All Comments on 'The Stronger Girl 04'

I know someone wrote a comment in your last story about how they’d prefer that you didn’t offer another viewpoint, but as I was reading this I found myself curious as to what is going on in the other girls’ heads. Especially Michele’s. Annie doesn’t seem to be great at communication, and there’s a ton of subtext and nuance here and I feel like I miss a lot of it because Annie perceives things much differently (I’m assuming) than Nancy or Michele. We also have to navigate a perspective of the world and of situations that is clouded by guilt and shame, which can make it difficult to understand what is actually happening. Just my two cents. I like this story. There are a ton of layers, but a little more clarity would be really nice. At least for me.

Thank you Anon. I understand the frustration with Annie's perspective - she is in some ways a terrible observer, most especially of herself - which is why I initially intended to jump to Nancy and Michele much sooner. (Although the more I get to know Michele, the less I feel she would any more reliable a narrator - Nancy I suspect would have the clearest POV of the three.) For the time being I am very happy occupying Annie's POV (she really seems like a lovely girl). And while I enjoy how she sees Michele and Nancy, I am most enjoying the way she is beginning to see herself - and that's why I am sticking with her, that internal reveal. I have at least two more stories in her voice cooking, but no idea where the story itself is going. Perhaps Nancy or Michele will need to step in and take over - they haven't tried so far.

Loving how the story is progressing. I personally love Annie's POV. I feel the key to the story is the mystery of Michele and I feel that is what draws Annie to her and wanting to please her. I loved the ending sense with all 2 of them pleasing Michele. Super sexy. I love how submissive Annie is and gets off pleasing others . I also loved the FOOT FETISH being explored I felt you hinted at it in earlier chapters so getting one I was throughly satisfied. Would like to seen Annie please Michele feet and then worship her pussy. Great writing! These just keep getting better and better! Love submissive Annie abs Mystery dominant Michele! Looking forward to next parts to come ❤️

I had to comment again!!! Omg I just went to your favorites and saw and had “lovers with out realizing it” now I see why I love you so much. That was my top favorite story on this site and you have quickly replaced it! Now you see why I love your stories so much. I love that dominant and submissive story line but it’s still sensual and the dominate character not really saying much and just getting pleasured and the submissive wanting to please them because they are so intrigued! Therefore having Annie as the POV is perfect!! Keep up the good work’

Year I feel like the stories, or the parts of stories, I enjoy the most are when things are ambiguous, scary. I am also afraid to explain Michele; that the danger would be to pathologize her. I don’t want that. But I have been thinking about Anon’s desire for clarity - that because so much of what’s not-said, of what’s unclear, is in my head (or a cloud of possible unclear/unsaid things are), I wonder what kinds of things Anon (and others) want clarified? And Yes, Annie definitely has a foot thing, which is surprising, because I never have.

I believe you are right to keep things in Annie's perspective. Trying to figure out Michelle's motives, while watching Annie's emotional journey keeps the story engaging in a way I feel letting the reader have full clarity would not. I would even be hesitant to have Nancy's POV as it could muddle the arc of Annie's development. I think it is effective to have Annie constantly probing the stoic and hard to read Michelle. It creates for a more interesting power dynamic and relationship.

Otherwise I think you are doing amazing for someone who is originally a visual artist. Really enjoying your writing and appreciate the consistency of your releases. The small spelling and structural issues are so so minor and just need a kind editor and some practice/self-analysis respectively. Well done! Look forward to more from you.

Dear OverUnderTri,

How great are you? Thanks so much for you doing that.

I believe in Annie, and I think she is going to deliver for us all (I really hope so), but it’s wonderful to know others are invested in her as well.

I think because writing is so new to me, I am interested to know the sorts of things frustrating Anon and others. I worry that there may be things I take for granted, things I think are understood, that aren’t getting through.

And thanks for the kind words about the misspellings, typos, etc. I have reached out to a number of the editors who volunteer on the site, but so far I haven’t heard back from anyone; (“wispy” not “whiskey “!) I’ll keep trying.

XOSNS

I obviously can't speak for anon however I think where that want for full clarity of information comes from is that often in writing for erotica we have this fully omniscient 3rd person perspective or when it is 1st person the subject seems to have perception well above what you would actually have in that situation. I think this is often the format because it allows writers to dump information and set up the scene quickly. Usually this is used to get to the sex as fast as possible, at least I find on this site when it comes to short stories. This obviously doesn't lend itself to creating rich stories or help develop characters over time.

Your writing so far tends to follow the norms of more conventional modern story writing for novels or film, where information is initially given out sparingly, often followed by a non sequitur, which then loops back and helps complete the missing information from the earlier scene. Usually this is more engaging as it prevents a linear story which ends up being a series of "and then, and then, and then".

I think why people like anon might get frustrated is that they expect access to all the data at all points due to the trends of the medium. It is the same kind of impulse I get when I play a video game with a branching story, with multiple endings. I might play all the way through, reach my ending and be satisfied, but I will still go on youtube after and watch all the other endings I didn't reach.

That is a an incredibly kind and generous description of my writing - but I'll take it! I very much agree with you on omnipotent view points, they deaden erotica for me. I like a few more shadows. Ashley mentioned "Lovers Without Knowing It" - such a wonderful story, especially the first half, because we only have the one POV. Also the first encounter of "A Psychological Turn Of Mind" is one of my favorite stories on this site - so much doubt and shame.

