All Comments on 'Performance Review'

I hope his new business worked out too - you forgot to mention that.

I've no idea how well pills would work in a scenario like this; they don't extend my normal capacity ay all. However, I'm sure it's very hard to wear a cunt to the point it can't be used if the owner feels the need. On my own with a lover it has often felt that the woman might take more and probably enjoy it if I could get it up again.

The need for money will work at least as well as lust. No prostitute has ever refused to take me on, even at the end of a busy Friday or Saturday night when she will certainly have endured more fucking than an ordinary woman could hope for in a week from one man. If you can pay you can fuck. Either entrance; I don't bother with blow jobs if I'm wearing a condom. I'm not touching a whore without, particularly if she offers to go bare bareback for more pay because surely too many others will have gone for the deal.

kinda sorta liked this one. He handled the visit better than some here.

They may have had a great marriage if he had taken care of business at home, all those years.

Expect to get soaked in the divorce. Half the marital assets and a hefty spousal support requirement will put the financial kibash on any dream requiring a substantial financial investment. The fact that he enjoined intimate relations with his wife after blatant evidence of infidelity is often construed as an act of forgiveness in the eyes of the divorce court so suing on the basis of adultery may have been nutralized by that action. He may as well stay with SMS because he'll at least be able to stay above water until spousal support is commuted.

as a story about having unrippen bananas for lunch. it's like, well, it tasted sort of both acidic and basic and not sweet as ripe bananas oughta to taste like. but, guess what?, I ate it anywhere. i'm glad it's over with no. now I just make sure it's all ripe and good to eat before I buy!

i mean, what the hell! the first two or so paragraph were the only decent part: about willing to suffer in middle and high school, no matter the odds, just to prove that no one oughta pick on him to bully. the rest, it's just eating bad tasting bananas.

*yawn* sorry, couldn't get into it...emotionless...

I liked it. Well written

Thanks for the entertainment.

PT

Man, you are one pissed off dude. There must have been a woman in your life that just used you big time. Hey it happens to all of us. I hope writing this story helped exorcise the demons.

What follows is a critique of the story writing. If you liked it, great. I AM being a nit-picker here, because LYG has promise... so just move on.

LYG : You made a huge fundemental writing mistake in the first page. There was no hook! There was nothing to draw the reader in, so you lost them. The first page ALWAYS has to set up conflict. The frst paragraph basically painted the picture of one angry man. Nobody has sympathy for angry people. The next 4 paragraphs go on explaining that this guy has been angry pretty much all his life. That is not conflict, that is pathology.

Your intent was probably to foreshadow that this man would not be wimp. There are better ways to do that. In fact you spent the first third of the story telling us how pissd he is at the world. How does this move the STORY? My point, it doesn't. Get to the story you want to tell! Any backstory should be told in dialogue.

Use humor and logic but leave the oxymorons and cute trite shit alone. You can be a good writer but only if you get away from this stuff:

"To get to the point of what I've already told you." LYG, this is a sentence FRAGMENT not a sentence. Yes, a sentence has to have subject and verb, but it must express a complete thought. Duh -o! "I'm in a position to start my own company, with the knowledge, the experience, and the skills, I only lack the dollars." If you don't have the money, you aren't in a position to open your own compny, now are you? I am in a position to own a BMW, I just lack the funds to pay for it!

Avoid metaphors! "murky as dishwater"? The only thing which could have made this worse is to say "dull as dishwater". But you did say "sober as a judge"! YUCK! I know many judges sitting the bench while drunk. Metaphors are very powerful tools and very few writers use them well. Avoid them when possible and it is almost always possible.

Use dialogue tags. They allow the reader to be able to follow who says what to whom. Use "said" for a statement and "asked" for a question. Nothing else is really needed. Until you master the basic, throw the thesaurus away. Put the tag in the middle of the dialogue so the reader has to actually read it.

Follow these suggestions and you will be improve of each and every submission. You have the raw ability but need to polish your craft.

Best Regards,

C

DECENT story . GOOD READ... but there is something I am not following hwre...

the husband sees and realizes at the same time that his wife and Dirk the dick are not just trying something new but are in fact fucking each other and only come up with this wife swapping scheme to fool the others spouses

so the hubby who never takes any shit from anyone -- thats the premise -- is so outraged at this... again that is what the Hubby says... that

decides to FUCK his wife into submission?

in the words of John MacEnroe you cannot be serious

I can sympathize with ANGRY. You might be surprised how many of us angry folks are out here, so don't make a sweeping statement about turning folks out or losing them just because you're a pacificist, or maybe even a WIMP. Nothing wrong with a good old fashioned ass-whupping. I don't think I could have just sat by when Carrie was fucking the dick-head, but then, if he had decided to end it and he didn't care about her any more, I guess it makes sense. Leapyearguy, keep on kicking ass!

