All Comments on 'Overmatched - Pt. 02'

Sad, sad story . . . I had hoped the two of them could beat the bad guys. They killed them, but evil still won destroying the marriage. The ONLY way to really beat the assholes was to stay married. Everybody loses.

Oh, and accusing two of the poorer politicians of being part of the murderous uber wealthy sounded pretty silly. Their opponents generally had MUCH more money and connections. I'm not sure where that came from, but sometimes it's better to leave politics out.

Anyway, given that the marriage crumbled, and you sided with the rich, connected politicians over the poorer in real life, something tells me your sympathies lie more with the uber-rich villains in this story. Nicely written, but disturbing . . .

I hated the ending. It was such a good story but in the end the bad guys won. The writing was really good but why did you give this such a sad ending. Ok he married and had kids but to an anonymous woman. Very disappointed.

⭐⭐

Huh?

It was a good story until it wasn’t

Like the others. Not a fan of the ending

Probably realistic in its portrayal of individuals as disposable pawns in a battle between opposing giants. It'll score low, though, because most people don't read fiction for realism and prefer stories where good people triumph despite overwhelming odds. If they want accounts of individuals being used as pawns by giants, they just turn on the news.

Yep. Like I said previously. Only the intervention of God himself could salvage this pile of shit. 1 star and I'm dropping you as a favorite author.

sdc97230 hit the nail on the head when he said if we want realism we'd watch the news. It may not be the ending I wanted however it's the writers story to tell and I think he told it well. 5*

Top story, well done!

Fucking A!

Well done.

Awesome story and talented writing too. It's refreshing after all of the bullshit 750 word stories with a tired plot and virtually no character development. Thank you for a really enjoyable read.

His mistrust of her was too much for him to overcome. We never really learn if she was completely honest with him, but it doesn't matter. HE lost the trust he needed to make them whole again, so splitting up was the only answer. Well written, of course. Thanks for sharing.

Som tales are just too tortious.

2 stars

sorry ending was a bit of disappointment to say the lease

Could have been so much better. The plot had some real angles that could have been explored and developed, but you rushed through it like a Hallmark Movie. Shame.

They were dead as of the initial promotion dinner. When she told him she knew the day before the dinner of Belize, they were in the ground.

.

The rest of this extended tome was nothing but pain for everyone, including myself the reader.

Bad ending to placate the btb nerds.

Absolutely disappointing. After the declarations in the introduction, the introduction of the competing organization was a disappointment, but the ending was even greater.

Interesting story, reasonably well written but it felt rushed. There was a lot more potential in the premise and in the story you were trying to tell, but this felt more like a very detailed outline for a novel. Katie needed much more fleshing out as did the MC. The whole concept of an "underground group" resisting the 2% (actually more like 0.02% of world population owns between 80-90% of world's wealth, though much of that is tied up in financial assets) is an intriguing story premise even if it reeks of a conspiracy theory. As the saying goes, "Even paranoid people may actually have someone trying to get them." In fiction land, it's a story that would have resonance with a lot of people and there are all kinds of ways to proceed but you might have to quit your day job to write a novel or 3 or 4 to tell the big story. 4**** for creativity and rather good writing.

P.S. You need to work on dialogue; the characters when they talk, especially when theythink about the plan and raise objections are flat much of the time and you don't use dialogue much to move the story along rather than the MC narrator given everything from his point of view. Writing in the Third Person permits you to switch back and forth between different characters and examine their interior feelings, thoughts. so good story but had lots of potential for a lot more.

I was really looking forward to part 2 but boy was I disappointed. No winners here, no redemption or revenge and, if I'm honest, I still don't believe the wife. Yeah, disappointing.

Tajfa, it's the normal ending. This load was too heavy. The bad guys lost. They're dead. And they wanted him to come to terms with the situation. And they wanted him to continue living with his wife. He didn't do what they wanted. Why live with her without trusting her? I didn't like the story very much.

Let me guess, in real life you own a company that makes tin foil hats.

Ridiculous premise and an utterly crap ending.

I think that you bit off more than you could chew with this plot. Wasn’t your best submission.

