Personal Journey to Subission

My journey into submissive desires was a mystery to me. Why would a strong, healthy male become a submissive? It does not seem logical. This has become a driving desire that defies logic. It has created doubt, guilt, and shame but in the end, it can not be denied. The desire to submit to a strong person for sexual pleasure overrides all reason. Looking at certain key events in my life, the creation of my deep desires has become clear. This story reflects actual events. Some have been written about in previous stories.

The first event that started the dominos of life to tumble occurred when I had to get a physical examination for a job. I was in college but the employer for whom I was getting a part-time job required me to submit for a physical.

I reported to the doctor's office that would perform the actual physical. After completing a three-page questionnaire, I returned it to the nurse. An older woman quickly established that she was in control.

"My name is Wilma your nurse for this visit. Follow me to the examination room." This was given in a commanding voice..

Upon entering the room, I was told to take off all my clothes except my underwear. This was the first time a woman ever told me to take off my clothes. I was slow to respond so she said, "This is necessary to give you a complete physical examination. The tone in her voice indicated that I should follow instructions.

She then said, "I will step out of the room for a few minutes, please get undressed so we can proceed."

As I undressed, I felt a sense of vulnerability but realized that this was a professional setting and that being almost naked was just part of the process. I had no sooner removed my pants when the nurse knocked on the door letting me know she was ready to continue the examination.

Now wearing only my boxers, she reentered the examining room. She simply said, "Before hopping up on the examination table, step on the scales so I can get your weight." I followed her instructions and she recorded my weight.

"Your weight is 181 lbs. Have you had any major weight changes over the past year? Say gained or lost more than 10 lbs.?"

I replied, "No."

After recording my blood pressure, it was time for my temperature. She said, "Please lay on your left side so that I can take an accurate temperature."

I asked, "Why lay on my side?"

She calmly replied, "I want an accurate temperature and rectal is the most correct. Now lay on your side, this will only take a moment."

As I lay on my right side, I felt her hands pull the elastic band on my underwear down enough to expose my rectum. The thermometer was cold but it slipped in easily. I felt degraded as she performed this task. It was both embarrassing and strangely exciting. My cock became slightly aroused.

After a minute in this position, she released my elastic, and my boxers once again covered me.

"Okay, you may sit up. Doctor Gardner will be in a minute." She left the room.

The minute was more like 20 minutes before the doctor entered the room with the nurse.

A tall, rather portly man said, "Hi, I am doctor Gardner and am here for your examination. I will make certain you will be approved for employment. Now let's begin by my checking your ears." With that the examination began. I was subjected to a series of procedures.

Twenty minutes into the exam, the doctor said, "Wilma will you please leave the room."

Once the door closed behind her, Garner turned to me. "We are almost finished. I have just two more things to check. Please stand up and lower your underwear to allow me to check for hernias. "

Still aroused from having my temperature taken, I slowly stood up. "Now pull your boxers down enough for me to check you."

This was the first time I had been checked. The doctor said, "Turn your head to the right and cough."

At that moment, his hand pushed upon on my balls. This was the first time anyone had touched my balls and it was another arousing movement. The instructions then had me turn my head in the other direction and the process repeated.

At this point, my cock started to stiffen. I tried to control it but when the doctor's hand brushed it, I no longer could hide the arousal. The doctor seemed not to notice this reaction and I felt increasingly unable to control the erotic feelings that rushed through me.

"Now, It's time for your prostate exam. Please remove your boxers, face the examination table and bend over."

At this point I just wanted the exam to be over. I reluctantly dropped my boxers to the floor and stepped out of them. Now I was totally naked and felt very vulnerable. This was the first time I had been naked with just another man present. Bending over the examination table, I felt totally exposed and helpless for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, my cock responded by getting hard.

The sound of a rubber glove and the application of lubricant on my rectum just added to my sexual reaction.

"Okay, this will only take a minute and it won't hurt so relax." With these words, my journey to submission began. As his figure penetrated me my cock became rock-hard and began to throb. All I wanted to do at that moment was masturbate to relieve the pressure.