Having binged your stories today, the imagery here on the last couple pages was incredible, perhaps the best of any of them. May I ask, what is an umlaut as it relates to the coat? Or were you reaching for another word perhaps? I'm only familiar with it as a part of language....

Thanks so much HaltWhoGoesThere, because this story hadn’t done as well as some of the others, I’ve worried that I got carried away. It’s nice to hear how much you enjoyed the end. As for the umlaut references, those were a Fjällräven joke, or an attempt at one.

You know, all along I've had this feeling that Annie's devotion (rather than submission) comes from a spiritual place. Whether it is intentional or not, the ending of this chapter certainly made that hunch a conviction. Very well done.

Having read four chapters in a sitting, I agree with others that the way the story is unfolding is good as it is. If the character dictates the story (rather than deliberate plotting of it on the author's part), perhaps it's best to go with the flow and let it go where it will. It is a delight to read as written.

The literary, movie and other allusions are much appreciated as well. They all add color and depth to the characters and their tale.

I haven't thought much about Annie as a spiritual creature, but now that you mention it, it does seem to keep popping up. She is very different from me, has kinks I don't share (the shoe thing is a mystery to me, but seems to be growing for her), so I will be curious toes if you are right. Meanwhile, thanks so much for your warm comment. You have been on this site a long time dulcisfontis, that alone gives you gravitas, but I am especially glad to see you have also posted stories of your own, which I am excited to read. But your comment is not is not only appreciated, it is very well timed. I am working to copy edit the stories (I will repost them as chapters, but plan to leave the original up as much to archive these comments as anything else). But, with this story more than the others (see above) I have been second guessing myself, thinking that I had gotten self indulgent with allusions and references. I've been mulling the idea of cutting the movie descriptions down or cutting them out all together, which makes me a little sad. I am very happy to hear you enjoyed them and felt it added to the story. I have tried to find novel ways to see into Annie and reveal things about the other girls through her, but I sometimes worry I am just like the Giant Boy mansplaining Tarantino. No one wants that.

Wow... all I can say is wow.

Your writing is poetry. Where every word has a meaning. Its a bit frustrating when I get to the good parts and I just want to go on autopilot, if you know what I mean. grin... But damn you make me pay attention to every word.

I have never seen such intellect shown in writing by your description of their stream of consciousness. It was almost like ADHD on roids, backed by a very sharp mind. I am very much humbled by that description, I am lacking but smart enough to recognize pure genius when I see it.

There are a few times when you use rather obscure words, that I have too look up, thank you google for making this as easy and fast. Its worth the work, as you tend to do this akin to pay attention to this, its important. Almost like making a period an exclamation point, it tends to have a central meaning to the paragraph. Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but that is what I came away from it regardless. Love your work, if you do any other work besides this, please post where I might be able to purchase some.

This is the only fiction writing I’ve ever done, so there’s nothing anywhere else, but thank you anon. I like the idea of making you pay attention to every word.

Excellent! Your writing is so descriptive and vivid! Funny too..."Judas twat" made me laugh out loud. I keep seeing Annie as the strong one though, even in her submission, can't wait to see how you play out the storyline. 5 stars!!

Cc2241 - you are the first to get who exactly is The Stronger Girl. Well done. (Can I call you CeeCee?)

Yes you may.

I’m not sure when I started thinking of Annie as the actual stronger girl CeeCee, but I have been thinking of ways to make it explicit. But doing so seems dangerously close to making a point, or giving the story a moral. I’m glad you feel the same way, so perhaps I don’t have to.

“ As she helped Nancy free her feet, she thought of Nancy braiding Michele's hair. How much she had always longed for that kind of contact with other girls. She knew what boys wanted from her, had for some time understood, at least abstractly, what was expected of her. The desires of boys were so obvious and insistent - an obligation that grew as Annie had grown older, something she had never imagined she could avoid, only satisfy in part - like Omar - or, at best perhaps, delay.”

Stellar writing!

Probably the erotic story I’ve ever read with the most interesting non-sex bit.

love the developing relationship between the three. and finally Annie got what she wanted. what a complex character annie is, and the unfolding of her is amazing and intriguing. I'm almost afraid to keep going as I see heartbreak in the future for someone.

Another interesting chapter loving this story

So many things. As an amateur ecclesiologist, this will enrich my appreciation of our great cathedrals. I was especially struck by how appropriate is the place assigned to the great rose window high on the western elevation of many medieval cathedrals. Then, I loved the passage where Nancy and Annie clandestinely comfort each other while fucking Michele.

In general though, I love your simple, unadorned, direct style. I can’t quite place it now, but when Nancy and Annie talked on the bus to the mall, the clarity & honesty was refreshing..

Glad you enjoyed the “non-sex parts” Domald, they are moments to imagine what all this means. I’m so glad you find Annie complex - I do too, Saragal. And like you I’m afraid for her, which is probably why my imagination squirted off in other directions for the past year or so. I love that Rodin quote _robin and, like Annie I found it a little bewildering… until I saw it for myself. It’s great fun reading your comments as you work through these, to see the details your mind alights on - like those stolen moments between Annie and Nancy, which I also love. I’m very happy to know the dialog feels honest and clear.

Excellent, loved all of the stories, both the sexual, sensual and the non-sex areas as well. Great writing. Thanks.