I almost stopped reading on page one as it was quite begiñing to depressed me. But kudos to @cookingwithgas for actually conveying the helplessness the MC was experiencing. Katie'attitude of obvious acceptance on their predicament was plain to see. That contributed to a lot of agitated reaction from me. Plus the fact that she keeps telling Andy not to do anything stupid aNd just go with the program got me to wishing for Andy to drop Katie and run. I'm glad for the twist in the end when Andy finally realized he couldn't trust Katie as he rightfully sensed Katie was trickle-truthing him all along . Good both finally decided their marriage is dead. The one thing I hated about Andie was why he had to shoot Katie when it was clear she was protecting. Him. Andy-s seem lika one indecisive and really not that snart chap to me. Thanks @cookingwithgas for posting this emotional rollercoaster of a tale.

From reading this I can assume you are a Trump supporter. It stands out like dogs balls. You are one of the two percent of his supporters that have a brain, yet you refuse to use it. An intelligent conspiracy theorist.

Im sorry but i lost interest, fast forwarded but found nothing better. The basic premis of this story was that the Co had false info on the mc that they used to blackmail him. Then you wrote about him breaking into the Co system so why didnt he delete the blackmail stuff while he was there or move it to the files of the company directors. Its your story but obviously way to contrived by you just to make your reader angry. Further you expect a man to have sex with his wife after others had her, again no way he would touch her with a barge pole. Your writing is clearly designed to annoy and wind up the numskulls who write 'cuck,' comments. For me, i am just disappointed in you, I had thought you a good writer.

Finally you got tired of your own story and gave a weak ending. At the beginning this had huge potential for a man fighting against big corporation and overcoming all odds but maybe it was too much for you, perhaps stick to 750 words in future.

very disapointing

As usual for your stories it's well written. However it wasn't a good story especially compared to your previous stories.

Their relationship was doomed from the night of the party. There was never a way past what she was expected to do. Supposedly intelligent people as these were supposed to be would understand their life together was over.

Great stories. I liked how in the end they couldn't work it. Just too much and a lack of trust/belief on her part with him. Really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

Yup, she didn't respect him at the very beginning and that's why it's flopped. Oh, she made a lame duck effort to include him later, but the initial spark of disrespect was all hers. It seems small to her only because if she gave it its due, she'd realize how she really killed their marriage. That's a hard pill to swallow.

He just doesn't care anymore to keep fighting for them. He went through hell and never came back. She came back, at least. They are better off not together. She could have done some things to help, but all she really did was love bomb. And that's either laziness or manipulation. Signs that she also doesn't want to be in the marriage but can't vocalize it.

Did not favor the conclusion at all. The story line held my attention, but faltered terribly.

I'm sorry but this story is just not good

In the end he failed her in every way possible. Weak, selfish and cowardly. He was a self centered looser from the very start. Too bad she got tangled with him in the first place.

Long winded bullshit that lead to a bullshit ending, did you get bored?

Absolutely Garbage!

A most dissatisfying of tales

It was hard to like any of the characters. I look forward to your work, but this one did not seem to grab me and not let go. You are one of the very best contributors to this platform. I look forward to your next effort.

Thanks. 4.

Poppi 123

The fizzle was that the story ended the only way it realistically could, but you took page after page of meandering and dithering to finally get there. Katie had options that would have ended their marriage anyway, but it would have happened sooner and with A Lot less grief. Also a lot less story, so the duration and vagueness of the plot just made the whole story that much more contrived and tedious.

\

The whole concept of World Corporations controlling the world has a fatal flaw: where's their final act of total control? Oh, not yet? Well worldwide corporations have been around at least since the beginning of the industrial revolution, so why doesn't someone named Carnegie or Mellon or Vanderbilt or Astor own everything? I bet there are thousands of people who don't even know those names; some influence and world wide control, huh? Sorry, but in the end everything eventually is controlled by people, and people fuck up, get sick and die, marry and live badly, make bad investments, get scammed or prosecuted, etc. Its God's check valve if you like, human weakness and the unpredictable nature of life. Parasites either die by eradication, or they die by their success; no food left. Yes, there's always another parasite who thinks he/she can do it better: Roosevelt, Hitler, Churchill, Jobs. They're all dead. Its a comforting thought. And the current parasites will be too.

