Peculiar Patients

Nathan stepped down from the coach and approached the heavy oak doors of St. Augustus. Its imposing Victorian exterior cast a shadow over the town, reminding him of the weight of its history. Once the law had come around, its use of human remains for medical research was no longer cause for scorn. The hospital had become an image of progress, on the cutting edge of science, always willing to push the limits of what modern medicine could achieve.

Inside, a woman with her blonde hair tucked into a white nurse's cap awaited him behind the reception desk.

"I'm here for the study with Dr. Ivanov." He held out the newspaper clipping that had caught his attention:

"Seeking strange and Peculiar People. Anomalies. Medical mysteries. Birth defects, deformities, and otherwise irregularities to the human form. Seek Dr. Anthony Ivanov at St. Augustus to participate in a well-paid research opportunity."

"Please, make yourself comfortable," she said, "and someone will be out to collect you shortly." She gave him a curt nod in the direction of several long couches, where a few men read newspapers and smoked.

Nathan had never picked up the habit himself—he needed something to steady his nerves, not excite them.

He took a seat and reclined on a couch opposite a woman who was tapping her foot nervously under dark layers of skirts. He wondered if she, too, was here to see Dr. Ivanov. She didn't look very peculiar. But then again, from the outside, neither did Nathan.

But it seemed that Dr. Ivanov's advert had attracted other oddities. One man, he noticed, was folding and unfolding a claw-like prosthesis in his lap, which disappeared into his coat sleeve. A woman—a giantess—sat alone at the end of the waiting room, smoking a pipe that looked pencil-thin in her hands. Even while she was seated, Nathan could estimate her height at over seven feet.

When the woman returned his sidelong glance, he shifted uncomfortably. They must be wondering too what had brought him here, what abnormalities they couldn't see under his suit jacket and tie. He had spent much of his life feeling thinly separated from the circus sideshow, and now sat among the very people he had convinced himself he was nothing like.

Of course, this was what Dr. Ivanov had asked for, and Nathan had recognized himself between the lines of the advert. He was not quite deformed, a strangeness not yet visible at birth, but certainly an anomaly. Certainly irregular.

He had been ambivalent about the study at first, especially given how little he knew about it. But it was his own curiosity that had driven him forward. He had been aware of his peculiarities all his life, but had never had anyone to confide in. He thought that maybe Dr. Ivanov could help him understand his inner workings. And perhaps there were other patients out there like him, who lived quiet, solitary lives, without the hope of wider understanding. The idea of finally sharing what had been his closest-kept secret terrified him, and at the same time made him deliciously excited.

The generous stipend didn't hurt, either. It would pay for his tuition next year, and he figured he could send some home to his family, and might that way make peace with them.

In the time it took for his name to be called, Nathan tried on several different positions that communicated confidence and ease, the least of which he felt. The clock on the wall ticked ominously. The hospital had a distinct lack of smell, which he thought must be due to the orderlies who diligently mopped at the tile floor. The air of calm made him somehow uneasy.

When a nurse came through the swinging doors for him, Nathan nearly leapt from his seat, but slowed his gait to meet her. He followed her down the hall. Her shoes, with their low, sturdy heels, clipped across the tile. The corridor was so long and empty that he could hear her dress and apron rustling against her ankles.

Across the hall, another nurse folded sheets in a room of empty beds. She caught Nathan's eye momentarily—a sharp, fleeting dash of something both warning and anticipatory.

The nurse turned the corner and pushed open the door to an examination room. He faced a brown leather chair, which seemed to joint in several places. The walls were an antiseptic white, and one corner of the room was occupied by a counter and shelf, holding jars of familiar and unfamiliar objects: wooden tongue depressors, cotton swabs, and stopped vials of indiscernible contents.

She handed him a square of thin fabric. "Undress, please. And put this on."

"Undress?" He had expected this first meeting with Dr. Ivanov to consist of an interview or a feat of lengthy paperwork. At the very least, he expected to be told what the experiment would entail, since on this topic, he was still in the dark. The advert had not exactly been forthcoming.

"Yes," the nurse said. She was young and pretty, and wore just a hint of makeup on her eyelids. She smiled at him sweetly, the way she might a child who had asked a very stupid question. "Take everything off, please. Take a seat when you're ready, and the doctor will be in to see you shortly."

