Plaid Jacket Jackson

Mindy opened her mouth to reply but just as quickly closed it as she realized that she could not think of an example. Rose noticed the school board president who had not asked any questions up to this point seemed to be hiding a smile behind her hand.

"What about abortion?" Bernie Woodhouse had asked. "How do you feel about abortions?"

At this point, Rose had realized what the school board's agenda was and had decided to go out in a blaze of glory.

"Would that be one of my duties as superintendent? I've never actually performed an abortion before, but if you have a training program, I'm more than willing to learn," Rose had said with an earnest expression on her face.

Three of the school board members had looked at her with appalled horror.

"No! No. the superintendent's job is not to perform abortions! What kind of school system do you think we're running here? Why would you even ask that?" The board member who had identified herself as Mandy Landry had shouted at Rose.

"Because I can't think of any other reason that you would be asking such personal questions that have absolutely no bearing on my ability to perform my job." By now, Rose was pretty sure that the board president was trying not to laugh. Rose did not know whether the stifled laugh was at her or with her.

"Race theory!" Mindy had shouted as soon as an example of Woke came to mind. Mandy and Bernie just looked at Mindy with perplexed looks on their faces after her outburst.

"So, I'm pretty sure I won't be buying a car from you," Rose smiled sadly. "The interview only got worse after that until the school board president started asking questions. She was on point with her questions, but with three out of four of the school board members hating me, I'm pretty sure that Elmer's job is secure."

"Seven," PJ said.

"Seven what?" Rose asked.

"There are seven school board members. The three you met plus the board president plus there are three other members. They've given their proxy to the president to vote as she feels best." PJ said.

His lunch with Rose had gone very well. There had been a connection that they both felt. They spent two hours telling each other their life stories. Rose was thirty-eight and had been married once before. She discovered her marriage was in trouble when her husband's very pregnant administrative assistant appeared on her doorstep explaining to a very surprised Rose that she needed to stop fighting her husband for a divorce. Rose told the pregnant woman that she was convinced and that she would get the divorce finalized as soon as Cook County could make it happen.

She told PJ about living in downtown Chicago and taking a step back from the dating scene.

"I can't do Tinder. I just can't. I have nothing against online dating, but these days, it's all about hooking up. That's not me."

PJ had told Rose his suspicions that his wife was cheating on him and who he suspected her affair partner to be. PJ also enlightened her as to what his plans were for ending the affair. Rose laughed delightedly at PJ's plans.

"How do you know all this?" Rose asked.

"Elmer Hudson is not the only one with friends on the school board," PJ replied with a smirk. "You should stick around for a few days. Go to Austin or down to San Antonio to visit the Riverwalk. There's a huge outlet mall in San Marcos you should check out. Then maybe come back in three days for the big meeting."

+++

PJ was once again standing in the lot of his car lot. The weather had turned warmer and it would not be long before the days turned scorching hot.

As PJ looked around, he noticed a car coming towards the car lot with steam coming from under the hood. As the car got closer, the only parts of the driver that were visible were the top of their head and two arms at ten and two on the steering wheel. PJ noted that it was the Chevy Trailblazer he had sold Mary Lou Hodges two years prior. Miz Hodges had taught English at Jackson High for ninety or so years before retiring. Or at least it seemed like ninety years since at one time or another, she had taught everyone in Jackson County; parents, grandparents, and in some cases, great-grandparents.

"Howdy, Miz Hodges," PJ said as the car pulled to a stop in front of him. "Looks like you have an overheating problem."

"I'm afraid so, PJ. I had planned to go around my neighborhood putting up reward posters for Mr. Mittens seeing as he disappeared a few days ago. I heard a thumping noise when I started the car, but it seemed to run okay. I was putting up my posters when steam started coming out from under the hood. Can you check it out?"

"I'll have Billy look at it as soon as he gets in," PJ said.

"How is Billy? Is he staying out of trouble? He's a good boy but he was so easily led astray in high school. No offense, PJ but that sister of yours was not a very good mother. Oh, here's my ride. Give me a call when you know what's wrong with it. We're going to go hang some more posters for Mr. Mittens," Mary Lou said as she grabbed a stack of posters from her front seat and got into her neighbor's car.

