All Comments on 'Picture Perfect Ch. 01'

I hope you continue it.

Looking forward to the next chapter :-)

Well written. Good story line. Can't wait for Ch. 2.

Is he gonna cry a every time. Man up get some Icy Hot!

like where its headed. i agree - it could use a little editing and clean-up, but a very good first story. i gave it 5 stars. i hope to see chapter 2 soon.

Thank you for your kind comments, even the negative ones, I realize not everyone will like every story so it doesn't bother me that people don't like it, in fact gave me some ideas. Chapter 2 is in the works and hope to get it up in the next few weeks if possible!

Oh and with an editor if it all works out.

BEAUTIFUL STORY! SO TIRED OF THE 'MOM'S HOT SO I FUCKED HER' STORIES. THIS STORY WAS VERY GOOD. AS A RETIRED SENIOR EDITOR FOR A MAJOR PUBLISHING COMPANY AND FOR AWHILE A MAJOR OUTDOOR HUNTING MAGAZINE, I'M VERY FAMILIAR WITH WHAT'S GOOD AND WHAT'S NOT. OTHER THAN SOME MINOR EDITING CORRECTIONS, YOUR ONTO A VERY WELL WRITTEN STORY. I LOVED IT! THANK YOU.

First let's her the bad out of the way - you really should invest into and editor, there is too much stuff than need fixing that simply put diverts attention from the story; learn the difference between the (by now notorious around here) "your" and "you're"; re-reading your stories before posting will spare you a lot of trouble down the road as there are a lot of prefixes and nouns missing.

Now to the good stuff - I like the characters and the setting that brought them together, reminds me of several authors and their stories all bunched into one package; the pacing is good measured and fits the over all appearance; the story is giving off a very positive vibe and has potential for a longer series so I hope there is more to come in the near future.

All in all it's a decent story that has lots to offer and lots that could and should be fixed before going forward. Despite all of this I give it a 3* for the current state and hope to see improvements in the upcoming chapters.

Can't wait for chapter 2 and future stories from you.

On the concept and presentation. Your effort in getting the story out of your mind and onto the pages here is obvious and sincere. An editor will make a world of difference in helping to smooth out the flow. It is a gentle and believable story.

I definitely agree that you need an editor to help you on spelling and grammar. The story is good, just needs to be edited and properly executed. But still a good start.

Anonymous-E

I'm not gunna criticize ur grammer or spelling mistakes just he's how old and clearly doesn't have much of a back bone with his looks u think he would snap on anyone who talked to him like that I'm 23 with glasses opposite of a nerd but I still used to get made fun of till grade 7 when I stood up for myself so personally I think u could have taken the parking lot scene a completely different way but maybe in your next chapters (if u write any and if so soon) you will write differently as mike and his sister grow with each other all said though good read

I like the theme of your story, its progressing, its hot and arousing. You'd be surprised how many sisters who love their brothers taught them about feelings, people and Yes sex. They wanted them to know what is the right way to be intimate with a girl / woman and many even banged their brothers as they feel in love with them BUT most of all wanted them to learn. Treat women right and have great sex all their lives with whomever they chose. In turn many brothers helped their sisters in the same way.

In any case, please continue as her brother needs to gain confidence, know what's right and how to please a woman. Hopefully, they practice well and often until he can bang his beautiful sister into next week. Some day he will find a beauty and show his classmates who think he's a wimp how its done with a gorgeous woman who is above them. Good start, thanks.

Please don't add anyone to their love story.

I want to thank everyone again for their kind words, chapter 2 is in the works!

As far as the issues I have with chapter 1, primarily the spelling and grammar, I'd like to apologise to the people following this story, I jumped the gun and posted it before I found an editor to work with me. I was too excited too see what people thought about my story.

You will be happy to know I found an editor and will be reuploading ch.1 when it's edited!

I'm not sure how many chapters this story will have but I will keep going as long as there is interest and ideas keep coming to me. Thank you all again for the wonderful feedback I have been receiving for my first attempt at a Literotica story! I hope you all enjoy the coming chapters!

There are several good editors available. Use them. I kept loosing track of the story for grammar errors. He for Her, Her for Here, little things changed the flow of the story.

The story is good and hoping you write more but please get an editor \ proof reader. Loads of typos/wrong words - possibly due to auto correction software ??? Definitely spoils the flow. Please don't let this put you off writing more - only intended to help you improve :)

Hope you continue the series tomorrow.

Lovely and tender story

Wtf was that what a loser don’t write next chapter

I hope you continue this story. I loved it so far.

A really annoying read... in fact, I gave up on it. Too many annoyances.

RULE # 1: Don't annoy your reader!

this was a very beautiful story i loved it and cant wait for the next chapter

Horrible grammar and spelling errors, I couldn't finish it.

tender and romantic...like what they say...no errors that an editor can't fix to make it better with the next chapter/s...

I liked it. Keep it going.

I like the story, it's a little less derivative than the usual tale. A backstory that infers certain things onto the characters giving them immediate substance. Unfortunately the story is marred by the numerous mistakes throughout and would recommend you get someone (or someones) to read through your future works to correct the errors. Liberal use of "your" when "you're" was needed and more than a few errant words just ruin the pacing, at least for me. I'd be interested in a continuation but it needs to be cleaned up before publication.

You've got a good start, but it needs more. Where is chapter two?

Hello everyone, I know it has been a while and ch.2 is almost done, I have been away from here for longer than expected, between weddings , funerals and a new job life has got in the way, I have chapter 2 pretty much done, my biggest challenge has been finding an editor, I have tried many but haven't had any luck, I will probably end up publishing what I have and try to edit it to the best of my ability.

I have not abandoned this story nor do I plan to. If there are any available editors that happen to be reading this comment I looking for one for this chapter and the first, and of course future chapters. I will keep searching for an editor but also don't want any readers following this story to lose interest. Thank you all for all the support and wonderful words of encouragement. I hope to get ch.2 uploaded hopefully sooner than later.

Really enjoyable story. You tell it at good pace displaying characters feelings. 5*

Only fly in the ointment would be proof reading is necessary, the I would give it 6*, if it were possible. Words like accually should be actually, little things like this detract from the story.

You slip on the tense occassionally going into present tense for short sections.

Try your own proofing using text to speech. It really helps pick up the small things.

I find it ironic how all of the people complaining about the story's bad grammar and spelling have horrible grammar and spelling in their comments, lol. They are not wrong though- you definitely need an editor.

But it says the timeline is 2011. I think a heartbreak and 7-8 year separation is coming and I can't stand that. I just can't get invested in stories that eventually become heartbreak stories. Sure there might be reunion later down the line but I just can't stand it. Sorry.