\

Katie will be taken care of, but she will never be a woman of virtue or have self respect, and I doubt she will even notice or care. In the end she was a user and manipulator, giving herself over to whomever gave her the best options. The stupid cuck is So Much better off without her. And she knows it. She failed as a wife, let her wallow in whatever she has left to live for.

The ending of the story which involves the other poorer politicians who are clearly not part of the evil Kabal or conspiracy is just this author's attempt to make a political statement involving all politicians and those who are actually trying to do some good for working people. In case you don't know this particular author is consumed with Trump like conspiracies and has a very strange understanding of how constitutionally public actually work

The story weaves in and out of contact with anything resembling reality. The main problem problem is the Powers/Biggs characters. They're simply ridiculous. Anyone familiar with major corporate plays would say that you might as well have written Martians into the story. The gratuitous smear of Nixon as someone who had his opponents killed is offensive. You know nothing about Nixon, who did much that could be criticized, but he was nothing like the Clintons, who are both criminals and grifters. All the reference in your story was for was to try to inject "political balance" on the cheap. You are a fine writer, but you need to write about what you know.

Don't waste your time.

First off..yeah fuck Katie's lying ass, get away from that skank.

Second... So this secret covert "balancing" agency really needs admin assistants like that? Katie was a secretary not a lawyer or forensic accountant so what need would they have for her? Book their flights? Get their coffee? Not a real hard to fill position there.

Turd polishing.

Man... I've got to say that this is one of the few stories I've read here lately that deserved more than the maximum 5 Stars allowed by Literotica. Just a tremendous story! The story pulled me in from the beginning and wouldn't let me go! While the story's premise was extremely interesting, it was your portrayal of the relationship between Andrew and Katie, as well as their interactions and dialogue that especially drew me in. Sadly, from the beginning, I didn't hold out much hope that the marriage between Andrew and Katie could survive. My thinking was further solidified as the story progressed and I saw Katie's reticence to fully disclose what had actually happened while she was with Powers and others. I understand her reasoning - not wanting to further humiliate her husband. But there was much more to it, than sparing her husband from the humiliation. Had she been forthcoming to Andrew with all of it - he would have correctly viewed her as the whore/slut that she had actually become. He would have also seen that she had come to enjoy it - even if reluctantly. In the end, my instincts were confirmed and the marriage failed. Unfortunately, I don't know if there's a love strong enough anywhere, which could bear up under the circumstances presented in this story. Thank you again for a wonderfully written piece of fiction! 5/5 BRB

Great story. I agree with the husband, she was holding out on him.

@sithlord6969, “I’m deleting you from my favorite author list,” is paramount to you passing on the all inclusive crab and lobster buffet on a cruise ship! It’s a free story site!! I’m pretty sure this author gives a shit what box you click or unclick.

Now, CWG, I didn’t like your ending here. I read a lot of comments from part 1, and I have to agree, you sort of painted yourself into a corner. However, I had high hopes based on your other works that you’d find a way out of the corner, maybe even in spectacular fashion. Someone mentioned the journal as a smart plot vehicle but you used it sparingly. The getaway, I thought was another missed opportunity.

Finally, you’re a very good writer and I look forward to seeing your name in the new section. A word of advice, though. Find the right category. You’re nearing 1000 followers and due to that fact, they’ll read you when you’re not in LW. This crowd mostly wants 2 things: cuckold dudes who like to watch their wives and lots of explicit sex written in or, Mr Perfect in the wronged husband who despite his stellar virtue, has the ability to burn down everyone within a 20 mile radius. This particular story for example, would have probably scored 4.6 - 4.8 in romance or non-erotic. Most of the great authors on here do it, and it works because when you go to their story page they have 10-20 of those little red “hot” emojis next to their story’s.

I’m not removing you from my fave list just because you had one story that didn’t hit the mark. Keep writing. You’re good at it. And we’re all just consumers of free stuff. So, not even consumers then.

Have to say, Part 2 is better than part 1. Some will be dissastisfied that in the end MCs got somewhat pyrrhic victory, but it could be expected when confronted with such opponents. Pity that villains didn't suffer more during confrontation though.