PJ was sitting at his desk thinking about Rose Baker when his reverie was interrupted by Billy sticking his head in the door.

"Miz Hodges is going to need a new radiator. Hers has a hole in it."

"What happened? She puts almost no miles on that car. Could you tell what that thumping noise she described was?"

Billy nodded his head. "They're related issues. The hole in the radiator was caused by this," Billy said as he placed the remains of a two-inch disc on PJ's desk. Half the disc was distorted and bent while one side read: r. while below that, it read tens. "Mr. Mittens must have crawled up into the engine compartment and gone to sleep against the radiator fan. That was the thump she heard when she started the car. Mr. Mittens looks like he got run through a blender and his ID tag got embedded into the radiator."

"Ah, man...goddammit, she loved that cat."

PJ sighed as he reached for the phone and said, "Call Napa Jacket Jackson down at the parts store and order a new radiator. You better get new hoses too. I'll throw those in for her."

Billy said, "I'll grab the pressure washer and hose out what's left of Mr. Mittens."

PJ nodded his head and then muttered, "' When I died, they washed me out of the turret with a hose.'"

Billy just looked blankly at PJ. His uncle was the smartest man he knew but he was always saying stuff that made no damned sense.

Seeing Billy's confused look, PJ said, "Randall Jarrell, Billy. Randall Jarrell. Look him up."

PJ placed his call and waited for it to be answered. "Miz Hodges; we found Mr. Mittens..."

+++

"Just like that, baby," Carol said. She was on her hands and knees as Elmer sawed his cock in and out of her heavily lubed ass. Anal sex was not something that she permitted with PJ. Their one attempt, early in their marriage had been so painful to Carol that she had tearfully begged him to never again attempt the act. PJ had been so distraught at his wife's pain that he had readily promised. It was not that PJ was overly long. He was probably just over average in length. He was, however, girthy and that made anal sex a no-go for Carol. Elmer had laughed delightedly when Carol told him that her ass was reserved only for him, unaware that it was not the compliment he thought it to be.

After a couple of minutes of back-and-forth movements from her lover that were sufficient to prevent Carol from nodding off asleep, Elmer gasped, squeaked, and started ejaculating into Carol's bowels.

"That's it, baby, give me your cum! Fuck my ass," Carol shouted with feigned enthusiasm.

As Elmer completed the act, wheezing and breathless, he fell on the bed next to Carol.

"That was unbelievable. My wife would never let me do that to her. Now that you've been with me, how can you stand the thought of having sex with your husband?"

Carol stifled a laugh, turning it into a fit of coughing. "I don't know what I'm going to do, baby. You've spoiled me for any other man."

"Maybe we should leave our spouses," Elmer ventured. It was his first time suggesting this to Carol but it was an idea that had taken hold of his imagination and he would lay awake at night thinking of what life would be like married to his lover rather than the harridan to whom he was wed. Carol still had a great body with no sag to her breasts and a tight, firm ass.

Carol looked at Elmer, appalled at the idea of being Mrs. Elmer Hudson. "That's something we can certainly talk about," she replied slowly.

Elmer was not pleased with her less-than-enthusiastic response. "If you're not happy being with me, we can certainly put an end to this relationship," he said snippily.

Carol quickly regrouped. "Don't be that way, baby. You know I love you! We just have to be careful and plan for how we leave them."

Somewhat mollified, Elmer agreed with her.

+++

"Well, that was pretty much the opposite of what I would call hot," PJ said after viewing the video.

"Too bloody right, mate," Tim had responded in his British/Aussie/Kiwi/New Mexico accent. "I don't think she could enjoy it any less if she had a gun pointed to her head."

"I almost felt bad for her having that little butterball and his little wedding tackle poking around at her backside. But then I remembered she's a cheating slut, so fuck her," Tom had added.

"How did you guys get the video and voice recordings?" PJ enquired.