You lured me in with a moving picture of a fight to the death kind of guy, then you showed us that he could be reasonable when it was to his interest.

A story about more reasonable adults getting what they want, and the stupider adults losing what they had.

I enjoyed the whole thing. You hooked me in.

Thankyou

It wasn't that he forced her into submission with sex, it was a two part revenge that required it.

1.) He had to make her believe that everything was ok between them so she wouldn't suspect anything, but at the same time keep her and Dirk from seeing each other on the side. But to do that he had to have enough sex with his wife that she was too "sore" to cheat on him with Dirk. He was pretty sure based on her actions that she was cheating. But he had no proof. But he knew if she was cheating on him, that she wasn't going to let Dirk anywhere near her till the night of the party, and if he could keep her sore enough to refuse him that would make for an interesting night.

2.) He got Paula to agree to deny Dirk sex for the 3 week period. Sure Dirk could have gotten it anywhere, but up to this point he was getting the best of both worlds. He was getting sex out of his wife and he was doing Jack's wife too. Normally folks who think they can get anything don't think about alternatives if they aren't faced with them. The night of the Party the only reason Dirk went along with the swap was because he thought he was finally going to get some sex out of his sex buddy. But she was too sore to let him near her. And he didn't stop the party because he was looking forward to getting some relief from no sex for almost 3 weeks. And he got denied and humliated at the same time.

So based on the above Jack (and Paula) figured "Hey we'll embarrass them both, but we'll make it look like it was their plan". The two cheaters thought they were smart enough that they would get caught and they could bring their cheating out in the open and quit sneaking around if they pretended to swap. This way they were forced to watch their spouses basicly *cheat* on them and neither one could do anything about it, without looking like the bad guys. They did it 3 weeks before and left their spouses out, now they were forced to watch.

His wife was so sore she "couldn't" have sex with Dirk, Dirk was humliated that another man was both having sex with his wife and obviously making her "feel" the sex better than he could ever do, and Jack's wife was seeing the reaction of Paula as well and she was unable to either stop it (because of how she acted the last time) or have sex with Dirk to make herself feel better.

As far as the their *acting* went in what they said at the 2nd party, I thought it was over the top, but it was a slightly different take on what to do about a cheat spouse. The old adage "Give them enough rope to hang themselves" and thats really what happened here.

-Risq

good post Risq. well written well reasoned. You may be right,... but again from what I read of the Hubby.... keeping in mind the way the author set this up... I dont agree.

1) why was it necessary for the Hubby to PROVE they were cheating?

the wife would not cut back on her spending but complained about his hours spent working. Se was now using drugs to develop deviant sex practices -- again deviant in his eyes as stated in the story-- and then never talked to him about ANY of this.

Suppsoe it turned out she and Dirk were flirting but NOT cheating .... in other words the hubby's suppostion was wrong... so what? why keep a whore like that around?

what about a wife who decides to use drugs -- and on a regular basis from it says in the story - and never talks to see if her spouse likes the idea or doesnt... is worth keeping for even 3 weeks?

recall the Hubby wonders what is going on with his wife and whether he should fight for her ...

I guess my little qulam with this story is NOT a big deal. I sort of liked it. The way I read the Hubby's chracter is DONT mess with me.... NOT always get even...

Good story. I don't believe in an eye for an eye but in this case Carrie deserved it. I wouldn't mind if Jack slapped her for being a bitch when she had been cheating behind his back all along but then I know it wasn't your style to write about a man beating up a woman no matter how much she deserve it.

Perhaps in my last comment that got lost in the writers critique."=)

The premise was damn good. For a change the guuy gave the two cheating spouses enought rope to hang themselves. I loved that! and the rather blaise' why in which the hubby says in effect "Yeah, we're through. Remember this the next time you cheat on yout next husband" was well done!

I guess that I didn't do what I intended. I was trying to show that he had gotten over the "Kick ass attitude" His old man's lesson was deeper. He still had anger but had learned to control it. He was ready to fight if nessasary, but it was about succeding in his own way if possible. He didn't have to act like the young boy anymore, I fucked that up and am sorry to those of you that didn't see it. Thank you Risc for the vote, Thank you Harry, I appreciate any vote over 0 from you and thank you chagrined for the writing 101 lesson. The comment board is my only resource to learn from my mistakes. Thank you all for reading, at least Ohio didn't come out with the same story this time.