The insertion of a second finger pushed me over the top. I no longer could control my penis as the white sperm flowed uncontrollably. As I tried to hide my erotic feeling, I couldn't and I moaned. That only seemed to increase the penetration into my ass. After what seemed like an hour, the flow stopped and the doctor's fingers were withdrawn. I had an unbelievable orgasm despite trying to suppress it.

Exhausted and still bent over the table, the doctor said, "Everything checks out and you're in great shape. Take a few minutes to rest." Handing me several paper towels, he left the room. This had been something that I never expected but it was memorable. The erection continued despite the strongest orgasm I had ever experienced.

After a few minutes, I started to get dressed when the knock on the door by nurse Wilma indicated she was ready to escort me out of the office. As I attempted to hide my continued erection, it became clear that she saw what I could not hide.

Once I got home, I immediately took a shower and masturbated at least three times before exhaustion overcame me. The memory of that examination has never left me and has been a sexual fantasy.

Over the next three years, work, school, and casual dating keep me busy. The memory of that examination, however, remained with me. One Friday night I decided to attend an "adult movie". Although I was not quite 21, the age to gain entry, I could pass for being older. The old run-down Garden Theater was close to campus. In the days before computer porn, if you wanted to see porn, you had to go to one of the faded movie houses, pay $5.00, and hope no one you knew would see you.

After entering a dimly lighted, musty-smelling hall, I went to the back row and hoped no one else was there. I was in luck. The movie was about women in prison. By today's standards, this production would hardly rate a mature audience rating. But as I watch a female prisoner ordered stripped by the female warden and the guard rape her, I became aroused. My cock became hard and strained at being confined by my clothes.

The empty theater back row turned out not to be empty. As I watched the film a voice out of the dark asked, "How are you enjoying the movie?"

Although I heard the question, I ignored it. The tone of the male voice was pleasant and somehow comforting. He again asked, "How are you enjoying the movie?"

This time I decided to move several seats away. Believing he would leave. He didn't but moved to the seat next to me.

"If you like the movie, I can make you feel very good. All you have to do is trust me."

At this point, I said, "Thanks but I am just fine." In fact, was becoming excited and my cock began to throb.

The voice said, "I can make you feel very good. All you have to do is trust me and let me give you pleasure. There is nothing to fear."

At that point, he could see the bulge in my pants. His hand quickly brushed my lap and my cock responded.

"Thank you but I don't want to do anything now."

He said, "I can make you feel so good. All you have to do is let me help you." With that he reached over and unbuckled my belt. I did not resist but said, "No, I can't."

Despite my verbal denials he ignored them and proceeded to unbutton my pants and pulled the zipper down.

"Now pull your pants and underwear down and release your cock."

My mind screamed, "No get out of here now." But I meekly started to raise my hips and pulled down. I now sat in the dark with a stranger controlling me.

He continued, "Now that must feel much better. That hard cock of yours deserved to be free. I bet you have never done anything like this before but you look great. Ever had a man admired your cock?."

Without any further resistance, I was ready for whatever this stranger wanted. I kept saying, "No, I don't want to do this."

He simply responded, "Yes you do. You want sexual pleasure and release so go ahead and stroke yourself."

At that moment I did not move,

"Okay, if you don't want to pleasure yourself, pull up your pants and continue watching the movie."

I did not move with my pants down. He then reached over and started stroking my cock. Within a minute I moaned and the white flow poured out of me. Much like it had in the doctor's office.

Breathing heavily, I could not respond when he said, "You are amazing. I bet if you came with me, I could give you the pleasure you could never imagine. Just pull your pants up and come with me.

Afraid and unwilling to leave, I said, "No, I can't."