Outside that, the only thing that prevents me from giving 5* is abruptness with ending the whole story. I've got a feeling that author could easily write at least two more parts. But it's his vision and his work. In the end, 4*

What an emotional rollercoaster! Didn’t have the happy ending I’d hoped for but well written. You really let the reader feel his emotions of despair and hopelessness. 4.5*

Mr. CWG gets another 10 Big Blazing Stars from me for Great Writing once again. A Story doesn't have to have a happy ending for me to grade a Great Story. True, I would have loved that our Couple made it, but how could they when they couldn't be honest for even a second and when all the money was on the table. Katie lied and lied about what her relationship with her boss entailed. She couldn't for a moment even begin to tell the truth. No relationship can survive so many lies. Of course she spent that first weekend fucking her boss like bunnies. What else were they going to do? Her Boss wanted to enjoy Katies beautiful body and couldn't wait. She was ashamed that she betrayed her beloved husband so quickly and could NEVER reveal the truth to her husband. Even tho she knew she was destroying her marriage with her lies, she was too ashamed of her lust for power, and money to reveal ANYTHING more to her husband, even tho he made it plain over and over. Katie betrayed him for money and power under the false pretense of it only being for 2 years. Men can much more easily forgive their wife fucking someone else than if the wife continually lies about what she has done, whether it is to save her husband's feelings or not. Katie's upbringing as an orphan caused her to have a powerful lust for Money and Power. Her Boss gave her both, Hubby was the only thing in the way. From her point of view, he had to 'get with the program'. Her seduction by her boss was a long time coming, It is obvious that she knew it was coming way before she revealed it to hubby. As much as we all wanted to see them back together for a happy ending, I think we can all understand that Katie BETRAYED her husband in EVERY possible way, so much, in fact, that there was NEVER any possible way for their marriage to be saved. Just the same as if you found out that your wife is a secret hooker and your 4 kids are all my different men. How could you ever recover from that kind of betrayal. This was a Very Exceptionally written story, CWG you are one of the Very Best. Thanks, Buster2U

Liked the story, well written, but I kept waiting for Chekov's journal.

I had a feeling this one would turn to shit so I stopped at the end of part one and checked the reviews. Sure glad I did. I will not be reading part two.

A nice story with a lot of twists and turns. Didn’t really trust Katie from early on though.

The biggest credibility problem in my mind is still that instead of protecting themselves with multiple layers of deniability and sending no-name minions to dispose of troublesome victims, these high-powered corporate executives apparently got such big thrills out of stomping on people far below their level of wealth and power that they actually showed up in person for the final confrontation...to gloat about their total defeat of an executive assistant and an IT support worker with four years of OTJ experience? That would be like me celebrating a great triumph because I managed to step on a beetle in my back yard.

Well written story! You’re an excellent writer, thanks for the hard work.

Obviously this is a grand conspiracy story to end all grand conspiracy stories. Leaving out that corporations really are the de facto world government unto itself ( corporations know no country, have allegiance only to their interests) this takes it a bit far, to say the least. But it is a story.

The real problem is the ending, as realistic as it may be. In the end Katie does do the right thing, when Jack gets married she removes herself from the picture.

In a sense both of them are blown apart by their own issues. Jack has trust issues ( not without reason) and he feels like he is nothing more than a pawn for Katey and the corporation. In the end he is incapable of asserting himself enough to protect he and Katie, he tries in his own way to do it, but can't.

Still I wanted them to make it and the ending as presented was kind of anti climatic. At that point, realizing it is over, why doesn't Katey come clean about what really happened? If she really loves Jack she would have needed come clean so he has no doubts. Would Jack be able to trust any woman after this? If she had come clean they could have closure. I think Katey did enjoy the wine and dining and feeling important and she really was guilty for Jack's decline.

If it were my story I would try for a reconciliation but one where they do break up, where there is pain there, and that through circumstances down the road they come across each other..and make it.