With that, she left Nathan alone in the room.

He hadn't expected things to move so quickly, and briefly wondered what he had gotten himself into. But he had known this would happen eventually, hadn't he? He had questions, and the doctor was unlikely to be able to answer them without getting a closer look.

Nathan was often able to forget about his difference, so long as he remained clothed. He was even able to fit into his all-male dormitory without raising suspicions. But when there was nothing between his skin and that curtain of cloth, so thin it was almost translucent, he had no choice but to face the facts.

He slipped the gown on quickly, and found that it came down just above his knees. He also found that it did not close all the way at the back, leaving him partially exposed. This he tried to remedy by sitting down in the examination chair. Even then, the gown did little in the way of protecting him against the chilly hospital air, and he was painfully aware of his bare backside pressed against the cold leather.

He waited for what felt like hours. At long last, the doctor announced himself with a tap on the door. Then, the door swung inwards.

"Mr. Sharp..." He came in with his eyes perusing his clipboard. "...Is it?" He flipped through a few pages, then looked up. The doctor was a stout man with slicked black hair and thick, round glasses that gave Nathan the impression of a bug. He was dressed in a smart gray suit.

He took a seat across from Nathan and extended a hand, revealing black hair under the cuff of his suit jacket. "Dr. Ivanov. I assume you responded to my advert in the paper."

"I did," Nathan said. "I was intrigued to hear about your research."

Dr. Ivanov quirked an eyebrow and smiled. "And I take it you know what I'm looking for."

"Actually, no. The ad was a little vague in that regard." Nathan shifted. "But from what I read, I think I may be a good candidate."

"Is that so?"

"Yes." Nathan cleared his throat. He had gone over the words carefully several times. The way he explained himself was important. "You see, I thought you might understand... This began—"

Dr. Ivanov put up a hand to stop him. "Nathan. Let me tell you a bit about my practice, and how I run my hospital." He made himself comfortable in his seat, resting his chin on his knuckles. "I consider myself a bold explorer of the human anatomy. It is my life's devotion, and I've been perfecting my research methods for decades. There is far more that my own methods of inquisition can tell me than your words can, Mr. Sharp. The body keeps its secrets from all but the most discerning of eyes. I would like to discover what makes you unique," the doctor said. "If you will allow me, of course," he added offhandedly.

Nathan shivered slightly. It was, on the one hand, a relief to not have to explain himself. On the other, he felt the hard scrutiny of Dr. Ivanov's gaze. Could he really entrust his secrets to this doctor, who intended to discover them through his own methods?

He could leave if he wanted to, he reminded himself. He could still walk out.

Nathan swallowed. This seemed to be his only hope of finding answers. Before giving himself the chance to think about it any longer, he nodded. "Yes. I'd like to continue."

Dr. Ivanov's face broke into a crooked smile. "I am so glad to hear that, Nathan." He turned away from Nathan and pulled on brown rubber gloves, which reached the sleeves of his gray suit jacket.

The exam began as routine as any. Dr. Ivanov shone a light in Nathan's ears, nose, and eyes, and then—"open wide"—down his throat. He pressed his cold stethoscope against his chest and then the exposed column of his back, instructing Nathan to take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Making some notes, he started to palpate along Nathan's jaw and neck with gloved fingers. Pressing, his head tilted to the side, the doctor did not really look at, but observed, Nathan's response as he swallowed.

"Any pain?"

"No."

He jotted down a note. He took Nathan's pulse on both wrists, counting with his eyes closed. He tested Nathan's reflexes by bouncing a rubber hammer against his knees. Then he leaned over the exam chair and pulled some sort of lever, which caused the hinges to squeak.

"Lie back, please." The chair reclined until Nathan was in a horizontal position. "Comfortable?"

Nathan nodded yes.

"Tell me if you feel any pain or tenderness."

Dr. Ivanov began to press on Nathan's abdomen below his ribs and worked his way downward. He slid his hands down to Nathan's lower belly and pressed there, reminding Nathan that his bladder had filled considerably while he had waited for the doctor. Dr. Ivanov seemed to notice this too, and pressed experimentally on his bladder.

Nathan winced.

"Any pain?"

"No," Nathan said through gritted teeth.