He said, "Why don't you take a minute and clean yourself and then join me outside the theater? I will wait for you. "

Handing me a handkerchief, he left. After cleaning the sticky fluid I hesitated for several minutes before pulling my pants up. Somehow that moment seemed to be very pleasurful. I did not want to meet that man so I stayed until the end of the movie and then left through the exit at the rear of the movie. I never saw that individual but that moment of submitting to his orders remains with me. Over the years I wondered what would have happened if I met with this man.

It was a Friday night so the bars are usually jammed around the university. Jimmies, was less crowded and relatively quiet. Just the place for a quiet beer. The bar was full but tables in the corners were open. I ordered a beer and sat at a table in the corner. In a few minutes an older instructor, James, I recognized from out department asked if he could join me. I said of course and we started talking about my paper. He offered several good ideas I wanted to incorporate into it. He was smart.

"I need to hit the restroom and will be back in a minute. Will you be still here when I get back". He assured me that he would. Returning from the restroom a new beer waited for me. James said, "I enjoyed our conversation so much that I bought you a beer so we could continue talking. I hope that's ok.

"Of course, that was okay". We continued to talk. About 15 minutes later I started to feel strange. We continued to talk when James changed the subject. "What do you think about the political consequences of gay men in our political system". I hadn't really thought about it so I simply said, "I don't really know, why do you ask?"

James explained he was working on a Doctorate Thesis on the subject. It included studies of gay men, lesbians, and transgender people.

At that point, a strange feeling and dizziness started to affect me. A strange sense of surrender started to fill my thoughts.

His next question was a shocker, "Are you straight or homosexual?" I replied, "I am straight". He thanked me for my honest answer. Feeling more lite headed and becoming very compliant.

I sensed that it was time for me to leave for home.. "It's getting late and I don't feel well. I need to head home. Thanks for the beer."

Before I could stand up, he asked me another question. "Have you ever felt the desire to submit to a dominant male?" No was my reply But the memory of that night in the theater when I had submitted to a stranger and allowed him to order me to pull down my pants and masturbate me rekindled fantasies and arousal.

At that point, James' hand slid off the tabletop and onto my thigh. Within a few seconds, his hand was on my stiffening cock. "Feels small to me." I didn't know how to respond but did not pull away either. A strange sense of excitement rushed through me. My erect cock was the giveaway James was seeking.

James next asked, "Very nice, have you ever felt like doing things other people tell you to do just because they said to do them?" Not allowing me to respond he said, "I have some material in my apartment that might help with your paper." With that James said in a low voice, "Get up and walk with me to my apartment it's only a few blocks away."

Like a schoolboy obeying his teacher I got up and followed James out the door. The three-block walk in the campus area was filled with college apartments. Parties were going in many of them. I was headed to something I did not expect. James' apartment was in a converted Victorian home. The stone steps and brick walls were from a different era. Its once regal charm had faded and now it contains apartments for college students.

Opening the first-floor apartment door, I was feeling increasingly hot and uncomfortable. James said, "Come in and have a seat on the couch. I'll get you a glass of water."

Simultaneous feelings of fear and arousal filled my thoughts. The orange couch and sage green rug on the floor seemed to catch my attention. The dimly lighted room gave a feeling similar to the theater in which I had experienced surrendering to another person.

Upon returning with the water James started to rub my shoulders. "You feel very warm, those clothes must make you feel uncomfortable."

Without any further talk, James started to unbutton my shirt. Within seconds, my shirt and t-shirt were off. I objected but my words lacked conviction. My bare back felt the cool plastic couch.

James said, "That should make you feel a bit better, but I think getting the rest of your clothes off will really improve the way you feel." Without further talk my belt was unbuckled, my pants unzipped, and within another few seconds, I was naked. I objected but seemed unable to resist. My cock seemed to say, "Go ahead."

As I objected James simply said, "Your erect cock tells me your true desires."

Feeling increasingly unable to resist or even comprehend what was happening, I remember my cock being pulled between my legs and pulled onto my stomach. That was the last memory of that night.