Among other things, they have to learn to heal each other, to purge out what killed them. Katie saying she didn't want Jack hurt was dangerous in terms of not being open, that was an excuse, she couldn't admit the truth, that some of what was going on fed her. In part she looked at Jack as damaged,weak even.

Jack on his part couldn't confront Katey with his feelings, demand the truth from her. Once they were in Iceland there was no reason not to, yet he couldn't. With a reconciliation the wounds have to be ripped open, if healing is going to happen. Katey has to realize that she never gave Jack the chance to be strong, she treated him like

He was made out of fragile glass, she really saw him as Powers did. Jack has to realize that if he loves Katey he has the right to know the truth and to have her stop treating her like she had. Admitting flaws is a way to deal with them, to become stronger.

The other ending it has just feels like it was thrown out there. At the very least there needed to be that final showdown, not the wimper the ending became.

I enjoyed the fact that our protagonist kept his life, helped bring down the bad guys, and got some closure. I did not enjoy the “deus ex machina” nature of his escape. I guess you wanted an average guy who makes mistakes, but you paint someone as being quite capable and thorough in planning. He has time to plan; being taken aback by his wife behavior to the point of being incapacitated goes in the face of his subsequent ability to work through to the ultimate position—that her behavior does not pass the smell test and he was best served being severed from her. I liked that bit of the story the most. After all, if he had known in advance, he could have refused to go with the CEO and said—say your piece here—with his phone running. Stay reasonable, record, walk away. But he was denied that by his ex. It was clear from the beginning they were not a team.

.

Having him lost in Spokane was an irritating plot device to get him arrested. And having him be so sloppy as to be caught hacking the system when he knows they KNOW his capabilities is also disappointing. After all, he can skim money but not get further into the rest of the system? Surely he knows when he is being gated into only a small section of a network he knows well. Why make him clueless? Yes, you remind us that he is emotionally upset. But it is not enough.

.

If the aim is to make our hero a tool for others, OK then. Mission accomplished. I always loved the ending of “Three Days of the Condor.”

.

Higgins: Oh, you... you poor dumb son of a b*tch. You've done more harm than you know.

Joe Turner: I hope so.

…

Higgins: Turner! How do you know they'll print it? You can take a walk. But how far if they don't print it?

Joe Turner: They'll print it.

Higgins: How do you know?

.

We don’t. But more was possible with this story line. He can be a regular guy-and he has SKILLZ… and for the most part, some ability to control and reflect on his own behavior. .

.

PS. Stealing his stuff because he destroyed things he bought for himself and his wife made no sense. It was his own bed he destroyed. So, he should bill them…

Didn’t really like it much, I felt the plot was too contrived to make sense.

Your tales are normally much better than these. I had to rate both 1 star.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

I had high hopes for this story after the first chapter. When it went towards conspiracy and the "good" secret organization, IMHO, the tale lost it's way. 3 *.

Katie didn’t respect Andy enough to be truthful. I wished, at least at the end, that she would have come clean that she was involved with Jake longer than was told, and that she did other executives as well. I believe that she was going to shoot Andy at the cabin because her Apple cart had been toppled.

Story just frustrated from the beginning. And the end was really, really frustrating.

We get this crazy, over the top conspiracy story, but we never get any answers. I think there could have been something really good here, it just didn't come together for me. The MC was mostly just irritating. And the idea that his wife was incredibly valuable to the world's most powerful people wasn't really sold. Why?

I’m conflicted, much like the MC. Frankly there is not a character in this story, with any redeeming social value. That doesn’t mean the story is poorly written, just that the writing sits on a disgusting foundation. I’m conflicted because I kept reading in the hope and some times tease from the author that things were going to turn around. I don’t know who to be more mad at; myself for wanting to believe that the story was going to change course, or the author for never delivering anything but a deeper rabbit hole.

The MC spends most of the two chapters wallowing in self pity and feeling proud of it. A little of that goes a long way - midway through the first chapter I was ready for him to suicide and put all of us out of his misery.

I kept reading because I believed the storyline couldn’t possibly support two chapters unless he and his wife found a way to change the course take the whole thing down. I was right - the storyline really couldn’t support two chapters without dragging on. I was also wrong - the author actually took us there.

