All Comments on 'Pet Academy - A Candidate (Bunkyo)'

Something is missing from this story, perhaps the POV, tone or lack of focus compared to the author's other work. Keep trying!

it is often said that feedback from readers is the main purpose of writing stories, so I welcome any comment, as long as they are in good faith.

I do agree that this story (and there is a second part coming soon) is different in tone from others I have written, but I had felt the need to share it anyway.

Thank you again for reading and commenting!

It’s obviously an interesting story concept with a huge amount of potential but it does read a lot like an advert which in itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That said you keep dropping out of the “advert” presentation and changing the form of address for the sub/pet between her and it. If you prefer the depersonalisation/ dehumanising approach you probably want to stick with using “it”.

It not my preference but then it’s not my story. I’ve always felt that there’s enough humiliation in the “pet play” kink without being excessive and removing individual’s personality because I tend to see things from the relationship POV. If you’re in a committed relationship there’s it become pointless to remove who you fell for in the first place. I’m not trying to get you to write in a specific direction I’m only explaining the logic behind my preference.

I’m sure you’ll work out which direction you want to take.

Best of luck

Tess (uk)

I will never be tired to thank the readers who comment on my stories, especially when, like in your case, meaningful advice is being given.

I did notice a couple of passages where I slipped into "it" in place of "she": those were grammar mistakes that I will correct. They were not intentional.

The story does have a different tone to others I have written, and you summarize beautifully with the word "advert".

In this case, probably with limited success, I tried to play between the objective tone appropriate to an Academy headmaster and his actual erotic involvement.