The sun shining on my face awoke me. I was laying naked in a bed. Next to me was a girl who was also naked. There were no covers on us and only the bed in another wise empty room. Sitting on the side of the bed, with a headache, it took several minutes for me to regain awareness of the situation. I had been drugged and used for some purpose. Anger started to fill my thoughts when the smell of coffee caught my attention. After a few more minutes I started to walk to the door and down two flights following the smell of coffee.

Reaching what appeared to be a kitchen, James was sitting looking at some papers while a girl sat next to him. She looked up and smiled. Embarrassed, I tried to cover my nakedness.

James looked up, "You really had a busy night and were the hit of the party."

I angrily replied, "Where are my clothes?"

"Where you left them. In the living room." Was the reply.

Once there I could only find some of the clothes. My underwear and socks were missing. Several buttons had been torn off my shirt and the zipper on my pants was broken. After dressing with what remained, I gave an angry stare at James.

He handed me a brown envelope and said, "If you are thinking about contacting the police, you will want to look at these pictures first. I have 35 mm ones and many more that will be available in a couple of days. You may want to stop by to see them." He handed me the envelope as I left.

My car was parked in student parking more than a mile away. As I walked the chill March air seemed to penetrate my body. The broken zipper allowed the air to reach my cock. This would normally prevent it from becoming erect. But this morning, it remained stiff for the entire walk. Once in my car, I opened the envelope which contained six black and white Polaroid pictures. All were of me naked, with some showing me being penetrated by men. Another had me laying on top of a girl. The most erotic was me sitting naked on a large man's lap with his hand between my legs. It was total submission.

Once I got home I burned all the pictures and flushed the ashes down the toilet. Despite the anger and embarrassment, I was aroused and masturbated 5 times that weekend. The memory of that night remains with me today. I had become submissive to another person for sexual gratification. Being submissive and willing to do whatever they wanted provided arousal and pleasure for me. Despite my denial that I was submissive, the desires and memories only intensified over the years.

Over the next 20 years, I got married, had children, worked, and was active in my community. The thoughts of my earlier experiences remained but only as sexual fantasies. After our last child was born my wife decided that sex was no longer needed or wanted. Except for a few times over the last five years of marriage my arousal only could be satisfied by masturbation. However, I did start to go to adult bookstores and started to read porn. Fantasies of submission dominated my thoughts.

A divorce created new turmoil in my life but also opened new doors. I started to date and found a new romance and connection. We married and for the next three years, my life was happy. While our vanilla sex life was fulfilling, my fantasies of submission continued.

Friday nights were date nights which included dining out, going to the movies, or to a local bar. One rainy Friday Barb wanted to stay home and play cards. We started with gin rummy but soon she wanted to play poker. While not a world champion, I am reasonably good at that game. Instead of money, she wanted to play strip poker. I agreed and won many hands but she also had luck. Within half an hour I was down to my boxers and she to her bra and panties.

Barb said, "Let's make this interesting. The loser of this hand must do whatever the winner wants for the night. Do you agree?"

I said yes and dealt the next hand. I had a pair of aces and a pair of eights. Feeling confident I held. She asked for three cards. That usually means she didn't have anything. Confident that I would win, I dealt her three new cards.

I laid down my hand. "Beat that"

She smiled, "Beat that. A royal flush ace, king, queen, jack, ten of spades. That beats your two pairs now take off your boxers. You and they belong to me tonight"

I reluctantly stood up to remove them when she pulled them down and grabbed my now erect cock.

In a firm voice, she ordered, "Follow me."

Her firm grip on my cock awakened my submissive desires. Once in the bedroom, I was ordered to bend over the bed. Flashes of that physical exam many years ago further aroused me. Barb then gave me a spanking. My erect cock became red and hard.

She said, "You need to be taught a lesson." As she started to stroke my cock, "Don't cum until I tell you can."

Over what seemed like hours she would stroke me to almost the point of orgasm and then stop. Spank me some more and repeat. Each time I would start to moan and finally beg for release. She seemed to enjoy my increased erotic pleas. Finally, no longer able to control I was released and collapsed from exhaustion.