So I want to reward the quality of writing while sinking this storyline deep in the dumpster. Since Lit doesn’t allow a “split” ranking, 1 or 2 is all I can come up with.

Ending was too abrupt. This tale unraveled well but went downhill at the end with the new wife plucked out of thin air. Plot line resembled another story of yours, Splashdown. Decent concept but political inferences are unnecessary. Of course, you would not have a story all if the wife just quit her job before getting entangled in the web of espionage. But after all, "its just a story".

It looked to me that Kate wasn’t truly hating the situation they were in. Taking Jack to Andy’s and her bed seemed like she just accepted the circumstances. She really no help in taking them down. When she clobbered the guy in the head seemed to be the only time she got concerned. Hard to say if she was going to shoot Andy She jutted wanted to play on the winning side who ever that might be

Big disappointment. This was one of those stories that started out bad and got progressively worse. The plot is preposterous, the MC was an immature, self centered ass.

It’s hard to like a story with an unlikeable MC.

A generous two stars.

A couple of comments - first, we must be 25k words into this tale and I don't understand how anyone can do all that reading and then say the story is bad (or even fair). People seem disturbed about these super villains, again - read something else. A five from me! I do think, from her shooting, until their attempted reunion I would have appreciated understanding more how he felt. And the ending - though I like happy ones better; your ending seemed most likely - after all that went on, how would you become a happy one-worker family with kids?

Courting disaster!

5

They would need thousands of operatives to go after two percenters. The richest in that class don’t even make a million per year. You are talking about mildly successful small business owners. Most of this was a socialist rant full of class envy. Easy to hate an evil corporation but painting all big companies and rich people as evil just for their success is just as bad. There were no character to root for in this.

so many emotions about this tale. Agree with 012Say, " how can onw read 25K words and hate the story." I stop when I do not like the ride. I am glad I stayed the course on this one

Great story 5***** but a bit of a flat ending.

I was a bit disappointed in the second part of this story. The beginning of the story seemed to take forever getting to taking care of Worldview and it's executives. The ending was.......there was no real ending. It was to be expected our MC and his wife could never be expected to stay together. How could any man sit back and watch his wife go off with another knowing she would be screwing the other man. She was like any other woman placed in that predicament of protecting her husband and herself. She had all the excuse she needed to cheat. Like her husband referred to a couple times, his wife tended toward the finer things in life and she was by association higher up in the food chain. It was very easy for her to justify her cheating and enjoy it. She was near as altruistic as she pretended to be. No marriage could survive what she had done. Hell I don't thin it's right for a married woman to go out to bars with her husband let alone on trips out of town with good looking, rich and powerful men. Good story but lacking a good punch. 4 stars

Didn’t see that ending coming. It’s much better than a syrupy happy ending. Questions about the past have a habit of haunting a person, even if it’s months or years between instances. Katie may have intended well, but she also had an awful lot of answers prepared beforehand.

She was a liar, never honest, never forthcoming. She played him just as she played the game with her bosses. There was never a situation where she respected him or herself. As with the first part and my8 reply, you painted yourself into a corner with part 1, and though I wanted to see what you tried, part 2 was unfulfilling and at times downright hard to read because it was so convoluted. You are a great writer, but this had too many issues from the beginning to ever really work. I generally love your work, an the technical writing is great. But, this story was doomed by the positions you created early in part 1, and this part 2 did little to make it work. 3 stars for great writing, 1 star plot.

I wanted to like it but couldn't. Katie turned our to be a cheating slut by any definition of, cheating slut. He was saved by a shadowy organisation which may or may not have government ties and 'they' went up against another shadowy organisation that controlled world markets by owning or influencing every level of the value-chain. It was a little bit of a poor man's James Bond without a happy ending. And by that I don't mean a reconcilliation with Katie. That would have been a bridge too far for anyone to accept. I suppose that if the MC had somehow gotten over his inaction and done something - anything, I could have rooted for him but all he did was allow things to happen to him and around him. I find that hard to admire in a protagonist. Lastly I found very little emotional connection to the main characters other than pity for the MC. I'm pretty sure I'll be in the minority here, but this is an honest response without any agenda.