LYG

I've liked other stories by LYG but not this one. The narrative drive is weak and the plot disjointed. The author goes to great lengths to tell us how the main character is ready to strike out on his own but then nothing happens with that. This verbiage was wasted. We don't know why Carrie, Dirk and Paula act as they do. We're simply told to accept them as they are. Okay, I will but that makes those characters little more than plastic blow-up dolls.

I did get a laugh out of the story when I read this: "I proudly stand chained and naked before satin himself". Made me think LYG had misfiled the story, that it should've gone into in BDSM or Transsexuals & Crossdressers. Can you say unfortunate mental image? Sure you can.

As a reader of the story, my mental image of Jack is that he's actually mostly clueless. He has to know that spending little or no time with his dearly beloved is going to create problems but he does it anyway. Jack claims he doesn't know when his marriage went haywire. If that's not clueless, I don't what is.

Jack is anti-social as demonstrated by this line: "They all came to join me, and ruined my space." And this, after four or five glasses of wine. If alcohol does this to Jack, he should lay off as evidently he's a mean drunk.

He claims he has balls as big as church bells. He doesn't, he just thinks he does. He claims he's ready to launch his own business. He isn't because anyone with a temper like his and as vindictive as Jack is won't last long in business.

As a person, Jack is not someone to look up to. He's mean-spirited, vindictive and an asshole. He thinks he came out on top but all he did was waste eight years of his life. If that's success, I'll pass.

This message contains feedback for: Nightowl22

This feedback was sent by: Anonymous

Comments:

FUCK YOU , I read your comment on Performance Review and you suck. He worked for them and when he offered to cut back to spend more time with her she didn't want to give up the money. You stupid fuck, always blame the poor cheated on guy. What a fucking loser you actually are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Great assessment of a MAYBE comment, no?

No name and no return address on top of it.

LYG, you are a stupid motherfucker. You turned a pretty good story into a worthless piece of shit. This piss-poor trash is a total waste of time.

I agree that perhaps you should have spent more time and words developing Jack's character. The only evidence we have that Jack is not an extreme person is (1) his wife would have not begged him to stay with her and (2) the owner of the company supported his new venture.

Jack's revenge was unrealistic (he should have used dildos after getting her high) but it gave the cheaters a taste of their own antics. Did the phrase "economic performance is abominable" mean that the wife had a job?

I also agree that the divorce for Jack will be painful but it will be worth it. When a marriage dies there are only a few options - end it, revive it or ignore it(just be miserable) but all are equally viable.

Most businesses are started with OPM (Other People's Money) so it is better that he free himself of her before he starts his business (Once he sets up the business she have a claim on its assets)!

Keep on writing, listen to the authors to improve your work and ignore the negative rest.

SleeplessinMD

Best one yet! Great revenge story, good plot, great read. I loved the quid pro quo and the ending. Well done. I suggest you ignore the negative comments - this is a good story.

We liked it! A refreshing change from "wimp-husband" & "reconcilation at any cost" type of stories of late. LYG-keep up the good work. Maybe JPB, Ohio should take notice and rewrite some of the "wimp-husband" shit stories they manage to pollute this site with.

Another poor example of using hatred and revenge while trying to pretend those traits are somehow good or worthy of being exhalted. Pathetic.

all you adulters when you play,you pay.if they get that in their heads ,less adultery.when wife cheat ,kiss her ass and say thanks.that crazy,she was lucky the right man would have punish her and loverboy to the max.

Way too overstated, as is the norm these days.

Seems over the top actions in the story are used to avoid a bit of emotion or character development.

Chagrined made a heap of good points - take notice of them.

And please remember, character development and emotion are far better in a story than all but impossible sex and revenge.

Don't take too much notice of the crowd of posters who anonymously rave because you show that consequences follow any action.

I'll bet these are the same guys who never did anything that was their fault - it's always somebody or something else that 'made them do it'.

Jack showed a lot of restraint, his anger could have gotten the better of both of them. I loved that he got the resolution he wanted. Keep it up!

some of the comments are sick.wife fucks others and hubby not to get mad.revenge comes in different forms,very mean or just walk away.this man did what he would save him less money and he got the girl he wanted.that is smart.

..steals trash." Paula is a prize?

