Pickle-face and the Professor

"Ken?" Allie called. "Can you come down?"

She was in the kitchen, hands clasped and shoulders rigid. "There's no water. I went to make coffee and it just petered out."

Ken tried the tap. The water dribbled then died.

"Of course," he said. "This place is on a well." He recalled his grandparents' cottage and the shuddering electric pump outside. "There'll be a pressure tank somewhere, but with no power there's nothing to drive the pump and refill it."

"Oh, well," said Allie. "I'm sure the power will be back soon."

"That might be a while. The utility company might not even know the power's out. It's not like we've been able to call."

"Well, we need water. Can we melt snow?"

"I don't know how safe that is. It'd probably take a long time to collect enough."

Both thought for a moment until their eyes drifted to the wall of windows at the rear of the chalet and the pristine frozen lake beyond.

~~~~

They picked a spot some distance from shore to try chopping a hole in the ice. Ken scraped away the top layer of snow with a shovel and both stared at the exposed patch of ice, clutching their winter coats tight against the whipping wind.

Allie hefted the ax she had found in the woodshed. "We have no idea what we're doing, do we?"

"Not a clue. Guess I'll try first."

Ken took a wide stance and began chopping. Ice chips flew, hitting them like shards of glass until he chopped with less vigor. The ice was thick enough to hold their weight, but Ken couldn't tell how thick.

Soon, he was sweating and had stripped down to his t-shirt. Then he found chopping worked better when he kneeled.

It was exhausting. When he tired, Allie took over, stripping off her ski jacket and standing to attack the ice. Ken thought she looked like a Nordic goddess with her fit figure and golden hair flying with each determined chop.

After they switched many times, a splash of water finally appeared. Excited to see progress, both worked to enlarge the hole. They then took turns filling two blue water jugs they had found in a closet beside the unused base of a home water cooler.

"The chopping was easier," Allie grunted as they struggled back to the chalet with the filled jugs.

Together they set up the water cooler base in the kitchen and inverted one jug on top of it, watching it gurgle.

Ken and Allie looked at each other.

"Good job," Allie said. She held up a palm and Ken reluctantly high-fived her.

"Let's hope we don't have to do that again," she said. "Will you have some coffee with me to celebrate?"

~~~~

Ken stood before the fire, warming himself and watching Allie bustling in the kitchen. He had gone to his room to retrieve a package and stood trying to think of how to apologize to her for being such a dick earlier.

Allie set down a serving tray with coffee, a wicker basket covered with a tea towel and a bottle of Irish whiskey.

"In case you want to fortify your coffee," she said, sitting and pouring a generous amount into her mug.

Ken did the same and peeked in the basket.

"Cornbread muffins!" he exclaimed. "I thought that's what I smelled."

"Help yourself," Allie said. "I know—it's stereotypical, but I love baking. I brought flour and everything with me. That kitchen has everything else."

Ken took a bite. "Wow. Delicious, Allie. I haven't had these since I was a kid. My mom made them."

"Mine too. It's one of my comfort foods. Growing up, we had this cast-iron cornbread pan where—"

"—the muffins came out as little corn on the cobs! Oh my god, Allie. We had one too. I loved it."

They sat watching the fire and listening to the wind gust and whistle.

Ken noticed Allie looking at the high ceiling with a worried expression.

"I doubt any falling trees would have any effect on this place," he said. "The owner said it was his parent's summer cottage and they built it solid. After they died, he built those cardboard cabins and started renting everything out."

"Good," said Allie. "Last night the wind was howling and the trees were swaying and I kept thinking wolves or bears or yokels with shotguns would crash through those huge windows in back. So, despite everything, I'm kind of glad you're here for now."

"So I can fight off the wolves or the bears or the yokels?"

She nodded. "Would you? We can bring the ax inside. If any do break in, try not to get too much blood on the hardwood or I'll lose my deposit too."

Ken laughed then passed Allie a package. "Something for you," he said.

Allie unwrapped it. "It's your new book."

Ken took a sip of coffee. "That's an advance copy—it doesn't come out until February. Since you're into crypto, I thought maybe you'd like to have it before anyone else. I know it's a pretty self-serving gift, but I had some in the car. It's a way of apologizing for being such an asshole to you."

Inside the cover, she saw Ken had signed it and written 'To Allison, with deepest apologies from a myopic windbag.'