Excellent story, sad but that's how life is. Very, very well done! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

He kept a journal of his feelings... and married Martie short for Martin, in a wonderfully gay ceremony with female impersonators singing songs from musicals. Then Andy and Martie adopted two children from Africa and lived happy lives in frozen Iceland

ensuring that their children joined the real world by convincing them, that were miss-gendered and prepared them for gender re- asignment surgery. HAE ending revealed

I had to read part 2 twice but in the end the husband was just a simple guy who wanted a simple life with no threat of what happened. he could not recover his feeling for his wife and he exercised (killed) his demons and wanted to move on. After all she had done voluntarily or otherwise she had no shot of convincing him to stay with her.

Overdone, over-complicated, over-written. IN part 1 I was certain this series would both be 5+, but the second part devolved into a cartoon.

Sad story about people with no options. I suspect that this is more of a standard than a deviation in real life upper echelon business. His marriage was over when he saw that his wife wasn't going to fight the changes but rather embraced them. It wasn't even the old if rape is inevitable just sit back and enjoy it. She enjoyed it from the start and the problems that she brought home after each little trip was that she didn't want to be home with the loser but flying high with the alpha dogs. She never expressed sorrow that he was beaten and drugged and all of that. She spent most of her time trying to convince him that she was a victim rather than and enthusiastic participant. After all she had to seem to enjoy it or the alpha would have suspected she wasn't all in. As for going back to Dominion, all she was qualified for was being a whore and I supposed they needed them too and with her vast experience at it she was just the right fit. The main male character was weak and ineffective at best so much so that no one expected anything else from him. Not scoring this one, writing is good, characters are unlikable. Andy, knowing that he was going to be beaten every time he got out of line did nothing to improve himself physically or mentally. Just relied on his mojo as a computer guy. And they are a dime a dozen.

You do write well.

Not that accepting of this story plot belongs on here, there's heave then there's HEAVY. Way too much self-reflection with a silly outcome from that.

Still thank you for your time and effort.

Here is a thought for you all, if 2% control 95% of real wealth, what the hell are 98% of the population doing? by shear mass of numbers the overthrow is a mere formality. Does it come to the statement we are all cowards ? bar the 2%, why lay your life down for a few when it is the many that really count? Our flags and pride in nation mean nothing if we don't put out the trash.

TMDFFF [too many die for false freedom]

This story could have been amazing but failed in so many ways. Why kill Katie only to bring her back then to break up do to “mistrust”. Seems as if the husband was mentally challenged in piecing together the fact his wife as r*ped..Then for her to say she wasn’t raped later undermined the entire narrative of the story. For them to break up (after overcoming so much and him even believing she had died) questioning if they slept together the first weekend seemed to be grasping at straws ..This guy was banging his wife REGULARLY and he’s questioning the first weekend? The husband running didn’t really make sense, it made him appear weak and spineless especially being that his wife was being r*ped (as she stated in the story) on a regular basis. This story lacks in so many key areas and although it is a nicely written story it doesn’t fit together or make sense when it matters most.

Very disappointed, you are normally much better than these 2 chapters.

Good story but shit ending.

"...Sure, I'd gotten my revenge, in spades and with plenty of help. Biggs and Powers were dead. The corporate apple cart was upset and it would take time to right that ship..." — — —

Not in this universe! I don't see how he can feel that he got revenge from Biggs and Powers? They were dead in a chaotic moment. They never felt the negative depth of emotion or the physical pain they made Andy struggle through. Maybe if Andy had been able physically destroy their worlds, wipe out all of their financial assets, strap them over steel oil drums under a San Francisco bridge with a "Use us 4 free" sign tattooed on their backs ...maybe, ...maybe Andy might start to feel he was getting some revenge. Because this is basically what they did to Andy. They stole his job. They stole his wife. They ruined his marriage relationship. They financially ruined him. They ruined his trust in people. Crap! You cannot do this much evil to a person and NOT turn them into a vindictive monster intent on bringing constant chaos to the lives of their tormentors.

