All Comments on 'Pool Boy Ch. 35'

For the record aperitifs come before, not after, a meal. Aperitif means to open. I think you meant digestif.

Almost time to wrap this puppy up, it's kind of getting like beating a dead horse. It's not really going anywhere , I just read 1st page and last paragraph of whatever is the last page. You do write well , but it's just more and more of the same.........

I disagree with the other anonymous. Keep it going this story still has legs, either that or wrap up the Pool Boy series and start up a new series focused on the adventures of Hunter and Alexis, which Pool Boy has become now they are in college.

Really, the only thing I have to criticize is it is getting hard to keep track of all of the various characters. Some other authors on Literotica who write stories with tons of characters have addressed this by doing one of two things:

1. They put a list of the recurring characters with brief descriptions which will be or were featured in that chapter at the beginning or end of the chapter, or...

2. They keep a running list of major characters with brief descriptions in the series always at the end of the chapter so as not to interfere with the story and then copy and paste that to the end of each chapter making updates to their character's descriptions as needed. If they do this they clue in their readers with a one sentence blurb that their list or roll call of characters follows the end of the chapter.

One author in the comments of one of their stories wrote how they used this also as a means to keep track of all the characters they created for their stories, as they also had a day job which sometimes interfered with their writing for long stretches at a time.

The descriptions usually note connections to other characters and sometimes physical descriptions of the characters themselves.

Glad to see an orgy, I mean party is being planned for Dean and the Smoking Hot Five by Alexis and Hunter in their quarters at Rachel and Mitch's mansion, and that Rachel, Mitch and Crystal will likely get to "play" with Hunter and Alexis again.

Would love to see Dean and Josie move into one of the other rooms to join Hunter and Alexis, as there are 4 rooms and it looks like Hunter and Alexis are only using two of them. It would also be cool to see Hunter and Dean get another trustworthy friend on the football team to bring into their and the SH5's circle of friends.

Would love to see both April and Morgan resuscitated to become likable characters after them being removed from the cheer leading squad, with maybe them eventually becoming good friends with Hunter & Alexis then becoming members of the SH5.

Im hoping our dynamic duo starts working on the uni pools for swimming and diving in the spring semester.

Well, the way I see it, you're at a very fortunate and advantageous point in this story.

You could go one of two ways, largely because you've played with both of these sides since the beginning. (By the way, I intend for the following to be entirely constructive and supportive. I have really enjoyed this series! Please understand that I do not intend anything to be overly critical or negative.)

1) Write one or two more chapters that just involve "straight fucking". Don't worry too much about the plot or the characters, just more dicks and tits and squirting... and then wrap up the story. You've established that Hunter has the biggest dick ever, and that Alexis is the hottest girl ever, and everyone is fucking everyone. That's fine, but has a finite interest level. Even then, it's not a problem, but if that's what you're interested in writing, then I would suggest wrapping this one up, and putting your talents into creating an entirely new story.

2) You've laid a really good foundation with a lot of good characters, circles, and scenarios. There is definitely a lot more story that COULD be told here, but it's almost too spread out at this point. You've done a really good job of developing the relationship between Hunter and Alexis (honestly, I was about to give up on this series until they started dating), but that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. In the meantime, their interactions with everyone else are pretty much just sexual, and little more. IF that's what you want for your characters, then you've done a great job of that, but there's probably not much more to write.

Point in case: Alexis' family is obviously all very close, but it seems that their only passtime or common interest is sex. In fact, there were several chapters in there where Hunter had sex with Emma more often than Alexis. The problem is that while those scenes were definitely hot and well-written, they don't really add to Hunter and Emma's relationship. Those hot sex scenes-- while very good in themselves-- don't lend themselves to a sustainable story series.

Related to this, I think Hunter's "stable" is getting a bit large. This is my personal opinion, and you (most importantly) and others may disagree. I personally prefer stories with a consistent, polyamorous set of characters. And if they ended doing a fair bit of screwing on the side, that's also hot. You've done a spectacular job of laying that foundation between The Couple and Alexis' family... but again those secondary relationships seem a bit shallow at this point.

My personal opinion of where you should go with this story is to develop the relationships between The Couple and EITHER Dee/ Jarrod or April/ Morgan (or eventually both). You've committed to having them stay at University for Christmas Break (I very much like the football sub-plot, by the way), which is fine... but as some one else mentioned, the ex-cheerleaders may now need a place to stay.

Maybe they become the SH7. Maybe April ends up working for Rachel to pick up some extra money. Maybe April turns to Alexis for friendship after breaking up with Hannah. There are only a handful of scenes of Alexis without Hunter, and they're all strictly sexual. This may be a good time to see Alexis develop a strong relationship that is more than just sexual (but definitely don't loose the sexual. April is hot!). They currently have an interesting dynamic of being attracted to each other, but not really liking each other. So if you don't want to mess with that, maybe Morgan? One way or the other, my suggestion is to have more of a bond than Hunter's giant dick.

Alternatively (or maybe later), have Alexis and Hunter spend a month or so of Summer vacation with Dee and Jarrod in Europe. They could really bond emotionally and personally (as well as sexually, obviously), and it would sell the relationship a bit more. Maybe have Emma meet a decent guy who doesn't understand her relationships at first, and have him slowly come around. That may not be a good idea given the pace and theme of the series, but it would provide a source of conflict that would also advance the story.

Anyway, I've droned on enough about how you should write your story... which is to say, it's your story, you should write what you enjoy. In the meantime, thank you for what you've done! It's been great so far! Whether you continue this series, or decide to start a new one, I will definitely be following you in the future.