This writer needs to find a board that has ANGER, STORIES, for there is nothing erotic about the writng. It just seethes with anger and hate NOTHING MORE!!

Very well written (as usual) no matter what the

nay sayers prattle about.

Thank you

there was a woman that became selfish and uncaring, even hedonistic. in the end, relief came from asserting himself and paula. she was dirkless and pleased to be so, too.

Shame on Anony USA this is a loving wife story. The love of Paula for the hero. It is also the shameful story of a betraying, adulterous, slut wife, who spends money she doesnt earn and smokes dope. See anything there in her favor, nope I dont either. Laffs as I read you work so long and I am young alone and have needs, recalling his statements to her he could cut his hours but she favored the extra money. I didnt really see anger in this story, retribution yes, anger no. In fact, instead of anger I see a man who is caring a loving being slowly destroyed by and uncaring woman. And then the husband serving her back the cold dish she served him. At leawst this wasnt a cuck story of two sick people who need medical help because they are mentally ill and bent on a suicidal path!

With just the right mix of raw pain humor and cynicism, you get the right tone for a lighter tale on two not too bight half- couples and how their other halves right the wrong. A pleasure to read.

As well written tale but again an unbelievable husband. Wife is being fucked in front of him and he does nothing but walk out. Sorry where are all the human emotions. Where is the baser emotions of fight or flight. Oh he left so you would think he chose flight but that would not be true. There was no need to run. He was seeing it up front and there was no need to hide his knowledge. In this setting there is only fight. The only thing that salvages the story at all is the ending.

There are about 2 billion married men on this planet. over 2,000,000,000... and I don't beleive for a second that any one of them would react that way to look across the room and see his wife fucking some guy that she had obvisouly fucked before. And, I don't beleive that the Author of this story thinks anyone would react that way... which means he is wasting his time, and ours.

What's wrong with smoking dope? Huh? Pistolpackinpete

This wasn't funny or good reading. Such a character generates no sympathy and lots of disgust. 'Nough said.

Sometimes the best win is without violence and still playing by their rules! He did get the best prize, somebody that probably won't fuck around on him, and he easily took her from the one that fucked his wife away from him! BRAVO!

I gave it a low rating.

so your even with the story, you thought it suck and most people think you suck.....4 stars

I rated it 5 stars and would have gone for more but they don't give that option obviously. dwornock really should get a clue. Useless opinions and about as needed as tits on a boar. That's right, dwornock is a boor. Good play on words and I'm not even very literate. Grow up or do you just love spreading hate and discontent wherever you go? Is your life so miserable that you lash out at anyone who seems happy and want everybody to be as miserable as you?

Some folks would do well to keep their dumb fucking opinions to themselves! I totally agree with your assessment. Personally, I think LYG is one of the better writers on this site.

told me if i m wrong but other didnt fuck with him and if any one try he always them answer them so they didnt try again .

well if u wanted to end like this then u didnt have to write about his past . if u hasn't write that then there is no problem for the end ( i think end was very short ) where his way of living life is live well is best revenge

So he dumps one dirty whore for another? Classy.

Nice job - old concept but handled well - I think -

He was at a crossroad and realized he was gojng to make changes and found out -in time - just how much he wanted to change -

One mercenary point - he should quit and start the new business before he divorces her so his earning potential is minimal when the asset division takes place.

To the reader who commented about dumping one cheating whore for another... ALL women are dishonest cheating whores. Use them, abuse them, fuck them but NEVER, NEVER trust them.

When Jack discovered his wife was cheating all along, that cemented his decision to divorce. I hate cheaters.

New business? You injected it and left it sitting here. Considering it would tie into their divorce ....

So the wife cheated and he, at least, divorced her. But she got HALF! And since he hadn't started the new business (either a good thing or a bad thing depending on it's success) she got the half that included a large alimony payment based on his salary with SMS and a big chunk of his retirement and 401K. Yep - another cuckold loser.

Should have posted this under the name of JPB or MM.

@ Tavadelphin: if he had started the new business before the divorce, wouldn't she have gotten half of it in the asset division? Also wouldn't she be getting half of his 'minimal earnings' until the divorce?

.".. ALL women are dishonest cheating whores. Use them, abuse them, fuck them but NEVER, NEVER trust them...."

Dear Anonnynonnymouse, so this includes your own mother and grandmothers? Even those of you pathetic vermin at the shallow end of the gene pool had women progenitors. That you define as "...dishonest cheating whores..."

Well, if you insist, I guess I'll just have to accept the accuracy of your conceit. After all, you are bragging about having a whore for a mother, are you not?