"It's what we do, mate," Tim answered. "This was an easy one. We probably could have got more evidence but what we have, along with your wife saying she loves him and them both talking about leaving their spouses is probably all you need for your divorce. By the way, we also have all their emails and texts to each other. It's all on the thumb drive," he finished by pointing at the dongle sticking out of his laptop. "They talk a lot about an upcoming town hall meeting and shaking things up with your school system. That may be something for you. Or not."

"Oh, I'm sure that it will be very useful," PJ said with a smile that did not quite reach his eyes.

+++

"See you tomorrow, BJ," the two Carlos' shouted to Billy as they exited the service department.

"BJ?" PJ asked with a grin.

Billy had blushed at the question. "It's what they started calling me in the shop," he explained. In the two years that Billy had worked for PJ, his confidence had grown by leaps and bounds. As his confidence had soared, PJ had delegated more and more tasks to Billy, and PJ was surprised by how quickly Billy caught on to all aspects of dealership operations. Although, PJ thought, in retrospect he should not have been surprised at Billy's quickness. Both Billy's mother and grandmother were intelligent women. Degenerate whores, but intelligent nonetheless.

"How's your girl?" PJ enquired.

"Annie's great. She's doing really good in school and wants to get her Master's in education after she gets her bachelor's. That brings up the reason I wanted to talk to you."

"What's that, BJ," PJ asked with a grin.

Billy rolled his eyes at his uncle before getting serious. "PJ, I'm very thankful for everything you've done for me. You know that, right? I mean, I don't know where my life would be if it wasn't for you."

"Are you quitting on me?" PJ asked with a frown. Billy was someone he had grown to depend on and trusted. The thought of Billy leaving was disturbing.

Billy looked shocked. "No way! I love it here. No, I'm letting you know that I have to move out of the apartment you've been letting me use. Annie and I want to move in together before we get engaged so I need to find someplace else to live."

"Why do you want to move? That apartment is more than big enough for two people, and you can't complain about the rent. What's the real reason?"

"I can't ask her to live there. It's bad enough how the Copperhead treats me, but I couldn't stand the thought of her treating Annie that way."

"Billy, I've met your girl and I think she can hold her own with the Copper-um, your Aunt Carol. Besides, I can pretty well guarantee that Carol won't be giving any grief to either you or Annie. Give me a few weeks to work some things out."

+++

Today

PJ took in the size of the audience with some surprise. School board meetings were not usually this well attended but, PJ surmised, that tonight's topic had generated no little amount of interest from the concerned citizens of Jackson County. He took in the school board members sitting in an arced row on the stage of the high school auditorium so that the two board members on either end were nearly facing each other. Elmer Hudson the (acting) school superintendent and Carol Jackson the (acting) principal of Jackson High School sat front and center in the row of school board members. Erin Hayes, the president of the school board sat next to Elmer.

PJ watched as the crowd filtered into the auditorium. The room was almost full and people were still queuing up. PJ watched as Margie Hudson, Elmer's overweight and domineering spouse marched imperiously to the front of the auditorium and took a seat that had been reserved for her in the front row.

As the incoming line trickled to a stop and the crowd noise died down, the call to order, and subsequent invocation (during which PJ unobtrusively called up the Rangers baseball game on his iPhone), the board got to the point of the meeting; what his grandmother Lara would call "the rat killing."

Elmer Hudson rose to his feet and began his speech. "I want to thank each of you for attending tonight's meeting. This topic is important enough, that I felt that all citizens of Jackson County should hear it for themselves.

"I have here a list of books," Elmer Hudson stated, "that are available to lend in the high school library." Elmer pressed a button on a remote and a PowerPoint slide was displayed on the screen behind the seated group on stage. The slide revealed a list of books and their authors. "These books, contain examples of racism and immorality that are so shocking, they would offend even the most hardened souls if they were to be read aloud.

"In my opinion," Elmer continued, "as an educational professional, these books should not be available to high school students. Some of these books are racist, some depict sexual and deviant acts. And some of them are just immoral and should not be on the shelves of our library. Any book that does not promote the values and ideals on which this country was founded should be excluded from the school library. You taxpayers should not be paying for this trash!"