"Interesting." He made a note. "Are you sexually active, Nathan?"

"No," he said. His cheeks flushed.

"And have you ever been?" He looked at Nathan through enlarged eyes.

Nathan shook his head. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to, but getting up the nerve to ask a girl out, and explain his situation to her, was more than a little intimidating.

"Turn over, please. I'd like to get an accurate temperature reading."

Nathan pushed himself up onto his elbows while the doctor removed a glass thermometer from a small leather case. He knew that the moment he shifted, his gown would fall open over his backside.

The doctor noticed his hesitation. "Is something the matter? Lie on your stomach, please."

Nathan held the bottom of the gown taut against his thighs and turned himself awkwardly. It only helped temporarily. Once he was on his stomach, the opening at the back of the gown left his back and butt exposed to the cold hospital air. He tried to pull the gown closed to cover himself, but it was no use.

"Move your hands, please." Spreading his buttocks, the doctor applied something cold and jelly-like to his anus. Then, Nathan felt the glass tip of the thermometer slip inside him. It wasn't painful, but it certainly wasn't comfortable either. Nathan buried his face in his arms, waiting for the humiliation to end.

The clock on the wall marked time ticking by at an excruciating pace. Dr. Ivanov had turned his back to Nathan, making notes in his charts, paying him no attention. When he thought the doctor might have forgotten about him, he returned to the exam table and removed the thermometer.

"Thirty-seven degrees..." Dr. Ivanov said to himself, reading the numbers on the glass instrument.

Then, Nathan felt the doctor's movements go still behind him. He had stopped writing on his notepad and approached the exam table quickly. Nathan's heart pounded.

"Spread your legs apart," he said. Without waiting for an answer, he pushed Nathan's legs open slightly.

"How... strange..."

Nathan knew what he was seeing. Even more so when the doctor's fingers pressed gingerly against his skin, spreading open his vulva with his fingers.

Nathan held his breath, waiting for the doctor's response. He feared the worst. Once Dr. Ivanov understood, he might not want him to be part of the study anymore. But he had come all this way, and he thought there just might be enough curiosity in Dr. Ivanov's eyes for him to go forward. Only now that he was under their scrutiny, his cheek pressed into the leather seat, he was uncertain of what kind of response he was hoping for.

Despite his fears, what Nathan heard next was... delight?

"That is very peculiar indeed!" He heard the doctor's invigorated scribbling on his notepad, muttering to himself. He caught the words "notable case... female genitalia... indispensable subject... further study..."

Then, setting his papers down, "Well! You can sit up now."

Nathan turned and sat up on the table, pinning the gown down at his sides. He must have gone completely red—he always had the habit of showing exactly what he was feeling on his face. The doctor's eyes moved over him in jerky increments, head to toe. He had never allowed anyone to see him like this before.

"I can see why you thought your case might interest me, Nathan. Suffice it to say that you've piqued my interest. I certainly did not expect... Well, looks can be deceiving, can't they?" Dr. Ivanov pushed his glasses up his nose with his pen. "I'll need to get a closer look before I can make any definitive diagnoses..."

The exam chair had more secrets yet to reveal. Reaching below it at Nathan's feet, Dr. Ivanov produced two metal arms, each with metal horseshoes at each end.

"Please slide all the way down to the end of the table, and place your legs in the stirrups."

Nathan waited for further explanation, but got none. He was about to reveal himself, make himself completely vulnerable to this doctor's inspection. Rigid with fear, he shifted down on the table and placed his ankles in the stirrups, spreading his legs apart. He felt the cool air of exposure on his most intimate parts.

Leaving him in this position, the doctor went to the cabinets and started assembling instruments on a rolling tray table. Nathan couldn't get a good look at these, but saw one after another emerge.

Could all of that really be necessary? His muscles tensed at the thought of what Dr. Ivanov was intending to do to him. What on earth had he gotten himself into? And yet he wanted to know, he wanted to understand why he was the way that he was. And Dr. Ivanov hadn't reacted with vitriol or hatred, although his fascination similarly unnerved Nathan. He was at least willing to search for answers. Nathan had to take the chance that might give him the peace he was looking for. Still thrumming with anxiety, he bit down his fears, bracing himself for whatever was to come.

Finally, the doctor took out an apparatus that strapped around his head. He flicked a lens into place over one eye, which intensified its magnification.

