Police Gazette: Goodwill to Men

An extract from The Police Gazette of Wednesday, November 6, 1844:

Stolen, from the Person of Samuel Theobald, on the night of the 28th instant [an error -- must have been the 28th ultimo], at Needham Market Fair, a silver Watch, maker's name 'Josiah, alias Joseph Gregsby, London, No. 19757,' with a round circle on the back, the size of a shilling, with initials 'I.R.' inside the circle. By a Prostitute -- Information to be given to John Mobbs, sub-inspector of police, Needham Market aforesaid, Suffolk. -- Bow-street, November 2.

Copyright Oggbashan December 2019

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction apart from the Police Gazette notice above. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.

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"Mr Mobbs?"

"Yes, Constable Fisher?"

"There is a woman offering information about that stolen watch. She is very upset and wants to see you personally, sir."

"Who is she?"

"Mrs Simon, the lodging house keeper, sir."

"Oh. The much-married Mrs Simon?"

"Yes, but she knows we can't prove that, sir. I don't want her to get into trouble. She has promised us a great Christmas feast next week, and she looks after us well."

Sub-inspector Mobbs sighed.

"OK, constable, bring her in but stay in the room. I might need a witness to whatever she says. Don't forget your notebook."

"Yes, sir."

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Mrs Simon came in, followed by Constable Fisher. Sub-inspector Mobbs asked her to sit down. The chair creaked as she sat upon it because Mrs Simon is a heavy-built lady in her late twenties.

She produced a watch from her reticule and put it on the sub-inspector's desk.

"It is about this watch, sir, the one reported stolen."

"Yes. How come you have it, Mrs Simon?"

"That's a long story, Sir."

Sub-inspector Mobbs sat back in his chair.

"I'm listening," he said.

"On the evening of 28th October I was returning from the Fair about eight o'clock when I tripped over a man lying in the road outside Beccles Betty's house. It was dark. He groaned. I picked him up and supported him to my house where I could see he was dressed as a gentleman. He said that he had been robbed by footpads. I cleaned him up as best I could and offered him a bed for the night before he could go to the police station and report the robbery.

I did more than that. I fed him and took him to my own bed for the night. He told me he was Ian Rennie and a farmer from Stowmarket. All he said he had left was that watch which had been in the top of his boot and missed by the footpads He said his initials were 'I.R.'. In the morning he couldn't pay me for a night's lodging or meals and he wanted to go back to Stowmarket. He offered to leave the watch with me as a pledge for a loan and that he would send a pound note by post when he got home. I advanced him ten shillings -- a substantial sum for me - against this note of hand."

Mrs Rennie produced a leaf of notepaper from her reticule. She passed it to the sub-inspector. It read.

'I. Ian Rennie, of Brattles Farm, Stowmarket owe Mistress Simon the sum of one pound sterling.' I was signed 'Ian Rennie' and dated 29th October 1844.

"I should have been less trusting. A week later I hadn't been sent the pound note. I wrote to Ian Rennie at Brattles Farm in Stowmarket. My letter..."

Mrs Simon produced a stamped envelope.

"... was returned with the endorsement 'No such person, no such address'."

She gave the envelope to Sub-inspector Mobbs.

"All I had in exchange for bed, board and an advance of ten shillings was the watch. I wasn't happy about keeping it in my house so I went to the pawnbroker to see whether he would lend me one pound against it. I would have the pound, and the watch would be safely held. It could be redeemed if Mr Rennie sent the pound or came back. But the pawnbroker would not accept it and showed me the Police Gazette with the statement that it had been stolen from a Samuel Theobald. I have no idea who Samuel Theobald is, not how Mr Rennie had it."

"Any more you can tell me, Mrs Simon?" The sub-inspector asked.

"Yes. When the letter came back I spoke to Beccles Betty. She said that Ian Rennie, or whoever he was, had asked for her sexual services but he was unable to produce an erection. She was displeased and more so when he tried to pay her with a forged shilling. Her normal rate is more than a shilling even if the client can't perform. She threw him bodily out of her house. Betty didn't need the assistance of her pimp. She is even more substantially built than me and can handle herself in a fight."

