Perks of the Job - Prologue

Childhood was tough as a guy named Lauren. From elementary school through high school I was bullied mercilessly. Called names, slurs, found tampons in my locker on multiple occasions. You can imagine. It wasn't until college that I learned to not care about my name.

I went to a state school but outside of my original state, so there were thousands of people attending, and I didn't know any of them. I don't want to speak for other's experiences, but my college experience was great. No one cared about a name, there were no bullies, everyone just figuring their shit out. I had a great time and learned to actively like the name Lauren. But it was after graduation that I learned my name was actually the greatest blessing that could have been bestowed upon me.

You see, I was an English major. I know, I know. "You're never gonna get a real job with that degree." I've heard it a million times, and I get it. But I wanted to study something I was passionate aboutd. And even if I'm not going to be an author or anything, I could go into sales. My dad had a degree in Physics, and he went into sales. So that was my mindset.

Unfortunately, I think everyone else had the same idea as well. No matter where I applied, I never heard back. Graduation was coming at me like a freight train, and I had no prospects. Was I going to have to move back home with my parents? I think I'd put a bullet in my brain before I did that.

Right when I thought all hope was lost, an angel in the form of a LinkedIn notification came to me. I was surprised as I had put zero effort into the profile. I hadn't even uploaded a photo. It was just that black picture. It was a recruiter reaching out to soon-to-be newly grads for a job opportunity. Off the bat, I could tell it was a shitty job. Entry level sales for a finance company, it required up to 200 cold calls a day and was 100% commission. Sounds miserable, but I needed something. So I applied.

I emailed back and forth with the recruiter and set up a job interview. It was with the sales manager, a woman named Deborah. I don't know if anyone is reading this, and if you are what year it is, but this all took place in 2021. If you recall, we were coming off some bullshit. What was at first unfortunate, but I soon found out was incredibly fortunate, was I was recovering from Covid when I was supposed to interview.

Thankfully, Deborah was fine to have a phone interview instead of in person or via zoom. Additionally, my throat was super scratchy and I was congested as all hell. I did not sound like myself, and she obviously did not see what I looked like. This is important. Regardless, the interview went great. We chatted for almost an hour, and at the end she gave me an offer on the spot.

I'm not naive. I know I probably got the job because no one else wanted it, but I was desperate. It also turned out to be the best job I would ever have.

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First thing to note about the campus of this company is it is out in the middle of fucking nowhere. I live on the outskirts of a mid-sized city, not LA or New York, so it only takes about 20 to 30 minutes to get to the other side of town. Well I didn't cut through the city to get to work, and it still took me an hour and fifteen minutes to get there.

The first hour is a suburb and other smaller towns, but the last fifteen minutes was all just fields. And then this giant building appears like the Emerald City. The campus is huge. It looks like a self sustainable commune from a dystopian movie. Just driving through to the parking garage I saw a gym, restaurant, what looked like a bar, and even a pool. This place was nicer than my university!

The second thing I noticed after the size of the place? All women. No joke. I did not see a single other man walking around the place. I could feel my collar start to heat up. Have you ever been in a room with entirely women? It is incredibly intimidating. Now blow that up ten times to a fucking town of all women. I almost turned around right then, but I was already almost late on rent, so I pushed forward.

Now this isn't some fantasy world. Not all of these women were tall blond supermodels with huge tits and tight asses. They were normal people like you and me just going about their days and heading into work. I definitely got some looks as I wandered around looking for my office, but I wasn't questioned until I actually made it there.

I was set to start work at 8 AM, and despite getting there early, I finally found the office around 8:10. I walked through the door and up to the receptionist sitting at the first desk. She was petite with short black hair. She looked up at me inquisitively as I walked up to her.

"Can I help you?"

"Hi yeah, my name is Lauren, today's my first day." I responded with a smile.

She stared at me with a blank look on her face. She didn't react as if my words had short circuited her brain.