...and overall this hit my feels at a two. Andy marrying the Icelandic woman in the last five seconds of the game was unfulfilling. After all of the sh!t Andy went through I would have hoped he and Katie could have made it work in a new land. I know reconciliation isn't popular, but it does happen. And as improbable as the storyline was, it shouldn't have been outside of the realm of possibilities.

I think I figured out what it is with many of these stories: A good story lets us put ourselves in the story. We read this and many other stories and, well, we just can't. I also get that writers don't care if their stories are good or not. They tell us so ("I write for myself, blah, blah, blah..." Which makes a lot of sense if they didn't then upload them to the Internet for all to see, completely invalidating their little lie.). And yet I'm sure many folks still read their stories right after they just told you not to. I don't know where this one lies. I just know I kept waiting for someone to act like a human.

Incredible story, great entertainment. Thank you for all the time and effort you put into writing! I'm always happy to see another of your works.

Well that was entertaining enough for 4*.

I never liked Katie and I still don't nor do I feel sorry for her.

I'm a bit mixed about Andy. He came a little ways in this chapter but I still just can't respect him that much as a man.

Regardless, thanks for the story.

@AngelRider

I'm sorry but this story is just not good -- That is all you have to say, no reason, just cuz.

I'm actually glad Katie ends up alone and shot in the end

It missed me, or I missed it... Mostly because the MC proved to be inconsequential because he was incapable of acting against the organisation for himself and required outside help yet he's a hacker of note. This had a perfect opportunity to be a David vs.Goliath story but instead he was a virtual bystander other than shooting his wife and he failed at that also. it left me unsatisfied and probably in the minority but those are my reasons for scoring it lower than the quality of the writing deserves...

Interesting, but got convoluted at the end. That may be because I read this without reading Chapt 1. I willl go back and read that to see.

Been there done that kind of story that didn't work for me. Like others had said, these two would really not have been selected, these kind of bad guys don't need others like tgaht and would not risk so much for so little. Also, what husband would put up with this? I guess something inside of ME says play along so you get the money, AS she deposits it, withdraw it. If and when divorce time comes you split 50 50 anyway. So in a sense be the pimp and take your cut.

Part 1 of this story was great. The logic behind the actions of the "Worldview"-villains was not realistic, but it is fiction, so that didn't matter. The story was full of emotion and angst, and well written as all other CWG submissions. Thanks once again for sharing.

Part 2 on the other hand was disappointing. The writing was excellent, but the story petered off to conspiracy theories and sort of cloak and dagger stuff. It was no longer about the struggling couple but about the MC fighting alone against the villains. The ominous group of anti-worldview-outlaws was a bit farfetched and did not really benefit the storyline.

In the end, the opportunity to clarify Katies role was missed. After she read his diary / journal (in part 1 she had insisted that he should keep it) she didn't reply with the total honesty she also had insisted on when the ordeal began, but immediately gave up to fight for their relationship. It is obvious that Katie was part of the conspiracy, perhaps from the very begining. But CWG doesn't tell us when her betrayal and to what extent she was involved. There should have been more dialogue and a real confrontation.

This certainly was a major epos, but left me unsatisfied in the end. So I cannot grant more than ⭐⭐⭐⭐.

The first half of this story really annoyed me. But that was because it did cleverly play on the power dynamics and their helplessness.

However I feel that part 2 is as rushed. quite disappointed that a shadow organisation was involved. Seems a cheap plot and all of the end just wasn’t as powerful as the first part. 2 stars from me for the second half.

I really like your writing but I think that you should have let them run and escape or made more of bringing them down from the shadows.

A bit better than chapter one but in the end what did they accomplish NOTHING They still split up and the powers that be in the end won even if they were dead BUT a well put together story (jaybee186)

Part 2 was better than part 1, but it’s still just an average storyline, done loads of times.

It’s all about money, surpose that’s true of the real world, but this is just……. Over done

Such a good setup in chapter 1 was thrown away by a poor plot ending in chapter 2.

You appear to have lost control of your own story with the way you wrapped it up.

A flat unconvincing ending. I had high hopes for this tale, but felt let down.

Scores 3/5

The ending was sad, but, I believe, inevitable. Too much happened to change them, particularly her. I think his suffering was great. Her’s, not so much. Still a great story!⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️