All Comments on 'Owning The Girl Next Door'

[a] some grammar;

[b] some punctuation;

[c] some spelling.

Perhaps read some John and Mary books before attempting your next 'story'.

I don't normally post negative comment but this story is so poorly written that I gave up half way through page one.

i loved the story ok the grammer and spelling wasnt 100% but so what and it was fantastic to have a whole story instead of just a couple of pages cant wait for book two

A small tip, avoid so much "he said/she said". Use quotes. Tell us what's said, and describe the action, rather than making statements about the dialog and action. Also, and i can't stress this enough, find a (better)beta reader. Pass it by them and listen to their suggestions before posting. You want them to be brutally honest, not pulling any punches. If they don't give you anything that needs improvement in the first 2 passes, fire them and find someone else. Assume all criticism is to help you improve rather than it being a personal attack, even though it will often seem that way.

Okay. That was a few tips, but you get my point.... Points. I look forward to your future stories.

Great story and thank you. I amazed by your imagination. What I suggest and this not a criticism as I always need one is get a proof reader. When I was doing my assignments for tertiary education I always had my wife read them. She never had to understand content but picked up the grammatical errors. I most say again great story.

Thanks for all of your comments and advice.

I am a 62 year old mechanic with a tenth grade education then GED and 45 years as a mechanic. one day this story popes in my head after reading hundreds of stories here so i sat down and the words just kept cumming so i kept writing.

I am by no means a writer, and can just get my point across. But i had a good time doing it. i emailed a few volunteer editors from the list here but got no reply for help so it was just Me and Microsoft Word to edit the story.

I have a new story about 3/4 finished and any help would be appreciated in making it more enjoyable for the readers here. if not it will be "word" and me again!

Thanks to all that read it and hope some of you had a good time!

So obviously written by a 5yo child.

I said she said they said.... not even the first sentence of this whole shomozzle makes sense. I read it five times and still can’t figure out if he got off his dad or got off work and his dad picked him up or if he finished work and his dad works at the same place or he got off work and his dad got off work at a different place and they just happen to meet up? What the hell and I only read about three more lines after that but it just didn’t seem to matter as the main thing was that he was in the garage fixing the car, location set for a conversation. It doesn’t matter what he had for breakfast five years ago.

Either way read some books with dialog in them. Now if you managed to read then you surprised me, so now copy how these published and paid authors write and when you get better slowly modify their style to suit your own.

Until then your a shit author that writes unreadable crap.

As per your own comment, proof that school is important. Also completing school to year 12 is not the same as a GED. School marks you as normal and a GED forever marks you as a lazy and probably drug fucked kid who couldn’t be bothered to complete the FREE education offered by the state because he knew better than the hundreds of millions of people that came before him and set up the school system who then went OOPS later in life and thought better of his pathetic choices and got a GED.

Oh if you got this far, write chapters. This way you could have had a proofreader read the first two pages. Then correct EVERYTHING, change the style to make it readable and publish it. Then you can read the comments and make changes again. This leads to constant improvement and not 38 pages of crap.

You write for us the readers of this website. Now you think no way, I don’t write for anyone but me. Your wrong. If you didn’t write for the readers then you wouldn’t publish and this story would only be saved on your hard drive.

Don’t clog this site up with any more crap just so you can feel like a sucessful published author. Proof read, correct on and on till it’s done. Professionals do it that way, so why are you special and don’t need to proofread?

If you can set aside the weak grammar and formatting, the plot, themes, and concepts of the story are really entertaining on a grand scale. It's pure fantasy, but an interesting and enjoyable fantasy nevertheless.