She chuckled and smiled.

Maybe it was the contrast of her smile with her natural expression, but Ken thought Allie had a beautiful smile—pure, open and warm. It transformed her completely.

"That's very kind of you," she said, hefting the book. "Some kindling for the fireplace."

Ken made a face and Allie tossed her head back and laughed—a musical, joyous sound Ken found surprisingly compelling.

"This is so great," she said. "I have it on pre-order."

"Really?"

"I've read all your books. And I've followed your blog even before the legendary vibrator incident."

Mimicking Ken's voice, Allie said, "Rather than investing in the new Triffid Coin, you'd get far greater returns speculating in the used vibrator market."

She grinned.

"I lost followers after that remark," Ken said.

"And gained many more. It really got you noticed. I wish my blog got traction like that."

"What's your blog?"

"The Fretful Investor."

Ken narrowed his eyes. "Oh, come on."

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Well," Ken said, "while it's true no one knows who writes that blog, I've long been of the opinion it's a certain professor of finance at Princeton."

Allie picked up her phone, making a face when she saw there was still no service, then flicked the screen. She held it up to show Ken the visitor stats of her blog.

"That's cached, of course," she said. "When cell service comes back, I can show you today's stats and my email."

Ken expelled a breath and sat back. "Good lord. You really are him. Her. I thought you were a guy."

"Guys always do."

Ken asked for his book back then pointed halfway down the acknowledgments page.

Allie's eyes widened. "You credited my blog!"

"Damn right. And referenced your articles in a dozen footnotes. The Fretful Investor is the most level-headed financial blogger out there. You're brilliant. I've gotten so many ideas from you. You should be writing books of your own."

"That's too much work. It's just a hobby."

"Oh, ouch. Don't tell me that! I work at it full time and I've never come up with the things you have. Listen, for the next printing I'll get the publisher to credit you by name instead of just your blog's title."

"Please don't."

"Why not?"

"I used my name and a picture on the first blog I did, a few years ago. Guys either sent me dick pics or told me everything I wrote was wrong. Or both. A lot of both."

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was. Then some of them got my address and started sending pics in the mail. And a few threats. Men don't seem to like investment advice from a woman. So now I stay anonymous."

Ken frowned. "That pisses me off. That's awful."

"That's reality," Allie said.

They sipped coffee, both staring at the fire.

"I'm sorry for being such a dick to you too," she said. "I was out of line at that conference. I just get so passionate about investing. I'd driven all night to see your talk and was so excited to actually meet you. I hoped maybe I could impress you. Guess that's why I was so... forceful. I apologize."

"I understand, Allie. I should have been more patient. I love giving talks, but they're exhausting. Afterwards when people pepper me with questions and start arguing when all I want is some quiet time... well, sometimes my patience wears thin. I'm appalled I treated you so badly. Then and yesterday."

"Thanks. Wow, I never would have guessed you're an introvert. That must be challenging."

"An introvert who craves praise. It's a terrible combination."

"I dunno. Maybe that's what drives you. And thank god. I've made so much by following your advice. And avoided so many scams. Other bloggers focus on the hot new coin, but you've exposed so many scams."

Ken shrugged. "I hate scammers."

"And saved thousands of people from having their assets stolen. Including me."

~~~~

That evening, they ate dinner together, sharing their food, the table lit by half-used candles found in a drawer.

"Why do you have so much food?" Allie asked.

"I spent Christmas with my sister and her family. She insisted I take it."

"They don't like leftovers?"

"She knows how badly I eat when left to myself."

Animosities forgotten, they talked. Ken was taken by Allie's light-hearted nature and frightening intelligence, and she seemed inexplicably pleased with him. They only argued about investing and cryptocurrencies three times.

Again he implored her to write a book or do anything more than blog.

"It's too much," she protested. "They say never turn your hobby into your career."

Ken said, "Well, 'they' say lots of things. You have a gift. And a passion. Would you... I know the ropes. And I have a publisher. We could co-author a book if that would help."

Allie gasped then stirred her food with her fork. "Oh. That's... that's a very kind offer, Ken."

"Okay. I get it. Give it some thought though, okay?"

After dinner, Allie whipped together a gingerbread cake, another childhood favorite of Ken's.

"Allie, this is incredible," he said, spooning more whipped cream on top of his serving.

"It's easy to make. I'll give you my recipe."

"Easy for you. I can burn water."