"I, uh, spoke with Deborah." I continued, more hesitantly.

She continued just staring at me for a few moments before picking up her phone, all while continuing to stare at me.

"Um, Deborah? Can you come to the front please....yeah she, uh, THEY are here." She put the phone down and continued to look at me without emotion.

I shifted nervously from one foot to the other as I heard high heels clicking down the hall. When Deborah turned the corner she froze and looked me up and down. I didn't react either because I was equally frozen. I mentioned this wasn't a campus of supermodels, but if Deborah was the only person you met you wouldn't have the evidence to prove it. She had slightly longer black hair than the receptionist, Deborah's came down to her shoulders, but nothing about her was petite. She was tall and slender with an ample breast and a form fitting outfit that accentuated her hips and curves.

"Who are you?" She broke the moment.

"Oh, I'm Lauren. I start today." I smiled and held my hand out to shake it.

Deborah didn't move other than looking at the receptionist and back at me.

"There must be some mistake. You are Lauren?"

"Yes ma'am!" I tried to act confident, but I don't know if I pulled it off.

Deborah stared at me for a few moments more, then she sighed before continuing. "Very well, follow me."

That first walk was the most awkward 20 seconds of my entire life. We turned a corner, and I found myself looking upon a cubicle farm of goddesses. There were at least 50 women standing up at their desks looking at me, all of them gorgeous. I can't name or describe them all, but everything you can think of when you think of female beauty was in my eyesight at that exact moment. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, white girls, Asian, Black, Latina, bit tits, perky ones, dresses, skirts, yoga pants, turtlenecks, and low cut tops. Truly everything.

I was beet red as Deborah led me to a conference room and deposited me there. She closed the door behind me and left me sitting there completely confounded with the situation I was in. Many of the women outside continued to stare at me through the windows. If I wasn't so confused and horrified, I would probably be aroused.

I heard Deborah step into the room next door and could hear a faint conversation she was having on the phone. I couldn't hear the other person, but I got the gist of it. My hiring was a mistake, and they couldn't legally fire me. I didn't get all of that from just listening though, Deborah made it very clear when she came back in.

I won't go into detail on the conversation, because to her credit, Deborah was very thorough. Essentially, sex sells is the mantra at this company. Not literally, it's not a brothel, but there are statistics that show that young women are more successful selling equipment leasing and working capital loans. This company extrapolated that to the extreme. They hire only women, and I slipped through the cracks due to my name and my altered voice on the phone. They legally couldn't fire me due to just my gender, but Deborah made it very clear that I probably wouldn't last.

I needed this job though, so I told her I wasn't going to quit. I could see the frustration on Deborah's face, but her hands were tied. She walked me to my desk, amidst the sea of perfumed angels, and left me to get myself settled.

It took a while to get comfortable. Everyone kept me at many arms lengths. I was never talked to, never looked at much after that first day, and paid very little attention to. But I'm not here to talk to you about my professional work life. Well sort of, but you'll see. I'm here to tell you about what happened about a month in and onward.

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Luckily for me, I'm a good salesman. I can keep people on the line, I can connect very quickly, and I can close deals. As I mentioned, barely anyone talked to me, so I could focus entirely on work. I hit my numbers, over 200 cold calls a day, and in financial sales it's almost all a numbers game. If you can make the calls and have a little bit of skill you are golden.

When I started, Deborah had given me a goal of closing ten deals in the first month. She had said it with a decent amount of poison dripping from her words, so I assume that was supposed to be difficult. She even wrote into my contract that after ten deals I would be extended for a full year. Well I closed ten with a week to spare.

When I closed the first deal on my second day she was shocked. When I had closed three in the first week she was speechless. When I closed ten by the end of the third week she called me into her office. She essentially had dollar signs for eyes.

It was a short conversation. She congratulated me for hitting my number and slid over a contract extension for me to sign. I won't lie, I hesitated for a moment. Did I want to work this job for a full year with no one talking to me? Yes. Yes I did. I decided that working a job I was good at in a room of beautiful women wasn't the worst thing in the world.