He flipped on the light and disappeared behind what little privacy Nathan's gown still offered, now pushed up his thighs. Although he didn't feel any physical touch yet, he could sense the doctor observing him, studying him.

"Fascinating..." He remarked, more to himself than to Nathan. Then—Nathan winced at this sudden touch—he spread apart the flesh of Nathan's thighs and buttocks to get a fuller view. He used his fingers to part his lips. His tenderest flesh was being exposed to view, the doctor meticulously spreading his outer folds to reveal the blinking, vulnerable eye within.

He worked his way up to Nathan's clitoris, which had grown large. "Hmm..." Nathan flinched as he pushed back the hood; it was extremely sensitive. Then, sending a throb through his core, the doctor held it between his fingers and brushed another gloved finger over the tip.

The feeling was almost unbearable—a pleasure so close to pain that Nathan had to bite down on his lip to keep any sound from slipping out.

"Actually—" the doctor said abruptly, flicking off his headlight. He stood, leaving Nathan throbbing. "Will you wait here a moment?" And then he left the room.

As if he had any other choice! Even from that small amount of touch, Nathan was thick with wetness. Worse yet, he was aware of how full his bladder was. Situated on the exam table like this, there appeared to be no easy escape for him to relieve himself.

When he returned, Dr. Ivanov was accompanied by the nurse from the front desk. She kept a professional smile, but Nathan saw her eyes dart to his exposed shame and linger there.

"Nathan, this is Nurse Luchmann. She'll be taking notes for me during the examination."

Nathan was frozen, eyes locked onto the nurse as she moved into the room. This second presence made him want to cover himself, to rifle through his clothes and apologize for his brazenness, but the cold metal stirrups held his legs firmly apart. And Dr. Ivanov's gaze was commanding, letting Nathan know that he was right where he was supposed to be.

The doctor returned to the task at hand with Nurse Luchmann peering curiously over his shoulder. "We have quite the unique specimen today, don't we?"

Nathan's stomach turned. Under Dr. Ivanov's microscope, he must have looked like quite the science experiment.

With a tool from his tray—a blunt, metal instrument—Dr. Ivanov poked at Nathan's clitoris and retracted the hood. "Have you ever seen anything so large?" He commented to Nurse Luchmann. "It looks almost engorged, or... erect. What is that, five centimeters? And, make note of this." He invited Nurse Luchmann in closer and spread him open for her to see. "The patient seems to be producing an excess of lubrication when the organ is stimulated."

He finally removed the probing instrument. Nathan let out a shaky breath of relief.

"Otherwise, a normative external appearance, although not the one I expected..." Dr. Ivanov dictated, "I'd like to make a thorough internal exam to detect any abnormalities."

Nathan's heart pounded. He only had a second to brace against the exam table before the doctor pushed a gloved finger into his vagina.

The finger was cold, a foreign exploratory touch. He had a hard time reckoning this invasion with the version of himself he had built. He was guarded, careful. He had to be. He walked with dignity. He showed people through his clothing and posture and voice that he was someone worthy of respect, or at least decency, no matter what he felt inside.

The doctor pushed in a second finger, stretching Nathan uncomfortably. "The patient is unused to vaginal penetration..." He noted. He turned his fingers upwards, inspecting the upper wall of Nathan's vagina.

Now this stranger had his plundering fingers inside of him, rooting around though everything he had ever secretly thought or felt or wanted.

The doctor pressed down on Nathan's abdomen, palpating his reproductive organs from inside.

Nathan's bladder ached. He had thought he could push through the discomfort, and all he wanted was to get this over with as quickly as possible, but he feared if he didn't speak up, his bladder might announce itself another way. "Doctor?"

Dr. Ivanov looked up, almost like he'd forgotten that Nathan himself was there.

"I need to use the bathroom," he said urgently.

"Sometimes the pressure might make it feel like you do, but I assure you—"

"I do, really, need to go."

"Hmm." Pressing on his abdomen again, Dr. Ivanov examined his bladder from inside. "Yes," he said, "I suppose you do." He turned to Nurse Luchmann and the two spoke in conspiratorial whispers.

He cleared his throat. "Nurse Luchmann is going to empty your bladder for you so we may continue the exam."