I didn't like the part where he got so drunk that he just sat there as Dick, er, Dirk, fucked his wife right in front of him but I guess he needed that little scene to get his head out of his ass. The ending did seem a little rushed and I would have liked to see a little more detail regarding his divorce and then his hooking back so soon after his divorce, but writer's choice.

His marriage was dead ,he got out,no BTB just goodbye.

If Carrie wanted to spice up their sex life, I have to repeat comments I have made before, TALK to your husband!

How did Carrie get home if he let her at Dirk and Paula’s?

Why didn’t Carrie give Dirk a blow job while her pussy was “out of commission”?

But a weak ending. Very weak.

3 stars, but I think that might be

too generous.

Not only because of the end but I found the whole story a little childish. First, I con't care how many wines he had, he was obviously sober enough to talk and get a hard on. He should have stopped the dinner encounter immediately, not half way through. Then the planned payback was childish. Adults meet their problem head on and don't play silly games.

3 stars and that's being generous.

The story ended way to fast. It climbed the mountain; building to a conclusion and then just dropped of a cliff and crashed in a heap on the ground below. I also don't see where his temper figured into the story. There was a big deal made about his fighting as a kid and about him holding back on Dick/Dirk but then... nothing. Pretty bland story. Nothing to keep a reader interest and I found myself not wondering what was going to happen next but hoping it would be over soon.

Some might think this story had a satisfactory ending. I don’t. The ending was rushed and was too abrupt. A whole lot of build-up for just a little bitty “poof”. Better luck next time.

Why claim u have a temper then told like a pussy. Get real

B.S. ending

No details as to when and why the cheating. Poor.

That had some of the most hysterically incongrous lines ever, great fun. I tend to read these revenge stories hoping for amusing plots which this one didn't bring, but it did have some great farce.

Listen how many moronic things you have here:

1. Our hero has not noticed that two women are sucking his dick because his mind was absent.

2. From the beginning we hear he is such a strong and unyielding character so the first thing he does, after seeing his wife getting banged by another man in front of him, is to run outside.

3. First part of his revenge is to fuck his wife so much that she gets worn out and physically incapable of cheating on him.

4. The second part of his revenge is to fuck his nemesis' wife in front of him (the same one that was already offered to him before). This lady had strong morals (or so we were told) but has fallen for him immediately.

So ... how much more drivel of this story can you stomach before you throw up (like a character in bad LW story)?

Too much cheating, even for revenge. Ending was ok.

...but I can't say that I agree with the central character. His cheating didn't make a point. Maybe she understood it, and there was the revenge angle, but I honestly think the happier man is the one who just walks away. Don't reduce yourself to her level.

he’ll be going through several more years of performance reviews, because he lost half his assets in the divorce. He may also be paying maintenance for a few years. His dream of starting his own business is on long term hold.

Can you say Divorce Rape??!!

Easy to see why he gets poor performance reviews.

Wheres the end? Disappointing.

0 stars - I did not like this story

Should have been gone when the cheating started. Plus, the ending was incomplete.

'In forth grade, they kicked me out of school for two weeks'

Yeah, that'd be because you couldn't spell fourth!

The ending leaves alot to be desired, you write strong stuff but far to often they either end to abruptly or you fucking ruin it like is "Left Behind'

Another formulaic BTB. You're a better writer than this. It's not the BTB I object to. It's the 60 IQ BTB formula you utilized.

Yup. It's that devil weed. Makes you wanna fuck like crazy.

Not much here. Cheap formula and that not done with any interesting or unique approach to an overused and cheesy approach. Nothing in this to peak your interest or even get your imagination ticking over. Tired and predictable with a “so what” ending.

All over The shop. Like you were on the weed.

Unclear. incomplete ending.

Mmm... La marihuana no te excita o te hace follar como loco, aunque si hace que la experiencia de follar, en si, sea más placentera porque te pone más sensible.

Solo por eso te bajo un punto, pero muy entretenido de igual forma

Gracias por tu obra

He finds Carrie is fucking the neighbor and is going to divorce so he fucks her... that's when I stopped reading... he talked so tough yet he has to have one last taste of his slut... pathetic.

It all made sense but Dirk never got his and the mc was supposed to be a tough guy. You spent a big proportion of the story telling how tough he was and then completely changed the story. I'm sorry but you completely changed the character of the mc.

I thought he reached for his balls and found them? Clearly not!

I agree with the unclear comment below. What an odd story.