I signed the contract and she gave a slight smile for the first time in my presence. Deborah then informed me that it was customary for the department to rent out the on site bar when someone was extended. I hadn't been to the bar yet, so it sounded good to me. Well it sounded great to everyone else.

Deborah announced it to the whole floor and it erupted in cheers. The department was buzzing the whole rest of the day. Still no glances at me, but the energy was different, and that's something.

A typical work day was done around 5 pm for me. By 4:30, I was the last person left in the office. Everyone else had already gone to the bar. I strolled in at 5:15, and it was a sight to behold. Have you ever been the only man in a packed bar? I don't believe in heaven, but if I did...

Countless women in short skirts, low cut tops, dolled up and drinking heavily. No worry of roofies or sexual assault leading to a care-free going out experience. There was a karaoke stage and one of my coworkers was singing Taylor Swift, and there were no douchebags booing.

I headed up to the bartop and the bartender came up to me. Of course she was a woman. She was short and curvy, bordering on thick. Cute face, but nowhere near the level of my coworkers. She was also much older than the young saleswomen. Maye 40? The fact that she said a single word to me made me immediately appreciate her way more than any of them though.

"Don't see many, or should I say any, guys around here. You must be the one I've been hearing about all month." She said as she sidled up.

"All month? As far as I can tell, I don't exist to anyone at this company except you and my boss." I asked for a beer.

She laughed at that as she started pouring."Oh you exist, believe me. Pretty much the only thing anyone has been talking about. An all female environment is a very sensitive thing, and you've disrupted it. I don't mean that in a bad way, just that there's a different feeling in the air. My recommendation is you keep your head down and be respectful. They'll warm up eventually."

She handed me the beer.

"I really appreciate that." I took a sip. "So what should I do tonight? Can I just hang here and talk to you all night?"

"Oh honey no. This..." She trailed off and pointed up to the stage with her head. I turned and saw Deborah tapping the microphone and clearing her throat.

Deborah's voice came out clearly over the loudspeakers.

"Ladies, thank you for joining me here tonight. As you know, I rent out this bar every time a new recruit extends their contract. I would like to introduce you all to Lauren." She pointed her hand in my direction and my heart fluttered as 50 heads turned in my direction.

"I know you have all seen him around, and I know what you have all been thinking. It is quite... unorthodox, to have him around. But I would like you all to play nice and welcome him into our ranks. He's gonna be here for a while."

There were fifty different looks on fifty different faces. Anger, disappointment, curiosity, and some unexpected slight smiles. Deborah continued.

"Lauren there is no way you know this, but it is also tradition for the woma- person of the hour, to sing Karaoke, so get up here."

There were a lot more smiles after that, but the vast majority of them were sinister or apologetic. They were expecting me to go up there and blow it. But there was something they had no way of knowing either. I was a fucking great singer.

I'm realizing I haven't told you much about myself. I'm not spectacular in many ways. I'm enough hairs shorter than six feet tall to where I can't say I'm six feet tall. I'm no superstar athlete, but I'm in shape. I'm conventionally attractive, but I'm no Jacob Elordi. And I can sing like a mother fucker.

I headed to the stage and shook Deborah's hand as she chuckled to herself. I looked out over the sea of big eyes staring at me, cleared my throat, and spoke into the microphone.

"Uhhh, thanks boss. Hey everyone. My name is Lauren, look I'm not a moron. I can clearly see I'm incredibly out of place here, but I don't mean any harm by sticking around. I won't take any offense if you never want to interact with me, but if you do, you know, I'm here."

I stammered through my little welcome to no reaction, and then headed to the Karaoke machine to punch in my selection. Not to toot my own horn, but I wasn't lying saying I'm not a moron. I know exactly what a bar full of women wants to hear.