~~~~

They stoked the fire, but that night as the wind howled and shook the chalet, both had to leave their bedroom doors open to stay warm.

Ken lay restless, staring out his window at the trees swaying in the moonlight, his thoughts on Allie sleeping across the hall. She was so surprising. So compelling.

During the fitful night, Ken woke to a soft sighing and low hum. He stole out of bed and realized the sound was coming from Allie's room.

She moaned softly as the hum changed pitch. A thrill ran through him: Allie was getting herself off!

Her sighs and tiny moans quickened and Ken ran his hand over his stiffening cock. He pictured her laying on top of her sheets, one hand caressing a ponderous breast while she teased herself with a battery vibrator.

He longed to see her. No—he longed to be the one to get her off, not some soulless plastic gizmo. He wanted to watch, wondering if her orgasm face was as angelic as her smile.

Allie's sighs became throaty panting before she fell silent along with the sound of shifting on sheets. Ken realized he was stroking his iron-hard cock and came in his hand when Allie gave a quick stifled squeak of ecstasy.

Embarrassed and regretful, he retreated into his room, mopping off his cock and hand with tissue paper.

~~~~

Ken woke to a clear sunny morning and the smell of bacon and coffee.

Bleary, he wandered down to the kitchen to find Allie in her short gray bathrobe, cooking.

"Is bacon and eggs okay?" she asked. Her honey-colored hair gleamed like golden fire as it caught the morning light through the kitchen window.

"Yes. That's perfect, Allie. "How can I help?"

"Can you run down to the lake and fill up two more jugs? We're out of water."

Ken blanched and she laughed.

"Kidding! We have plenty." She waved a spatula towards the living room. "Could you throw some logs on the fire and set the table?"

During breakfast, Allie asked, "Did you sleep okay?"

"It took a while with the wind and everything, but I got enough sleep."

"I thought I heard you up. The floorboards creaked. I was tossing and turning. It took a while to find a way to fall asleep. It really helped knowing you were just across the hall. I don't do well alone. When the wind shook the place, I wanted to crawl into bed with you."

Ken nodded and stopped short of saying he wished she had.

~~~~

Together they cleaned the dishes. Cell service and power were still out.

"This goes better with music," Allie said. "I forgot my speaker at home, and with the power out I've only got my phone's squeaker speaker."

Ken said, "I have a speaker. It runs for hours. Then we can recharge our gear in my car."

Allie turned and pecked his cheek. "Ooo. I think I love you," she said, beaming.

Ken's tingles faded by the time he'd fetched his speaker from his bag. Ali connected her phone and started some supercharged Latin music playlist.

"Best antidote there is to all that Christmas music," she said, raising her arms and swaying, her braless breasts threatening to spring free of her robe.

Together they washed dishes and bopped to the music, smiling, swaying and sometimes bumping hips together.

When the kitchen was clean, Ken lifted Allie's hand above her and to her delight, gave her a twirl. She grinned, again pecked his cheek and ran upstairs to dress.

~~~~

Ken sat by the fire, trying to read and keep his thoughts of Allie from drifting where they shouldn't.

When she came downstairs, she pulled on snow pants and her light ski jacket.

"It's so sunny out there," she said. "I want to ski across the lake."

"Sounds fun."

"My boyfriend's skis are on my car. Want to come with me?"

"Uh, I'd only slow you down. I did it as a kid but sucked at it."

"Let me guess: waxless skis? With the steps or fish scales cut in the bottoms?"

"How'd you know?"

"Every box store sold those. You have to try real skis. With the right wax and a little technique, it's almost like flying."

Down on the lake, Allie patiently showed Ken how to shift his weight from ski to ski and practice coordinating arms and legs.

"Oh my god, it really works!" he said, gliding past her on a practice run.

Unsure how solid the lake was in the center, Allie led the way around the shore, cutting the trail.

The winter air and exertion were just what he needed to lift his spirits. The sight of Allie's fit form gliding through the snow in front of him helped too.

Eventually they reached the side of the lake opposite the chalet and saw it peeking through the trees. On the frozen bank they sat on a blanket Allie produced from her backpack.

She then pulled out a thermos of hot chocolate and containers of muffins and leftovers.

"You're a marvel," Ken said.

The world was silent, the snow and forest muffling all sound. They watched gusts lift and swirl snow on the lake while they shared the food.

"I've never been a winter person, Allie, but I could get used to this."

"There are logging roads in these woods," she said, looking behind them. "We could go for hours into the forest."

She laughed seeing Ken's pained expression and patted his leg. "I think we've gone far enough for today. You really got the hang of it. Maybe tomorrow I'll show you ski skating."

"Your boyfriend will want his skis. Shouldn't he be here by now?"

Allie shrugged. "Ready to head back? It'll be easier now a trail is cut. You can lead this time."