Sub-inspector Mobbs sighed again. Beccles Betty is a blot on his town. She is tolerated because she doesn't solicit on the street and only accepts customers in her house but if a customer tries to avoid payment she can cause problems. The last time she was arrested it took four constables to bring her to the magistrates' court charged with assaulting a non-paying customer. That customer took one look at a ferociously angry Betty in the dock and withdrew his complaint before paying her.

"You didn't argue with Beccles Betty?"

"No, Sir. Betty regards me as amateur competition because of my so-called husbands but since she is never short of paying customers she speaks to me reasonably. Some of the men staying in my lodging house go to Betty."

"Your 'so-called husbands'? Can you explain, Mrs Simon?"

"It is no secret even if some people think I have committed bigamy. I haven't. I have one legal husband, Corporal James Simon of the Eleventh Foot. He is often away, When he is, I have three other soldiers who stay with me. All four of them allocate part of their pay to me in exchange for a base in my house, and use of my bed and body when they are here. They all know about each other and usually only visit one at a time. I like well-built young men to serve me. My 'so-called husbands' do and when none of them are around I have four single police constables living in my house."

Sub-inspector Mobbs looked at Constable Fisher who blushed.

"Well, Mrs Simon. The watch is that reported as stolen 'by a prostitute' by Samuel Theobald. He reported that theft to me on the morning of 29th October. Constable Fisher? Could you bring the book, please?"

Constable Fisher left and returned with the stolen items book. Sub-inspector Mobbs checked the description of Samuel Theobald against Mrs Simon's description of the man who had called himself 'Ian Rennie'.

The descriptions agreed.

"I have several problems here, Mrs Simon. Samuel Theobald and Ian Rennie appear to be the same, and he has issued a forged promissory note to you. The watch he claims as stolen appears to have been taken by you as security against a loan, not stolen, but Samuel Theobald says it is. You are not a registered pawnbroker so should not have lent money against the watch. So you have committed a minor offence, and Ian Rennie aka Samuel Theobald may have committed a graver one. I have an address for Samuel Theobald, in Bury St Edmunds, not Stowmarket. I will send a letter to my colleague in Bury St Edmunds and ask for him to interview Samuel Theobald for an explanation. In the meantime I must keep the watch, for which I will give you a receipt. Have you any other information about the man who called himself Ian Rennie?"

"Yes. He has a tattoo of the Forty-Fourth Foot on his upper right arm that appears to have been unsuccessfully covered over with black lines."

"Has he? Then he might be a deserter."

"I asked him about it. He said he had never been in any army unit."

"I will have the deserters' reports checked in the back copies of the Police Gazette. I will do that before I write to Bury St Edmunds. But you must realise, that if he is a deserter, you will not get your pound back."

"I know that, Sir. What I don't like is being accused of being a thief and a prostitute."

"Mrs Simon. You may well avoid being called a thief, but it appears from your own words that you are keeping a disorderly house. Unless you confine your attentions to your 'husbands' you could be prosecuted for that and I might have to order my constables to live elsewhere. Please be more discreet and don't take in any more apparently distressed gentlemen. Christmas is coming and my constables appreciate your fare. Goodwill to men should be exercised with caution, unless you are Beccles Betty who does it as a commercial endeavour."

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A day later Constable Fisher had found a two-year old report of a deserter from the 44th Foot who had been a batman in Colchester and had been reported as having stolen an officer's watch from an Isaac Reynolds. The deserter's name was given as Sam Thomas and the very basic description matched Samuel Theobald and Ian Rennie. He was arrested in Bury St Edmunds and sent back to his regiment in Colchester for punishment. Sub-inspector Mobbs sent the watch to Isaac Reynolds. He told Constable Fisher to tell Mrs Simon not to be so trusting in future, even at Christmas.