There was a general rumbling from the audience as well as applause from some of the board members seated on stage as Elmer sat down with a satisfied smirk. Carol Jackson nodded her head and patted Elmer on the back as if to acknowledge a job well done.

As PJ looked around the audience, he could see some heads nodding which he found disturbing, but he could also see a lot of perplexed or angry looks on the faces of the crowd, including the nearly apoplectic expression on the face of Rabbi Stein. PJ noticed several members of the audience were looking his way. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Oh, well. No time like the present.

A lectern had been placed in the center aisle of the auditorium several feet from the stage. A microphone sat in the center of the lectern.

PJ stood and walked to the stand. As he stood at the lectern facing the assembled group on the stage murmurs from the audience subsided as they turned to see what he had to say. After all, the Jackson family was one of the founding families of Jackson County and PJ was on both the city council and the county commission. It did not go unnoticed that his wife Carol was on stage sitting next to the (acting) school superintendent.

"I have some concerns with your list, Elmer," PJ said.

Elmer stood and in his most officious, condescending tone said, "I think that in a setting such as this, in which the topic is as important as it is, we should address each other more formally as befits the seriousness of the matter," Elmer said. "Please refer to me as Mr. Hudson. What are your concerns, Mr. Jackson?" It was all he could do not to snicker out loud as he embarrassed the man he was cuckolding.

PJ rolled his eyes. "If you're going to insist on a level of formality the like of which we have never before witnessed in these meetings, then would you please address me as Doctor Jackson," PJ said with a hard emphasis on "Doctor".

"Why would I call you that? You're no doctor," Elmer said with a snide tone to his voice. He shook off Carol as she attempted to get his attention.

"It's actually Doctor Perry Jackson, Ph.D.," PJ said. "I understand you have a Master's degree in education, but I went all the way through and got my degrees piled higher and deeper," PJ smiled, referencing the old joke about what the letters in Ph.D. stood for.

A red-faced and clearly flustered Elmer Hudson stammered for a moment before deciding that retreating was the better part of valor. A used car salesman with a doctorate? Impossible! He looked down at Carol who was rapidly nodding her head. Shit.

"Very well, Doctor Jackson," Elmer said in as patronizing a tone as he could manage, "what are your concerns?"

"My first concern is that I see Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain on your list. That book is considered one of the greatest novels of not only the nineteenth century but any other century as well. Why is it on your list?

Elmer shook his head at the obtuseness of the car salesman. "The book is full of racist language. A book that contains that many racial slurs and racial epithets has no place in a high school library," Elmer replied with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Do you understand what the book is about?" PJ asked. "Twain was very deliberate in his use of language. The escaped slave Jim is the kindest, most humane, most dignified character in the entire novel. That would not be nearly as apparent without Twain's deliberate use of offensive, racist language to serve as a counterpoint to Jim's humanity. The racists in the book serve to emphasize Jim's goodness. Otherwise, they're just a bunch of assholes and Jim is just a nice guy, who escaped slavery and is rafting down a river. Is that what you don't like? That an escaped slave is the good guy?"

"Certainly not," Elmer replied indignantly. "I detest Twain's use of racist language, even if it does serve the purpose that you claim it does, something I am not entirely convinced of," Hudson retorted.

"Since that is actually where my expertise lays, I can assure you that my interpretation is correct. Have you even read the book?"

There was more head nodding and rumbling from the audience. PJ could hear fragments of the conversation as the crowd mumbled; "Watched Mickey Rooney play Huck Finn on Turner Classic Movies last week"... "He wants to ban Mickey Rooney?"... "I loved this book as a kid."

"I see also that "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee is on your list. I know that you're not from here, but when I attended high school, that was the one book everyone looked forward to reading. We also spent two class periods watching the Gregory Peck movie and then Miz Hodges led us in a discussion about racism. That is one of my favorite high school memories. Miz Hodges would be up here speaking if she hadn't lost Mr. Mittens the other day. Why on God's green earth do you want that book banned?"

"First off, I detest the use of the word "banned." We are excluding the book from the library. We are not banning it."