I questioned that when he had her all to himself at last why wouldn't he indoctrinate her into his life immediately? To me, there was no downside to him fucking her all weekend if for nothing more than to get her hooked on the sex.

Some of the personal emails I'd uncovered also strongly suggested that many of the executives in Powers' position had 'shared' their PAs. One email, lacking specific language, alluded to a weekend getaway that could easily be interpreted as an orgy among seven execs and their assistants.

Knowing Katie as I did and given her admission that she would have kept with Powers if I hadn't resurfaced, told me that she walked a fine line. I couldn't deny that my wife prided herself on doing the right thing but given her shaky past, I also knew she was easily tempted by the finer things in life. I also knew her enough that she'd believe she could probably convince me of anything.

I'd given her plenty of time to address her feelings on all of those issues but her approach was to remain silent until asked. I'd determined I couldn't live like that. Sure, I'd gotten my revenge, in spades and with plenty of help. Biggs and Powers were dead. The corporate apple cart was upset and it would take time to right that ship. I also knew, given time, some other powerful assholes would slip in to fill the void and the party would resume.

So, I could enjoy some level of intimacy with my wife, safe in the knowledge that I'd triumphed and my dignity was intact. I felt like I'd overcome huge odds against and won, yet these doubts continued to nag at any sense of victory. I also felt that deep down, the woman I loved and knew so well no longer existed. For that matter, I am certain Katie wondered where the guy she had married had gone. She'd said as much the day I left her. Unfortunately, there was nothing we had shared or discussed that could overcome the ghosts. In many ways, I still loved her deeply and, perhaps in her own way, she thought she loved me, but the love was no longer enough. The foundation we'd started with had crumbled under the crushing weight of mistrust.

Katie beat me to it by three days. When I came home on a Wednesday after work, she already had my favorite drink ready and wanted me to come sit with her in our living room.

"I can't understand why for the life of me," she began, "but this isn't working the way I thought." A little tear escaped her eye even though she was trying hard to hold it back. I nodded in confirmation.

That gave her the courage to continue. "I'm at a loss as to what to do, Andy, but if this is as good as we're ever going to get, I think we both deserve something better." She paused, waiting for me to chime in.

"I don't know either," It was part lie, part honesty. "I've racked my brain trying to figure out what else could be wrong but like you, I'm at a loss. I'm afraid of losing you but at the same time, I don't want to hold either of us back from finding a happier life. I know I'm shortchanging both of us but I feel stuck."

We both agreed to put our best foot forward for the next week and talk every night. It didn't work. My apprehensions remained and I wasn't willing to push them aside. On Thursday night I handed Katie the journal she'd gotten for me back in the beginning.

"What's this?" she asked, taking the book reluctantly.

"You once accused me of not using it properly," I said. "Well, I listened. You say you can't understand what's happened to us. I think now would be a good time for you to read what I've written here. What I've been writing all this time."

After that week, I came home to a different scenario: Katie with her bags packed.

"I'm going back to Dominion," she stated flatly although I could tell she was heartbroken. She'd blamed herself just like I did. Nothing more needed to be said. We hugged each other tightly for a long time. Eventually, we heard the car honk, probably sent by Felicia. We parted with a promise to remain friends.

I married Martie, another tech nerd, two years later. We had two wonderful children during our first ten years and we're both extremely dedicated to each other and our family. Katie stopped answering my emails after I told her I was getting married, either out of respect or anguish. I lost track of her because, of course, we were still on the run in many respects. My new life has taught me many kinds of sparks light the fires of a mutually satisfying relationship, and my new wife assures me she'd quit her job, before ever allowing someone to get her in a situation like Katie did.