~~~~

At the chalet they stoked the fire and sat before it, cross-legged on the fluffy rug sipping hot chocolate bolstered with Irish cream.

"Nothing beats a real fireplace," Ken said, sipping. "The flames in my fake one were purple."

"Why didn't you book this place instead of that little cabin?" Allie said. "Don't you ever splurge with all the money you make?"

"The cabin was expensive enough."

"Oooo... sunk your liquidity into some hot new venture? Want to let me in on the secret? You know, we booked this place to celebrate getting out before the crash, thanks to your warnings."

"I'm glad. Wish I'd followed my own advice. I thought I could beat the crash. I was wrong."

"Uh oh. Did you lose a lot?"

"I lost everything," Ken said.

Allie gasped. "How is that possible?"

He shrugged. "I was an idiot. Guess I should have followed your blog articles on strategic diversification. Anyway, my social media and speaking engagements earn a little. But no one will ever listen to me again if word gets out I was destroyed in the crash."

Allie touched his hand and gave a reassuring smile. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Bet you're not so impressed with me now, are you?"

She scoffed. "Because you made a mistake? Because you didn't exactly practice what you preach? You're still the most sensible guy in crypto."

"I think you hold that title, Allie, but thank you."

"Still, between you and, uh, I forget her real name—that influencer you're with—you must still be doing okay. "

"You know about her? Well, despite appearances, Meredith never made that much, and spent her earnings as fast as they came in. She left me a month after the crash. After three years together I thought we had something special, but when the money was gone, lo and behold so was she."

"That's terrible!"

Ken shrugged. "That's reality, sometimes."

Allie sipped then said, "I never thought you two were well suited, anyway. The staid professor and the flighty, flamboyant influencer."

"Yeah, she was a lot to deal with. If I ever find someone again, I'll make sure she's more level-headed.

~~~~

When the hot chocolate ran out, they switched to wine and whiskey. Ken found a beat-up game of Monopoly in a closet and beat Allie two games out of three.

"I should get into real estate for my next career," Ken said.

Allie laughed and stretched, looking up and rotating her shoulders. Ken couldn't help but steal a glance at her body.

"I'm stiff from skiing," she said. "That was my first time going any distance this year. I wonder if the hot tub is still warm."

On the deck, they peeled back the tub's insulated cover. The water was only tepid.

Ken said, "I saw two huge soup pots under the kitchen counter. If we fill them with water from the tub, we could heat them on that gigantic barbeque."

With the barbeque running full blast, soon they had both pots boiling then dumped the water back in the tub. Repeating the process made the water perfect.

Ken turned to go back inside. "I'll go read my book while you soak."

Allie grabbed his arm. "You skied, too. Aren't you sore?"

"I didn't bring a bathing suit."

She cocked her head, looking at him sideways. "Who wears a bathing suit in a hot tub?"

Pulling her top over her head, Allie freed her breasts from her bra and before Ken could react, had the rest of her clothes resting on a chair. She flashed a smile and stepped into the tub.

Ken stood, eyes wide, while Allie gingerly lowered into the steaming water. She settled back, stretching her arms along the sides, her breasts bobbing just below the surface of the clear water. Ken fought to tear his eyes away.

"Come on," she said. "You don't have to be the staid professor all the time."

"I don't think your boyfriend would be happy when he gets here to find us naked in a hot tub together."

"It's okay. Really." She splashed him with water.

Ken was unconvinced, but took a breath then stripped, placing his clothes beside hers while she watched every move. She kept her eyes on him as he stepped in and lowered himself. The water was almost too warm. He sat facing Allie, but the tub was so small their knees touched.

"Incredible, isn't it?" she said. "I love looking at the lake and the trees while cooking like a lobster."