I cleared my throat again as the first few notes of 'You Oughta Know' by Alanis Morissette rang out over the speakers. I saw a few ears perk up and some whispers go through the crowd. I closed my eyes and started belting it out.

It was an instant vibe shift. By the end of the first verse there was wooing, cheering, and laughing throughout the whole building. The chorus was sung by everyone, and by the end of the song, I thought the roof was going to fall down. I gave it my all and was drenched in sweat by the time I was done.

I walked down the steps to high fives and smiles, and someone passed me two tequila shots, which I took to even more cheers. I can honestly say this was the best feeling I have ever felt. Turning a room full of beautiful women onto my side. I didn't think this night could get any better.

But that's when it did. After a few more high fives and another shot, I headed to the bathroom to have a moment to myself. For the same legal reason they couldn't fire me for gender, they must have been required to have a men's restroom.

It was by far the cleanest men's restroom in a bar I had ever seen. I could tell it had never been used by the complete lack of any dirt or grime and a layer of dust over everything including the sink.

I had enough time to take two breaths before I heard the door open again. I turned in shock to see one of my coworkers headed straight for me. She was tall, about 5'9", with long, straight, blond hair. She was wearing a sparkly gold strapless cocktail dress showing off her ample breasts. She was either a C cup or had a hell of a push up bra.

I didn't have time to say anything before she was on her knees in front of me, undoing my belt. Another moment and my pants were around my ankle, and she was pulling on my cock without a word. I was hard in less than a second and then her lips were around my head. I gasped as her tongue swirled around my tip and she softly sucked.

She looked up at me with big brown eyes as she started working her mouth forward and back. It was by far the best blowjob I had ever had. She massaged my balls as she forced my cock deeper and deeper. Her tongue whipped up and down my shaft, and she got my length completely down her throat and her lips to my hips.

I felt her throat constrict as she swallowed around my member. She kept me there as long as she could before she gagged and pulled out, coughing. She started stroking me again while she caught her breath, then stood up quickly and wrapped her arms around my neck.

Her lips were on mine with no hesitation and her tongue was in my mouth before I could kiss her back. But I did. My tongue met hers and we made out hard. My hands quickly found their way to her ass and squeezed as she moaned into my mouth. Her skirt hiked up as I pulled her cheeks apart, exposing her slit and asshole to the air. I could feel she wasn't wearing underwear when one of her legs lifted up around mine and without even knowing it, I was lifting her onto the sink counter.

Her shaved pussy glistened under the lights as she spread her legs for me. We were still making out when I entered her. She gasped and bit my lip as my cock slid easily inside of her. She was so wet I was slapping her ass with my hips instantly.

We fucked hard and fast. Our mouths disconnected as she shoved her face into my neck and screamed in ecstasy. Her legs wrapped around me and I pounded her so deep and hard that her tits popped out of her dress. To my delight, she wasn't wearing a bra at all. My shirt had been unbuttoned at some point, so her fat tits and hard nipples were pressing against my bare chest.

In less than a minute, we both came. I felt her cunt tighten around my cock and nails dig into my back as she screamed into me. I moaned as I pumped cum directly into her. I felt so much semen release out of me that it leaked out the sides of my embedded cock.

When we both came down. She looked into my eyes again, both of us breathing heavily. She planted another kiss onto my lips and then pushed me back. I stood in awe as she fixed her dress, wiped herself with a paper towel, and fixed her hair and makeup in the mirror.

She finally spoke as she reapplied lipgloss, "My name's Courtney. You've been the talk of the office for quite some time. Some good, some bad. Word travels fast around here, so I'd like you to keep this between us, ok? Thanks babe."

She then turned and left. She hadn't looked at me again since my cock flopped out of her. I was standing stunned with a semi-hard cock and my pants around my ankles.

That was the start of the craziest year of my life. You know that Simpson's meme, "Worst day of your life, so far." That was me but the opposite. After that bathroom fuck, I thought there was no way I could ever have a better day than that. Boy was I wrong.