All Comments on 'Payback Ch. 05-06'

What's going on! The grammatical errors and misuse of words are getting worse. It's no longer easy to "gloss" over them. Your lack of an editor or someone to preview your work to catch these silly errors is effectively destroying your story. Baylor_Love because of that I had to give you 2 stars whereas the rest were 4. It's a shame because there is a good premise to the story and the sex scenes are hot. PLEASE proofread your work Before submitting it. Thank

So it's not often that I disagree with germanchocolate4u, thus I'm going to leave feedback here that I hadn't intended to. This series does basically nothing for me.

Why is a little harder to explain, which was why I wasn't going to say anything, but here goes.

Firstly the story description is a massive turn off before I even click on to it. The description is meant to tease and tempt the reader, to draw them in to the otherwise anonymous story. Saying "Read to find out" projects arrogance by implying both that your writing is too good to need a description and that you don't feel the need to respect the conventions of the site. I'm not saying that these are your actual feelings just that your choice projects them. Still, not a big deal if the story is good...

Secondly length. I find that about 2 or 3 pages of story per posting is a good base length. Longer won't get a complaint from me, but less than that tends to end up with a feeling of "What, that's it? I was just getting hooked!" A story can get away with the reduced length if it is part of a serial that has already done enough setup in earlier parts, but authors should still aim for a good balance between story and sex to keep the reader engaged. In this case, where two chapters per post hasn't filled even a single page, the result feels more like an anecdote than a full story. Still, that isn't fatal in and of itself.

Thirdly interest curve. A good story should have a clean interest curve, it should build up and then peak. Build up means story building and foreplay before launching in to the sex, it lets the reader build a connection and mental image of the characters. This series went almost immediately to sex overdrive and stayed there. Remember, written erotica isn't like porn where you're after maximum sex in the available time.

Over all the entire thing feels rushed and slightly awkward/forced to me, or at least that's the best way I can think of to describe it. Hopefully this feedback is useful for improving your craft.